This is an incredible, beautiful message! Thank you for sharing your art and your self with all of us. <3 It really does improve a lot after high school. I can't say that enough.

I'm happy to do it, especially if doing so can reach out to somebody who is in the same position I was as a teen and give them just that little bit of comfort <3

Thank you so much for posting this. It does indeed get better which is something it can be very hard to grasp when sitting at the rock bottom years of high school. It got better for me too, and still continues to. Awesome work with a piece that tells a story.

I'm glad things are on the rise for you! Things are pretty dandy for me, too <3

I knew, out of all people, you'd be taking part in the project. Rock on!

You know me, I'm a pretty predictable guy ^_^

Definitely not a bad thing here

Savage should probably have an harder grip on the messages that get posted there because I have read some shit that an abused gay teen does not need to read. At all.

Moderation is always an issue with open projects like these, and Youtube (especially Youtube comments) have always been a fetid cesspool of ignorance and hate. It's some of the worst on the 'net.

Hopefully the videos themselves, at least, offer comfort and relief to viewers who are feeling alone or unique in their situations.

This would benefit from locking the comment section.

While I don't necessarily approve with the Hollywoodish 'two handsome guys, their adopted son, trip to Paris and life's now so fabulous' -message, I do believe that It Gets Better after junior high and high school, and it's also important that kids realize it. It might not be like in the movies and television since not everyone can be that person who succeeds in everything, but at least you are no more forced to see the assholes daily and just take the beating.

i agree with you on that perfect life concept..nothing cant be super 100% hurray to say xD

but things sure can be dandy though if you have the right support and the right spirit to live happily..

so many depressions out there,and reasons to feel so low.. loneliness in general isnt dandy at all.

I'm going to get depressed when this is filled with "ungh why can't depressed gay teens bootstrap themselves out of their depression" shit

Life is certainly always going to be more than the trips to Paris and the Hollywood moments. We may get a handful of those in our entire adult lives. There are also adult worries and responsibilities, and everyone's experience is different. But yes, I think that the heart of their statement -- that middle school and high school are nothing like the rest of our lives -- is accurate. For someone trapped in that world, and suffering as a result, I think that statement alone can be a source of comfort.

Thank you for doing this.

I'm happy to do it!

i love this~ raises my spirits quite abit

wonderful work and story <3

Glad to hear it ^_^

I love that they're holding each others' little hands...

<3

As an adult, you control your world -- your life is yours alone.

First of all, I think this is a touch disingenuous to say.
Personally, my feeling is that one of the major downfalls of adult traits is this illusion. That they do have complete control over every aspect of their life, and something is wrong when that control is out of grasp. Adults are granted a certain amount of authority and citizenship, but the illusion of control is a dangerous spiral.

This is just as sweeping a statement as the one you've made, granted, but you see my point. I think it's better to say that we simply learn to adapt to our circumstances better, to learn to say the right things or simply ignore anything else, and the things we can't control no longer seem to matter quite as much. At least, not immediately, and not to the point of pushing an individual towards suicide.

All that said, I appreciate your message. Thank you very much for expressing it.

No, sorry, I don't see your point.

So what if you can't control every single aspect of your life? You still have a ton more control over it than you did in highschool. Telling kids "you eventually will just stop caring" doesn't help at all. Stop nit-picking over stupid shit; this has absolutely nothing to do with the problem or statement at hand.

Defensive much?

What you say is more a concept of societal control versus personal choice. As a child we do not fully understand either but as we mature, wether we are still children or not, we begin to understand that we can choose our own path. Now we might still be constrained by societies rules and customs and control systems but we CAN make choices on a personal level far outweighing those we could make when we were less understanding.

So yeah, for many people, middle school sucks ass... is much better now that we are adults who can see how immature that stage of life is. What YOU do with your personal choices in a world full of outside influence is not really what he was refering to, I am sure.

Now we might still be constrained by societies rules and customs and control systems but we CAN make choices on a personal level far outweighing those we could make when we were less understanding.

You're absolutely correct. It's a good point to make, don't get me wrong.

Making a choice about circumstances, however, doesn't necessarily grant us complete "control" over those circumstances.
It simply means that the more mature choice is made within a foundation contributing towards better cognizance.
Cognizance doesn't automatically equal control. Cognizance simply means you have a deeper understanding of what lead you to this point in time -- and what lead your enemies here, too.

GanAthair thinks I'm "telling kids 'you eventually will just stop caring' ". That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is, that very cognizance contributes towards a more encompassing perspective, and the ability to make balanced and beneficial choices within that perspective.

It's not a matter of caring less, but about being able to handle the blows we take with a self-realized sense of personal strength.

Some people choose to interpret the concept of "control" more literally. For me, "control" is that very personal strength, regardless of the outside circumstances thrown at you. You may be able to vote and influence friends and even enemies, but you can't control all of your circumstances.

You can control your reaction to them.

Still telling kids, not matter how well they are dealing with issues "heh, deal with it" is kind of screwed up.

I agree. That's not what I'm saying, either. :3

I'll expound on my original point. I truly believe that telling kids "you control your world" is actually disingenuous.

I'm not condescending to kids by thinking this. There are a lot of kids who are incredibly smart -- most really are, if you just give them a chance. Many kids would not take this statement at face value.
But there are some who would. And even if they don't repeat the phrase "I can control all the circumstances in my life, both externally and emotionally", they may still take this sort of statement to heart, and sublimate it.

There's empowering, and then there's patronizing. I'm not saying Kamui is willfully patronizing. But I hope by my extreme summation you at least see my point.

I feel this way because I see adults going through life doing the same. Thinking they can control every aspect of their lives, externally and emotionally, and having potential breakdowns when things don't go according to plan. It is a symptom of our modern society -- and indeed, the human condition. And that is regardless of age group or orientation.

Alright. I just wanted to prevent discussions of like folk berating kids who were not dealing with abuse with George Liquor type shit or going on how efeminate homosexual men and masculine homosexual women should be pushed away to the fringe to ease "acceptability of gayness" or some shit.

Fair enough. :3

Hey guys, I'm going to respond to this full thread here -- hopefully folks will all see it.

First off, thanks for commenting! I'm always happy to open up discussion. There are a couple of instances in this thread, though, where the tone gets a little off-track. I'm not out to police the internet here, but I'd really like it if this can stay respectful and constructive. There's room for everybody's opinions, and I'm happy to see that you guys worked out a mutual understanding here.

Kaput, I think we're probably on more of the same page than perhaps my clumsy wording suggested. As I say in the same paragraph as the "control" line you cite, there are always snags in life. There are things you cannot (and things you probably should not!) control. I was not able to stop the thug last night from shouting homophobic garbage at me and my friend. What I meant by my statement is that I hold the keys to my personal world. Idiots like him will never have access to me, or be able to make me feel like less of a person, or be able to change who I am and who I want to be. I did not mean "the world" in terms of the whole of physical reality around me. I meant it as a personal, subjective thing -- much more like the emotional world you speak of.

That said, even in terms of the physical reality that surrounds me, I do feel I have substantially more control now than I did as a middle- and high-schooler. I choose where I live, what I do with my time, who I associate with. I'm no longer trapped in a school with a group of kids who derive entertainment from harassing me, and if I did run into that sort of constant, systematized bullying again in the future, I would have significantly more recourse to deal with it as an autonomous adult. Again, that control is never perfect, and it is unreasonable and misguided to strive for perfect control of everyone and everything around you.

I hope that this further explanation of my intended meaning helps my statements feel less disingenuous, because it is not my aim to lie or paint a falsely optimistic picture. Thanks for taking the time to continually come back and clarify your own intentions as well!

Totally. I mean really, your explanation is just a re-wording of your original statements.

I guess my point is that words are heavy. Words meant hatefully are heavy. Words meant encouragingly are heavy, too.

What may be nitpicking, hair-splitting semantics to some, is important to me. I totally understood your intention. I didn't take you literally. I'm merely pointing out that there are some who would....

maybe I'm lucky I went to high school where I did. I mean, there were bullies but with gang violence, constant fights, near riots, drugs and god knows what else, they had much bigger things to worry about than who's gay or weird or whatever.

Hey, if you managed to get through it unscarred, I'd say you did just fine! I'm glad for you ^_^

Also, if anyone cares to, please wear purple on Oct 20th to remember and mourn those who have killed themselves.

Thanks for sharing!

I was just telling someone yesterday how just about everyone in middle school probably contemplated suicide.

On one level or another, maybe so. I think we all probably had at least one epically bad day where the idea of getting up and facing the world the next day just seemed like too much to bear.

If that's the case, I'm glad as few people act on those ideas as do. It would be great if we could cut down the number even more ^_^

At the glbt I attend they actually told us bout this and for some of us older members were considering to spread awareness about it even our social drama group is going doing to different schools it's amazing what's happening considering the history and how much progress we made in just a few years

Yeah, I think it's an exciting time for gay folks in general. Considering the fact that homosexuality wasn't something people were even allowed to mention in public as of forty years ago, we've come a loooong way. And I think that getting involved and spreading awareness is a great thing to do, and a great way to keep that momentum towards equality going!

Trying desperately to control my anger at other gay people.

And failing.

Yeah, it gets better when you discover and work on your own identity. It gets better when you achieve greater autonomy over your own life and experiences. It gets better once you're out of an environment where conformity is necessary survival skill.

But then I think to myself about all these desperate gay youth coming out of such a negative place...and how easily they'll latch onto the first thing that comes their way, thinking it's godsent. Like diving headlong into gay culture, finally relieved that there are other people like them.

I've worked in the thick of the gay "culture" for years, I'm finally free of it now, and let me tell you. It's full of fucking poison. Nothing but MORE conformity, mean spirited people and harmful behavior. Oh sure, you've got the veneer of respectability among those that claim to work for equal rights and such, but they're just as rotten when they're out of the public eye.

It only gets better if you make smart choices. Latching onto the gay community as a young person will make things even worse.

The sad thing is, no one will hear this or listen. It's the same problem with the black community and some parts of "urban" culture. It makes you think you're strong and empowered while it subtly makes you a slave, destroys your chances at a better life and ironically forces you into the very stereotypes that keep you down. No one will listen to that because it's an unpopular opinion and forces people to be accountable for their actions, and we all know gay people aren't particularly good at that.

I've said my piece. Now I'm wondering if I should actually put this somewhere else.

Facebook ahoy.

There's nothing inherently wrong about gay culture, straight culture, bi culture or any culture; the real pitfall is herd mentality.

Young people go through a period of adolescence where they're "hazed" in a sense. They have to establish a sense of identity before they can become truly independant, and sometimes that means conformity. It happens regardless of sexual orientation. There's poison everywhere. But, also regardless of that sexual orientation, the best can rise above it.

I can't disagree with anything you said, but it does nothing for the fact that I'm filled with vile, acidic fury for other gay people and the shit they do.

Are you ashamed because you feel like they represent your demographic, and are thusly giving it a bad rap?

If so I can't help but go back to my original point, that this phenomenon occurs in every demographic, gay, straight, bi, trans. There are admirble heroes in each. There are despicable villains in each. Each one is filled with mature and distinguished individuals; each one has kids who are blazing a trail.

If you want to stop feeling this vitriol, you must rise above the examples you despise -- not just socially, but emotionally -- and be the change you want to see.

You are brilliant and I love you. I'm so glad SOMEONE stood up and said this. It's extremely dangerous to compare blacks and gays though, lots and lots of people will get extremely offended at that one; even if it does make sense.

Still, this movement is about getting kids to realize there is hope. Having a broken culture to fit into is still better than not having anything at all.

