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∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ Why Hello
4 years ago
How are you all doing this end of the year??
Hope everyone has been surviving these past few years ok and are safe.
As this year comes to a close I hope that next year is Your year because you guys deserve it.
Sorry for long post ahead of time. Im just decompressing a bit =]
My past few years alone have been very rough for me.... A lot has happened.. I lost people and Someone I loved and still
love and cherish deeply (No they aren't dead lol). That alone destroyed me and it still hurts even now to this day.... almost what...
2 years later?? a year? think itll be coming up on 2 years but yea im still trying to come back from that but you know.. These things happen
with relationships right? You just have to learn and grow as a person from that and if you are destined to be together then itll happen in time.
It's just hard to bounce back from something that you gave you're whole into and in the end.. Fail them.. God don't you just hate when you love
something/one so much then it's gone? But thats life right.. As FUCKED up as it is lol Thats life and we have to do our best to try and move on.
Not to forget tho. Never forget thought because without those experiences how can you learn to better oneself right? But not a day goes
by that i wont ever not miss them.
A few months after that I got into a really bad accident and i was out a car for few months. Im ok i wasnt hurt or anything just a little sore after it
because i again was under the speed limit coming off a red light and a moving van hauling a trailer ran there Now red light, my green, the trailer jus
completely took out the front of my car.. Poor Swazy ;; (My cars name) Thank god for my best friend and his hubby for taking me to an from work
and pmuch anywhere i needed to go. So that was rough.. ended up having to pay the down payment because, shocker, otherside refused fault
because it was some podunk backwords insurance company nobody has heard of from some random place out of state -.- least my insurance
took my side and all i was out was the 1k to get my car back with no increase to my bill. So some positive in that.
Then having 2 failed relationships after that, one of which... I will never speak about ever again and if i see them.. Lets just say I'm not going to freeze up again
like last time an just let you get away with what you did to me.... Unforgivable! You will be catching my fist with your face! =.= I hope karma comes for you
you perverted asshole...
Then shortly after that my grandpa had passed away from cancer and man... seeing my mom cry is horribly.. That broke me a bit. And i say a bit because
you can only break so much more after you're already broken multi times xD right hahaha yea emo thoughts lol.
And then jus a bit before my grandpas passing actually my furbaby, Izzy, she has passed away at the age of 15... THAT honestly is what pinned the final
nail in the coffin for me. She was my last bit of irl support I had... and I couldn't even be there for her when she passed.. I was at work.. and she was alone..
in my room.. in the dark... And i still hate myself for it because i KNEW waking up that day something was wrong about today but i jus tried to push it back..
I had cried so hard I like the muscles under my jaw an shit were aching for weeks... I miss her so much and I still dream about her and how I feel like I abandoned her..
Could have done something for her if I knew... I still get teary eyed even writing this bit. I miss her so much and to come home with her not waiting for me broke my
heart more than i thought it could. not having her Meow at me when i woke up saying gmorning ... jus silence.. fuck that was jus.. I had lost another thing I loved
most in this world... But with her i know i can't ever get her back.. I have her ashes and i have some in a necklace i always wear but i will never again be able to
physically hold her.. kiss her.. hear her purr.. listen to her yell at me when I talk to loud.. Like fuck.. I feel like I not only abandoned the last thing I loved unconditionally
but I feel like I failed her aswell..
But after all that and thinking.. Ok.. I lost the 2 things I pmuch cherished THE MOST in my life car accident loosing my grandpa seeing my mom cry Twice, because recently
she lost her furbaby who was only 3 to cancer, Shit cant get much worse right? But at same time im like.. ok life.. whats next. Whats the next shit storm you got for me!!
And it was nothing.. Instead Life was almost.. generous so to speak. Around July or August.. I found Momo... The tiniest little brown tabby kitten. He was so high energy
and yet so loving and I'd never had an animal choose me before like Id never experienced that but he did. So i adopted him from a shelter, a very nice one!! not a like
run down shitty one that dont take care of the animals and have u adopt sickly animals poor babies, And he took to me instantly.. I have nevr had an animal give me this amount
of love and attention.. And just WANTING to be like right in my face but just to sleep there with me. Every morning since bringing him home he will get up and cuddle me
and kiss me and just be with me.. Every morning. Anytime i come home i jus call his name and he comes RUNNING!! I love it.. It makes me feel .. idk.. Wanted again..
Like I feel like someone cares for me again. Not saying my fam doesnt or friends dont but like on a dif lvl. As routy as he is lol and as annoying as he can be I love this little
shit so much..
And with that little bit of positivity in my life I hope it carries over into next year. I have a new job. NO MORE RETAIL!! I now work as a security officer at a country club! Grant it
its graveyard, 10pm to like 6am, i have 40+ hrs a week and its easy as hell. An i can watch netflix, text, game, read, EAT whatever i want. Its amazing lol. I just hope things keep getting
better..
So this concludes some of my decompression of this year and what i can remember of last year haha. But its not everything. That would take ALOT more time than im willing
to put into a journal xD And plus i dont want to put into writing how sad and depressing it is to have a breakdown on your birthday wilst being completely alone and nobody
even remembering you exist that day xD I dont want no pitty party. Im dealing with my demons one day at a time just like everyone else. Gunna go into next year with a better attitude, hopefully,
and just try to make the most of what I have in life. And what will be will be.
Also, If any of you ever see me in VRChat!! come say hi =D I do have full body tracking and index headset so i can do more than jus a desktop interaction xD
Don't be afraid to say hi, I may be intimidating but gimmy a chance ;w ; im not all that bad i pawmise <333333
Anyway thank you for reading, if you made it this far lul.
This was my Ted Talk and I hope everyone has a
great end of the year <3 I wish you all well and Merry Chrysler <3
