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Will the generations to come know who I was?
Here's yet another poem for you! I seem to have gone on a poetry kick in the past few months . . . .
I was reading a book and thinking about history and the idea for this poem hit me like a lead brick shot out of a cannon. Revising took more time, but overall this poem came together very quickly.
As with my other work, I appreciate and desire your comments and criticisms. I use them to improve things I'll write on down the road. So please, if you have something to say, don't be shy! Drop a comment, throw a message, throw a comment or drop a message, I'd love to know what you think! I'd also like to thank Mr. Eupherious and a few other friends for looking over the poem to make sure it doesn't suck too bad.
Content copyright Sneeze 2011. Please don't use without permission.
Here's yet another poem for you! I seem to have gone on a poetry kick in the past few months . . . .
I was reading a book and thinking about history and the idea for this poem hit me like a lead brick shot out of a cannon. Revising took more time, but overall this poem came together very quickly.
As with my other work, I appreciate and desire your comments and criticisms. I use them to improve things I'll write on down the road. So please, if you have something to say, don't be shy! Drop a comment, throw a message, throw a comment or drop a message, I'd love to know what you think! I'd also like to thank Mr. Eupherious and a few other friends for looking over the poem to make sure it doesn't suck too bad.
Content copyright Sneeze 2011. Please don't use without permission.
Category Poetry / Abstract
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 90px
File Size 792 B
Listed in Folders
Small mistake: "living to come shall trod" --> "tread". Don't worry, it happens to the best. ;)
I'm not sure I get the attitude you're trying to convey. On the one hand, it's an observation and implied acceptance of the fleetingness of human individuality, in the vein of Shelley's "Ozymandias". On the other hand, the second verse and the final couplet of the poem bear a hint of frustration, even pessimism, that suggests that yours is less of an acceptance and more of a resignation to mortality and the erosion of your legacy - if you even leave one behind. I thought your use of the lowercase "i" showed this very effectively. Despite that, I still find the contradiction in emotion troublesome. I'd ask for a better resolution, but I'm not even sure there is one...
Why the "never" in "never see the guiding light of day"? That seems like a pretty bold statement to make.
I'm not sure I get the attitude you're trying to convey. On the one hand, it's an observation and implied acceptance of the fleetingness of human individuality, in the vein of Shelley's "Ozymandias". On the other hand, the second verse and the final couplet of the poem bear a hint of frustration, even pessimism, that suggests that yours is less of an acceptance and more of a resignation to mortality and the erosion of your legacy - if you even leave one behind. I thought your use of the lowercase "i" showed this very effectively. Despite that, I still find the contradiction in emotion troublesome. I'd ask for a better resolution, but I'm not even sure there is one...
Why the "never" in "never see the guiding light of day"? That seems like a pretty bold statement to make.
Just when I think I write something clear-cut . . . . >:/ But that's okay, we must learn, we must learn!
The pessimism and negativity have a simple and straightforward answer: I'm a pessimist. The rest, though . . . .
I suppose the best explanation of what I was trying to do was express my frustration at the historical record and how people are remembered. BILLIONS of people have lived and died in the course of human history, yet we remember maybe hundreds. Just why these people are remembered, no one can say. Perhaps Nietzsche was right when he declared some people are just better than others (I don't like to give Nietzsche ANY credit though, the loony), but whatever force it is that declares people significant it is clear it doesn't shine often. For the greater whole of people, this is inevitable: while for a few decades after our passing, we will still be remembered and loved, eventually no one will know who we were. No one will remember all the things we did, or why we did them; no one will remember our triumphs and faults; in possibly a century, but probably a bit more, we will have passed into a state beyond obscurity, effectively a non-person, even though we took part in all the things that made the future generations' lives possible. And when mankind as a whole puts a great deal of value on living life, this is kinda eye-opening! At least it is to me, and it kinda bugs me from time-to-time. Mayhaps I'm just insecure. So the first stanza is an acceptance of death and that I can't go on forever. The second stanza is kinda frustration, because I was, dammit, but no one remembers, and the final stanza is a comment on how unlikely it is most of us will be declared that special significant that people like Newton, Hammurabi, Henry VIII, Da Vinci, Shakespeare, Nietzsche (crime-loving asshat), Washington and others were.
At least, that's what I was trying to do. It makes since that the poem doesn't really resolve itself, considering I haven't really resolved the issue within myself. Mr. Eupherious didn't know how to feel about the poem either, but I kinda dismissed that. The two other people who looked it over were English majors, and they didn't say a thing about it being confusing or getting mixed emotions from it. You put it well when you say I "resign" as oppose to "accept," and I guess I never thought of it that way: I accept this fate as inevitable, but I'm not happy about it and want to change it, yet at the same time I know I can't, and bah. I'm rambling.
TL;DR version: THE POINT IS I didn't do as well of conveying myself as I thought, even though I thought I expressed myself just fine. Need to learn the difference between the two.
Thanks for the criticism, Reiter! Very insightful and helpful as always! And sorry about the Wall o' Text!
The pessimism and negativity have a simple and straightforward answer: I'm a pessimist. The rest, though . . . .
I suppose the best explanation of what I was trying to do was express my frustration at the historical record and how people are remembered. BILLIONS of people have lived and died in the course of human history, yet we remember maybe hundreds. Just why these people are remembered, no one can say. Perhaps Nietzsche was right when he declared some people are just better than others (I don't like to give Nietzsche ANY credit though, the loony), but whatever force it is that declares people significant it is clear it doesn't shine often. For the greater whole of people, this is inevitable: while for a few decades after our passing, we will still be remembered and loved, eventually no one will know who we were. No one will remember all the things we did, or why we did them; no one will remember our triumphs and faults; in possibly a century, but probably a bit more, we will have passed into a state beyond obscurity, effectively a non-person, even though we took part in all the things that made the future generations' lives possible. And when mankind as a whole puts a great deal of value on living life, this is kinda eye-opening! At least it is to me, and it kinda bugs me from time-to-time. Mayhaps I'm just insecure. So the first stanza is an acceptance of death and that I can't go on forever. The second stanza is kinda frustration, because I was, dammit, but no one remembers, and the final stanza is a comment on how unlikely it is most of us will be declared that special significant that people like Newton, Hammurabi, Henry VIII, Da Vinci, Shakespeare, Nietzsche (crime-loving asshat), Washington and others were.
At least, that's what I was trying to do. It makes since that the poem doesn't really resolve itself, considering I haven't really resolved the issue within myself. Mr. Eupherious didn't know how to feel about the poem either, but I kinda dismissed that. The two other people who looked it over were English majors, and they didn't say a thing about it being confusing or getting mixed emotions from it. You put it well when you say I "resign" as oppose to "accept," and I guess I never thought of it that way: I accept this fate as inevitable, but I'm not happy about it and want to change it, yet at the same time I know I can't, and bah. I'm rambling.
TL;DR version: THE POINT IS I didn't do as well of conveying myself as I thought, even though I thought I expressed myself just fine. Need to learn the difference between the two.
Thanks for the criticism, Reiter! Very insightful and helpful as always! And sorry about the Wall o' Text!
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