"I've worked in the thick of the gay "culture" for years, I'm finally free of it now, and let me tell you. It's full of fucking poison. Nothing but MORE conformity, mean spirited people and harmful behavior."

Wow, so I'm not the only one who has came to that conclusion. The amount of snark and ill will even in every day conversation is something that I totally didn't expect from queers.

I've been involved in many communities - French, Malagasy, Gujarati, Multiracials, Straight, Gay, Catholic, Jehovah's Witnesses, Agnostic. The bile you condemn in the gay community exists everywhere. I, for once, would have liked to latch to the gay community as a kid, rather than all the others that did nothing but accentuate my feeling of not fitting anywhere (and yes, I had my period of wanting to get rid of my life if that's the only way to fit anywhere).

Thank you for saying this.

I'm sad that folk actually agreed with that guy :<

This is so very, very true. I have never been involved in any group, whether it be related to sexual orientation or just related interests, that doesn't have any vileness.

I share in your disappointment in some aspects of contemporary mainstream gay culture. I think that the social pressure within some gay communities is towards shallowness, consumerism, sarcasm, negativity, promiscuity, and a laundry list of other things. Really, I don't know that that's all that different from mainstream straight culture as seen on TV.

But that element of the gay community is just one portion (maybe a large portion, but certainly not the whole). My group of friends is made up of nerds and geeks and art kids and theater kids and other people with some kind of passion that drives them. They create things, and they love what they love without couching that in irony or sarcasm or negativity. We're not a mainstream bunch, but we're still legitimate members of the gay community -- I don't feel that the fact that we don't go out clubbing every night or do meth or act like Mean Girls excludes us from the community umbrella.

I think you make a very good point in encouraging kids (and adults) to make smart choices. Reach out to the people you respect, who make you feel good about who you are and who bring out your best traits. Surround yourself with those people, and avoid the people who bring you down or encourage you to succumb to your weaker impulses. Don't let anyone define for you what it means to be gay (or straight, or bi, or anything else). We're all individuals, and we all have the right and the responsibility to define who we are for ourselves. It can be easier to just conform to the mainstream, and to accept what other people tell you you should be wholesale, but that only serves to limit and diminish you as a person in the end.

So yes, I am listening to what you have to say, and I agree that we are all accountable for our decisions and our actions. I don't think that gay people are any better or worse at taking that accountability than any other group -- we're all humans here, and some of us are stronger than others, regardless of sexuality or community affiliation.

All of that being said, I think that some of this misses the issue at hand -- that of kids feeling alone and isolated in their school years. They'll have plenty of time to find the right friends once they're out of high school. In the meantime, just knowing that they aren't alone is a powerful relief, and I would encourage them to reach out to anyone they can to get that.

Thanks for your comment.

I love the message because its something I still need to get through my head

I can only speak from person experience, but my life is so, so much better now. Hopefully your experience will be the same!

Hang in there, dude ^_^

actually what's upsetting is that very little public attention was paid to bullying until gay/trans kids started killing their selves. It only took that for others to realize that OH GEE, BULLYING IS ACTUALLY HURTING OUR KIDS!?!?!?

being endlessly bullied from start to finish in middle school, for "being gay" or "being a fag" when I, myself, had given no reason to suggest that I was, and at that age I didn't even know myself... it utterly crushed me into the introverted, avoidant person I am today. the worst part was I was dead alone. Parents denied that it was a serious problem, figured I could "handle it out of sheer will". They wouldn't let me move to another school where I could at least start fresh. School was more concerned about handling the drugs and gangs. My case was just small stuff to them. even today my dad thinks the same way. Yeah dad, I'm only seeing a therapist for other reasons. self-inflicted reasons, like you believe.

sigh.

I'm sorry I had to blow up like this out of nowhere. The recent media attention really opened a can of worms for me. I like this picture. and I like the message, however overly-optimistic it may be it still contains a grain of truth. Just one thing and that I really don't want this movement to turn entirely to a "problem that LGBT students exclusively face".

I do have somewhat of a bone to pick with the media phenomenon.
Who knows how many troubled kids suicided even before the recent media coverage started bumping it. The "wear purple on 10/20" smacks as more of just another meme to me than anything else. That's just me. Sure, a lot of people have chosen to sympathize with the sentiment behind it and that's totally 100% fine........ but it's also ironic.

It's all a process, however... some things stagnate, some things catalyze... Maybe it's still poignant to say because even in our supposedly more enlightened time which even includes GLBT support groups in some schools, the bullying still happens.

Maybe I'm optimistic to a fault, but I like to think that the polarized voices on each side are beginning to scream themselves hoarse, and that as time marches on the social-emotional playing field is just evening itself out, ideally becoming overall more mature....
I can hope. ;3

And like bullying still happens, it is still necessary to help people find coping mechanisms, which is what Gary Savage wants to create here. Its cruel to go "pfft, that happens, its just a stage of life" at everyone who was abused in some way in school.

And I would repeat that Savage needs to moderate that channel a bit better. There are people leaving the equivalent of "perhaps women do deserve to be raped" pamphlets nearby Penelope's House establishments.

Indeed. I won't repeat anything I've said already, but I hope in my explanation above you get where I'm coming from a bit better.

By pointing out the inherent nature of the meme, and indeed the irony in it (a mutually exclusive trait), I'm not snubbing the meme. I own a purple t-shirt and I do indeed plan to wear it on that day. What harm will it do me? Certainly no personal harm (heaven forbid) and in fact it may open a platform for dialog to which I am totally open.

Talking is Good.

It's odd. By critiquing a certain part of a message, a lot of people are interpreting that I'm saying this is useless, meaningless, to just buck up, etc. or that I'm "nitpicking". But because this is something that pervades all of our lives, every day, I feel my points are fair.

Splitting hairs (furs), though, maybe. :3 But you know? Talking is Good.

I've been on that situation before. It helps to talk with folk on what you meant so that you convey by saying why said part was useless, and then defend the thesis on why it was useless.

I would like to know why is it "ironic" tho.

RE: irony.

I'm just basically looking at the big picture. In my reply to Mushyz I said, "Who knows how many troubled kids suicided even before the recent media coverage started bumping it."

The numbers are high, of course, who knows what the value is there -- but ultimately the numbers aren't the most important thing. The important thing is that it has gone on, is going on, and will continue to go on; the cases of kids suiciding won't be helped by a meme. The meme will open relevant dialog for a day, and once that day is over, it will be out of sight and out of mind for a lot of people who participated.

If they really want to make a difference, the participants ought to know they should get involved in relevant GLBT-supportive activities that are more regular than just a meme pushed by a phenomenon of media coverage. Based on the discussions I've had with young people about the importance of voting and communicating with state senators and reps, and the apathy these young people have shown towards taking ownership of what they can do as active citizens, it seems imperative to reiterate in this context as well.

and how is that ironic?

I don't know how to explain any further than to simply repeat the points I've already made.

It does, however, remind me of a class I had in school where we were asked to define "irony" without looking in the dictionary at all. Now that was amusing.

Okay, thought about it, it can be rephrased as thus: the irony lies in the fact that it took a media bump to push a lot of people into reacting/making a statement about the issue, when it's obviously been going on long before now, and likely with as much frequency as it does now.

Moreover, the irony lies within the participation of the meme, which albeit sincere, does little to resolve the issue at its root, at least very little in comparison to active long-term/regular GLBT advocacy. Albeit sincere and feeling very strongly about these issues, many people -- most -- will still fall prey to apathy and do nothing about participating in that kind of regular advocacy, even after the meme is over. It's an irony. And a sad one.

And how in that ironic? Ironic would be if people supporting for a supposedly pro-gay charity were also unbeknownst to me also funding a "pray the gay away" organization or giving out condoms with the aids ribbon stapled on them to help lessen the spread of AIDS. There's being supportive in a somewhat crappy but positive manner, and there's being counter productive regarding a cause.

That's your idea of irony. It's a bit broader than that, in its application. But I don't really care to continue. Thanks for the discussion man. ;3

But it doesn't certainly hit between two ideas with the same intentions, as you used it.

The saying goes,

If you encounter the Buddha on the road to Enlightenment, kill him....

I think we're getting a little off-topic here, guys. If you want to keep going with your discussion (by all means!), maybe jump to PM's, or open up a journal thread on irony or Buddhist thought on one of your respective pages?

Normally I'm happy to let discussion wander where it will, but to the extent that this is a piece aimed at communicating a specific message to a group of folks in need, I want to try to keep it more or less on-topic. Thanks for your understanding!

I agree that the "It Gets Better" thing is, by definition, a meme, but I don't know that that invalidates it, per se. Even if the only reason someone participates is purely to hop on the bandwagon of the latest trend, their message (heartfelt or not, unique and spontaneous or not) can still offer comfort to someone in pain, no? Action and intention are never perfectly tied, and at the end of the day, I feel good actions outweigh good intentions in terms of effecting change.

It's certainly my hope that this won't just be a flash-in-the-pan fad, and that these children's deaths won't just be forgotten. Hopefully they, like Matthew Shephard, will remain a part of the discourse, and act as a catalyst for lasting social change, for legislation, for local and community programs, for changes to school administrations and curricula. But even if that doesn't happen, and the worst case scenario comes to bear, and in a month things all go back to the way they were before, that's still a month of solace for some kids who couldn't see any light at the end of the tunnel. At the end of the day, I'll call that an objective good <3

And, in the meantime, I think that anyone who agrees with the message should promote it. Whatever their reasons, even if it's just to be trendy. Adding your voice to the chorus and putting that message out there has value.

Agreed.

By the way, since no one's mentioned it yet, I have to comment that I love the fact that the bunny's defending the fox. :>

.... Related to this piece, perhaps? ^^ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1286383/

Mmmmaybe <3

Good eye/memory!

Bullying is absolutely not just a gay kid thing.

Like you, when kids bullied me for "being gay" or "being a fag," it was not because I was gay. I only started to come around to my sexuality late in high school. I didn't have any homosexual inclinations in middle school, and I certainly didn't act on any, but the fact of the matter is that I was still different. I was a nerd, I was a geek, I was unathletic. That made me a "fag." The bullies didn't think they had some insight into my sexuality, they just knew that "fag" was a hurtful label that was another weapon in their arsenal, so they made liberal use of it.

The vast majority of kids who are bullied are straight. The vast majority of all kids are straight -- that's just statistics. And bullying is a very real, very widespread problem. I've still got the scars from my experiences, you've got scars from yours. I like to think they've made me a stronger, more empathetic adult, but that doesn't mean they were anything I wanted. I know some teachers (like my mom!) actively research ways to address and combat bullying in schools, and incorporate them into their curricula. Hopefully, that helps cut down on the number of incidences. But the fact is that the way our schools are set up, there are always times when kids are unsupervised, and they will always form hierarchies and Lord Of the Flies-esque cultures that will produce bullying.

As peers, as friends, as parents, and as concerned adults, there are different things that we can all do to try to reach out to these bullies and the kids they're bullying and try to put a stop to it. Denial is widespread on the issue, as in your parents, the administration of my school, etc. It's a problem that feels unsolvable, so we try to tell ourselves that it's not so bad. "Kids will be kids." "They can handle it themselves." That sort of thing. If this recent spate of media attention can help to break through that denial a little, to let adults know that hey, kids are losing their lives over this, it is a big problem, then I think it's a worthy cause.

Thanks for your comment, and I'm sorry it sounds like you had a rough time of it, dude.

Good pic, good message, good work!

Good comment!

Haha, thanks dude, glad you like it!

I came tears.

