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I haven't drawn for a long time
3 years ago
My old fans should know that I often do not update for several months, but this time it is different
I don't know whether I have mentioned that I have suffered from depression. I have suffered from serious cyber violence because of this. It's easy for me to fail to figure out something. I often can't accept myself and my ability. I will be extremely paranoid and compare me with others
I often suffer from my poor painting ability and can't extricate myself from it. At least I think it's ugly and bad
It started last month when my FA account was banned because one of my anime works was reported and identified as "fetal pornography". If you remember, it was an anime that was spawned in the abdomen and parasites grew in a transparent stomach. I was banned for a whole week because of that anime, and that was just an opportunity for my current low tide
Where should we start
My earliest Internet record began in 2011. I began to share my paintings when I first went online. Before that, I started painting in the first grade of primary school and showed some talents. I think I have been painting for at least 14 years, but to be honest, the period of painting children's paintings can be ignored. Let's take it as a decade
I have been painting for ten years, and I finally begin to understand that my ability has reached the end
I used to draw hundreds of pages of notebooks, several of them. In class and at night, I secretly drew pictures. I would post my pictures online and accept criticism modestly. I liked to draw some coherent short comics. At that time, I was full of creative desire and expression desire. Although the paintings were ordinary, I really painted, updated and published frequently
But my paintings have never got the "boutique" logo in the forum. You know, the reason is that I painted
It sucks
But at that time, I was very happy painting. I didn't care. As long as I could continue to paint, I would be very happy. Even though my parents were very disgusted with my painting, they hoped that I would give up these behaviors that wasted time and would not help my study. My family was very poor, so I didn't have the opportunity to enter the formal art learning path in the end
Slowly, I began to feel the gap
I don't know when it started. I think people around me have started to grow rapidly. They are getting better and better, and their paintings are getting better and better. While I am just walking in the same place, there is little growth. When they began to draw some very beautiful, three-dimensional muscle blocks, I was still drawing some plush people with long and thin hands and feet. I understand that I am behind, but I did not leave my paintings behind, I still paint every day. I even used the computer my uncle gave me to try to draw pixel paintings, because the computer was so bad that it was difficult to draw anything else
But I'm still lagging behind
I began to compare others with me. I began to try to learn the advantages of others, but I was still very poor. Even though I tried so hard to compare, I still could not understand the profound human structure and three-dimensional sense in their paintings. I began to get frustrated, but I continued to paint, but I abandoned the paper and pen. I went to high school. I began to use computers to paint. That was the time when I painted most. I painted all day and all night, A lot of paintings, a lot of
But this is me, a fool. I have made some progress, but compared with other people, they are also growing. Many years later, some people I know on the forum have been drawing original pictures for the game company. Let's see what I am drawing. More detailed plush people with slender hands and feet
I began to feel powerless and painful. I could not catch up with others and draw good works like them, which made me feel guilty and self reproach. I left professionals alone. Even amateurs at the same time, I was far behind
But everything went downhill from that
I have a friend. I'm sure he can't paint. He once painted for me. Although he worked hard, he was really bad. He "used to" be my best friend
One day, he disappeared for three months without any news or contact. When he reappeared, I noticed that he painted a lot of beautiful muscles. He might have taken some classes or something, but everyone liked the new paintings he brought
You can't imagine how much this shocked me
It suddenly dawned on me that all my efforts over the years were actually behind closed doors, worthless, useless and ridiculous. I was severely beaten by a newcomer who had been trained for three months. I lost a lot. I finally understood the meaning of talent. Maybe it wasn't talent, but I was stupid. I shouldn't try and waste time to do a career I couldn't do
After that, I deliberately snubbed him. After that, we didn't have any contact. In fact, I regret it now, but it's meaningless
After I was diagnosed with depression, my painful thoughts became more and more profound. I could not bear my own skills or look directly at others' paintings. When I saw a painting, I would subconsciously compare it with my own, but I could not draw it anyway
Later one time, I publicly accepted the entrustment. At that time, I felt that my painting was not bad. I only needed 30 yuan (about $4) to draw a pixel painting
However, no one cares. After that, I vowed that I would never, never accept any CM
In the following years, too many things happened. I made changed, which was another turning point in my life. My painting ability finally... had a sad effect
Maybe drawing animation will be a good direction. I don't have much complicated learning. I just watched a few videos and began to draw animation. I admit, now it seems that some of the early changed animations are stupid, and the current ones are also stupid. After all, everyone is drawing animation now. Haha, I'm nothing at all, and I've been surpassed again
In recent years, I draw fewer and fewer single pictures. Animation takes up a larger part. My single pictures have no characteristics and are not beautiful, far less than the paintings of those I really admire. My subject matter has become more and more strange. I have even accumulated some fans. My games and animation are not exquisite, but I have definitely paid all my efforts and skills, I have also used some new techniques and painting methods. You may see from the picture number that I have a little understanding of the picture, and I have made some progress
Until that day, just last month... I went to an anti furry forum. I just went to see their comments on the game. I shouldn't have done that. I knew it was stupid. I knew I would see some very mean remarks. Where did they wantonly laugh at my paintings, my content, and all my efforts, as if I had made some mistakes? Most importantly, my heart agreed with their insults
...
