Xarok was most dismayed to find his only great grandson - the ineffable Crim of a mere ten years - at his doorstep. He supposed he should commit the brat's birthday to memory so he knew when to expect this displeasure. But alas, he only had to deal with him for the day.

"I'm bored!" said the boy, crossing his arms.

Xarok could barely contain his fury already, and it had only been perhaps a minute in the petulant child's presence. Gods, was that a propeller on his hat? The venerable wolf's eyes began to literally glow with hatred.

"Quiet!" Xarok growled. He gestured towards the door and spoke, "Come. There are many things for one of your stature to do within."

The door ominously shut behind them. As the mere puppy followed Xarok, he found he could barely keep up with the huge wolf's loping strides. They continued down the nearly pitch-dark main hall, and Crim noticed many a suit of black armor lining the walls between the columns, all holding in place a greatweapon thrice his size. Crim could have sworn that he saw the helmet of one turn toward him as he passed by. He nearly wet himself at this, but he realized that if he did he would be as good as dead in his great-grandfather's presence, so he held it in.

They stopped at a large wooden door that was partially ajar. "Is this the toy room?" Crim asked stupidly.

"Playthings will only serve to make you soft and easy to kill. You will learn to become a man only from honest labor and combat. For now you will focus on the former... but perhaps a bit of the latter," spoke Xarok.

Crim had no idea what Xarok had said, but nodded hurriedly and peered into the blackness behind the door. All he could see was a glint off a rusty piece of metal. A skittering from further in made him jump.

"Clean it," Xarok urged. "I don't want to see a single one left when I return."

Before he could ask, the boy was shoved in, and the door was locked shut behind him. He realized this was some sort of armory. Another skittering, and Crim felt many things brush against his toes. He pulled out his trusty Disney spin-light and activated it. In the twirling, multicolored light, Crim saw the worst thing ever:

A million giant daddy longlegs in every corner of the room immediately untangled their bodies and rushed at the punk. He threw his light at the nearest one, missed, and soon its light was blotted out by writhing arachnid legs.

Xarok listened contentedly to the boy's screams from his throne for an hour before he finally unlocked the door, and the boy rushed out covered in tiny bite wounds and shrieking incoherently.

It took Crim another hour to regain his sanity and recall how to speak.

"I-I'm h-h-hungry," He murmured.

Xarok, holding a magic scroll of some sort, snarled from his high seat, "You failed to do what was asked. You will not be fed today."

"But...!" Crim had no idea how he was supposed to address his great-grandfather, so he didn't try to, "I want applesauce!"

"Perhaps you would like me to feed you your ears, child," Xarok threatened. He looked back at his scroll.

That shut Crim up for about ten seconds. Then he opened his mouth widely, and Xarok's eyes narrowed just before Crim shouted at the top of his tiny lungs, "I WANT APPLESAUCE!"

Xarok jumped up from his throne, and grabbed something metallic from a nearby table. Xarok's cape swept around in a sudden gale as he practically pounced on the infantile dog. In his hand he had something that looked much like a Halloween Pez dispenser. Crim very much liked Pez, but what happened next would change that forever.

Xarok thumbed the bone-like mechanism on the back, and orange fire burst out from the opened lid. Crim watched in terror as the fire was held mere inches from his crazy nose, warming it uncomfortably.

"If you do not rectify your conduct this very moment, you will be duly castigated!" Xarok barked.

"What?" asked Crim, terrified.

"Mrrrgghh... Let me put this in a way you will understand, boy..." Xarok touched the arcane flame to the sniveling runt's snout, causing it to quickly catch and combust amidst the boy's renewed screams. "DEAL W/ IT."

(Fun fact: Xarok's floating fortress is but one of many of his terrifying abodes. He also grew extra fingers.)