Seriously, this is important. I wish I knew some young people so I could tell them what I'm about to say here.

Whoa man, I'm surprised no one pointed this out, but ... in my experience anyway, it gets a LOT better a lot faster than people think. Like, I've always identified bullying as a symptom of early mid teenage years, and that by senior year people tend to chill out. Or at least that was the case in my highschool. And pretty much why I loved Mean Girls so Much. Or maybe I slipped through the cracks some how. I do remember what an impenetrable nightmare middle school felt like. I seriously felt trapped, like there was no way out. I didn't even have it nearly as bad as some people, I'm sure, but man those years are cruel. Looking back, I loath to think what would have happened to me if I hadn't went to an alternative education school for my last year of middle school. I can definitely advise, if you feel trapped, just get out of the thick of it before resorting to drastic choices.

Thanks for sharing! And I agree that things tend to lighten up by the end of senior year, just because at that point, people have mentally disengaged from the rigid hierarchy that they held through middle and high school -- they've already checked out on some level, and they're preparing themselves for college or whatever else comes next.

And I'm glad that you had it easier than some! I did as well, really. Very little physical violence, and the fact that my class was so small (a fact that made the bullies totally, tragically unavoidable) also meant that there were only a handful of bullies around to dish out the abuse.

But yes, those years can be incredibly claustrophobic and stifling, and it really is just a matter of surviving them until you leave high school and the world opens up around you.

Actually, highschool drama ended after the sophomore year for me. Simply because everyone at my school, although they had their various dislikes of each other, left each other alone. Thanks to strategic avoidance and extra chilled out mellowness with an subtle side of apathy. It's like everyone was too busy not giving a damn about much of anything. Rare case I'm sure.

That's great, dude ^_^

And I'm sure there are plenty of similar cases elsewhere. It all comes down to maturity, I think -- children are cruel because they haven't yet achieved a level of cognitive function that allows for empathy. They don't realize that the pain they inflict feels the same to others as pain they themselves experience. And maturity comes at different ages for everyone. Some kids are old souls from a very young age, and other kids are still acting like teenagers well into their 20's (or 30's 9_9...).

I'm glad (if envious) that your group of school peers matured faster than mine did! And cheers for a positive side-effect of teen apathy, haha <3

Yeah it was like one part maturity, which fueled the development of the other part. Apathy. They were just mature enough to see it was pointless, but not mature enough to actually do anything except stop caring. It was still depressing and oppressive, but at least we weren't torturing each other.... with some rare bizarre cases. There was one kid, he was like the embodiment of bully victim. I loath to think of what school life did to him, because I think a combination of corrosive child society and an over protective mother drove him literally crazy. By the time everyone mellowed out, he was still paranoid and suspected everyone of secretly hating him. He was so hard on himself it was hard to even relate to him without pitying him on some level. I could write a short story about my relationship to him, and all of it just... tragically characteristic of what kind of trauma the school system creates. I think I'm going to see what happened to him, maybe he has a facebook...

Yeah, I knew a similarly troubled kid in middle school, although his mom was actually pretty cool. I think he was contending with a number of mental health issues, though. He wound up transferring schools (but not before we managed to torpedo what friendship we shared by mutually violating the other's trust the preceding summer -- not one of my finer moments 9_9) so I never saw what became of him in high school. I hope he managed to work through things, found a better scene in his new school, and is a happy, well-adjusted adult now. Hopefully the same is true for the boy from your school.

I recently heard of Dan Savage due to a news segment on CNN about a recent suicide. I think it's a cool idea, the "It gets better" project, if only everyone had internet access and a computer... It's also really neat how you made artwork for this cause, rather than a video. *thumbs up*.

Thanks, dude ^_^

I think what I like most about this is, not only is it the encouragement these kids need, but it's empowerment, too

If anyone could use a little extra empowerment, it's kids like these. I know I could have used a pep talk or two from someone who really understood what I was going through at that age <3

I like the idea of this project and I really like your picture for it.
I personally didn't realize that it was specifically geared towards GLBT (which I always want to reorganize into GBLT so that it can be a gay sammich, but that's another problem entirely). Certainly probably makes the most/deepest impact there, but as a dorky, socially awkward, lower income, straight kid, and seeing how it effects/controls/damages your teenage life, it seems like a valid message for all of the geeks/dorks/goths/fags/emos/spaz/fuckups and so on. Whee, so thankful that adult life is not the little microcosm of stupid that high school is.

I really hope the "G" in a GBLT stands for gravy.

And you're totally right that bullying isn't just a gay kid thing. At the time I was being bullied, I wasn't really a gay kid, either. I wouldn't say I was straight, but I certainly had no idea about my sexuality. I just just a dorky kid. I think the reason why this particular campaign is being targeted at GLBT kids is because there have been a recent string of gay youth suicides, and because GLBT kids are statistically four times more likely to attempt suicide due to bullying than their straight peers are. Whether that means they're four times more likely to be bullied, or whether they just have less of a support network, or what the other factors at play are, I don't know.

But yes, it's absolutely my hope that we can effect changes (whether it's just increasing awareness, or changing curricula and school administration policy, enacting legislation, or what have you) that will benefit ALL victims of bullying, not just the kids being picked on for their sexuality. It's equally bad and equally wrong no matter why the kid is being targeted.

And yeah, cheers to adult life being a whole different world from high school <3

I'd have to look up the reference somewhere, but I heard someone mention in an interview the other day that while there are tons of suicide prevention hotlines nationwide, there is only one (the Trevor project, I think) specifically focused on GLBT folks at risk.

Combine that with the statistics on the high percentage of teen suicides and attempts that are GLBT-related compared to EVERYONE else, and it's clear that much more focused work needs to be done. Anyone claiming that efforts should "only focus on stopping the bullies" and that we should ignore the subject or reason for bullying (especially when it's against GLBT kids) either isn't seeing the whole picture or is just being willfully stubborn.

Yeah, as with youth homelessness, youth suicide is definitely extra prevalent among gay kids. Gay kids have to contend with the stresses of life in the closet, with parents who are significantly more likely to disown their kids, etc., all on top of the usual list of teen angst sources. It's a huge mess.

Straight kids still have a whole lot on their plate, too, and any kid who's being bullied has the fullest extent of my sympathy, but like you say, GLBT kids can definitely use the extra attention <3

It certainly can. In fact, now it does.

Ah, you know, and I hadn't even really been thinking about bullying so much as thinking about feeling isolated/out of place. I guess just coming at it from my own personal level, where I was bullied very rarely, but just didn't fit in anywhere and didn't personally see how I was going to get anywhere in the world without fitting into one of these social niches.
But yeah, gosh, add bullying to that feeling and situation and I can imagine it being a million times worse.
I imagine it being a lot rougher for gay kids just from the standpoint that even as a straight kid, the most common insult/bullying thing you're going to run across is getting called a faggot and similar things. Even if it isn't intended, the attitude is pervasive.

I almost think even more so than effecting change or having someone who is in a bad spot see something like this, I would hope/imagine that someone in a dark place would be inspired to draw up their own and encourage themselves. I've never really personally been able to believe that a stranger relates to my situation, but if I can get the voice in my head to echo something like that, it helps a whole lot.

But yay, no more high school.

At the end of the day, I agree that no amount of strangers shouting a message at you is going to make a difference if you don't internalize and believe and echo that message for yourself. Until you're convinced that you're okay, and that things will get better, having someone else tell you so can't change much. That said, even if it only gives one tiny push in that direction, and makes a kid that much more likely to allow themselves to feel all right with who they are, then it's worth spreading the message. If they aren't convinced yet, we need to keep trying to convince them.

I know from experience that it can be hard and exhausting to keep up hope for better things day after day when you're in a bad situation, and there were times when a smile from a random stranger or some other little gesture would really lift me up. My hope is that this can at least extend that level of comfort to folks <3

'Guacamole' (sorry so late)

It's the lack of support. I went to school back when *no one* was out, and the knowledge that one couldn't turn to parents, peers, or faculty for guidance, protection, or support was crushing. And if other kids that dropped out or attempted/committed suicide were picked on because they were suspected of being gay, absolutely nobody talked about it.

Yeah, I suspect that is a large part of it, to be sure. On the upside, it seems that as awareness spreads, more and more kids know someone who is gay, or at least who they know is supportive, so they have that person to reach out to.

Shame that us folks from previous generations didn't have the benefit of that, but it sounds like we made it out of the woods okay even so ^_^

Wow...I almost cried.

I was never really bullied for sexual orientation...people just thought I was weird, they didn't care if I liked other girls or not. And in high school everyone knew...but I was still able to not be "bullied" (I mean I had the occasional douche bag but who didn't) But some of my closest friends (Including a boy I have been best friends with since Kindergarten) were constantly made fun of and bullied simply because of who they chose to date, I couldn't mention my best friends name without someone going "That kids a fag."...and that was just messed up. It really hurt to see people constantly being assholes to my friends based on something as silly as sexual orientation.

......annnnd now I'm the secretary of my schools QSA (go figure!)

And this picture is beautifully painted! As always <3

Good for you, taking the unpleasant experiences from your youth and turning them into the motivation for activism and outreach! I hope the kids in your QSA have to deal with that much less of the negativity you did as a result

I don't really support the "it gets better" things, because that's a fucking long time for some people. You can just tell like an abused 13 year old it gets better, because that's 5 years they have to wait.

I support the "make it better" programs. Why not just fucking make it better?

I agree, too many times this conversation comes up and no one discusses how they could make a difference.

I think these are two equally valid aspects of the same problem. One is addressed at the victims, encouraging them to keep going and to know that the bad situation they find themselves in now won't last forever. The other is addressed at everyone: the victims, their peers, their schools, their parents, their communities, their government, everyone.

Offering these kids comfort isn't a bad thing, but offering them comfort and help is much better. Telling a middle-schooler that their life will get better in five years isn't a bad thing (five years is just a small part of a lifetime, even if it feels like an eternity when you're thirteen), especially if doing so helps stay their hand from committing suicide, even in some small amount. But yes, we absolutely need to be giving our time and/or money to organizations who are out there actually making a difference. We need to be talking to our community schools about what they're doing. We should be talking to our representatives in government about what they can do to make a difference. And, in addition to that, we should be reaching out to these abused kids and trying to give them hope. Doing any one of those things is good, doing them all is best.

For a middle schooler being abused, 5 years is a fucking long time. Almost half of there current life.

But yea, if you're just going to say 'it gets better' without trying to make it better, than you're just taunting the poor child.

Actually, as a parallel response to the "It Gets Better Project" another group (mostly students, I think) have started another project called "Make It Better," aimed at stemming bullying in the first place and creating a more inclusive world.

Like Kamui said, I think both sides are important: We have to do what we can and contribute towards solving the problem and making it better in the first place, BUT we also have to offer immediate hope and support to those kids who are at the end of their rope RIGHT NOW ... for some of these kids, even just a little message of hope may be enough to get them to hang in there a bit longer.

I fully support both sides of the movement.

Yea I know my boyfriend is part of the 'make it better' thing.

But yea, as I said above, you need to do both parts of the movement I think.

Awesome! Good on your boyfriend.

Yea he's pretty proactive about that kind of stuff.

He's the president of the GSA at his college and also helps organize a lot of those AIDS walk things.

As someone who was bullied to a the point of considering suicide, and a total nervous breakdown for being gay, this is something that cuts me to the quick. It's awful, purely, brutally awful that the only way out of their peers' cruelty these poor kids could see was death, and it's a common occurrence as well (it's good that the media's picked up on it now, albeit a little belatedly). Having come through that period relatively intact -at least physically-, and now that, five years later, I have a wonderful boyfriend and a fantastic group of supporting, loving friends, I can see that it was just a dark time and that it does indeed get better.