I couldn't get out of it for many days. My depression may have broken out. Soon, my FA was banned again. This is probably the last straw that killed the camel
I'm sure that I can't understand those profound painting methods, remember those trunks, and know how to draw stereoscopic sense. In short, I don't know anything. When everyone is born, the weight and capacity of his brain are different. Although the learning after tomorrow will affect a lot, I think there are various differences in people's abilities. Some people can become masters if they learn a little, although they can't draw, Some people may not have talent, but their learning ability is strong enough to become great painters
I, on the other hand, am a very unlucky person who has no talent, can't learn, likes painting, and wants to continue painting
I don't know if you know about the survivor bias. You think painting is a very simple thing. After learning, everyone becomes an excellent painter. But in fact, there are more, very many people who have failed. They are the real majority of people. They can neither draw nor publish, but they have tried hard, but no one knows, After all, they have no ability to publish anything to let you know his efforts
If I didn't make changed, I would also be that kind of person. I would become a staff member or a waiter after I left college. I would never touch painting again
I still can't walk out. I pick up the brush these days, and I will feel a surge of anger towards myself. For the first time, I began to have some self mutilation feelings. I cried many times. I understand that it is time to choose whether to continue all this or give up. However I choose, I will continue to paint the remaining changed game materials, which is the crystallization of my life, no matter how painful, I also want to finish this game, so don't worry about my emotions affecting my game project
But after that, maybe it's really time to give up and end my pain. This is my ability. All my abilities, my efforts for so many years, are just the butt of others' jokes. I spent so much time and energy creating free animation after making games, but also some strange things that will be reported. I know you love me and my creations, and I know most people still appreciate me, But I can't accept myself
I need psychological guidance, but I may give up directly
Every man has his own destiny
我的老粉丝们应该知道，我本来就经常突然好几个月都不更新，但是这次不太一样
我不知道我是否提到过我曾患有抑郁症，我曾经因为这个遭受了严重的网络暴力，我很容易无法想通某些事，我经常无法接受自己、接受自己的能力，我会极端偏执的将我与其他人比较
我经常会因为我低下的绘画能力而深陷痛苦，无法自拔，至少我自己认为那是不堪入目、糟糕的
事情起源于上个月，我的FA账号被封禁了，原因是我的其中一幅动画作品被举报，并且被认定为是“胎儿色情”，如果你们还记得的话，那是一个被在腹部产卵，然后寄生虫在透明的肚子里生长的动画，我因为那个动画被封禁了一整周，而那件事只是我现在低潮的契机
这一切该从哪里说起呢
我最早的互联网记录是从2011年开始的，我刚开始上网时就开始分享自己的画作，那之前，我在小学一年级时就开始画画，并且展现出一些才能，我想我至今已经有至少14年绘画的历程，不过老实说，画儿童画的那段时期可以忽略，那就当做是十年吧
我已经画了十年了，我终于开始明白，我的能力已经到达了尽头
我也曾经画满了几百页的笔记本，好几本，在课堂上、晚上，偷偷的画画，我会把我的画发到网上，虚心的接受批评，我很喜欢绘制一些连贯的短漫画，那时候的我充满了创作欲望与表达欲望，虽然画的一般，但是我真的非常频繁的画画、频繁的更新、频繁的发表
但是我的画在论坛里从来都没有得到过“精品”标志，你知道的，原因就是我画的
很 烂
不过那时候很画画开心，我并不在意，我只要能继续画画，我就会很开心，即使我的父母很反感我画画，他们希望我放弃这些浪费时间、不会对学习有所帮助的行为，我的家境很差，所以我最终也没有机会去进入正规的美术学习的道路
慢慢的，我就开始感受到了差距
不知道是从什么时候开始，我觉得我身边的人们都开始快速的成长起来，他们都变得越来越棒，画的越来越好，而我就在原地踏步，很少有成长，他们开始绘制一些非常漂亮的、富有立体感的肌肉块时，我还是在画一些手脚细长的毛绒绒人，我明白我落后了，但是我并没有落下我的绘画，我还是每天都在画，我甚至用叔叔送给我的电脑开始尝试绘制像素画，因为那个电脑实在太差劲了，甚至很难画些别的
但是我还是很落后
我开始拿别人与我对比，我开始尝试学习他人的优点，但是我还是很差，即使我那么努力的对比，我也还是无法理解他们画中深奥的人体构造与立体感，我开始变得沮丧，但是我还是在继续画画，但我抛弃了纸笔，我升上了高中，我开始使用电脑作画，那是我画画最多的时期，我没日没夜的画画，画了很多，很多...
