I'm so glad to hear that you're still around. It sounds like it's all been really hard, and that it still is.

That's great that you've found a community where you fit in and I hope you continue to enjoy being with your new crowd.

I'm also so sorry to hear about how things have been with your dad. You're welcome to talk to me about it - I walked away from my folks a long time ago for similar reasons so if you want to let off steam or are looking for suggestions or support for anything, I'll do what I can. And how awful for your poor dogs, too.

That's such a shame about your screen. Not sure what I can say to help with that, but I hope you find yourself with kit you're comfortable working with again soon.

If it's any comfort, I'm not angry at you. I apologise for nudging for a commission a few months back, and if it's any help, I went to another artist to take the pressure off you. I still prefer your work and may well come back to you at some point in the future, but the pressure's off, at least from this corner.

I'll be honest, i'm not too sure what you mean about your screen but i assume your tablet broke or something which sucks so much for someone who's job it is to well, use said tablet. Onto the meat though

I get why such a post is hard for you to make, I really do but in a way i feel some elements are.... probably not the best. I get why you're frustrated with your comm que and people poking you but as someone who's been on the other end, that fucking sucks too, especially if said person is expensive. On my side, I feel like I may have been scammed (again), I can see no work being worked on, no trello to see your que... It really only leads to one of 3 conclusions, you're dead, i've been scammed, or somethings happened which has prevented you from working on it.

This can all be fixed with a note/message/fucking whatever as communication is the key in this industry. I don't expect nor want to have to follow up with commissioners on what the fuck is happening, where they are at or god forbid, going about a refund. If an artist told me they were going through some serious unforeseen irl issues and gave me a date of at least 6+ months to get back into it or they can give me a refund, i'd be understanding and more then happy to choose one. At the end of the day the people who've paid you are not hobgoblins hell bent on annoying you, they are probably just annoyed that they've got 0 info to work with and its been months without any activity at all, don't you think you owe them a bare bones explanation before lambasting them on a public journal and making anyone else who's paid you think twice about messaging you?

That's just my opinion on the matter though, and something that you need to think about how you want to handle.

Onto the other things. I honestly would not feel bad for your father, even if he tried to make peace. Making peace on deaths bed or something approaching that is just... hollow at the end of the day imo. You still have every right to be angry to your core.

Friends are hard, i honestly mean that. I'm glad you've found new people to play with and talk to and be yourself, that's awesome and I'm honestly happy for you. I hope you can find lots of people within them to make some new friends who you feel are not chained down around your art. Onto that though, while people might approach you because of art (like how i originally followed you cause of it) i'd wager there are people who, past that stage, don't care too much about it but simply don't know what else you might want to talk about. Your an artist, of course people are going to talk about your art and how much they like it and yadda yadda because they don't know anything else you might like. That does not justify those who've hit you up just to ask for favors or carrers or whatever though, i'm more talking the odd person who's too awkward to push beyond asking about art lol. I'm honestly not sure where i went with that but whatever.

Lastly, i'm glad you realised said person was toxic and you cut them out. Sometimes it takes a while but if someone brings me down hard i don't let that person stay with me. It's just not worth it for my mental health. On that subject, look into some shit man. You can get free therapy anonymously online i'm pretty sure. It won't solve your issues but i bet it'll feel damn good to just vent to someone for an hour and they can help you paint things in different lights or justify how you feel

You usually find a way to twist your comments into a platform to talk about how artists are bad just because you've been scammed before but now you've gone as far as to lie about us doing business. I already don't feel well and you're calling me a scammer when I've literally never accepted a commission from you in my life. I think even if I were doing well I wouldn't accept a commission from you for the sheer volume of which you've bent subjects back into "grr artists bad"
I've declined commissions on that basis before.

Then you use words like I think my audience are "hobgoblins"? That I'm "lambasting" people? I'm curious in your hunt for something to twist and make about yourself if you even read my journal.
Let's start with lambasting. The only client that can even come close to your description is the one who played a 40 minute cat and mouse game where they were extremely passive aggressive with me until they made ME ask them if they wanted a refund. Which they got.
I didn't give out their name or info.
Unapologetically, fuck them. It's a waste of everyone's time involved and they were just taking out their bad mood on me when I gave 0 resistance to refunding them.

Hobgoblins is also an interesting word because the way I knowingly described it was that I was so anxious, my anxiety was making it seem like "x,y or z" would happen.

You know not all of my clients have been angels. I can throw 2 months of my life at a drawing and not even get so much as a "cool". Yeah I already made the money I guess but you know there's a person behind here who sometimes likes a lil praise over "email me hi res now"

I can't even acknowledge the rest of your comment because of how misleading, hostile and rude you were right from the beginning and the last thing I'm going to accept is backhanded, tonedeaf drivel when I feel so utterly low.
"This is how we do it in the industry"
1). Shut up, I've worked in the art industry
2). PART OF THE PROBLEM IS BEING SO UPSET I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO TALK TO PEOPLE. Wow it's like that was part of the point of my journal.

Like I get I'm not owed comfort online but if your entire point was to bludgeon me because you were scammed once then you picked the worst journal to do it on.

I apologies for what I said. Upon reflection my tone and comment in that section was pretty vitriolic. Sometimes that's just how I talk and through text it can come across very heavy and this was obviously not the right place to use such writing. My goal was not to paint you as a scammer, just to get you to realise what might be one of peoples conclusions might be after months and months of no contact.

Also, last time we talked, through a journal similar to this one, I thought we had a pretty good conversation but I can see that was not a shared view. I get that you've been upset and unable to speak to anyone and give people updates, on that note seriously go out and look for some help. There are online platforms you can use to vent to some random physiatrist online or even look if the place you live has free in person programs you can take advantage of. If you have been, great! If you have not been, its a pretty good first step to work through things. IDC if you think this is backhanded or whatever, it seems like you should get some help; not for this comment but mostly the blowing your brains thing in the main post. Its probably bottling everything up and posting it online, at least a real person can help you or talk you through things as things happen instead of months down the line when they've had time to fester.

I don't really have the brain power to type up a big nice response, but I sincerely hope things pick up for you soon buddy

It's very nice to hear you've been making more friends, and especially the kind that aren't just there for the art! I hope it's been a bit of a confidence boost, because you've been a joy to talk to whenever we did and it'd be nice for more folks to get the chance to experience it c:

I want to say that you need to take breaks regardless of how others react, but I know how hard that can be sometimes, especially given your mentioned experiences
I still really suggest it though, pushing yourself when you're frustrated and depressed is only a recipe for disaster

Regarding your dad, fuck him, you don't owe him anything, no matter what anyone says
Familial bonds mean absolutely nothing when abuse is involved, and anyone that doesn't understand is going to have to deal with it :v

dont know who you are an i doubt you check this place anymore, but i hope you're doing alright man. wherever you are.