What we need to do is make that clear to kids in situations where they can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Kamui, your art is, as always, beautiful and poignant. Thank you :)

Thank you for sharing your story! I'm glad to hear that you weathered your teen years and have come out with what sounds like an awesome support network as an adult. I hope that by bringing this discussion to the media and by sharing our stories, we can help to bring that light at the end of the tunnel into sight for some of these kids.

Cheers, dude.

Likewise, thanks for posting this and actually getting it out on FA. As clup said, there are a disproportionate amount of kids on here who're in high school and having a difficult time. Our little subculture often provides an escape from the horrible experience of school and the loathing of one's peers (and did for me at that point in my life), and it's up to those of us who've come through similar trials to help and support people here -and anywhere really- who're not out of the woods yet. It's an important project, and one close to home for all of us, I think.

Yeah, the furry scene was definitely there for me when I needed it, too, and I'll always appreciate it for that. I hope that by posting stuff like this, I can help that be the case for other kids!

And in the meantime, causes like these are always a great motivation to paint, so I appreciate them on a selfish level <3

Addendum: There's a fantastic letter from Stephen Fry (a fantastic comedian, actor, writer, and general renaissance individual) now to his 16-year-old self, written last year. I urge everyone to read it; he's a brilliant writer, and it's incredibly sad, poignant, funny, honest, heartfelt, and uplifting. Admittedly it probably rings a few more bells of recognition for me than most on here, as the gay experience at English public (i.e. private, very expensive, and very ancient) schools hasn't changed much since the '70s, but it will definitely tug at everyone's heartstrings.

Here's the article: http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/200.....ter-gay-rights

And an excerpt from it:

"And we, gay people, are happy now (or not) in large part thanks to Stonewall rioters, Harvey Milk, Dennis Lemon, Gay News, Ian McKellen, Edwina Currie (true) et al, and the battered bodies of bullied, beaten and abused gay men and women who stood up to be counted and refused to apologise for the way they were. It has given us something we never thought to have: pride. For a thousand years, shame was our lot and now, turning on a sixpence, we have arrived at pride - without even, it seems, an intervening period of well-it's-OK-I-suppose-wouldn't-have-chosen-it-but-there-you-go. Who'da thought it?"

Also potentially of interest/solace is Paul Graham's essay, Why Nerds Are Unpopular.

It isn't aimed at GLBT youth, but his insights still hold true, and his overall message is still solid and important. Plus, honestly, if there's anything more prevalent on FA than gay people, it's nerds <3

Oh shit. I had no idea this genius was just floating around the web. Like seriously. My mom works at an alternative education highschool with a lot of student originated studies kind of curriculum. The kind of school that just stares blankly at the old model and laughs... or SHOULD be anyway, but a lot of these kids are coming into it having been trained into the pointlessness of the old model of education. I think I'm going to see if I can't strong arm my way into being a guest speaker just to get printed copies of "nerds" and "essay" into their barbaric little hands. Hopefully giving me the chance to preface it with, "don't use these writings to rebel from this school, but find them as a guide to succeed at doing real things because you're going to this school and not the standard high school." 'Cause I know from being a teenager once myself, opening the doors to criticism of the established system usually spells out the path to totally opting out from anything. Because that's the easiest implementation.

Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for this link. This is like, man I'm excited to see what happens when I share this with the young people that actually need to hear it.

It's a pretty excellent read. And yeah, it sounds like the kids at your mom's school are in an especially privileged situation in terms of being able to act on his advice.

(Haha, that last sentence sounded like a long-winded and un-funny your mom joke...)

You should totally go talk to them! I can testify to the truth of his words as well -- the two awesome jobs I do as an adult are both direct applications of the same nerdy stuff I was into back in middle and high school. I had a passion (a couple, really), I stuck with them, I paid the social price immediately, and now I'm a super happy, creatively fulfilled, successful, autonomous adult.

Wooorth iiiit <3

:3 I was at Outfest today in Philadelphia, and I signed a "It Gets Better" board and donated a few bucks to some GLBT organizations, like getting people together and the suicide hotline.

Anyways, I agree with the sentiment behind the picture and think it's lovely.

Kudos for giving, dude! Your support, your money, and just your presence at the event sends a message to these kids that you care about them at a time in their lives when they feel most alone.

Actually, now thinking about this (and now that I'm more well-rested after my full-day outing- potential pun), I'm remembering my own middle school experiences.

My problems with gay bullying began when I was in elementary school, 5th grade. My then-best friend, "Bethany", was admittedly very weird and socially awkward, and naive enough to trust and tell people things that she shouldn't, like, "My older sister is a lesbian, and I think I am too!" She eventually realized she WASN'T a lesbian after a day, but her older sister was quite infamous as one of the only out lesbians in the High School (as well as being a massively psychotic bitch, but that's besides the point of this story). The other kids, who already bullied both of us, became relentless after that point. The logic of children went as follows:

"Her older sister is a lesbian. It must be like, a genetic disease, so I bet Bethany is a lesbian too! And her best friend is a girl, so I bet they're lesbians... TOGETHER!"

It was a reign of terror that continued until 8th grade, and even though we ended up breaking ties, I can say honestly it had nothing to do with how my peers treated me. It's funny though, how every girl that teased me, called me a dyke (I was never a girly girl), slammed my fingers into doors, ended up bi, lesbian, or- in one case- a FtM transgender.

It was much later I eventually sorted out my own sexual identity and accepted I was pansexual, but it was partially the bullying I suffered that makes me so strongly support the LGBT movement.

Yeah, child logic is a frightening and arbitrary thing. Witch hunts abound. And, as you say, the kids who are the most cruel tend to be the ones who are the most afraid themselves. While their bullying behavior is wrong and hurtful, they are products and victims of the same rigid hierarchy as everyone else in high school. Just because they're on the other side of the abuse equation doesn't mean that the pressure to conform doesn't keep them up at night with fear and self-loathing. On some level, you have to pity them.

But I say and feel that now, as an adult, with the benefit of time and maturity and perspective. Back when I was getting actively bullied, I wasn't nearly so sympathetic to their plight 9_9 I probably would have danced a jig if they'd been hit by a bus. Just another example of childhood cruelty, I suppose...

I also agree that the abuse we survive as kids (and "we" here includes all bullied kids, not just the GLBT crowd) often makes us stronger, more empathetic people as adults. I also think that a lot of bullied kids are nerds and geeks who are unpopular because they're too busy caring about their other passions, be they academics or art or books or whatever else. Those passions turn into skills and expertise that lead to the most interesting careers, and those kids who care about things outside of the mainstream grow up to be the most interesting adults.

Beautiful message. <:3
Gay folks have to be emotionally so much tougher than the average man.

I didn't finish watching Savage's video because at some point Savage himself got a little too arch-eyebrowed, his triumphant laughter a little too shrill -- someone above mentioned the Hollywood courtship and Paris trips and glam restaurants, which struck me as not... exactly the right message to send. There's a tone of frivolity in it, a lack of moral gravitas, that I'd hope a gay role model would dispense with, because if I'd heard Savage as a teenager, I'd be saddened to see him confirm the gay stereotype of fab gabbing and consumerist glee, like bragging about his boyfriend and Paris was his meaning of life, the pot of gold at the end of the tormented high school rainbow? It struck me as akin to a minority sports star returning to his working-class community and telling kids "you can be a uber-rich sports star too." Something about this makes me uncomfortable.

Am I making sense? I'm caviling, though. Savage sentiment itself is completely laudable. My best friend said he was nearly brought to tears watching it. He's a sentimental soul, though : 3. Anyway, will watch it again.

FA is -- yes -- totally the medium for this message too. There's probably a disproportionate number of gay teens on here who just want to know that they're not alone. The thoughtful folks here have been that sort of moral support for me as I was coming out myself. People have good stories to tell about their own experiences.

addendum: I think you yourself expressed the gist of Savage's message with a lot more grace than he did. His bragging distracted from his central message. As you said, it's more about having a choice of whom you surround yourself with, having the intellectual and philosophical confidence to ignore/combat the bullies and frivolous hecklers. The important thing about choice -- and things getting better in adult life as a consequence of that freedom -- has absolutely nothing to do with Paris and an enviable boyfriend and glam restaurants.

And oh my god, looking at Sassy Gay Friend's It Gets Better video, expecting yet more despairing snark from (what appears to be) a straight-ish man making fun of gay people. And lo -- he's actually gay, and delivers an elegiac mini autobiography and a deeply decent message. I officially love this project.

It's a simple message, but an important one, I think. I probably weathered my middle and high school experience as intact as I did because my parents were constantly bombarding me with this same message. Every school day was still a chore, and a gauntlet to walk, but there was always a part of myself that the bullies didn't have access to because it was protected by the knowledge that they didn't matter. That they weren't going to last. If I hadn't had that drilled into my head with constant reinforcement in the form of my family's support, I may well have felt hopeless in the face of the bullying I experienced. A thousand random strangers on the internet can't speak with the proximity and authority of a parent, but hopefully by virtue of volume alone, we can help to shield that central part of these kids' egos.

As far as Savage's personal narrative goes, I think that everyone's adult experience is different, and I won't say that one set of priorities is better than another. I can understand how watching a beautiful sunrise with your son could be a moving, memorable experience. Or finding a partner you trust and love. I can't speak for his intentions, and feel no need to defend his delivery, but if nothing else I respect that he's offered a forum for people to offer their own stories. Hopefully across the distribution of all the individual stories being offered there, viewers can draw some mean, core narrative, that your life can be what you want it to be as an adult, and that, at the very least, life past high school is profoundly different than life during. To know that there are people out there, albeit strangers with whom you might never have direct contact, who have survived what you are going through now and who care, however abstractly, that you yourself survive it as well, I think, is powerful.

Re: Sassy Gay Friend, it's always nice when people surprise you with more depth than you'd expected. I think that projects like this one do humanity at large a service in appealing to the better angels of our nature. Even beyond the target audience of bullied kids, this forum encourages people to do something selfless, to expose some part of themselves, to expend time and effort on others without seeking compensation. Folks who choose to participate hopefully make a difference in the lives of others, but even if they don't, they get to feel good about themselves for the day for having given of themselves. They're made to think about the issue at hang, and consider what can be done about it. All of these are good things, and I want to believe they're things that can send ripples out into their communities and the world at large.

Cheers, dude <3

Okay, gave Savage an active listen. Not sure why I got annoyed at him on first hearing. I skipped around the first time, heard their sassy pickup lines and wonderful Paris trip and thought -- Dan, your columns are so thoughtful, and this project is important, and I'd be disappointed if you're doing something as gauche as regaling us with stories of how enviably bourgeois-glamorous your life is, because you're a totemic figure in the gay community! Focus on the message, Dan! Tell us how it gets better, rather than just saying "look, my life's awesome, I sure hope yours will be like mine too"!

The Paris story's about his love of their son. I have misjudged. Turns out I'm more capable of unfair snap judgments than I'm willing to admit. orz

I think also a very poignant message was how their very conservative Catholic parents have come around to supporting their union.

Your parents sound so intensely wonderful, and your high school so intensely violent. My schools were very nerdy and sheltered and boring, and I have never been actively picked on, just ignored and treated with mild disdain, judged to be a quiet curmudgeon, etc. I can only imagine the full horror of being forced to share space with people who go out of their way to make your life difficult. Yes, spread the message. This is one instance where an internet meme approaches poetry.

