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https://squiggles.ikklespace.net Go to squiggles for more pages both free and paid for as well as all my other comics in an easier to read format. (Please dont post free pages anywhere unless they're here on FA already, Theres going to be one free page in the comic section of my site and I'd like it to just stay there, until it's released here)
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Well...confession time I guess.
I relate a bit too hard with this page. I often feel quite ashamed of myself when this bit of me kicks in that if someone plays at a younger age than me. I instantly go into a panic mode, like full blown, I need to get away from this person. It's a panic mixed with jealousy and envy, its not a pretty side of me and I don't like it, AND it's part of me.
It's particularly connected with growing up as the eldest and being the one left to look after my younger siblings, being the one in charge, the one who will get in trouble if I cant keep a 2,4,and 6 year old in line for the duration of the day. Knowing if theres a squabble or they do something naughty, it's me that'll get the beating.
So of course I wanted to be the youngest, the furthest from responsibility, being super young taking away my motor functions, taking away my ability to talk and theres no way anyone could ever expect me to be the one to make the decisions. The protected rather than the protector.
Theres been occasions at little events where other littles have said they look up to me, one even was copying what I was doing, saying they were learning from me and I have never fled a room so fast, it's just such a huge huge trigger for me and I wish it wasn't. (I should say this is when im in little mode, I can deal with folk saying they look up to me when Im in grown up mode but in little mode I feel bad that it affects me so instantly and so severely)
Weirdly just typing this my heart is racing. Anway...I've rambled enough I think....
As usual Yuri belongs to the ever lovely
who is aiming for support animal of the year award
<<< PREV | FIRST | NEXT >>>
Well...confession time I guess.
I relate a bit too hard with this page. I often feel quite ashamed of myself when this bit of me kicks in that if someone plays at a younger age than me. I instantly go into a panic mode, like full blown, I need to get away from this person. It's a panic mixed with jealousy and envy, its not a pretty side of me and I don't like it, AND it's part of me.
It's particularly connected with growing up as the eldest and being the one left to look after my younger siblings, being the one in charge, the one who will get in trouble if I cant keep a 2,4,and 6 year old in line for the duration of the day. Knowing if theres a squabble or they do something naughty, it's me that'll get the beating.
So of course I wanted to be the youngest, the furthest from responsibility, being super young taking away my motor functions, taking away my ability to talk and theres no way anyone could ever expect me to be the one to make the decisions. The protected rather than the protector.
Theres been occasions at little events where other littles have said they look up to me, one even was copying what I was doing, saying they were learning from me and I have never fled a room so fast, it's just such a huge huge trigger for me and I wish it wasn't. (I should say this is when im in little mode, I can deal with folk saying they look up to me when Im in grown up mode but in little mode I feel bad that it affects me so instantly and so severely)
Weirdly just typing this my heart is racing. Anway...I've rambled enough I think....
As usual Yuri belongs to the ever lovely
who is aiming for support animal of the year award
Category All / Baby fur
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 1613 x 2285px
File Size 3.35 MB
Listed in Folders
Oof, I can relate. I'm not the oldest, (middle child,) but with an eldest half-brother who was often not around, and a brother who due to disability was mentally a toddler, I was often treated like the eldest. Technically, I still am treated like that, as I'm still living with my parents helping to care for my disabled brother. Meanwhile, my baby sister is married and living with her own family, leaving me with the responsibility of caring for a brother who's unable to care for himself, despite being two years older than me.
Wow. This blew my mind. There is something absolutely genius about this juxtaposition, something deep… I cannot even formulate what exactly is it, but I had a big AHA! moment as if I understood something much bigger, along the lines of “we are all the same”. I love what you expressed here. Deeply impactful.
God... I feel you so hard Star, I was raised as the eldest of myself, my brother, and my cousins... I always had to be the responsible one among the kids... then soon after I became an adult my mom and dad had 2 little girls and I was forced to be their live-in babysitter.... when all I ever wanted was Not to be the oldest, not to be the "role model", the one in charge. I hated the responsibility growing up, maybe not as much when caring for my sisters, but I kept feeling jealous of them... I always wished I had had an older sibling... x.x
As an only child myself, I guess I can't relate too much, but I do understand; sorta reminds me of, and I mean no disrespect in referencing this, the Baby from the Sitcom "Dinosaurs", and their catchphrase: "I'm the baby, gotta love me!"
I say this because it feels like a common thread among media and the comments alike that the eldest felt like the youngest often got the most love and attention, and they never got any. Your feelings sorta mirror the catchphrase in that you feel like, if you are not the youngest, you won't get all the love and attention, and so you fight hard to be the youngest. It seems like that is common among littles who grow up as the oldest, so it isn't just you, Star.
