In the mythical world of Everdale, a lithe, archer lizardman named Sladesh decides to team up with a bulky, flatulent black minotaur named Morltar and the two partners go on adventures together, using both of their talents to fight evil, get in or out of trouble, or to just stink up the joint.


Part 10: Morltar and Sladesh venture to a new town called Asgramor and enter a duel with a burly, flatulent boar and his sahagin sidekick.

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The town of Asgramor was a mountainous one that saw a lot of snow compared to the last town the lizardfolk Sladesh and his larger best buddy, the minotaur Morltar, saw in their escapades. It was just as big but often snowy, and had very high wooden walls to protect from raiders, bandits and monsters that roamed the forests beyond. In fact, a lot of the buildings were made of logs, except for the fort which was solid mountain stone. A nearby tavern called the Salted Pig was good for picking up news of adventuring jobs and bounties. Today was a cloudy day, a slip nip in the air preluding a snowfall. Suddenly, the tavern saw many of its patrons leave as if in a great hurry, but it looked like something just made them all nauseous. After that, Sladesh walks out with his trusted partner in tow. He looked back, flicking his tail and giving Morltar a smug look. "I told you I could clear that bar out - I think you owe me a few gold coins now!" he says, sounding prideful.
The minotaur grumbled and placed a few coins in the lizard's hand. "Fine, you won the bet. Geez, I can't even imagine how bad Reuster's farts would stink in a closed area."
Sladesh snickered. "Let's be fair, my larger friend - that took a lot of effort. My cloacae sort of hurts. YOU on the other hand can do that sort of thing easily." At the mention of Reuster, he nods solemnly. "He would also burn down the place. That's why we had to leave him outside - if he even lets one out, this town could burn pretty bad. He says he can control it, but…well, you know a dragon's diet isn't that great!" He sounds anxious about leaving the dragon outside, though. It's clear to Morltar that Sladesh has taken a shine to the dragon, in a paternal way rather than the comradeship the lizard has with the minotaur. "He'll be alright, right?"
Morltar laughed. "Yeah, he should be. It's not like he ate chili or something. 'Sides, with how cold this place is, I'm sure no one would mind if Reuster cut one or two!" he said, laughing.
"Yeah, you're right," Sladesh says. It WAS cold, but the lizard was starting to get used to it - despite all the jokes, he wasn't cold blooded, but the fact he was scaled meant he FELT it more than mammals who had fur or (in the minotaur's case) insulating fat. Sladesh currently wore his own leather loincloth, arm bracers, and a sort of covering over his shoulders and upper chest of the fur of an animal he hunted. His quiver and bow are, as usual, strapped to his back with a leather strap across his front. Ornamental feathers adorn one shoulder, and his head frill sports a piercing or two. He looked at his partner, who also benefited from their newfound wealth: Morltar was armored head to toe, with even a sort of half-helmet covering his snout up the length of his face to the top of his head; they still could not find good armor enough for Morltar's rump, so as usual it went bare in the breeze, which Sladesh always found funny. "What do you wanna do know, buddy?" he asked Morltar.
"We got all this new armor and weapons, buddy! Why don't we floot...flint...um, show our weapons off to the crowd? Perhaps you'd like to get in a duel with the warriors here?"
"Flaunt," Sladesh says, thinking about this. "You know, that's not a bad idea. I mean, it'll get us some exposure for jobs; people will know we're the strongest and toughest enough for the job!" He looks Morltar up and down. "You can fight too, I bet. Find another big guy you can throw down with."
Morltar grinned and began to snicker. "Who knows? Maybe I'll find someone who enjoys using their ass as a weapon like I do."
Sladesh nodded, his mind already racing on how to set it up. "We might as well recruit them," he said. "I mean, hell, that's Morltar and Sladesh Company's recurring theme, probably. But I say this, buddy: someone who isn't afraid to break wind is someone who is honest and hard working. You taught me that, sort of." he pauses. "Anyway don't think about that too hard. Oh, and I don't need to remind you: no lethal force." They eventually arrive at the town center, and Sladesh begins speaking with the guard. "They can get us permission," The lizard says, "But it'll have to be tomorrow in the morning. Meantime, let's rest at an inn."
"All right. At least this place has hotels large enough for me. We'll rest tonight and train tomorrow morning."
The next morning, Sladesh stood in the town square, on a chilly morning. He was on top of an old crate he pilfered for this very purpose, attracting a crowd of rough looking types, many of them travelers or visitors, but some locals too. "The combined brains of myself, Sladesh Dryscale, and the sheer brawn of my partner in adventuring, Morltar the Bull, put all other adventuring parties to shame! We've faced terrible monsters, ruthless bandits, and vile dragons together, and there isn't a better pair you could ask for when you need a job done! We'll do almost anything, I say." He folds his arms and looks as smug as he usually does. "If any other adventurer or sellsword wishes to challenge us, speak up now!" he called in his raspy, hissing voice.
Morltar scanned the entire crowd, snorting and wagging his tail, wondering if someone from the crowd would be bold enough to face them. That's when a massive boar creature stepped out and exposed himself to the bull. He was clad in as much armor as Morltar; he even had armor plates on his leg. Like the bull, the only part of his body that wasn't covered was his ass and head. The dark brown creature growled and waved his sword in front of Morltar. "I challenge you," he said gutturally.
Sladesh tried not to look terrified at the sight of the boar. As well, those tusks were huge and one was chipped, and he had scars. He dropped from the soapbox and got closer to Morltar, motioning for the bull to lower his head. "Be careful, I got a bad feeling about this guy," he whispers. Suddenly, a creature known as a sahagin appears. "You talk too much, scalebutt," he says. Where Sladesh's voice was hissing, the sahagin's was growly.