I'm sure Dan will forgive you <3

And yes, my parents are super rad, and my middle/high school was a pit of suck. My 10-year reunion is this year, and the thought of going back to see those people again (on purpose!) is so hilarious.

My two friends in high school were the Spanish teacher and the History teacher -- I used to hang out in their offices during free periods. I'll always remember talking to the History teacher one day shortly before graduation. He said, "It may not be tomorrow, and it may not be 5 years from now, but one day, you'll look back on your high school years fondly." And I just stared at him for a minute, in silent wonder at how this soft-spoken, probably closeted 40-something man could be so in denial. How he could have spent so many hours over the last two years talking with a student and never stopped to think, "Why is this student talking to me instead of his peers?" I guess no teacher likes to think the school he teaches at is home to that sort of abuse 9_9

Every time I think back on my chats with him now, I smile and think, "Not yet, Doc!"

Aw, shucks : q. Yeah I guess high school graduations are high times for feel-good bromides. Time to bust out those cheesily edited slideshows with photos of the same few athletes and also that Green Day song and start clicking these buttons and all that. I walked out that door with a triumphant sneer saying SEE YOU LATER LOSERS. My sis got her 10 year reunion invite too and said oh haaaaale naw.

You seem to get along with your teachers/profs plentily : q. Likewise the only folks who held me together and told me there was meaning to being a bleeding fucking human being instead of an uber-yuppie moneygrubbing asshole was my English teacher/mentor, who unfortunately passed away four years ago. I distinguished myself at senior prom as (A) being extremely uncomfortable with a token date who was clearly my beard? and (B) chatting with the teachers on the side way more than with the students, because no one I cared about went to prom.

Reunion? Hell naw. But maybe worth it to catch up with the teachers.
People like to sneer at teachers but they have a very important job. A truly mentoring inspirational teacher is worth more than a dozen bankers, at the very very least.

Eh, I just always connected better to adults because I was one, inside, from a pretty young age. I was a late bloomer in a lot of respects, but for whatever reason, I was always precocious in terms of my mental/emotional age. Even now, I feel older than a lot of the people I meet who are my age. The nice thing is that now that no longer means that I'm trapped with people who don't understand me -- I just have friends who are different ages than mine <3

But yeah, teachers were always easier to relate to because I lived up to their expectations and shared their priorities to a much larger degree than was true with my peers. I was a good student, if a bored one who quickly learned to learn the system rather than learn the material, I was respectful and well-behaved. I was interested in having thoughtful discussions with them about things that actually mattered in the real world. That sort of thing. And in return, teachers (for the most part) didn't care if I was athletic, or if I dressed in a certain way, or any of that. It was just a much better fit. Even in college, I felt that on some level I had a lot more in common with some of my professors than I did with most of my fellow students.

I'm thankful that I've had teachers and profs who were willing to be my friends, and to interact with me as a peer.

Although I was never bullied in school, I still approve of this!

I think it's something we can all agree on, regardless of our experiences ^_^

Leviticus and the bible mention homosexuality being a sin but then again majority of the people who quote this are usually the ones who only read or pray at times of desperation or pain or wishing for that lucky lotto ticket. Being gay and coming from a Christan home I have faced these problems and stupidness within the world and my own conflict to come to terms with my sexuality and faith. I find more in days as the " gay is a mental illness" attack to die down ( even though many use it) the more popular argument is it's in the bible but did you know that the law manshall not sleep with another might be misinterpreted? There are many views that I could argue with this such as one it's in the old testament before Jesus brought new teachings of love and forgiveness, the average life span back then was cut over half then ours and considered boys of 13 and 16 up to be men hence sweet 16 puberty ect. So it might be considered a law about pedophilia due to the verse being mentioned by god to moses in another book talking bout a town known for it's sodemy spelt wrong. Or maybe you could consider the law was a conservational law due to the Israelites at the time being a small group so maybe god loved the isrealites so much and saw they needed to expand knowing there were homosexuals in the group the law simply might of acknowlegeds gods love toward the isrealites gay or straight and wished them only for a short time for them to use that law to flourish and expand. Either way to me it doesn't matter because I know the type of people preaching this so everything else can be normal or anything different they want changed. My own personal experience placed me in 6 years of denial and crying to god asking why he made me like this. I realized it wasn't wrong to be gay. But even with that realization of I'm me I love my religion and myself I still struggled through many peoples views being in a catholic school trying for the marine core and my own faith I can say it does get better. Why let someone that shows the same ignorance toward any other group religion or type of person they are it's just plain idioticbut it still is tough as namaui said reach out having friends that respect and understand you really does make a difference for whatever reason you're who you are. No one canchange that and no matter what you do have people who love you

I'm happy for people who take strength and comfort from their religious beliefs, but no ideology is an excuse for bullying, whether it's directed at kids in school by their peers, on adults by their communities, or on citizens by figures in government.

I agree that having a group of friends and loved ones around you who accept and support you for who you are is critically important to being a happy, healthy person. I hope everyone here has such a group!

I think the letters could use a black or gray outline.

Thanks! I played with a whole bunch of type treatments and decided I liked this the best. The reduced readability is intentional. I wanted it to be clear from a distance that there is text, but for folks to have to look closer to read it. As their eyes trace the outlines of the letterforms to figure out what the text says, it takes them in closer to the details that help tell the story, whether it's the blood on the rabbit's collar, or on his fist, or the fact that they're holding hands.

Whether that's actually how it plays out for folks or not, I can't say, but that was at least my reasoning in making the typographic choices I did ^_^ In this case, the content of the text wasn't as important to me as the narrative of the picture (unlike most advertisements and posters, where the image is trying to help sell the headline), especially because the text is there in the title just below the image, and the cause is all explained at length in the description below that.

Thank you.

You're welcome!

While I wholeheartedly support what you're saying (as I've been bullies as well for being different), could we perhaps get an image of this interesting piece of art without the words in the way? :) I'm really liking the expressions on both characters - especially the rabbit; he's awesome!

And, overall, no offense, but I think it reads just as well without the big letters. Especially since it's the title of the piece, afterall. As it stands now, it feels a little too 'in your face', but I guess I prefer more subtlety. The richness in the way you paint and the contrast in colors I think is enough to draw one's eye in. Honestly, I couldn't tell they were holding hands at first because I was too distracted by the letters. I'm more moved by them holding hands, the blood on the rabbit's face, and their expressions and body posture than what any words could tell me. :)

Thanks for the kind words! And I might post up a textless version to my scraps in a bit here, along with the (hilarious) rough sketch for the piece ^_^

Yay!

what a lovely picture!

and the theme has alot of dignity in it

Thanks!

It's a great project. Been following it for a while... wondering how i can contribute myself c.c

Wonderful image and great display of fortitude <3

Draw a picture! Or make a journal post, or make a youtube video or donate a few dollars to the Trevor Foundation or volunteer for a phone bank or talk to your friends and family and spread awareness! There are tons of things you can do <3

Who knows I might do a few of these <3

really loving this :>

Thank you, deer <3

Oh, DAMN do I know how that feels...he ain't lying, all you youngsters lying about your age to look at this-it's worth it. You make it out of high school, you can be who or whatever you want. If you go to college, cool, $50 says your school has a GSA or something. And if you don't, there are gay rights orgs all around the country-the world! Just stick with it, keep your head down, have fun and get good grades and you can laugh at the fagbashers from the top.

Word! High five, dude

*does indeed put his had up so it may be slapped*

I love seeing this expressed, it's the reason I'm alive right now. Things get better if you let them be better, and work towards it. I'm proof. And thank you. <3

Absolutely, dude! Cheers for sharing <3

heard about the project a long time ago, it's very true, it does get better, especially for furries :)

Yeah, I figure in some respects, furry kids are probably among the most likely to face bullying in school, but at the same time, at least they have a very open, welcoming, accepting community to offer them support. The awesome thing is that the school bullying is temporary (even if it doesn't feel like it at the time...), but the great community will still be there after you're out of school and out in the real world <3

this is a reply to your comment

So true, dude 9_9

It's sad that so much of the school system's purpose is really just to hold kids for the day while their parents work. The baseline supervision and busy work totally combine to create a trapped pool of extremely bored children. If that's not a recipe for cruelty, I don't know what is >_<

For shore, dude!

If I could send this piece along to my 13-year-old self and offer one piece of advice, it would be to be a little less fox and a little more bunny. I was always a "violence doesn't solve anything" sensitive child type, but in retrospect it would have been totally worth whatever bad karma and disciplinary action it cost me to break a couple of noses. Even assuming they would have completely owned me in the end, trading up to external scars and bruises would have been a refreshing change of pace <3

That's been my wish for quite awhile. When I was 12/13/14 and bullied far too much, my parents & teachers & principal all said the same thing: "Just roll with it. Ignore them. Turn the other cheek. Pretend they don't exist." Sounded good to scrawny little me. Well, 13-year-old me, that didn't work so well, did it? It would've done my sense of self-worth an infinite amount of good to punch a bully in the mouth and be left alone.

Yes, it Gets Better. But having a little more sack back then would've made it better sooner, I think.

This is a brilliant piece.

Thanks, dawg <3

Very heart felt piece. I love it!

Thanks, dude!

If I had to pick one thing in your art I loved the most It would have to be your control of body language. It goes beyond facial expressions, you manage to capture their entire emotional being into how they stand, their placement of arms and hands, the small facial muscles most don't catch...

It gives your work an emotional depth I've not seen anywhere else. I'm glad to be able to see it.

Thanks for the kind words! That's really sweet of you to say.

In general, I think drawing is a lot like acting in the sense that just reading the lines and putting across the basic idea is only half of the task. The rest is in the details like body language and gesture and the little things, and that's usually what makes a piece feel convincing and real and memorable. I try to keep that in mind as I work, so it's great to hear that some of that is coming across in the finished product ^_^

I'll keep trying to think of the little things!

My god this is brilliant. I came back to this image after watching a good portion of the videos on the youtube channel, and then read the small story of these two. Eyes were wet.

Amazing job. I would seriously buy this as a poster. (Are you thinking about maybe doing something like this?)


Also, what font is that?

Aw, thanks, dude ^_^

No plans to print it up at the moment, just due to costs. If I thought I could turn any kind of profit, I'd love to do a run and have the sales go to charity, but as it stands, it probably makes more sense for me to just donate to charity directly, haha.

The font is Interstate Black. It's an extra-chunky weight of the same font they use on highway signs <3

I wanted to comment sooner but.. hah, I guess it reminded me of my teenage years.
It's all past and gone, but still weighs heavily.
Never had it too bad, compared to some. But god did I feel miserable.
I'm glad I was more scared of death than of facing school, and never did anything stupid.

High school is just a perfect breeding ground for abuse. And right at the age where we build ourselves socially.
It's probably related, I guess.

Thanks for this pic. Brings tears, but it feels good.
So good to know this part of my life is over.

Yeah, some scars last... I definitely feel like I am the person I am today in part because of my experiences back then (and I'm proud of who I am today!), but that was precious little comfort at the time. Like I say, I was fortunate to have an awesome family, and I was too stubborn to let the bullies win, so I never hurt myself, but the bullies did a pretty good job of making my life at school miserable.

I'm sure it's no coincidence that bullying is at its peak at an age when we're all trying to figure out and establish our identities. The easiest way to show who you are is by proving who you aren't, so kids who want to be seen as cool are merciless in tormenting the kids who aren't in order to put some distance between them on the social ladder.

Doing this pic was worth it, if just from all the "I've been there!" reactions I've gotten from folks. If anyone who's there right now is seeing this, I'd be a happy guy indeed.

