But I'm having a hard time trying to get my motivation to do so back. I watch all these creators and think to myself about how I could possibly even get anywhere near the level of content that these people make. It also doesn't help that Real Life Work saps a lot of the energy to make videos out of me sometimes. I also need to figure out what type of audience I want to have. Personally, I want to play games, and of course record myself playing them, But I also want to make a sort of Chill and talk Podcast. Maybe something about how I became a furry.

There's also another thing that holds me back as well, And that would be editing my videos to look better :/ I wish I knew people in the fandom that knew more about editing videos to fit the format I see in so many other videos. Maybe I could just ask around and see if anyone could help on that end. I do suffer a bit from social anxiety and I find it hard to approach people and even harder to just... Find the right words to say. Even now while I type out this journal, I'm flubbing left and right trying to put my thoughts out.

I harbor a lot of self-doubts, many voices in my head telling me no you could never do it, never make it. I don't want to be popular, I doubt I'll ever be popular anyways. I just want to see something I made and be like "I did that." something so simple as that seems hard to reach like reaching for that apple on the top of the tree. Maybe once I move out I'll find that motivation again, find that spark of creativity, and make something worthwhile.