但是这就是我，一个笨蛋，我有了些长进，但对比其他人来说，他们也在成长，很多年之后，我在论坛上面认识的一些人已经在为游戏公司绘制原画了，看看我在画什么吧，更加细致的手脚细长的毛绒绒人
我开始感到一些无力，感到一些痛苦，我无法追上其他人，无法画出像他们那么好的作品，这让我很内疚、自责，抛去专业人士不谈，即使是同时期的业余者，我也远远赶不上了
但是一切都从那件事开始急转直下
我有一个朋友，我可以肯定他是不会画画的，他曾经为我画过画，虽然很努力，但确实很差，他“曾经”是我很要好的朋友
有天，他消失了整整三个月，没有任何消息，没有联络，当他再出现时，我注意到他画了很多漂亮的肌肉，他可能去参加了什么学习班或者之类的，但他带来的新画，大家都很喜欢
你想象不到这件事对我的震撼有多大
我突然明白了我这么多年的努力其实都是闭门造车、不值一提、无用、可笑的，我被一个培训了三个月的新人狠狠的比了下去，我输得一塌糊涂，我终于明白了天赋的含义，或许不是天赋，只是我蠢，不该尝试、浪费时间做一个我不可能做到的事业
那之后我故意冷落了他，再之后我们没有了任何联系，我实际上现在很后悔，但已经没有意义了
我被确诊抑郁之后，痛苦的想法越来越深刻，我无法忍耐我自己的技巧，无法直视他人的画作，当我看到一幅画我就会下意识与我自己比较，但我就是无论如何都画不出来
后来有一次，我公开接受委托，那时候的我，我觉得画的并不算差，我只需要30人民币（大概4美元）就可以绘制一张像素画
但是，没有人，没有人在乎，那之后，我发誓，我绝不、永不再接受任何CM
那之后的几年发生了太多的事情，我制作了changed，那是我人生中的另一个转折点，我的绘画能力终于…有了一点可悲的作用
或许绘制动画会是个好的方向，我没有多复杂的学习，只是看了几个视频就开始绘制动画了，我承认，现在看来，早期changed的一些动画，画的很蠢，现在的也蠢，毕竟现在大家也都在画动画了，哈哈，我根本算不上什么，我又一次的被超越了
我近些年越来越少绘制单图了，动画占了更大的部分，我的单图没什么特色，也并不好看，远不及我真正崇拜的那些人的画，我的题材也开始变得越来越古怪，我甚至因此积攒起来了一些粉丝，我的游戏与动画，虽然谈不上精致，但我绝对付出了所有的努力与技巧，我在changed中绘制的一些图片，也使用了一些新的技巧与画法，你或许可以从图片的编号来看，我稍微有了一点对画面的理解，我稍微进步了一些
直到那天，就在上个月...我去了一个反furry论坛，我只是去看看他们对游戏的评价，我不该那么做的，我知道这行为很愚蠢，我知道我会看到一些非常刻薄的言论，在哪里，他们肆意的嘲笑我的画，还有我画的内容，嘲笑我的所有努力，就好像我犯了什么错一样，最重要的是，我的内心赞同他们的侮辱
...
