I’m autistic, but not in the cute quirky kinda way, like fidgeting with a rubiks cube or complimenting people in a blunt, but endearing way.

No, I’m autistic in like, a–:

- extremely limited range of acceptable foods I will eat without immediately vomiting it because it smells or tastes bad. Is inconsistent. Has a bad texture. or reminds me of earth worms.

- Unable to adequately focus on anything except my very specific interests

- Can’t adapt well to dynamics within groups of people, being well aware that what I say may be out of place, and feeling bad for speaking just because of it.

- struggling to maintain friendships because of that. struggling to finds friends who are as hyper-focused on my interests as I am, and appearing disinterested if I have a friend whose interests aren’t aligned with my own.

- having to feign or otherwise manufacture “That’s cool!” type response to someone sharing something with me that I’m not all that interested in, because it’s polite and expected.

- my default response to traumatic or tough situations where I can’t escape is to shut down physically and mentally, and
- if my default response is challenged, become aggravated and enter a physical or social power struggle.

- being forced to work to hours and duties NT’s have to results in me burning out, not being able to get out of bed on time, or perform well, if I do. Resulting in losing job opportunities I was otherwise excited about.

- can’t communicate to superiors why autism is a disability, how it affects me, and how they can accommodate me, in any other way than “I need to work less hours or I’ll burn out.” (which means I’ll get fired and replaced by someone who can function normally with a full work day).

–kinda way.

I say this because, while the show Atypical does a good job of portraying meltdown and hyper-focusing (and I enjoy it), somehow Sam is able to balance gen-ed school, his job, and friendships with little difficulty.

So, even when media portrays autistic individuals well, it still is just scratching the surface.

Sam has moments where he’s overwhelmed and copes by leaving or repeating the names of penguins, but when I got overwhelmed at school, I shut down and school staff had to fight hard to remove me from the classroom. I didn’t graduate. Obviously there are individual differences between every single autistic person. I’m never going to expect an artistic medium to encompass all my difficulties. But I’d like something to portray more serious failures in life, because I’m certain that’s more common and relatable than difficult success.

I imagine an NT looking at that and going “Well, he had some challenges, but he still managed and made it in life.” When a lot of us just--can’t.

I can point at The Good Doctor, too. Who had someone from within vouching vehemently for him just to make it into his career, and a lot of us just--don’t. I do realize that there wouldn’t be a show without such an exceptional circumstance.

But I want to see something genuine. If an NT’s only experience with autistic people is through media like this, they expect us to struggle, but in the end, overcome it. Some a lot of us can’t. I see shows like Atypical and The Good Doctor, and I myself wonder why I can’t be like that. Why I can’t overcome my serious limitations. Why I can’t find a friend who is understanding and supporting to the extent of the protag’s friend(s) in these shows. It creates its own stigma.

A lot of us are stuck living with family, can’t hold a job for too long in our careers, are endlessly coping with the loneliness that ensues from it all.

And this isn’t even mentioning those with more severe autism. I get that it’s just television. But you’d be a fool to think it has no influence on other’s perception of us. Including ourselves.