Meanwhile, congrats on surviving the gauntlet! That's something to be proud of.

Thanks. I'm glad I got to say what I said. Never really talked about it with anyone.
---
I have to say, nice work on the pic, too.
This is your second pic with them, isn't it?
Love that rabbit, and hope we'll get to see more of those two.

Thank you for sharing! Talking about these things can be cathartic, and even better, they may provide help or comfort to other people who are going through a similar experience now. If nothing else, it feels good to talk about the bad times in past tense <3

And thanks! Yup, this is the second time they've shown up. I knew basically what I wanted to draw, and I sketched them as a rabbit and a fox just by coincidence (I guess I like the combination?) when I remembered about these guys and was like "Heeeey...." So here they are! And who knows, maybe something else will come along that brings them back into the spotlight again ^_^

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1785804/
TL:DP
=p

Good deal, dude! Thanks for sharing your story. I know it can be tough to talk about these things, but in doing so, you can give help and hope to the kids who are still in bad situations like the one you've thankfully left behind.

Meanwhile, congrats on getting through it, and kudos on enjoying life now!

heh, its something of what i usually help friends with anyways, theyll hit a bump in the road and can help them over it with less pain and stuff. Hate seeing friends struggle through that kind of stuff, as i have been through alot of difficult stuff and can relate. Its a definite relief that its over with.

Thanks for doing this. It's a great picture with a lot of emotion and honestly, it's just great in general.

For shore! It's my pleasure. I just hope it helps brighten some folks' days, whether they're kids being bullied, adults who lived through rough times as children, or just folks who like a cute picture <3

This is wonderful, the emotion and the body language is absolutely perfect

I've been helping a very close friend of mine with this phrase for years, and it's proven true time and time again.

<3

Thanks, dude! And double thanks for being a good friend to your peeps <3

It gets better-- unless you're a furry too.

Oh, please. I draw manimals like it's my job and my life is awesome.

None of my friends and folks I've shown my stuff to have ever had any problem with it, and the random folks on the internet who somehow still find it entertaining like a decade later to rag on furries are easily ignored <3

The message is awesome, but why single out homosexuals? All kids have it rough in high school, but you know what? It's fucking high school. It'll get better when you're out, yeah... because people grow up and get a brain in their head IN MOST CASES. I appreciate what they're trying to do, and it's really great. Don't get me wrong. People just need to grow some balls and take everything negative with a grin of salt. Essentially, don't be a whiny bitch and cry about the bullies. There will always be bullies. You have to learn how to deal with those negative people. They're insecure and so are you. They've just found a really cheap way to get over their insecurities. In the end, you'll have better friends and a better quality of life.
Don't make it out to be "everyone picks on the gays" because welcome to the real world, everyone is out to get everyone else. No one deserves special treatment for race, gender, sexual preference, physical attributes, etc.
It's water under the bridge, people.

First off, I'm glad we can agree on the core message here. That's what's really important.

As far as singling out homosexuals goes, it's not my intention to exclude anyone from this message. Hopefully, life gets better for everyone after high school. Bullying happens across the board, and, as you say, kids are targeted for any number of things, be it race, gender, sexuality, physical attributes, and a laundry list of other factors. I feel no less sympathy for the straight victims of bullying, and hope that they can take the same hope and comfort from this campaign as their gay and lesbian peers.

That said, gay kids are statistically more likely than their straight peers to be bullied, and have a higher chance of attempting suicide. That's just the data. Part of that is because being gay can make kids a target for bullies. Part of that is the psychological and emotional pressure of living in the closet. Part of that is the lack of a support network for many gay children, especially those living in the closet. Various religious and political organizations actively run campaigns advocating against the equality of gays and lesbians in a way that they simply do not (in this day and age) against women, ethnic minorities, or other classes of people. As a result of all this, gay kids are especially at risk, and so programs like the It Gets Better Project and resources like the Trevor Project are reaching out to them especially. It's not the case that the people behind these initiatives deny that bullying and youth suicide are problems for non-gays, nor that they care any less about non-gay victims. It has simply become obvious that gay kids are in especial need of support, and through these programs, these people are trying to offer it. I find it hard to understand anyone condemning the efforts of a group trying to prevent child suicide among ANY group, let alone an especially at-risk population, as "special treatment."

Many bullied kids might well benefit from your tough love brand of advice -- I certainly wish that I had "toughened up," and, over the course of eight years of abuse, I did. By the time I left high school, I was impervious. I was also aloof and defensive and sarcastic as hell, but at least no one else could hurt me. But I do not believe that needing support is weakness. Wanting someone to tell you that you're okay just the way you are, that there are people who care, and that life will get better is not only reasonable, but I think universal. Everyone needs to feel these things in order to live a happy, healthy life, and sometimes our environments can make it difficult to believe in their truth. At times like those, hearing it from someone else can be a powerful comfort. In some cases, that affirmation can mean the difference between life and death.

I'm saddened to hear that you feel that the world is such a hostile place. My experiences as an adult have shown the world to be full of people who are constructive, cooperative, supportive, and affectionate. There are certainly exceptions to that, but they have always been just that -- exceptions.

I hope I've understood your comment properly. If I misinterpreted your message, please feel free to clarify!

This is what a civilized conversation is! Thanks for replying and yeah, I may have come off a bit coarse. I'm a pretty big hypocrite when it comes to things of this matter. I was bullied a lot in school as well. I was scrawny, quiet, wore big geeky glasses and on top of all that, I didn't even do that well in class! Looking like a geek is one thing, but when you can't even act the part... Needless to say, I felt like a total loser. I'm still pretty insecure... okay, really insecure about my looks, my personality, everything. Who isn't?

I can totally respect that there's people out there willing to help kids out. I'm not as much of a dick as I sound like. I promise. I'd like to apologize for my somewhat callous response. I was perhaps a little over eager to reply, and my hands got ahead of my brain, but I still think kids need to learn how to act. In a way, this bullying crap toughens you. That doesn't excuse it for a minute. Maybe I'm just a little abrasive since I got little or no encouragement as a child. Not only as a child, all through high-school. It just seems unfair to me that someone would get more help than someone else. Don't get me wrong. I don't hate homosexuals.

It's simply that I'm a firm believer in equality and I see no way to get there. The human race will never treat everyone equally. I'm not a pessimist. I'm a realist. I've come to terms with the fact that there will always be assholes out there who won't accept me for who I am, but you know what?
It's way better to be hated for who you are than loved for someone you're not.
I guess that is kind of what they're going for here, but let's not baby the kids. Know what I'm saying? They need a lesson in dealing with these jerks instead of someone coddling them all the way through high school. This is my opinion. Again, sorry for the harsh comments.

Thanks for replying! I'm always happy to have a reasoned discussion with folks, and you have my thanks for your civility and your honesty.

It was pretty apparent from your original comment that you were hurting. Your tone was coarse, but it wasn't the comment of a troll, so much as someone who went through a lot of pain and didn't get the support he needed. Your reply confirms all that, and you have my sympathy. As I've said here a couple of times, I had it rough in school too, but was very fortunate in my family. They gave me the encouragement and affirmation I needed to get through it, but I know that not everyone is so fortunate. Getting through the abuse without that support network must have been tough, but it sounds like you not only survived but emerged stronger for it. That's a major accomplishment, and I hope you give yourself proper credit for that.

I agree that everyone who needs support should have equal access to it. I think that for me, personally, this is kind of a case where I feel (as a gay adult who used to be a bullied gay kid) that I have specific insight and authority in saying to gay kids that life gets better after high school. I certainly hope that holds true for straight kids as well, but to the extent that some of these kids are being bullied specifically because they're gay, I can say from personal experience that after high school, being gay becomes less and less of an issue among one's peers.

I agree that perfect equality will never happen. Human identity is so fundamentally rooted in drawing us-them boundaries that there will never be one big, cohesive "us." That said, take a look at how some other minority dynamics have changed as a result of the civil rights movement. Where before you had people treating women and racial minorities as inferior groups. today more and more it's the sexists and the racists who we look down on. That same trend is happening now with gay people, where young people are more and more accepting of homosexuality and less and less accepting of homophobia. That seems like a fair, reasonable, and constructive line to draw when forming us-them boundaries. Let's include everyone who has a positive contribution to make, and exclude those who are motivated by bigotry and hatred. Again, we'll never see that idea 100% realized, but hopefully it will be more and more the case as time goes on.

I would disagree with you that offering a potentially suicidal teen a message of affirmation and the contact information of a hotline where they can speak to someone who can hopefully help them constitutes "coddling," but that seems to be secondary to your main point, on which I think we both agree. And you're absolutely right that just be passively telling them to wait out the bad years isn't a complete solution. Advice and help on how to deal with the bullies right now is also important. That said, giving these kids hope and comfort right now is also important, and the importance of one part doesn't invalidate the importance of the other, I think.

I would take your statement about it being better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you aren't and add a third option: that it's best to be loved for who you are. I've found that love and acceptance in some great friends as an adult, and I honestly think that everyone else can as well if they reach out for it and refuse to compromise who they are and what they believe in along the way.

We all have things about ourselves that we wish we could change, and some things we can. I'd encourage you to think about what changes you can make to your outlook and your life that might help you feel better about yourself, and to make a conscious effort to accept the parts you can't. That isn't to say you shouldn't be yourself, but rather that you should strive to be the self that you want to be, rather than the self you feel stuck as today. I'm sorry if that's presumptuous to say, and it certainly isn't my place to lecture or tell you how to live your life. I just believe that you're the only person who has the right and the ability to change the person you are -- if you're struggling to love who you are now, I'd really encourage you to cultivate your interests, explore new things, and work towards becoming someone you love.

Again, it's not my intention to preach, and I realize that a lot of what I've said may come across as empty platitudes, but I wish you the best, and hope that life continues to get better and better. Thanks again for your reply.

Is there anyone to talk to about being a furry though?

I mean, it's hard to take seriously as an "orientation", I feel like I don't either, but it's a fundamental part of my sexuality and my identity and I sure as Hell didn't choose it.

Well, I think that places like this are a good forum for speaking casually about being a furry.

Everybody else here, on some level, has experienced what you've experienced, they all wrestle with the same questions and worries. I think any introspective person who's been in the community for a while has asked themselves whether this is "normal," whether they care if it's normal, whether they should feel guilty for not caring if it's normal. Things like how deep into the furry scene is too deep, or will I be able to have a successful relationship with a non-furry, or is it a problem if the answer to that last one is "no." The list goes on and on.

I think most people here are pretty forthcoming about stuff like that when asked, and I'm sure you'd find people interested in talking through any of those issues you wanted to explore. If nothing else, the simple fact that there are how many thousands of users on FA sends a powerful message that you're not alone.

If you wanted a professional opinion, any licensed therapist would be able to offer insights without judgment. There are therapists who specialize in sex and sexuality, if that was your specific interest, but any therapist would be able to talk about the sexual element as well as broader questions of identity. I don't know what your situation is, and how easy it would be for you to access a therapist, but I would encourage you to at least look into your options. Don't think of it as going to a doctor to treat a problem or to fix something that's broken in you, just think of it as talking to someone whom you can trust and who may be able to help you understand this part of yourself better. There's absolutely no shame in seeking therapy -- it shows courage and dedication to self-improvement, and to accepting, understanding, and loving yourself as fully as possible.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck! My own two cents: being furry may be a little odd, but it's super harmless, and I'm proud of all the creativity and acceptance that characterizes the community. I've met a lot of great friends through the furry scene, and I wouldn't trade them for anything <3

I should also say that if you wanted to put together a journal post asking some of the questions or presenting some of the issues you're thinking of in particular, I'd be happy to weigh in with my thoughts ^_^

Post a link here, if you like, and everyone seeing this can pop over and share their opinions as well <3

Thanks for being so friendly.

