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Something I am learning
3 years ago
General
If I am to push my body towards healing, I need to exhaust myself with pleasurable things, not painful ones. I cannot drudge my way towards health. Because drudgery is something I naturally loathe and avoid! And if I associate weariness with drudgery, I will avoid doing things that make me weary. Of course I will. Of course I will! Who the fuck wants to get healthy if it's boring and painful? That's just awful! Oh I am SURE there are plenty of masochistic people out there of course for whom something like "no pain, no gain" is substantial enough to get them to do shit. I am not one of them!!!!
If anyone, ANYONE, ever tells you that to do anything good for yourself requires putting yourself through a great amount of pain and boredom, question whether they are A) trying to get something out of you, and B) masochistic/enjoying the work in some way you don't have access to. Because I will tell you, if someone's having fun with drudgery and you're hating it, they've got something else going on for them that you can't see. Could be as simple as they don't need nearly as much mental stimulation as you do. Could be they've got a kink. Could be drugs or alcohol. Could be their body is unusually resilient/does not create nearly as many of the chemicals that tell them they're in pain as yours does. There's always a reason. If you can't tolerate something and someone else can, there's always a god damn REASON. There's nothing wrong with not being able to suffer the same things someone else does! Do not suffer just because you assume others are!
So, pleasure is the way for me to heal. I need to do fulfilling things that are interesting and gratifying. I can wear myself out regularly if I am doing lovely things, and that will give me a healthier relationship with tiredness, will physically improve me so I can handle more, and will make me better capable of handling difficult things that *aren't* pleasant, when I must. Fuck, I wish I'd been told this when I was younger. I always thought improving myself was supposed to be something awful. No, no... I should have realized the people who make themselves hurt and then smile and laugh about it not long later are getting something out of that pain that I don't get. I shouldn't hold myself to their standards or take their advice. I need to do things the way that is best for me, and that involves not suffering, but enjoyment.
If anyone, ANYONE, ever tells you that to do anything good for yourself requires putting yourself through a great amount of pain and boredom, question whether they are A) trying to get something out of you, and B) masochistic/enjoying the work in some way you don't have access to. Because I will tell you, if someone's having fun with drudgery and you're hating it, they've got something else going on for them that you can't see. Could be as simple as they don't need nearly as much mental stimulation as you do. Could be they've got a kink. Could be drugs or alcohol. Could be their body is unusually resilient/does not create nearly as many of the chemicals that tell them they're in pain as yours does. There's always a reason. If you can't tolerate something and someone else can, there's always a god damn REASON. There's nothing wrong with not being able to suffer the same things someone else does! Do not suffer just because you assume others are!
So, pleasure is the way for me to heal. I need to do fulfilling things that are interesting and gratifying. I can wear myself out regularly if I am doing lovely things, and that will give me a healthier relationship with tiredness, will physically improve me so I can handle more, and will make me better capable of handling difficult things that *aren't* pleasant, when I must. Fuck, I wish I'd been told this when I was younger. I always thought improving myself was supposed to be something awful. No, no... I should have realized the people who make themselves hurt and then smile and laugh about it not long later are getting something out of that pain that I don't get. I shouldn't hold myself to their standards or take their advice. I need to do things the way that is best for me, and that involves not suffering, but enjoyment.
