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So....
3 years ago
It's been a long time since i updated my journal, and... phew boy, these past couple years have really put me through the ringer. My mental health has... really fluctuated, and i haven't been able to go get checked properly, nor have i really told any one in my family because i'm scared they won't believe me.
So to start, one of my long time IRL friends cut all ties with me. Gone are the days where people could agree to disagree on political subjects, which is what the cause was for him doing so. It really hurt me, having enjoyed the times we would hang out together. 10+ years of a friendship gone like that.
Then, there's the matter of my uncle. He'd been in and out of my life for years starting when i was little, finally moving to be closer to me, my mom, and everyone else once my "grandmother" had died a few years ago. I thought we would have loads of time together, spending quite a bit of time going out and checking out places. But then, a couple years ago the dreaded C word afflicted him. At first, we thought he would get through it, as they'd caught it early. That, sadly, was not meant to be. First year he did well enough, but the second year took a turn for the worse. Finally, in March... he finally passed. My final words to him when i last saw him were "I Love You." He wasn't even coherent enough to reply back.
He didn't even get to hold his grandniece, who'd been born the night before he'd passed. He'd been so excited when my sister had announced that her and her hubby were expecting with their last baby. He swore he'd fight so he could meet her... but lost. Everyone in my family, including my mother (who was his sister) were devastated. My mom took it the worst, crying for days.
With how this pandemic had been, my only other IRL friend has been keeping his distance, but we still talk over Discord every now and then. It's just not as fun as actually coming over and hanging out, though. I just wish we could actually hang out again for real.
Right now, i'm just mentally drained and tired.
So to start, one of my long time IRL friends cut all ties with me. Gone are the days where people could agree to disagree on political subjects, which is what the cause was for him doing so. It really hurt me, having enjoyed the times we would hang out together. 10+ years of a friendship gone like that.
Then, there's the matter of my uncle. He'd been in and out of my life for years starting when i was little, finally moving to be closer to me, my mom, and everyone else once my "grandmother" had died a few years ago. I thought we would have loads of time together, spending quite a bit of time going out and checking out places. But then, a couple years ago the dreaded C word afflicted him. At first, we thought he would get through it, as they'd caught it early. That, sadly, was not meant to be. First year he did well enough, but the second year took a turn for the worse. Finally, in March... he finally passed. My final words to him when i last saw him were "I Love You." He wasn't even coherent enough to reply back.
He didn't even get to hold his grandniece, who'd been born the night before he'd passed. He'd been so excited when my sister had announced that her and her hubby were expecting with their last baby. He swore he'd fight so he could meet her... but lost. Everyone in my family, including my mother (who was his sister) were devastated. My mom took it the worst, crying for days.
With how this pandemic had been, my only other IRL friend has been keeping his distance, but we still talk over Discord every now and then. It's just not as fun as actually coming over and hanging out, though. I just wish we could actually hang out again for real.
Right now, i'm just mentally drained and tired.