Unfortunately your suggestions don't fix the real problem. You and I both know it's harmless, but no amount of therapists or support groups will change the fact that society would think we fuck dogs if they found out.

Also there are people here who actually DO, so I have really no faith in the community as a whole being reasonable.

No problem!

Who is "society," in this case? Your friends? Your family? Your boss and coworkers? Random strangers on the street? Random strangers on the internet?

In the case of people you have a direct, close relationship with (family and friends, for example), I think there's plenty of room to explain what furry means to you. If their initial, uninformed assumption about what it means to be furry includes things like bestiality, it's your responsibility to correct that. All my friends have seen my art -- they know I'm involved in the whole furry scene. I do not think I have ever been asked if I have sex with dogs, by any of them. I don't think that thought ever really crossed their mind. If it had, though, they would have been like, "Wait, does that mean you want to do animals?" and I would have told them, "No, you dork. It means when I draw naked dudes, they have animals heads. That's all."

And they would have believed me, because they're my friends. We trust one another. But none of them are the type of person who would freak out and run away based on assumptions the second they laid eyes on a furry drawing -- they're curious, rational people, more than judgmental. If that's not true of the people you socialize with, maybe you should look for some new friends?

Family is always a bit weirder, to the extent that furry is a sexual/sexuality thing for you. It really comes down to how much your family needs to know about your porn preferences. Again, my family has seen some of my work (though nothing erotic, I don't think?), and they probably think it's a little out-there, but they've never had a problem with it. And again, if they did, they'd sit down with me and we'd talk about it. Their first instinct when they come up against the unknown isn't fear and hatred, but curiosity. That's what separates a decent person from a bigot.

People at work are another tricky case. I don't share this part of myself with the folks I work with, because I don't see how it's of any interest or concern to them. If I were into leather or drag or anything else, I wouldn't feel the need to inform the people I work with. That said, I'm not really friends with anyone I work with -- I'm a freelancer who works from home and does all his business via e-mail. If my coworkers were people I spent a large part of my day with and considered friends, I might choose to tell them. It just requires more discretion than when telling non-work friends because if a non-work friend reacts poorly, you can give them some space for a while (or, worst case scenario, find a new friend), but you're kind of stuck with your coworkers, and in the absolute worst case, it could have consequences for your career.

In case of the people you don't have a direct relationship with -- the strangers out there, and on the web -- what they think really doesn't matter. There is absolutely no cause for them to know anything about my personal life, let alone anything about my sex life, and even if they did know, and chose to judge me for it or make assumptions, why would I care? In life after high school, random bullies hold no power over us. Not being who you want to be because some random person you don't even know (and who certainly doesn't know you) might have a problem with it is just silly.

As far as your second point goes, the furry community is diverse! That's one of its greatest assets, really. We are in no way a monolithic group. We can't even decide on foot anatomy! And no one is demanding that we do -- we're all cool with the fact that "furry" means something different to everyone, and that makes us an inclusive, accepting crowd. Furs come from all walks of life. We're male, female, gay, straight, bi, we come from every race and religion and age and location. We're all over the charts.

And yes, some furs want to have sex with animals, I guess. Some are probably thieves and liars, too. Some may be violent or intolerant people, or criminals, or sociopaths. But that doesn't mean that all of us are any of those things. Bestiality doesn't factor into furrydom as it applies to me, so why should I allow the actions of a tiny minority of people who share an interest in anthropomorphic art and fiction define it for me?

By that same logic, all Catholics and all clergymen are child molesters, just because there have been a number of incidences in the past. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen, and that it isn't a problem, but it certainly isn't the fault of the people who aren't engaging in illicit activity. And, I would argue, it's not those people's responsibility to defend that behavior, either.

That was a really heartfelt analysis, and your points are all valid. That actually did help put it in perspective for me to some degree, thank you for taking the time to do that.

That's great to hear!

The short-short version is that if there's something you feel passionate about, you should be able to feel proud about it, too. Whatever it is. If the people around you don't understand, teach them. And if they refuse to learn and insist on bringing you down, find new people to surround yourself with! The world is full of amazing people, and life is too short to let others hold you back <3

I love pictures like this,
they're heavy, yet I can keep staring at it.
I actually can't think of any others that are like that.


And the text placement is just perfekt~

Thanks, dude ^_^ It took a bit of finagling!

I love this and the message that it supports.

I am also very glad that you were able to survive school and live the life you want with people that care for you.
Keep being awesome!

For serious!

And likewise, dude ^_^

Word!

Ｗｏｒｄ！

I really wish people would get over homophobia -__- it disgusts me that people in our generation and the next are still so closed-minded...but I guess there will always be a prejudice against something...I hope the acceptance keeps growing.

Ugh yeah I dealt with bullying too, but on a pretty small scale luckily. My town is full of a ton of wigger kids who think they're tough gangsta shit even though we live in a nice well-off town in the woods of New England. Whenever I used to walk downtown I would always get yelled at by kids driving by, we almost got knifed once in the park because some kid didn't like that my friend was gay. >__> so stupid. They didn't even know that I like girls (I'm pansexual) but it was because I looked weird. I got harassed at school a lot too but I'm glad I had a group of friends who were the 'weirdos' and we all supported each other. When I got made fun of for holding hands with my girlfriend at the time we'd start making out in front of them just to hear them squeal "EEEWWW" or something to that effect :P fuck closed minded people, they're just limiting their life experience by being this way!

I feel so bad that some kids are driven to suicide, though...it's so awful. Whether they're bullied for orientation or looks or whatever it might be. I really like this project...I've always wanted to convey such a message to people who are struggling...high school is an evil festering pit of despair! >:I people should be encouraged to fight through it so they can see how awesome life actually is!

Progress is definitely being made! Considering the whole notion of "homophobia" didn't even exist thirty years ago because it was considered normal to treat homosexuals as unequal, we've come a long way already ^_^

I'm sorry to hear that you went through some rough times (and especially that you were threatened with serious violence!). It sounds like you've come out of that stage of your life all the stronger for it, though!

Junior high and high school were hell for me, especially since I was attending someplace new during junior high. I lived and belonged in a small town in Arizona for a good 7 years, and later moved to a mountain town in New Mexico. I faced so much verbal, sometimes even physical abuse. Just the nerdy kid that cried a lot. They liked seeing me break down, because i wasn't "tough" or athletic like they were. Gym class was hell, constantly mocked for my scrawny build. I didn't weigh 100 lbs until i was about 15, and I wasn't 5' tall until i was about the same age. I honestly didn't belong much anywhere for a long time, until my junior year of high school. Constantly bullied for being a "fag" although I didn't realize i was gay until i was 17 and a half. I made very good friends during my junior year. Friendship just blossomed thereafter. I had recently come out of the closet to them (after a few glasses of scotch), and they only told me that it was alright, and it all moved on. We live far apart now, but when we visit each other it's the same as it ever was. Unlike most people graduation day was very depressing for me. While I knew all the bullies weren't going anywhere, I was still sad to leave the friends I had made. All in all though, I realize it's all worth it. We are all building up our lives, because we are better than everyone else. (ego aside xD) We left to avoid the same [pig] pens as the hill billies, red necks, cowboys, jocks, wangsters, etc. So it does indeed "Get Better" I am pursuing the dream I have dreamed ever since I was a child, to become a professional musician. *hugs everyone* My ears are perked for anyone who needs support.

Sounds like there's a fair bit of overlap between your experiences and mine, dude. Glad to hear you've got a great set of friends now, though, and that you're living well and following your passion now!

Life isn't easy, still, but there is no one trying to bring me down anymore.

Thank you! I feel the same way, all day :3

Cheers mon chere. ^_^

Thank you so much for posting this.

For shore!

As for me, I went though nearly everything that you would read in a book about bullying. Teased? Yep. Harassed? Yep? Touched when I didn't want to be touched (AKA: Pinching, grabbing, slapping, punching)? You bet-ya.

I had a ton of things done all in the name of making me the loser. I had people pretend to be my friends and then use the "well you're my friend!" to make me do or say embarrassing things for them to gossip about later pretty much in front of me. I had numerous pieces of art work ruined by people writing "fatty" "bitch" on the art in the hallway.
They put blue pastel/chalk in my bag when I was up cleaning my hands and I had blue textbooks and homework in which I had to explain to teachers. I've been pushed down stairs, threatened with notes to beat me up and kill my pet birds, and just plain ignored when ever I wanted to say anything. I had people throw food at me, everything from tomato sauce to hard apples and even trays themselves!

I kept my grades up, and I graduated with high honors, went to a decent school, and wow. I FREAKING LOVE COLLEGE. People are so awesome here. I'm valued as a person, and people actually come up to me and talk to me! I had my group of friends in high school, but here I don't have to be afraid to approach people with a question. I can walk to class and not feel like I'm going to get my ass kicked from the cafeteria and back! I can eat a reasonable lunch without having to be afraid that people are seeing me eat.
I was never super big, but the most insults I've heard were things like "cow" and "elephant" which left me scared shit-less of eating ANYTHING in front of people.

I don't know to this very day what I did to these people. I mean, I have PCOS which does have a great affect on your appearance, but once I got treatment and my appearance improved nearly ten-fold, I still got harassed the same way.

For me it did get better. It was nearly a black to white difference.
To those out there like me, keep it up. Do your best at the education part and find a college that fits YOU. (Do your research, and visit when class is in session!) You won't regret it! I promise! That is your big middle finger to these people. Fallow the dreams they wanted to smash! It is possible, but you have to do it on your own.

Thanks for sharing your story! Sounds like you had it pretty bad, dude. And you probably didn't do anything to anyone, dude. They needed someone to push down in order to feel elevated themselves, and you were convenient.

For as awful as all the abuse from bullies sounds, the betrayal from the folks you thought (hoped?) were your friends strikes me as the worst of it. People can overcome an awful lot and stand strong and proud in the face of all sorts of adversity, given the right support network. When that support is undermined, though, it can feel extremely isolating and emotionally taxing.

I've always been the type to favor a small, tightly-knit group of friends to a large circle of casual acquaintances, and throughout middle and high school, that tended to be just one really close friend. In retrospect, I suppose those may have been proto-romantic relationships for me, but at the time, I just knew them as my closest friend and emotional anchor. For all the verbal and physical harassment I endured in middle and high school, the absolute worst of it was when the core cadre of bullies would take my friend aside at some point and offer them entrée into the popular crowd on the condition that they drop me as a friend.

That happened three or four times, and it worked every time. By the last, I was less angry at the bullies than disappointed and disgusted at my erstwhile friend. To propose such a deal is evil, to be sure, but to accept it shows a total lack of integrity. In any case, the upshot was that I checked out of that place emotionally long before graduation. I had my support network at home, and I didn't need anyone at school. It made for an extremely dull high school experience, but I had my sarcasm and my indignation to keep me company (learning to let go of those has been a gradual process), and I was damned if I was going to trust anyone there again.

All through middle and high school, I weathered the abuse by pouring myself into my passions. I cannot emphasize the value of this to young people enough. I cared about school work, and it got me access to a wonderful college where I connected up with amazing people, students and faculty alike, who have shaped my adult life. I cared about nerdy things like video games and anime and manga, so I taught myself Japanese. Now, 10, 15 years later, that skill allows me to work a rad job in the same fields that sparked my interest in the language in the first place. I cared about drawing geeky fan art, so I started to draw. Today, I do work as a professional illustrator and graphic designer, and painting is one of my greatest sources of enjoyment.

