I feel like my life is a series of things I shouldn't have done, things I didn't do and things I won't ever do. It feels like every right decision I've made has been for the wrong reasons. I'm not even sure I should do this, write this, sure this. Like it's a cry for attention I don't deserve, shouldn't want and won't need. But my brain is just overflowing, with these stupid, jumbled, depressing thoughts. I shouldn't have fetishes because I don't have sexual experience... I shouldn't be able to give advice I won't apply to my self. I can't have a future because I have no passion driving me. I should have a passion, but I can't find anything that seems worth wile. I want people to notice me but also not pay attention... I should delete this, I can't expect people to care, I don't deserve to be cared about. I missed out on things I should have done, and I can't do them now. I'm goingt die alone, sharing my feelings will get me punished, getting help will make me miserable, not getting help will make me miserable. I sound like I'm fucking high but I don't do drugs. Death feels like the only escape but it won't solve anything. So long as your not hurting yourself or others they leave you alone, just admiting you think of death is the same s admit g our suicidal, I don't want to die, I shouldn't when I think I do I just straight to nope, too scary, too perminate, it'll only cause more pain. If there's nothing after this then it's oblivion, only idiots think that is better than the pain, because if you hurt your alive, if you hurt there is nope because if there is pain then there is also feeling good. I'll die a virgin, I can't heven masterbate correctly! I have never even achieved orgasm on purpose. If someone I know reads this they will think I'm am crazy! But I'm not I just have all this mental noise and no where to just dump it, no way to get rid of it because I don't fucking self medicate with alcohol or drugs. No that's what 'normal" people do, and it's a joke, people FAKE normal.