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Perry Mason: The Case of The Semi-Sympathetic Magic
(image © Terrytoons/Bakshi Prods., used under "Fair Use")
=====
The following is a lightly edited Google Chat transcript from a couple of nights ago.
Dramatis personae:
MMM:
marmelmm
RDP:
SteamFox
EOC:
EOCostello
The case I was on as an alternate juror:
https://www.nwaonline.com/news/2022.....-manslaughter/
MMM:
(enter amused b'ar)
RDP:
Hey Major! Pull up an S-0221.
MMM:
I am a firm believer in Sympathetic Magic.
EOC:
You do the Voodoo that you do so well?
RDP:
Yoo t'wo do voodoo! I'm retired!
MMM:
I shall begin at the beginning. Which is a very good place to start.
EOC:
Indeed!
MMM:
The trial was Murder 1.
RDP:
Continue Major.
EOC:
Which is very serious, Murder 1.
Isn't that death-penalty qualifying in Arkansas?
MMM:
Elderly coot "A", age 75, shot his cousin, elderly coot "B", age 61, in the back with a .22 pistol after a brawl in A's double wide trailer.
B expired some hours later.
EOC:
Damn, that's VERY old to be prosecuting someone.
How narrow was the interval between the brawl and the shooting?
MMM:
Brawl, A gets gun from bedroom, shoots B as he's going down the steps towards a pile of T-bars (green fence thingies with a pointy end).
EOC:
The length of that interval is important.
Also, if B was going to grab a T-bar to make like Gene Krupa on A's skull.
MMM:
So, prosecution goes with all color photos of the scene, autopsy report, etc. Defense goes with your theory concerning B. Fair amount of gekkering*, each side providing tearful witnesses on what fine, upstanding citizens A and B, respectively, were.
*Gekkering: The sound foxes make when arguing amongst themselves.
EOC:
You can safely chuck out that testimony.
RDP:
It seems A might have been fearing for his life.
EOC:
Exactly, Roy.
MMM:
As an alternate, I didn't get to deliberate, which annoyed me, since that is always the fun part.
EOC:
"Twelve Angry Minks."
MMM:
So, I sat in the anteroom and read a novel while waiting.
RDP:
X>:< ... >:<X
EOC:
What was your take on the evidence presented?
MMM:
Interrupted by occasional questions from the jury. After the first time the judge marched them into the courtroom and informed them, "You have all the information we have, so get thee hence and go deliberate," you'd think they'd learn, but noooo, we all hadda march in several times only to get the same answer, even us alternates.
EOC:
The Grand Old Duke of York.
RDP:
(Carry on. I'm going to get some Lenninaide.)
EOC:
Leninade! The drink of the working class!
MMM:
My take: I woulda voted for acquittal on all counts, and added an admonishment to the DA's office, the Grand Jury et cetera for wasting time on a case of death by misadventure.
RDP:
-Split a bottle with ya. (Figuratively.) You guys like Ice?
EOC:
Very interesting. In other words, you believe B picked a fight, and lost, badly, and tough luck to him?
MMM:
Pretty much. They both had a history of brawling.
Anyhow, the eventual verdict was manslaughter, which was the least offense available. Arkansas has an odd law wherein one has to convict of Murder 2 in order to convict of manslaughter.
EOC:
Curious.
At 75 years, you wonder how much time he'll serve.
MMM:
The amusing part arrived during waiting for sentencing. I was out in the hall, cooling said heels, when the defendant, defense attorney et cetera, wandered by en route to the lawyer's conference room in a certain amount of agitation.
EOC:
listens
MMM:
After watching them go by, I grew weary of the wood bench. I decided to go reclaim my padded chair in the audience gallery, reasoning that if I were to be cooling my heels, I might as well cool them in comfort.
EOC:
S&SP (Sound and statesmanlike policy)
MMM:
The DA regarded me with joy. "Oh, GOOD! You haven't LEFT yet!"
EOC:
Odd.
MMM:
Me: Ruh-roh.
EOC:
I mean, verdict is in. It's the judge what does sentencing.
Unless he wanted to pick your brain-box.
MMM:
He complimented me on my dedication. I was sticking around because I wanted to watch the denouement.
"It's too late," the judge said. "I already released them after the verdict was reached."
EOC:
You'd invested the time already, so you might as well see the "in a moment, the sentence of the court."
MMM:
I said to a couple of bystanders. "Aha! Things is about to get interesting."
Yeah, as the DA put it, "I had skin in the game."
MMM:
It turns out that, right before the foreman of the jury was about to sign the sentence form, it was revealed that one of the jurors knew the deceased and hadn't mentioned it before.
EOC:
Owwwwwwwww, sheet.
MMM:
Considerable gekkering ensued.
EOC:
I'll bet a lot of folks LOVED that timing.
Folks asking jury to be reconvened, with a sub in?
MMM:
The options would have been declare a mistrial, reconvene for the sentencing phase with a whole new jury, or see if the mess could be repaired.
EOC:
That juror was plenty stoopid.
