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So... About 2021...
3 years ago
WE INTERRUPT THIS YIFFING WITH A WORD FROM OUR FOX
...Well this year sucked. I mean... Is it no surprise? I have not had a genuinely good year since 2012 after all... but that isn't to say that there weren't good things about it. There are silver linings in even the worst of years, and yes, 2020 and 2021 are included in that notion. Like I said, last year was off to a decent start for me, for the most part. This year as well, actually. Off to a solid start, but a decline followed by late spring.
Overall, 2021 was indeed a better year. But that's like saying one piece of shit is better than the other. They're both still shit. Alright so... what was my 2021 like? Well January sucked. Obviously. I was still living with my most recent abusive ex. ...Ugh... the fact that I can now apply that moniker to TWO people now is not something I was ever hoping to be able to say... But at least there was good on the horizon at the time. By February, I got away, on my own this time, got my own apartment. And spent February and March living by myself. a lieu mid February-March 2017. Definitely much needed. I do enjoy living by myself, but it isn't sustainable in the long run. Especially in the metro area of a major US city.
Since October 2020, I was in a... oh I dunno how to explain it, since I refuse to be in a long distance relationship EVER again after what happened to me in 2017... but there was another fur that I was getting close with. And he ended up moving in with me in April of this year. And... we've been going steadily ever since. So the end of my so-called "war on love" has been paused. Potentially ended. After everything I have been through, I refuse to say that is HAS ended, however. But the fact that it has not instantly disintegrated like the previous two attempts does show a light of hope, so to speak.
But that isn't to say things are... perfect... Life has actually gotten a bit worse since he moved in. Of course that isn't his fault; I'm not blaming him. Just... misfortune tends to follow me everywhere. Exacerbated by his lack of financial responsibility... but that is the ONLY thing I can say that he did wrong. He and I are working out doing better in this regard today, but back in the summer and fall, my financial status had 100% stagnated. Even went on a slow, ever encroaching, ever anxiety inducing decline. I knew that if something bad happened to us then, we would be screwed.
I wasn't that much better... I overspent my budgets on Denfur and some furry art here and there despite me knowing the situation... while not grave yet... was not looking promising. Until... my fears were realized.
At the end of October, my BF and I contracted Covid. Or at least... I am 90% positive I did. He tested positive. And despite me being very mildy symptomatic, my tests. All of them. Came back negative somehow... But covid was the least of our worries, of course. This meant we could not go to work. ...when I had only $80 left in my account after paying rent for November. ...and due to the complications that resulted from my tests, work wouldn't let us back for over THREE FUCKING WEEKS. So like I said... the slow burn of our financial decline had finally come to a nasty head at the worst possible time. He and I were poised to attend MFF, but after that fiasco, there was absolutely no chance. We had to apply for federal aid to make it through the rest of November. And that is not to mention the inevitable drop in hours at work post holiday season, so our immediate future is still at the moment compromised. We are not in immediate danger anymore, but it's still looking... not good. If we can make it to tax return season, then we can definitely turn things around. But until that point... It's going to be a bumpy, bumpy road.
But that is just my concerns in my own personal life. On top of that, I am of course very, very concerned with the current state of the world. Politically... environmentally... everything. It's only adding to the decline that my mental health has seen. For fuck's sake, I am writing this the DAY after a massive wildfire swept through a nearby town from me because of a record warm and record dry late fall-early winter season. None of this is supposed to happen here. Colorado does whatever the fuck it wants weather wise, but even I know... that this is not normal. And no one in power seems to want to do ANYTHING to mitigate this.
My mom was under a tornado watch on my BIRTHDAY. She lives in IOWA. My birthday is in DECEMBER. How can ANYONE think this is acceptable, for FUCK'S sake!? Just all of these things... we all knew this was going to happen. We did nothing. And now that these things are here, we are still doomed to do nothing about it. For the first time in my life... I have no hope for 2022 being a good year... I think it's going to be more of the same with no hope whatsoever...
And you must think about what this means for me. I am willpower incarnate. A guy who looks to the future for a place of solace and hope. All this stems from a shitty past and a shitty present. I want to look forward to the future for improvement in the quality of life, to have SOMETHING good to cling on to, but... again... for the first time ever, I cannot find that hope. I have nothing. Nothing good to look to any longer. As I said on Twitter, I have not felt this hopeless since 2014. Since before I rebranded myself and my fursona to BE willpower incarnate. I'm honestly now scared of the future. It was never supposed to be this way... and I no longer have my coping mechanism... So I no longer no what to do anymore. All I can really say now is... 2022? Let's... let's just get this over with. I would say Happy New Year now. But... it really isn't. The only way to shut down my willpower has happened. I can only hope that 2022 won't be AS BAD as we think. Because we all know it's gonna suck. It's gonna suck real bad. But just how badly is what remains to be seen... ...so I guess we shall find out as such together, will we? As long as we hold onto what little we have dear to our hearts... we must find a way to move forward. Because time wills us to move forward. We have no choice in that matter. So, my friends... let's go into 2022 together...