我好多天都无法从中挣扎出来，我的抑郁可能发作了，很快，我的FA又被封禁了，这大概就是压死骆驼最后的稻草了
我可以肯定，我无法理解那些高深的画法，无法记住那些躯干，不知道怎么去绘制立体感，总之，我什么都不知道，每个人生下来时，大脑的重量与容量就不同，虽然后天的学习会影响很多，但我觉得人的能力都有各种各样的差异，有的人虽然不会画画，但是只要稍微学习，就能成为大师，有的人可能没有天赋，但他的学习能力够强，一样可以成为伟大的画家
而我，就恰好是一个很倒霉的，没有天赋，不会学习，又喜欢画画，想继续画画的倒霉蛋
我不知道你们知不知道幸存者偏差，你觉得好像画画是很简单的事情，大家学习了之后都成为了优秀的画家，但是实际上，那些失败了的人更多，非常多，他们才是真正的大多数人，他们不会画画，也不会发表出来，但他们也努力过了，只是已经没有人知道了，毕竟他们没有能力发表什么东西能让你知道他曾经的努力
如果我没有制作changed，我也将会是那样的人，我会在离开大学之后成为一个职员，或者服务生什么之类的，永远不会再接触画画了
我仍然无法走出来，这几天我拿起画笔，就会感受到一股我对我自己的愤怒，我第一次的，开始有一些自残情绪，我痛哭了很多次，我明白，要么继续这一切，要么放弃，是时候选择了，但是无论我怎么选，我都还是要继续画完剩下的changed游戏素材，那是我一生的结晶，无论多么痛苦，我也要完成这部游戏，所以别担心我的情绪会影响我的游戏工程
但在那完成之后，或许就真的该放弃了，终结我的痛苦吧，这就是我的能力了，我全部的能力，我这么多年的努力，不过是别人的笑柄，我花了那么多时间与精力，在制作游戏之余创作的免费动画，也不过是些会被举报的怪东西，我知道你们爱我，爱我的创作，我知道大部分人还是欣赏我的，但我自己却无法接受我自己
我需要心理辅导，但也可能会直接放弃
人各有命，皆不相同
I don't know whether I have mentioned that I have suffered from depression. I have suffered from serious cyber violence because of this. It's easy for me to fail to figure out something. I often can't accept myself and my ability. I will be extremely paranoid and compare me with others
I often suffer from my poor painting ability and can't extricate myself from it. At least I think it's ugly and bad
It started last month when my FA account was banned because one of my anime works was reported and identified as "fetal pornography". If you remember, it was an anime that was spawned in the abdomen and parasites grew in a transparent stomach. I was banned for a whole week because of that anime, and that was just an opportunity for my current low tide
Where should we start
My earliest Internet record began in 2011. I began to share my paintings when I first went online. Before that, I started painting in the first grade of primary school and showed some talents. I think I have been painting for at least 14 years, but to be honest, the period of painting children's paintings can be ignored. Let's take it as a decade
I have been painting for ten years, and I finally begin to understand that my ability has reached the end
I used to draw hundreds of pages of notebooks, several of them. In class and at night, I secretly drew pictures. I would post my pictures online and accept criticism modestly. I liked to draw some coherent short comics. At that time, I was full of creative desire and expression desire. Although the paintings were ordinary, I really painted, updated and published frequently
But my paintings have never got the "boutique" logo in the forum. You know, the reason is that I painted
It sucks
But at that time, I was very happy painting. I didn't care. As long as I could continue to paint, I would be very happy. Even though my parents were very disgusted with my painting, they hoped that I would give up these behaviors that wasted time and would not help my study. My family was very poor, so I didn't have the opportunity to enter the formal art learning path in the end
Slowly, I began to feel the gap
I don't know when it started. I think people around me have started to grow rapidly. They are getting better and better, and their paintings are getting better and better. While I am just walking in the same place, there is little growth. When they began to draw some very beautiful, three-dimensional muscle blocks, I was still drawing some plush people with long and thin hands and feet. I understand that I am behind, but I did not leave my paintings behind, I still paint every day. I even used the computer my uncle gave me to try to draw pixel paintings, because the computer was so bad that it was difficult to draw anything else
But I'm still lagging behind
I began to compare others with me. I began to try to learn the advantages of others, but I was still very poor. Even though I tried so hard to compare, I still could not understand the profound human structure and three-dimensional sense in their paintings. I began to get frustrated, but I continued to paint, but I abandoned the paper and pen. I went to high school. I began to use computers to paint. That was the time when I painted most. I painted all day and all night, A lot of paintings, a lot of
But this is me, a fool. I have made some progress, but compared with other people, they are also growing. Many years later, some people I know on the forum have been drawing original pictures for the game company. Let's see what I am drawing. More detailed plush people with slender hands and feet
I began to feel powerless and painful. I could not catch up with others and draw good works like them, which made me feel guilty and self reproach. I left professionals alone. Even amateurs at the same time, I was far behind
But everything went downhill from that
I have a friend. I'm sure he can't paint. He once painted for me. Although he worked hard, he was really bad. He "used to" be my best friend
One day, he disappeared for three months without any news or contact. When he reappeared, I noticed that he painted a lot of beautiful muscles. He might have taken some classes or something, but everyone liked the new paintings he brought