All the things that make you a target in middle school and high school make you a target because they make you different. Chances are very good, they will be the exact same traits and interests that make you stand out as an adult, to friends and to lovers and to employers. The worst thing you can do is to abandon something you love because it lies outside the mainstream. In middle and high school, the kids who best exemplify the mainstream are called "popular." In the adult world, there's a different word for those people: "mediocre." Nurture your passions. Not only will they serve you well, they are your ticket out of wherever you are now.

I'm glad to hear your story has turned out so well (and continues to get better!), and kudos for letting the abuse just make you stronger.

I wish my life got better. I can't even think about my past anymore; I only exist in the present moment.

It doesn't always get better. And this kind of advertisement makes me feel really sick and angry.

I'm sorry to hear that you're not in a good place at present, and especially that seeing this caused you additional distress. Not knowing any of the specifics of your situation, it's difficult to know what to say beyond that.

I hope that things improve for you, and just ask that you take good care of yourself in the meantime.

Well thanks for your concern; that helps, anyway.

Of course. I just hope you have a support network you're able to talk to about the issues you're facing, whether it's family, friends, a trained counselor or therapist, or just concerned strangers on the internet. There are lots of resources out there -- I hope you make use of them!

Thanks man, this was totally needed *hugs*

Word! Glad to do it, dude <3

What you did here was so great. Ironically it was kind of like... just what I needed right now. I wanna thank you for this. No really. Thanks

That's awesome to hear! Glad it helped <3

Hey, man, if he's going to throw the first punch, he's pretty much asking for whatever you give him

one of things that really annoys me with bullies is that when they go up against (for example: gay people), if they can't hurt a person with physical actions, they use that Bible thing to back their threats up In fact, imo, most bullies are formed by either having a messed up childhood, or their parents forced them to act that way.

Anyways, I will say i was a target for bullying in high school, mostly because of course, being gay and not being ashamed of it. It gets tiresome when you hear the same bible verus over and over again about how god hates fags and all gays go to hell. Thankfully, during the military and college, life did get better because those bullies either moved on or karma came back to them.

Overall, i approve this message to help all groups of kids, and i also hope one day society can get over the "ewww gay people are evil repent to god now" mentalty also in the future

I definitely agree that it's distasteful to couch bigotry in the language of religion in order to suggest that ignorance and hate are justified, and I think it's probably true that very few bullies are happy people. It's usually some mix of insecurity and fear and ignorance that drives people to lash out like that, in my experience. Now that I don't have to live with the bullying, it's easier to look back and feel pity for the bullies as victims of the toxic kid culture in their own way.

That said, I still wish my 14-year-old self had punched them in the nose.

But hey, the popular mentality as regards homosexuality is definitely changing. Even just looking here in California, the marriage equality debate is split pretty much evenly 50-50, which is impressive considering the issue wasn't even on the table 30 years ago. There will always be bigots and phobes, but the prevailing culture continues to shift towards progressivism and acceptance <3

agreed, i do hope the christains and whatnot that are more tolerable and filled with grace and love can speak up against the ones that make them look bad. And you are right that as the younger generation grows up, they are filled with more passion and tolerance as apoosed to the older generation that grew up around the 40s and 50s.

Also true about the bullies, kind words and siting down with them sometimes solbves the problem when you find out what is going on

i really love this image, and how well it represents the point. thanks for making this and for supporting It Gets Better

For sure, dude ^_^ It's a good thing.

Very cool. A lot of people in the local community got out there with this message. It was pretty warming to see. It really does get better.

You know it!

Great pic.

Still don't get how life gets better, seems the older i get, the worse things get, and the less i care. I've seen the ads, and I feel that to a degree most people's lives get better, but exactly at what point, I'd love to know.

I think that generally what makes it get better is the increased agency that adults have. The freedom to make choices for yourself, and to shape your life.

As a middle- or high-schooler, you don't really have much say in things. You might have some say in what school you go to, or you might not. I didn't, anyway. Even if you did, you're stuck with your classmates. You can't always avoid the bullies, and because of the cruel Lord Of The Flies-esque social structure that's in place, the bullies are often rewarded for their behavior by peers, while the bullied kids are ostracized out of fear of association.

When you leave for college, or to begin your career, you suddenly have a much greater degree of agency. You often have much more choice in where you go -- college is a time when many kids escape their conservative, small-town homes to go to more cosmopolitan, accepting places. Because everyone feels less trapped, and because students are more able to pursue their own interests in college, there is less frustration and boredom, which are two major causes of bullying. The social structure that's in place on college campuses is also very different from those in place in middle- and high-school. Bullies stop seeming cool and start seeming like douchebags, and suddenly it's the aggro kids who are being shunned instead of the shy kids.

That trend only continues in adulthood, when we're generally free to pick where we live, pick our careers, pick our friends from a huge pool of people, and really shape our lives to an unprecedented degree. That's not to say that everything is guaranteed to be wonderful, but it does mean that we are much more in control of our lives than we were as children. Sometimes making a change for the better in our lives is expensive, or difficult, or time-consuming. Sometimes people are still assholes, and that will never change. But the fact that you always have the choice to find a new home, find a new job, find a new social circle is extremely liberating, and it means that the bullies never again hold the same power over you that they did back in school, where you were a captive audience.

I'm really sorry to hear that life has been difficult for you, and I hope that things turn around for you. Without knowing anything about your situation, I'm afraid I can't say much more than that, but I wish you well.

Truth be told,for most, it does NOT get better, the only real way to stop the harassment is to man up, or atleast thats what worked for me, I was a gay emo kid in middle school, on the bus people would spit in my hair, id just cry about, they would throw math books at me during summer school because i felt so bad during the year i couldn't concentrate, so i failed a couple grades, the teachers didn't do anything, and i had about 3 friends. what did i do? i decided to man up, instead of being pacified, scrawny, and weak, after i got suspended for exploding in rage, i shaved my head down, bought some 14 hole doc martens, traded in shitty bands i use to like like "escape the fate" or "senses fail" for bands like "black flag" and "the 4 skins" and just started working out and scaring the hell out of bullies, i even had a time where 5 or 4 of them wanted to jump me after school and all of them backed out haha. not only that, but im much happier not being a scrawny defenseless and dumb emo kid, i work out, dress tougher, i study in my spare time more, so not only am i stronger then the bullies at my school, but smarter too. but thats just what worked for me, i was on the edge of shooting the place up, so instead i took that path, hell half the people who use to bully me say hi and wave and smile to me everyday, im friends with a few of them too.

nice pic, dont like the "it gets better" project though.

Thanks for the kind words, and I'm sorry that you had a rough time of it as well. At least it sounds like you're in a better place now!

It didn't get better for me.

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope that at the very least you find yourself with more and more freedom to effect changes in your situation which will lead to things getting better.

It will never get better. I will just get tougher.

It definitely wound up being a combination of the two for me. I can only wish you the same luck

Whoops! Reply fail >_<

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No worries -- you're not even the first person to ask ^_^ It's Interstate Black!

Glad to hear it! Thanks for sayin', dude ^_^

Well for me it's less of bullying, I have trouble coping with the fact of how confused I am. I know I should be myself... But what IS myself... The internal struggle... I just want to know, to figure myself out... It all started about two years ago, I had always kind of figured it, but my brother came out. But I suddenly became so lost about myself. Gay, straight, bi? What was I? I still don't know. I do something that sways one way, then something the other.

It's totally okay to be confused! Growing up, I was never one of the people who had a really clear understanding of who I was into, either. The advice I would give you (and the advice I would have given a younger me) would be to try not to worry about the labels too much. Surround yourself with people who accept you for who you are. People who will be your friends regardless if you're gay or straight or bi or anything else. Focus on cultivating yourself as a person. Follow your passions, and allow your interests to turn into skills, whether it's reading or writing or art or music or math or science or whatever excites you. As you get older, it's those things that will shape who you are and what you do more than your sexuailty will. And if you keep surrounding yourself with good friends and mentors who encourage you to grow as a person and who respect and accept the person you grow into, you'll find people to love, whatever their gender winds up being.

At the end of the day, the labels are just for convenience. If you don't feel like any of them are a comfortable fit for who you are and where you're at, then there's no reason to stress over it, and certainly no reason to change who you are in order to better fit into any of them. Just be yourself, and trust in your own good judgment when it comes to what you feel comfortable doing with whom. The rest will all flow naturally from there ^_^

I'm very grateful for finding the furry community. Most of the members understand you and feel or have felt how you do, as well most will listen to you and help you :) thank you Kamui, I should let my art shape who I am and not who I THINK I am. That's nothing important right now

Yeah, in general it's best not to try to force these things. Just try to stay open and be honest with yourself and the people you care about. The rest tends to work itself out ^_^

How old were you when you came out if I might ask

Sure! It was Freshman year of college for me, sooo 18? I think? But most of that was just because I didn't really have a strong sense of my sexual identity in middle or even high school. Had I known earlier than that, I probably would have come out earlier than that, at least to my family. But yeah, everybody's experience is different ^_^

Well my brother came out about at my age two years ago so confusion hit pretty hard when I suddenly started to question my sexuality. I have always supported my brother to the point that absolutely nothing changed between us, like sometimes small things change but even out interests have always been nearly identical. So I wondered if ALL of our interests were the same.

It's a fair thing to wonder, and there's no harm in keeping your options open. Like I say, things tend to work out a bit more smoothly if you worry less about what label you should use and worry more about finding rad people to be friends and maybe more with. If you cultivate a bunch of awesome friendships and some of them turn romantic, it won't matter whether the other person is a guy or a girl. You can just roll with it, confident in the knowledge that they're good, solid people you can trust. Trying to figure out the label before you go looking for who you're attracted to is kind of going about things backwards ^_^

Thank you, you have been a really big help

Cheers! Like I say, it can definitely all be confusing, weird stuff -- best of luck finding the right fit for you!

I think I love you.

I'm impressed by all of the It Gets Better videos, and this is just an amazing add-on, applying the LGBT* community's message to basically anybody who can be easily targeted for bullying.

Thank you.

For shore! And I think anyone who made one of those videos would hasten to agree that bullying is more than just a LGBT issue. Just because those kids have a high chance of being at risk doesn't mean that a lot of other kids aren't suffering as well. Hopefully we can work to make changes that will make things better for everybody <3

I've been targeted like that too, mostly because of my weight and my emotional issues. It sucks. Bullying sucks. Especially when someone keeps at it even though they used to be your best friend for like five years but in middle school they just became "too popular" to hang around with you so they started making everybody hate you.

I didn't want to kill myself at that point, and I don't think I've ever honestly ACTUALLY wanted to anyway... but it was a fucking struggle.

Yeah, that sort of thing is sadly something I can relate to as well. The awesome thing is that I can say from personal experience and with total conviction that things get way better after middle and high school <3

Naw, dude, it's so good

My pleasure!

You're absolutely right about gay people who are furs having "such a broad, accepting support network." I can honestly say that I wouldn't be "out" today if it weren't for the furry fandom!

It has definitely there for me when I needed support as I was figuring myself out for the first time, and it's still there now as I learn about myself more. I've met some really special people through this wacky scene -- glad to hear I'm not the only one!

I love this <3

Aw, cheers!

Dan savage is a jerk I mean he hate transexuals, and he upset Christians kids at school made them cry, I hate his ass just as I hate the westboro church, there I said it, I don't go around talk crap to gays or Christians, bis, transgender, lisbians, I think it gets better if people like to talk trash about him what he would say? Im telling you he is making the gblt look bad.