Overall, 2021 was indeed a better year. But that's like saying one piece of shit is better than the other. They're both still shit. Alright so... what was my 2021 like? Well January sucked. Obviously. I was still living with my most recent abusive ex. ...Ugh... the fact that I can now apply that moniker to TWO people now is not something I was ever hoping to be able to say... But at least there was good on the horizon at the time. By February, I got away, on my own this time, got my own apartment. And spent February and March living by myself. a lieu mid February-March 2017. Definitely much needed. I do enjoy living by myself, but it isn't sustainable in the long run. Especially in the metro area of a major US city.
Since October 2020, I was in a... oh I dunno how to explain it, since I refuse to be in a long distance relationship EVER again after what happened to me in 2017... but there was another fur that I was getting close with. And he ended up moving in with me in April of this year. And... we've been going steadily ever since. So the end of my so-called "war on love" has been paused. Potentially ended. After everything I have been through, I refuse to say that is HAS ended, however. But the fact that it has not instantly disintegrated like the previous two attempts does show a light of hope, so to speak.
But that isn't to say things are... perfect... Life has actually gotten a bit worse since he moved in. Of course that isn't his fault; I'm not blaming him. Just... misfortune tends to follow me everywhere. Exacerbated by his lack of financial responsibility... but that is the ONLY thing I can say that he did wrong. He and I are working out doing better in this regard today, but back in the summer and fall, my financial status had 100% stagnated. Even went on a slow, ever encroaching, ever anxiety inducing decline. I knew that if something bad happened to us then, we would be screwed.
I wasn't that much better... I overspent my budgets on Denfur and some furry art here and there despite me knowing the situation... while not grave yet... was not looking promising. Until... my fears were realized.
At the end of October, my BF and I contracted Covid. Or at least... I am 90% positive I did. He tested positive. And despite me being very mildy symptomatic, my tests. All of them. Came back negative somehow... But covid was the least of our worries, of course. This meant we could not go to work. ...when I had only $80 left in my account after paying rent for November. ...and due to the complications that resulted from my tests, work wouldn't let us back for over THREE FUCKING WEEKS. So like I said... the slow burn of our financial decline had finally come to a nasty head at the worst possible time. He and I were poised to attend MFF, but after that fiasco, there was absolutely no chance. We had to apply for federal aid to make it through the rest of November. And that is not to mention the inevitable drop in hours at work post holiday season, so our immediate future is still at the moment compromised. We are not in immediate danger anymore, but it's still looking... not good. If we can make it to tax return season, then we can definitely turn things around. But until that point... It's going to be a bumpy, bumpy road.
But that is just my concerns in my own personal life. On top of that, I am of course very, very concerned with the current state of the world. Politically... environmentally... everything. It's only adding to the decline that my mental health has seen. For fuck's sake, I am writing this the DAY after a massive wildfire swept through a nearby town from me because of a record warm and record dry late fall-early winter season. None of this is supposed to happen here. Colorado does whatever the fuck it wants weather wise, but even I know... that this is not normal. And no one in power seems to want to do ANYTHING to mitigate this.
My mom was under a tornado watch on my BIRTHDAY. She lives in IOWA. My birthday is in DECEMBER. How can ANYONE think this is acceptable, for FUCK'S sake!? Just all of these things... we all knew this was going to happen. We did nothing. And now that these things are here, we are still doomed to do nothing about it. For the first time in my life... I have no hope for 2022 being a good year... I think it's going to be more of the same with no hope whatsoever...
And you must think about what this means for me. I am willpower incarnate. A guy who looks to the future for a place of solace and hope. All this stems from a shitty past and a shitty present. I want to look forward to the future for improvement in the quality of life, to have SOMETHING good to cling on to, but... again... for the first time ever, I cannot find that hope. I have nothing. Nothing good to look to any longer. As I said on Twitter, I have not felt this hopeless since 2014. Since before I rebranded myself and my fursona to BE willpower incarnate. I'm honestly now scared of the future. It was never supposed to be this way... and I no longer have my coping mechanism... So I no longer no what to do anymore. All I can really say now is... 2022? Let's... let's just get this over with. I would say Happy New Year now. But... it really isn't. The only way to shut down my willpower has happened. I can only hope that 2022 won't be AS BAD as we think. Because we all know it's gonna suck. It's gonna suck real bad. But just how badly is what remains to be seen... ...so I guess we shall find out as such together, will we? As long as we hold onto what little we have dear to our hearts... we must find a way to move forward. Because time wills us to move forward. We have no choice in that matter. So, my friends... let's go into 2022 together...
I wish you the best for 2022 going forward, my friend. Have a Happy New Year~