im not feeling optimistic tonight, though im sure ill find the fire in me to keep going. being in fandom and academia stresses me out. i feel like i cant grab either to make money. im sure i could be trying harder, but its such a song and dance to go viral. to sell myself. if i wanted to be safe id paint abstraction and identity politics for the rest of my life. i dont want that. i want to be free. wether i walk the road of fandom or academia, all i see on the horizon is proletariat revolution. the things we do to pay our bills, to afford basic fucking healthcare, to not get kicked out or judged by our community. i just. i have to write an essay about this and its making me scream. if were all suffering, who has the money to invest in art. the people who do have money dont get it, or are tech bro shitholes whod rather make ai art. im so tired. i just want to draw yaoi and not worry about tomorrow, and if i have to radicalize my community to push for a total change, ill do it. i just want to be free. death to the billionaire class