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Struggling
3 years ago
I am in a very bad place mentally.
Since the traumatic experience of having my gallbladder removed in October, my anxiety has taken over and my personality has completely changed.
I am in chronic pain. Before the surgery, I could eat low-fat food. Now, nearly everything hurts.
I now refuse to eat most food due to fear of vomiting, because they were not able to keep me from dry-heaving after the surgery. I used to love to eat. Now if you place a proper meal in front of me, chances are I'll cry. I'm hungry and I'm weak.
I'm convinced I have a brain tumor because I have most of the symptoms.
All of my senses are heightened, and it's painful. Brushing my teeth now makes me want to gag. I hate needing to poop.
I hate going to sleep because of the nightmares. It's not refreshing.
I'm trying desperately to stay out of in-patient care. I have a therapist, but my parents and I are struggling to find me a psychiatrist. All the places we call either say they can't help, or you leave a message and no one calls back.
All we've managed to do is get a virtual appointment with my doctor's assistant to try to beg for a sedative. But the last time we did this, they refused to give me Ativan, which is the only thing that will calm me at all.
Both my parents work, so I have to spend hours by myself, alone and struggling. When I get like this, I lose interest in most everything. I stare off into space, or just walk around aimlessly outside.
I used to love going out, but now I fear it. I fear I will vomit in public, or get shot, be in a car wreck, or catch an illness. My dad was in a crash this year, and I have been near two shootings.
My parents try to help. But typically we end up yelling. They say I need a psychiatrist, but then in the same breath will say "drugs are not the answer," when pretty much all a psychiatrist does is write scripts.
Dad is especially bad. I'm agnostic, but he will try to get me to talk to a priest or watch Joel Olsteen. He tells me how an uncle was "cured" of some unknown illness after doctors failed him by going to a shrine.
I guess I'm looking for any words of advice I haven't heard already.
Since the traumatic experience of having my gallbladder removed in October, my anxiety has taken over and my personality has completely changed.
I am in chronic pain. Before the surgery, I could eat low-fat food. Now, nearly everything hurts.
I now refuse to eat most food due to fear of vomiting, because they were not able to keep me from dry-heaving after the surgery. I used to love to eat. Now if you place a proper meal in front of me, chances are I'll cry. I'm hungry and I'm weak.
I'm convinced I have a brain tumor because I have most of the symptoms.
All of my senses are heightened, and it's painful. Brushing my teeth now makes me want to gag. I hate needing to poop.
I hate going to sleep because of the nightmares. It's not refreshing.
I'm trying desperately to stay out of in-patient care. I have a therapist, but my parents and I are struggling to find me a psychiatrist. All the places we call either say they can't help, or you leave a message and no one calls back.
All we've managed to do is get a virtual appointment with my doctor's assistant to try to beg for a sedative. But the last time we did this, they refused to give me Ativan, which is the only thing that will calm me at all.
Both my parents work, so I have to spend hours by myself, alone and struggling. When I get like this, I lose interest in most everything. I stare off into space, or just walk around aimlessly outside.
I used to love going out, but now I fear it. I fear I will vomit in public, or get shot, be in a car wreck, or catch an illness. My dad was in a crash this year, and I have been near two shootings.
My parents try to help. But typically we end up yelling. They say I need a psychiatrist, but then in the same breath will say "drugs are not the answer," when pretty much all a psychiatrist does is write scripts.
Dad is especially bad. I'm agnostic, but he will try to get me to talk to a priest or watch Joel Olsteen. He tells me how an uncle was "cured" of some unknown illness after doctors failed him by going to a shrine.
I guess I'm looking for any words of advice I haven't heard already.
I don't know if this will help, but I was once in a situation where I was severely underweight, sleeping most of the time, and barely eating. It was a time when my depression was extra terrible. I guess I basically had to find the few things I could tolerate and force myself to eat a decent bit any time i could. I think it was the fear of it getting worse for my health mentally & physically that helped me "recover". I also took some vitamins and stuff. And I didn't take the stuff the doctor gave me because it made me sick (but that was just me. and I am not a doctor).