(a) for not revealing, and (b) for revealing when he did.
MMM:
After a few minutes of frantic study, the judge decided to poll the jury and see if they were affected by this revelation.
EOC:
Did he manage to get all of the jurors?
MMM:
They all swore under oath they weren't, including Dopey. The defense, not really wanting to put the now 80 year old frail gent through this business twice, decided not to object.
EOC:
Yeah, a second trial could be murder.
Not an easy choice, because that is grounds for appeal.
But they might not get m/s a second time.
MMM:
So, minimum sentence (3 years), will be released on bond pending appeal if there is bondman approval, two weeks to set affairs in order, et cetera.
Oh, appeal is automatic.
EOC:
Probably minimum security.
Figure he'll spend most of it in the hospital ward, anyway.
MMM:
Only reason he didn't get probation was the m/s bit.
EOC:
Yeah, that's a bit too rich for probation.
MMM:
So, we finally got shooed out.
RDP:
I'm impressed Major.
MMM:
I went to the jury room and asked our keeper (a most amiable fellow, sort of a more substantial
Walt46 sort) if I could make my manners to Hizzoner.
"Sorry, I'm afraid he's rather busy."
EOC:
I.e., a friendly chat mit da Judge?
MMM:
"Well, could you give him my apologies?"
"Apologies? For what?"
"Sympathetic magic."
RDP:
Gentleman Ba'aar.
EOC:
Hence, statement at the top of the programme.
MMM:
I pulled the novel I'd been reading from my bag. "The Case of the Lame Canary," by Erle Stanley Gardner. "See, I brought a Perry Mason novel into the courtroom, and everybody knows that when Perry Mason gets involved, you get a twist ending..."
EOC:
*laughs*
Well played.
RDP:
(LOL!)
MMM:
He roared with laughter and promised to tell the judge.
EOC:
Well, that IS the kind of humour judges like.
MMM:
The gag also amused the deputy at the front door. Hope it amused Hizzoner.
(end transcript)
So that's how MY week has been going...
=====
The following is a lightly edited Google Chat transcript from a couple of nights ago.
Dramatis personae:
MMM:
marmelmmRDP:
SteamFoxEOC:
EOCostelloThe case I was on as an alternate juror:
https://www.nwaonline.com/news/2022.....-manslaughter/
MMM:
(enter amused b'ar)
RDP:
Hey Major! Pull up an S-0221.
MMM:
I am a firm believer in Sympathetic Magic.
EOC:
You do the Voodoo that you do so well?
RDP:
Yoo t'wo do voodoo! I'm retired!
MMM:
I shall begin at the beginning. Which is a very good place to start.
EOC:
Indeed!
MMM:
The trial was Murder 1.
RDP:
Continue Major.
EOC:
Which is very serious, Murder 1.
Isn't that death-penalty qualifying in Arkansas?
MMM:
Elderly coot "A", age 75, shot his cousin, elderly coot "B", age 61, in the back with a .22 pistol after a brawl in A's double wide trailer.
B expired some hours later.
EOC:
Damn, that's VERY old to be prosecuting someone.
How narrow was the interval between the brawl and the shooting?
MMM:
Brawl, A gets gun from bedroom, shoots B as he's going down the steps towards a pile of T-bars (green fence thingies with a pointy end).
EOC:
The length of that interval is important.
Also, if B was going to grab a T-bar to make like Gene Krupa on A's skull.
MMM:
So, prosecution goes with all color photos of the scene, autopsy report, etc. Defense goes with your theory concerning B. Fair amount of gekkering*, each side providing tearful witnesses on what fine, upstanding citizens A and B, respectively, were.
*Gekkering: The sound foxes make when arguing amongst themselves.
EOC:
You can safely chuck out that testimony.
RDP:
It seems A might have been fearing for his life.
EOC:
Exactly, Roy.
MMM:
As an alternate, I didn't get to deliberate, which annoyed me, since that is always the fun part.
EOC:
"Twelve Angry Minks."
MMM:
So, I sat in the anteroom and read a novel while waiting.
RDP:
X>:< ... >:<X
EOC:
What was your take on the evidence presented?
MMM:
Interrupted by occasional questions from the jury. After the first time the judge marched them into the courtroom and informed them, "You have all the information we have, so get thee hence and go deliberate," you'd think they'd learn, but noooo, we all hadda march in several times only to get the same answer, even us alternates.
EOC:
The Grand Old Duke of York.
RDP:
(Carry on. I'm going to get some Lenninaide.)
EOC:
Leninade! The drink of the working class!
MMM:
My take: I woulda voted for acquittal on all counts, and added an admonishment to the DA's office, the Grand Jury et cetera for wasting time on a case of death by misadventure.
RDP:
-Split a bottle with ya. (Figuratively.) You guys like Ice?
EOC:
Very interesting. In other words, you believe B picked a fight, and lost, badly, and tough luck to him?
MMM:
Pretty much. They both had a history of brawling.
Anyhow, the eventual verdict was manslaughter, which was the least offense available. Arkansas has an odd law wherein one has to convict of Murder 2 in order to convict of manslaughter.
