Since the start of the month. I've been struggling with dissociation. I'm not diagnosed yet but I seem to have dissociative identity disorder or boredlone personality disorder.

At first I was ok with it. I made mistakes and needed the break from reality. I gave my headmates permission to play with some things, use my phone, and talk with my friends.

2ish weeks ago a new one appeared, they only came around when I was asleep so I figured that was fine. I noticed they were playing with my phone, which cool please learn at your own rate ♡

The last 3 days though I've learned they've been "helping" me without my knowledge. So I decided to shut the system down. Bad idea, everyone immediately rushed up front and holy fuck the headache.

We eventually broke off and and talked about things. Afterwards though I was so blank, I had forgotten who I was, what I was, all my traits were gone.

This isn't the first time during this but the climb back up this time was so much harder. I felt like I was being smothered by my own thoughts. It took me 2 hours to remember my own name and I'm still kind of fucked up.