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It's Been a Long, Hot, Hard Minute
3 years ago
My health has been poor for about five months now. Lots of headaches, lots of stomachaches, shoulder pain now, plenty of doctors and tests, and... anxiety! I found out I'm right on the cusp of prediabetes, broke a tooth eating bacon at a local restaurant and am getting it pulled next week, and am awaiting the results of a home sleep-apnea test.
My gallbladder was the prime suspect for my stomach pain, and a test called a HIDA scan confirmed it. The gallbladder releases the bile that's produced by the liver, which helps to digest fat in the foods we eat. But I have [biliary dyskensia. My gallbladder contracts very poorly. I can't properly digest my food and thus, my stomach hurts.
The classic treatment is to remove the gallbladder. Most of the women in my immediate family on my mom's side have had theirs removed. Even Mom, last year. I have to see a surgeon. And right now, I'm eating a very low-fat diet to try to combat the pain. Hot and cold cereal, canned chicken, egg whites, rice, bread, fruit... These are my staples. I've found frozen Greek-yogurt bars to replace ice cream, and make baked goods with applesauce instead of butter or oil. I'm losing weight, which I need to do, but man, I miss ''real'' food. I miss Chinese.
Remember that anxiety I mentioned? I ended up in the ER with it, and tachycardia, late in July, in the middle of the night. Going to the hospital at 4AM because you're anxious really feels like a low point.
And thanks to that anxiety, I came out to my dad. Or rather, I made my mom do it for me. I would have nightmares all the time about him finding out about my sexuality. All's well on that end, and I've received permission to date (yes I know that sounds weird because I'm an adult, but it's my parents' house), but that's not my immediate concern because, you know, I need to have an organ removed. But I'm reading a book on lesbian dating and relationships and have plenty of talks about it with my therapist.
...I kind of wish I had a better coming out story; with both Mom and Dad I did it in the middle of a crisis...
Having surgery terrifies me. The whole process. I detest the thought of a breathing tube down my throat. I'm scared of waking up in a different room, and of puking afterwards. A few journals back you can read about how I fought tooth and nail over sedation at the oral surgeon, and this isn't just sedation, it's general anesthesia, the real deal.
I don't know how to finish this, so if you made it this far, thanks I guess?...
My gallbladder was the prime suspect for my stomach pain, and a test called a HIDA scan confirmed it. The gallbladder releases the bile that's produced by the liver, which helps to digest fat in the foods we eat. But I have [biliary dyskensia. My gallbladder contracts very poorly. I can't properly digest my food and thus, my stomach hurts.
The classic treatment is to remove the gallbladder. Most of the women in my immediate family on my mom's side have had theirs removed. Even Mom, last year. I have to see a surgeon. And right now, I'm eating a very low-fat diet to try to combat the pain. Hot and cold cereal, canned chicken, egg whites, rice, bread, fruit... These are my staples. I've found frozen Greek-yogurt bars to replace ice cream, and make baked goods with applesauce instead of butter or oil. I'm losing weight, which I need to do, but man, I miss ''real'' food. I miss Chinese.
Remember that anxiety I mentioned? I ended up in the ER with it, and tachycardia, late in July, in the middle of the night. Going to the hospital at 4AM because you're anxious really feels like a low point.
And thanks to that anxiety, I came out to my dad. Or rather, I made my mom do it for me. I would have nightmares all the time about him finding out about my sexuality. All's well on that end, and I've received permission to date (yes I know that sounds weird because I'm an adult, but it's my parents' house), but that's not my immediate concern because, you know, I need to have an organ removed. But I'm reading a book on lesbian dating and relationships and have plenty of talks about it with my therapist.
...I kind of wish I had a better coming out story; with both Mom and Dad I did it in the middle of a crisis...
Having surgery terrifies me. The whole process. I detest the thought of a breathing tube down my throat. I'm scared of waking up in a different room, and of puking afterwards. A few journals back you can read about how I fought tooth and nail over sedation at the oral surgeon, and this isn't just sedation, it's general anesthesia, the real deal.
I don't know how to finish this, so if you made it this far, thanks I guess?...
