Well, the New Year is coming up. And every year so far has never seemed to make me feel ever more lonely each time. This year now, I had no one to spend Thanksgiving with, no one to spend Christmas with, and upcoming New Years, the same thing... With my bday also being 2 weeks away... I don't know really... This might just be a vent post or not... But I'm just sick with being alone, having to talk to people behind a screen all day, trying to live fantasies that I know will never come to be reality, regardless of kinks, fetishes or what not that would further make it unrealistic. It's like, I love to please people and try and make them happy, though now, it just seems like I only end up hurting myself more in return. I don't even know. I've gotten my hopes up too many times and had every single one be shot down just as quick. This could just be my depression talking or not, but I'm just sick of it. Sometimes though, it's like I try to wear a smile on my face just because I believe one day that smile can become something genuine, but every night, that paper mask just ends up getting soaked with my own tears and disbelief....

I hope everyone else have a New Year though, and I apologize if my rambling sours the mood. But keeping this burdened with all my other issues would've probably led me down a wrong path.