Morltar snickered. "Wow. A giant hunk of bacon and his fishy sidekick?" But the boar was just as sarcastic as the oversized bull. "Wow. A walking steak and his tiny newt friend."
Sladesh's crest stood up as he bared his teeth at the sahagin for his insolence. "At least I don't smell like seafood," he shoots back, before looking at Morltar. "The boar guy looks way more serious than you, and the fish has that creepy glint in his eye - I bet they're thugs. Either way, let's get this started and be careful!" Sladesh looked at the other two. "No killing, just whoever yields first. Got that?" The sahagin let out a watery laugh, thumping the boar's thigh with an elbow before he produced a trident and net combo. Sladesh, trying to keep things civil, begins a countdown. "Okay, ready, three, twoOOARGH!" Suddenly the sahagin lunged at and tackled Sladesh to the ground as an interrupt, the two becoming a tangled mess.
Morltar was about to deal with the boar when he suddenly turned around and bent over. The boar wound up farting at the minotaur before Morltar could. The hog's flatulence sputtered for several seconds before the boar jerked back around and attacked Morltar. The only reason why the minotaur didn't have a sword in his gut was because the fart didn't stun him. The minotaur shouted and blocked the attack with his axe.
Sladesh avoids a few stabs from the trident before rolling to get the sahagin under him. He punched the fish a few times before getting thrown off. It was then apparent the sahagin did not speak the common language very well, as he looked over to the boar. "Kyno keep scalebutt as pet, yes? Please?" Sladesh notes this, figuring the boar might be the actual leader of the pair. No matter - he scrambles up the side of a building to get a height advantage on Kyno, before drawing his bow.
Morltar snarled and threw his entire weight forward, beating the boar in the brief clash. He swung his axe left and right, but the boar was quite agile for his weight. He ducked and weaved like crazy; the axe's swings were so close to him he could feel the air whipping past his head. The boar snorted before he began to attack with his sword again, unaware that Sladesh was aiming at him with his bow.
The sahagin began climbing up after Sladesh while Sladesh fired an arrow at him, the tip blunted but still painful to get hit by. But the fish merely dodged by swinging on a hanging banner, wagging his fishy tail as he leered at the lizard with a maw filled with sharp teeth. "Kyno make you serve him, scalebutt. Carry all Kyno's stuff!" He throws the net, and suddenly Sladesh is caught in it. "Ack!" he says, falling on his back on the roof.
Morltar grunted and snarled as he parried or ducked underneath the boar's giant sword. He held up his axe twice and blocked two attacks before ducking under the third one. The minotaur tripped the hog with his tail before bending over and farting in the boar's face. Unfortunately, he was evenly matched when it came to flatulence. The boar just snorted and got back up. "Hmph! I've drunk beer that smells worse than your gas."
Sladesh continued to struggle with the net, as the sahagin hops onto the roof. "You get poked, lizard!" Kyno snarls, as he tries to jab Sladesh with the trident. But Sladesh rolls out of the way and finally casts off the net. "What part about non-lethal don't you understand, you dumb TROUT!" The sahagin gasps. "Take that back!" He lunges at Sladesh once more but gets hit in the side with the lizardman's tail. "Hey Morltar!" he calls down. "You better get creative if you want to beat that guy!"
"Um...okay." Morltar lowered his axe and baited the boar into attacking him. He turned around and shook his large, black rump before slapping it. Morltar turned back around right when the boar snorted and charged forward. He let the boar tackle him to the ground; he used the same tactics as Morltar, so he knew what was about to happen. The boar shifted himself around and sat on his face, preparing to fart on the bull's nose. Morltar grinned widely before he opened his mouth and bit down on boar's right buttock. He yowled and hopped into the air...but not before farting in the bull's mouth. Morltar frowned and started to gag and retch. "Oh my GOD!!"
Sladesh and the sahagin both see this happen, and both happen to wince. "Glad I'm not him," Sladesh commented. But Kyno was now on him again. "Kyno do that to you minus your teeth, when Kyno knocks them out! Taste of the sea!" The lizardman slams him with his tail again. "Just try it, ugly!"
Meanwhile, Morltar was starting to get off the ground, the dreadful taste of sulfur stuck in his mouth. He staggered his way over to the boar, who was lying on the ground squealing and holding his painful buttock. Before the hog could pick up his sword, Morltar kicked away the weapon and he threw his entire body on top of him. He thought about farting on the boar's nose too, but he didn't wanna make the same mistake--especially with those sharp tusks. "Now stay down!"
Morltar's takedown was sufficient to also distract the sahagin, who received a specialized arrow from Sladesh: one that has a magical incantation that causes disorientation. "Waugh, wh-what you do?" he says as he starts to stagger about with a sudden loss of balance. Sladesh promptly kicks him off the roof and onto a pile of fruits. "You okay down there, Morltar?" he calls.
"NO! A boar just farted in my mouth; how do you think I feel?!"
Sladesh slides down the roof back to ground level, dragging the sahagin and throwing him with the boar. "Well, savor that taste because it is the taste of victory!" He looks at the crowd. "See? Our fighting capabilities are top notch!"
Morltar got off the subdued boar and started to spit and shake his head in disgust. He picked up his axe and stood on the boar's buttocks, proclaiming victory. "HAHA! The nota...notrabo...oh, fuck these big words. I'm Morltar. That's Sladesh. We kicked these guys’ asses. Start cheering."
The crowd does. Sladesh gives Morltar a toothy grin as best he can muster with his lizard face. "Now we'll be ROLLING in jobs!"