Well, this is horrifying. Good story.

I'm glad you enjoyed it. TF is a good base for a wide variety of horror, and mass TF is something I don't do very often, so it was fun to play with.

The way I think, this just makes a fine introduction to a story where the mental conditioning begins to wear off and the newly-minted mice begin to escape.

Cue "The Great Escape" music, but with squeaks.

It was good although I think the setup and multiple people transforming into mice abruptly was too long. A mre personal story might have been better-which is what it turned into at the end with the mind control.

The commission was for a mass TF, and the way the story came together, having a cast of characters felt like the best way to create emotional investment; were it not a commission, I probably would have had the character development last longer and then dip into each person's perspective as they TF and get captured and reprogrammed.

What a ride! Really loved it! : >

I thought the pacing was effective, and did well introducing a broader ensemble with just enough detail to add emotional heft to the mass TF experience. It gave the story a real horror movie vibe - the moment that stood out the most to me was the beat when they were looking out the window, still feeling safe in the well-lit apartment but wondering what danger lurked outside. I especially shudder for the plight of the delivery girl - really drew the short straw when she was assigned a route in the Inner Region that night! There was also great detail in the transformation sequence.

But my favorite part is how the cyberpunk setting elements were woven in throughout the story. I just love exploring all the changed tech and economics and little lived-in details of the dystopic future world. Excellent stuff!!

Thank you very much for the wonderful compliments.

I'm glad you enjoyed the story and the small details; I really enjoy the world building aspect of writing, so adding elements that better define the space or make a place feel lived in is something I spend a good deal of time on. The narrative was meant to tap into horror elements, specifically drawing on beats from zombie / infection media, where there are small details from the beginning that hint at how things will come together and fall apart once the main action starts.

Thanks again for the comments.