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Feelings about comics [more musing]
3 years ago
Had a hard time titling this one. But I needed somewhere to talk about this & I feel like I'm "talking too much" in the Discord servers I'd ordinarily textdump this kind of crap onto. Soooo FA is getting it instead. [Also, I should be posting some artwork here soon, I have a few things that are just about ready.]
Anyway, comics. A few weeks ago I got reminded, big time, of some shit in my past that needs some unpacking. When I was a teen -- probably 16 if I were to take a quick guess without looking at any post dates -- I was dabbling in making some comics & posted some goofy sprite-based strips on some forums. Things many of us did. I was proud enough of my work to show it off on multiple sites, but this was normal for me.
Well on one of them, someone basically went after me for even daring to make these things. There were only about six, but for some reason, this person had it out for me, and they weren't some random fuck, this was moderation staff & respected member of the community. Who also had an ego about it, since they were one of the only people on that forum that did a drawn comic instead of a sprite comic. Because of course they were -- it was a board for posting sprite comics! You don't get to feel superior for doing a completely different medium. And this is the kind of people that got staff positions? People that treat members like this?
Seriously, the more I look back on this as an adult, the angrier it makes me in retrospect, how someone so prone to punching down was allowed to remain a moderator, and how they felt all the hours of effort people put into editing sprites & pixel art was somehow less valuable than other art mediums. I actively still hope this person didn't achieve their dreams, whatever they are. lmfao
After this series of events, which I tried to act like didn't bother me, I did get really emotional, because even if my comic had been horribly resized jpged sprites on a plain white mspaint bg, I wouldn't have deserved that. And like, this wasn't even my first attempt at it, my even uglier earliest attempts at sprite comics were actually eyesores, and I cannot imagine how much that person would have ripped into me had I posted those. But this person made me feel like something I'd only just started creating was already ruined from the foundation up, and I felt like I couldn't do anything to fix it at all except scrap it. I wish I could go back in time & tell myself that it's fine to make changes as your story continues, just get it out there, you'll feel better for having done it.
And then I realised that every single time I've tried to do a story in comic form specifically, sprite comic or not, I couldn't do it. For some reason I'd always run into similar roadblocks. Feeling like it was flawed from the very beginning. Repeating things like "don't mix styles" and "don't put characters in a void" to myself, even though mixing styles is how art is made fundamentally, and mixing design elements is a core aspect to a lot of my characters. I allow myself to draw characters in a void outside of sequential art, why isn't it ok for me to do it in a comic?
Well it's because of this person. Those are criticisms they tried to bash into my head. They weren't even good ones, either. IIRC Bob and George did a void in their story at some point. And nearly every sprite comic I've ever admired mixed styles. Sometimes to mixed success, but I always loved the efforts when I saw them. So even in the medium I was working in, those words weren't necessarily true. But I'd then go on to apply those criticisms to myself whenever I tried making comics ever again, even in drawn format which this shit didn't even apply to, to the point where I'd somehow convince myself to abandon the project. Ever wonder why any of the stuff I "made for a comic" on this account & others never materialised into a comic you could find somewhere?
And for the record, this didn't occur on the MFZ. Like, I could say a lot of things that happened & comments people made there negatively affected me big time, for sure, but I don't recall anybody bashing the shit out of my sprite comic there, nor were the staff assholes like this. I don't have any friends from the forum this post is about so it remains anonymous, you don't know what I'm vagueblogging about this time!!
Guess I'm just airing out my dirty forum laundry here. Sorry about that, but it's my journal. My account.
Anyway, comics. A few weeks ago I got reminded, big time, of some shit in my past that needs some unpacking. When I was a teen -- probably 16 if I were to take a quick guess without looking at any post dates -- I was dabbling in making some comics & posted some goofy sprite-based strips on some forums. Things many of us did. I was proud enough of my work to show it off on multiple sites, but this was normal for me.
Well on one of them, someone basically went after me for even daring to make these things. There were only about six, but for some reason, this person had it out for me, and they weren't some random fuck, this was moderation staff & respected member of the community. Who also had an ego about it, since they were one of the only people on that forum that did a drawn comic instead of a sprite comic. Because of course they were -- it was a board for posting sprite comics! You don't get to feel superior for doing a completely different medium. And this is the kind of people that got staff positions? People that treat members like this?
Seriously, the more I look back on this as an adult, the angrier it makes me in retrospect, how someone so prone to punching down was allowed to remain a moderator, and how they felt all the hours of effort people put into editing sprites & pixel art was somehow less valuable than other art mediums. I actively still hope this person didn't achieve their dreams, whatever they are. lmfao
After this series of events, which I tried to act like didn't bother me, I did get really emotional, because even if my comic had been horribly resized jpged sprites on a plain white mspaint bg, I wouldn't have deserved that. And like, this wasn't even my first attempt at it, my even uglier earliest attempts at sprite comics were actually eyesores, and I cannot imagine how much that person would have ripped into me had I posted those. But this person made me feel like something I'd only just started creating was already ruined from the foundation up, and I felt like I couldn't do anything to fix it at all except scrap it. I wish I could go back in time & tell myself that it's fine to make changes as your story continues, just get it out there, you'll feel better for having done it.
And then I realised that every single time I've tried to do a story in comic form specifically, sprite comic or not, I couldn't do it. For some reason I'd always run into similar roadblocks. Feeling like it was flawed from the very beginning. Repeating things like "don't mix styles" and "don't put characters in a void" to myself, even though mixing styles is how art is made fundamentally, and mixing design elements is a core aspect to a lot of my characters. I allow myself to draw characters in a void outside of sequential art, why isn't it ok for me to do it in a comic?
Well it's because of this person. Those are criticisms they tried to bash into my head. They weren't even good ones, either. IIRC Bob and George did a void in their story at some point. And nearly every sprite comic I've ever admired mixed styles. Sometimes to mixed success, but I always loved the efforts when I saw them. So even in the medium I was working in, those words weren't necessarily true. But I'd then go on to apply those criticisms to myself whenever I tried making comics ever again, even in drawn format which this shit didn't even apply to, to the point where I'd somehow convince myself to abandon the project. Ever wonder why any of the stuff I "made for a comic" on this account & others never materialised into a comic you could find somewhere?
And for the record, this didn't occur on the MFZ. Like, I could say a lot of things that happened & comments people made there negatively affected me big time, for sure, but I don't recall anybody bashing the shit out of my sprite comic there, nor were the staff assholes like this. I don't have any friends from the forum this post is about so it remains anonymous, you don't know what I'm vagueblogging about this time!!
Guess I'm just airing out my dirty forum laundry here. Sorry about that, but it's my journal. My account.
None of this has anything to do with you. Therefore, you have always been free to post what you please. Because, the mod baggage was never yours to begin with. But, they would never admit it, because that's a big grownup thing to do.
I have been blocked by people that didn't like what I have drawn. But, this is because they weren't big grownups to calmly use a back arrow. Those particular people decided to rant on their accounts that I couldn't reply to. Best of all, they really don't know me very well.
(I have had to block people too. Most of the accounts were either porn bot accounts, or someone that I talked with that decided to show their ass on Twitter, and I was like "Nope!")
Stupidity comes to everyone on every social media site. But, you can still post what you enjoy doing, and what you wish to share.
I do appreciate the message though. Thank you!