I'm dealing with a bit of a tough situation right now. There's someone I use to think of a good friend that just slowly started getting on my nerves more and more as time went on, but I was too afraid to tell them. I tried to, but I don't think my feelings came across clearly, or they were disregarded by them. I don't know how to tell the person they were making feel very uncomfortable, overwhelmed, and insulted, all the time, and I really don't think I have the mental strength to have that conversation with them and not be left feeling completely dismayed. Hell I didn't start believing that I had any mental problems until I talked to this person more, and I would of been much happier remaining blind to the situation, but they also have feelings, and I believed they were being serious. Then I had a mental break down, and I thought I was taking their feelings into consideration by looking into it, and when I did, and was told by mental health consulting that I was neurotic, but otherwise normal and stable, and that my reactions were more likely due to intense and unrealized emotional stress and shock. In other words, I wasn't recognizing my anxiety, as anxiety... and a lot of my emotional outbursts purely because of that, though that doesn't really make it that much easier. It just helped me to realize what I was feeling WASN'T healthy for me... and that I was feeling way it too often, and I broke down in an absolute ball of misery and depression for awhile when I started to realize.


I tried to give this person what time I could, I tried to make it work, but I can't do it anymore, and I don't know what to do now. Every time I'm around them now, I feel incredibly anxious and worried that I'm just going to be hurt again, and made to feel like that's illogical, and I just want to be left alone by them and not have to deal with any of the nasty consequences. I believe the friendship was important to them and I genuinely wanted to make it work, but I don't know if they'd understand, and I can't keep hiding my feelings like this. I just have no idea how to say anything because I'm afraid of the backlash. If anything, I hope they see this and just, please, leave me alone. It's hurts enough already to be doing this, I'm sorry I couldn't be what you needed, but I'm just too slow and emotionally fragile it seems. I know you didn't mean to hurt me. I don't believe you do it intentionally, nor do I believe you were a bad person, but I was subjecting myself to unhealthy amounts of stress being around you and I was lying about how I was feeling or that I was having fun because I didn't want to upset you. I also felt like what fun I was having or what I wanted out of the friendship was getting dangled over my head like I had to be there for you and push myself to do things out of my comfort zone before we were allow to engage in the things I like, but that's not a fair reciprocation coming at the expense of my feelings, and again it's my fault for not saying anything. I never wanted to be stuck in this loop of claim and counter claim, I never wanted to let you down. It's my fault for wanting something, and being willing to take at my own expense to provide for you, but not be clear about my feelings so that you came to expect it. I was willing to hurt and step outside of my comfort zone a little bit to try and make things worth your while, but only just a little bit, and I think I let it get of hand because for awhile it seemed to be working. I really don't know what else to say. The feelings piled up, and it just seemed like things were becoming conditional. I started feeling sick to be around you, and I didn't and still don't know how to handle it. I don't want to hear from you because I just don't want to feel my heart sink like that again. Never again. I'm sorry.

(Side note, I've disabled comments because I would prefer not to start a conversation here and/or want actual help from someone who might be able to mediate, henceforth please send any comments directly to me via notes or messengers... Thanks...)