Domestic abuse, financial instability, staff who evidently do not give a shit about their jobs...I am truly at a loss right now. Please forgive me for writing this but I do not have a therapist at the moment and I am close to having a nervous break. For this month, things have gone from bad, to horrible to...I genuinely dont know what to do now...

First and foremost: my father. My father was in a toxic (and I mean violent toxic) relationship with a guy whom he simped for so hard, he lost sight of a lot of things. Without getting into much more detail, his X chocked him and beat him and ended up running when my father talked about calling the police. I have pictures of the damage he did to my father and he assures me (for the 17th time - and that's being kind) that he and the X will not get back together again. But he is a prideful, desperate and lonely man.

I just paid off my car, to which now it has a broken side mirror and bumper (thanks, homeless wacko!) and needs new breaks. Otherwise, good news i paid it off! Just in time to take a loan out to try and save our company from dire straights.

On the heels of that jolly news, Pops and I found out that our AMEX has been shut off. Why? Because they wanted more money. We pay monthly bills plus paying off a large sum that was used in the past for other things - like buying a house and going on vacation years ago. We are NEVER late and ALWAYS pay early. We paid the requisite amount of money but they still screwed us over. We own a business. We needed that card to buy groceries and supplies for our center. As it stands, we may not even be able to pay our staff...

And today, I just did a surprise inspection at one of our facilities that is a 24 HR residential. The list and the type of infractions I found could have shut us down permanently. We are hanging by a thread and even that is starting to fray. There is so much that I am trying to do to help keep this company afloat and keep our lives in order but everywhere I turn there is more drama and bullshit and more uncertainty than I can count on a single paw. I have no clue what to do or what I am going to do next. And these same staff allowed clients to sleep in soiled sheets and almost sent them to the facility without breakfast. And of course I am the admin, but none of the staff bother reporting to me anything that goes on.


I am scared. I am genuinely scared beyond words. I cant get lunch, I cant help keep my family's company going at the rate it is. I purchase supplies only to have a thief in our company take them or the staff waste them. And we are working with a skeleton crew as is.



I'm sorry. I don't mean to vent but as it stands, I am in my office right now with the door shut, crying and worried about what will come next. I hope the next time I write a journal, I have better news to share. I'm sorry for the inconvenience. Thank you for listening.