Its been a fairly quiet two days for me. During that time I was contemplating on my own past tribulations... not in a bad way like stewing in my juices or anything negative. Its more like just taking stock on things and pulling out any valuable lessons that need to be learned. I just want to say that as a person that has had life knock me on my ass more than once, and going through a tragic event in my family that came very close to destroying me as a person, I just want to say to those that have been knocked on their asses by soul crushing set backs but managed to find it in themselves to get back up to remain decent human beings and hold on to the will to live, I feel for all of you and you have my respect.

I have a very good idea of how hard it is to get back up. Getting through the ordeal of mother's stroke, seeing her get beat down by it, and the nightmare that it was for myself and my dad, not to mention the seismic life changes that comes along with such hellish events... It was not easy. Not at all. That mess came within a hair's breath of destroying me as a viable human being. Even with help and support from friends and especially my fiancee, (My fiancee has my eternal gratitude for coming into my life when he did and giving me reason to pull myself back together after all was said and done with.) it still took every last once of inner strength to get back up, let alone hold on to sanity.

Of course I did get back up and found it in myself to continue living life. After all I have my one and only Phloppy Bunny as my reason to keep myself together and live life. He means everything to me. ...EVERYTHING!!! So I am in a better state of mind. Even so, I still have allot of work to do to my own emotional and mental health before I can consider myself "healed". Note the quotation marks as one does not come out of any life changing events, good or bad, as the same person. I know that because I am not exactly the same as I once was before mother had her stroke 8 years ago. I'm not the same as I once was before 2020 took a shit on me as it did on everybody on the planet, complete with my fiancee and I getting hit by a miserable case of Covid. (I was scared to lose my fiancee to the virus since he has existing breathing problems as it is.) I'm not the same as once was before I came within a bleeding edge of losing my dad to a horrible automobile accident at the end of 2020. I'm not the same person as I was before, March of last year when my mother finally passed away from a case of aspiration induced pneumonia while my dad and I were at her bedside holding her hands. No I'm not exactly as I once was before all of that

I'm sure that I will change and evolve, hopefully for the better as life will surely keep testing me to my limits and teaching me lessons I need to learn as it has been doing for the past decade and for as long as I can remember. Life is hard. Its not fair. Never has been and never will be. But life is only good when you find it within yourself to continue fighting and clawing for every inch of process you can make in addition to making it through tough times. If I had said "fuck it" and gave up the fight, I would not have my fiancee. I would not have the good times we shared together. I would not have the honor and unbridled joy giving him the love he needs and DESERVES. I would not have enjoyed the little rewards life does give, like going to the furry conventions we attended. We would not have been able to enjoy wonderful places like the boardwalk, amusement piers, and beaches in Wildwood, NU. I would not have been able to invest in a phenomenal, world changing company called Tesla nor stand a very good chance to reap the profits from said investment when I hit retirement age. I would not have the friends I do have. Hell, I would not even be here writing this post at all, if I had given up on myself and life.

It took everything I could muster and allot more, to get through the hell I endured. But I did make it through all that crap without breaking. Did I came close to losing the fight and slip away into oblivion when it comes to being a viable human being? Oh you bet your sweet ass I came that close. Like I said even now, I still consider myself a work in progress. But thankfully I did not go over that point of no return. I will fight like hell to prevent myself from being pushed even remotely close to that point ever again! I have the love of my life and the good that came along with him coming into my life as a reward for holding on and keeping at it. Even though Phloppy is as close of a person to my heart as any human being could ever possibly get, even he will never be able to fully grasp how elated I am for the good he brought into my life and being the reason I didn't give up and continuing to live.

The point of all of this is, its hard for anybody in or have been in soul crushing situations like what I have been through or even worse. Its hard. Its very VERY hard. I have seen people flat out give up and degenerate into products of their own misery and self pity because they either lacked the inner strength needed to make it to the other side of hell or life was simply way too hard for even a person of the strongest character. I can't blame them because of how close I came to throwing in the towel myself. So if you have been through tribulation and came out of it still a decent human being... or even if you are going through hell as I speak and are still holding on and refusing to give up on yourself and life in general, I feel for you and you have my respect. Regardless of who you are, what your beliefs and view points may be, you are a valid person. You are a human being! If there is anything that needs to be learned, we are all born to bleed fighting to succeed. We are built to endure what life throws at us.

Stay strong and refuse the fates the satisfaction of breaking you. Do that much, you will see good in life. Big or small, good is good, and always worth the hell one has to endure to get that good.