I feel like the best way to help with those feelings is one of two things; #1 remind yourself that you are the youngest in your family, for you are Daddy's littlest baby girl, and #2 remind yourself just because you are not the youngest, doesn't mean you are the eldest. You are still deserving of love, and you will get love, even if you are not the littlest. All babies need love and care.
I say this because it feels like a common thread among media and the comments alike that the eldest felt like the youngest often got the most love and attention, and they never got any. Your feelings sorta mirror the catchphrase in that you feel like, if you are not the youngest, you won't get all the love and attention, and so you fight hard to be the youngest. It seems like that is common among littles who grow up as the oldest, so it isn't just you, Star.
I feel like the best way to help with those feelings is one of two things; #1 remind yourself that you are the youngest in your family, for you are Daddy's littlest baby girl, and #2 remind yourself just because you are not the youngest, doesn't mean you are the eldest. You are still deserving of love, and you will get love, even if you are not the littlest. All babies need love and care.
Oh yes "you are older you have to…" interesting that with these unpleasant things it is always more important who is older, with the pleasant ones who is younger. On the other hand, the younger ones usually say how terrible it was that they were younger, so if it's not like the greener grass.
Oh man, I can say that I've never experienced something like this first hand (be it myself or from another during childhood), but this feels very real! I can only imagine this is an all too real experience for many a young child, and the same goes for what you described from your own childhood. Can't say I abide that, and I share the sentiment expressed by other comments, and that's to just let kids be kids <3
I relate to this too. Being the oldest and watching the toxic family move on to the next baby and the next.
Even as an adult I hated watching my cousins kids get treated well, cause I knew it would stop as soon as they grew up.
Of course they don't reassure us that everything will be okay, just scold us for genuine distress.
Even as an adult I hated watching my cousins kids get treated well, cause I knew it would stop as soon as they grew up.
Of course they don't reassure us that everything will be okay, just scold us for genuine distress.
I just realized that happened to me too. I was a bit older than Star was here, but I remember my home life turning toxic only a year or two before my first sibling was born... I feel like maybe that one-two punch set me down the path of needing that parental care again. I'm so sorry you went through that, and I hope you never have to be bigger than you want to be again.
Excellent work as always, and thank you for letting us in. The authenticity you write with is always refreshing 💜
Excellent work as always, and thank you for letting us in. The authenticity you write with is always refreshing 💜
You have a problem when someone else is ageplaying at a younger age than you, okay. Are you sure you are at the right place and time to become a therapist? With all due respect, it sounds like you need one yourself first, to deal with the various deeper-rooted issues already laid out in this comic.
How do you see that for yourself?
How do you see that for yourself?
training as a therapist you have to be in therapy already, so in my 3 years of training so far ive already been working on a lot of stuff, I also have a supervisor should anything pop up that is unexpected in various sessions with clients, this is standard practice for all trainee therapists.
In much the same way a therapist dealing with their own parents sudden death probably wouldnt be good at dealing with a client coming with the same issue until they've worked through that with their own therapist.
If a client came to me saying "hey im an ageplyer and i need to be the youngest in the room" Id have to think carefully if if i was the best fit for them. Every therapist has things they cant hold or deal with, be it suicide, addiction, berevement....etc....not every therapist can deal with every situation and thats okay, so long as its communicated and you help the client find a therapist better suited to their needs.
Also, there wouldnt ever be a point where I as the therapist would be in littlespace with a client so the issue wouldn't occur in the same way that im describing in my intro to this comic page.
In much the same way a therapist dealing with their own parents sudden death probably wouldnt be good at dealing with a client coming with the same issue until they've worked through that with their own therapist.
If a client came to me saying "hey im an ageplyer and i need to be the youngest in the room" Id have to think carefully if if i was the best fit for them. Every therapist has things they cant hold or deal with, be it suicide, addiction, berevement....etc....not every therapist can deal with every situation and thats okay, so long as its communicated and you help the client find a therapist better suited to their needs.
Also, there wouldnt ever be a point where I as the therapist would be in littlespace with a client so the issue wouldn't occur in the same way that im describing in my intro to this comic page.
The reason why I asked this question is because this comic implies you might have not one, but multiple issues. Ones that implicate what is shown in the above page and in earlier pages about Star's father: serious childhood trauma.
Judging by the comments you include on pages like these, I got the impression that you haven't dealth with those issues yet, or are still working through them. I am in no way suggesting you as the therapist would ever "be in littlespace" with a client, please don't get me wrong. What I meant is that it sounds like you have some work to do for yourself, before you are in a place where you are mentally and emotionally ready and stable enough to help others.
Judging by the comments you include on pages like these, I got the impression that you haven't dealth with those issues yet, or are still working through them. I am in no way suggesting you as the therapist would ever "be in littlespace" with a client, please don't get me wrong. What I meant is that it sounds like you have some work to do for yourself, before you are in a place where you are mentally and emotionally ready and stable enough to help others.
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