EOC:
Curious.
At 75 years, you wonder how much time he'll serve.
MMM:
The amusing part arrived during waiting for sentencing. I was out in the hall, cooling said heels, when the defendant, defense attorney et cetera, wandered by en route to the lawyer's conference room in a certain amount of agitation.
EOC:
listens
MMM:
After watching them go by, I grew weary of the wood bench. I decided to go reclaim my padded chair in the audience gallery, reasoning that if I were to be cooling my heels, I might as well cool them in comfort.
EOC:
S&SP (Sound and statesmanlike policy)
MMM:
The DA regarded me with joy. "Oh, GOOD! You haven't LEFT yet!"
EOC:
Odd.
MMM:
Me: Ruh-roh.
EOC:
I mean, verdict is in. It's the judge what does sentencing.
Unless he wanted to pick your brain-box.
MMM:
He complimented me on my dedication. I was sticking around because I wanted to watch the denouement.
"It's too late," the judge said. "I already released them after the verdict was reached."
EOC:
You'd invested the time already, so you might as well see the "in a moment, the sentence of the court."
MMM:
I said to a couple of bystanders. "Aha! Things is about to get interesting."
Yeah, as the DA put it, "I had skin in the game."
MMM:
It turns out that, right before the foreman of the jury was about to sign the sentence form, it was revealed that one of the jurors knew the deceased and hadn't mentioned it before.
EOC:
Owwwwwwwww, sheet.
MMM:
Considerable gekkering ensued.
EOC:
I'll bet a lot of folks LOVED that timing.
Folks asking jury to be reconvened, with a sub in?
MMM:
The options would have been declare a mistrial, reconvene for the sentencing phase with a whole new jury, or see if the mess could be repaired.
EOC:
That juror was plenty stoopid.
(a) for not revealing, and (b) for revealing when he did.
MMM:
After a few minutes of frantic study, the judge decided to poll the jury and see if they were affected by this revelation.
EOC:
Did he manage to get all of the jurors?
MMM:
They all swore under oath they weren't, including Dopey. The defense, not really wanting to put the now 80 year old frail gent through this business twice, decided not to object.
EOC:
Yeah, a second trial could be murder.
Not an easy choice, because that is grounds for appeal.
But they might not get m/s a second time.
MMM:
So, minimum sentence (3 years), will be released on bond pending appeal if there is bondman approval, two weeks to set affairs in order, et cetera.
Oh, appeal is automatic.
EOC:
Probably minimum security.
Figure he'll spend most of it in the hospital ward, anyway.
MMM:
Only reason he didn't get probation was the m/s bit.
EOC:
Yeah, that's a bit too rich for probation.
MMM:
So, we finally got shooed out.
RDP:
I'm impressed Major.
MMM:
I went to the jury room and asked our keeper (a most amiable fellow, sort of a more substantial
Walt46 sort) if I could make my manners to Hizzoner."Sorry, I'm afraid he's rather busy."
EOC:
I.e., a friendly chat mit da Judge?
MMM:
"Well, could you give him my apologies?"
"Apologies? For what?"
"Sympathetic magic."
RDP:
Gentleman Ba'aar.
EOC:
Hence, statement at the top of the programme.
MMM:
I pulled the novel I'd been reading from my bag. "The Case of the Lame Canary," by Erle Stanley Gardner. "See, I brought a Perry Mason novel into the courtroom, and everybody knows that when Perry Mason gets involved, you get a twist ending..."
EOC:
*laughs*
Well played.
RDP:
(LOL!)
MMM:
He roared with laughter and promised to tell the judge.
EOC:
Well, that IS the kind of humour judges like.
MMM:
The gag also amused the deputy at the front door. Hope it amused Hizzoner.
(end transcript)
So that's how MY week has been going...
Category Story / Human
Species Human
Size 1280 x 720px
File Size 71.3 kB
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbjQGmdjVFQ
Mighty Mouse: The New Adventures | S2E2 - Mighty's Wedlock Whimsy - Anatomy of a Milquetoast
11:55 mark. :)
And if the thumbnail caught your eye, I did it right. Enjoy the story! ;)
Mighty Mouse: The New Adventures | S2E2 - Mighty's Wedlock Whimsy - Anatomy of a Milquetoast
11:55 mark. :)
And if the thumbnail caught your eye, I did it right. Enjoy the story! ;)
Come to think of it, I have a number of T-bars left over from building the Dog Fence (what? Australia has one!) about 20 years ago. And some gosh-awful annoying neighbors. Give me a jury of my peers and I'd walk a free man!
BTW, T-bars are made from recycled train tracks that are heated red hot and reforged into the skinnier fence posts. Good American-made steel that is already more than a century old should last for decades more. So, the only way I could be convicted is if I was... railroaded...
BTW, T-bars are made from recycled train tracks that are heated red hot and reforged into the skinnier fence posts. Good American-made steel that is already more than a century old should last for decades more. So, the only way I could be convicted is if I was... railroaded...
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