You can't imagine how much this shocked me
It suddenly dawned on me that all my efforts over the years were actually behind closed doors, worthless, useless and ridiculous. I was severely beaten by a newcomer who had been trained for three months. I lost a lot. I finally understood the meaning of talent. Maybe it wasn't talent, but I was stupid. I shouldn't try and waste time to do a career I couldn't do
After that, I deliberately snubbed him. After that, we didn't have any contact. In fact, I regret it now, but it's meaningless
After I was diagnosed with depression, my painful thoughts became more and more profound. I could not bear my own skills or look directly at others' paintings. When I saw a painting, I would subconsciously compare it with my own, but I could not draw it anyway
Later one time, I publicly accepted the entrustment. At that time, I felt that my painting was not bad. I only needed 30 yuan (about $4) to draw a pixel painting
However, no one cares. After that, I vowed that I would never, never accept any CM
In the following years, too many things happened. I made changed, which was another turning point in my life. My painting ability finally... had a sad effect
Maybe drawing animation will be a good direction. I don't have much complicated learning. I just watched a few videos and began to draw animation. I admit, now it seems that some of the early changed animations are stupid, and the current ones are also stupid. After all, everyone is drawing animation now. Haha, I'm nothing at all, and I've been surpassed again
In recent years, I draw fewer and fewer single pictures. Animation takes up a larger part. My single pictures have no characteristics and are not beautiful, far less than the paintings of those I really admire. My subject matter has become more and more strange. I have even accumulated some fans. My games and animation are not exquisite, but I have definitely paid all my efforts and skills, I have also used some new techniques and painting methods. You may see from the picture number that I have a little understanding of the picture, and I have made some progress
Until that day, just last month... I went to an anti furry forum. I just went to see their comments on the game. I shouldn't have done that. I knew it was stupid. I knew I would see some very mean remarks. Where did they wantonly laugh at my paintings, my content, and all my efforts, as if I had made some mistakes? Most importantly, my heart agreed with their insults
...
I couldn't get out of it for many days. My depression may have broken out. Soon, my FA was banned again. This is probably the last straw that killed the camel
I'm sure that I can't understand those profound painting methods, remember those trunks, and know how to draw stereoscopic sense. In short, I don't know anything. When everyone is born, the weight and capacity of his brain are different. Although the learning after tomorrow will affect a lot, I think there are various differences in people's abilities. Some people can become masters if they learn a little, although they can't draw, Some people may not have talent, but their learning ability is strong enough to become great painters
I, on the other hand, am a very unlucky person who has no talent, can't learn, likes painting, and wants to continue painting
I don't know if you know about the survivor bias. You think painting is a very simple thing. After learning, everyone becomes an excellent painter. But in fact, there are more, very many people who have failed. They are the real majority of people. They can neither draw nor publish, but they have tried hard, but no one knows, After all, they have no ability to publish anything to let you know his efforts
If I didn't make changed, I would also be that kind of person. I would become a staff member or a waiter after I left college. I would never touch painting again
I still can't walk out. I pick up the brush these days, and I will feel a surge of anger towards myself. For the first time, I began to have some self mutilation feelings. I cried many times. I understand that it is time to choose whether to continue all this or give up. However I choose, I will continue to paint the remaining changed game materials, which is the crystallization of my life, no matter how painful, I also want to finish this game, so don't worry about my emotions affecting my game project
But after that, maybe it's really time to give up and end my pain. This is my ability. All my abilities, my efforts for so many years, are just the butt of others' jokes. I spent so much time and energy creating free animation after making games, but also some strange things that will be reported. I know you love me and my creations, and I know most people still appreciate me, But I can't accept myself
I need psychological guidance, but I may give up directly
Every man has his own destiny
我的老粉丝们应该知道，我本来就经常突然好几个月都不更新，但是这次不太一样
我不知道我是否提到过我曾患有抑郁症，我曾经因为这个遭受了严重的网络暴力，我很容易无法想通某些事，我经常无法接受自己、接受自己的能力，我会极端偏执的将我与其他人比较
我经常会因为我低下的绘画能力而深陷痛苦，无法自拔，至少我自己认为那是不堪入目、糟糕的
事情起源于上个月，我的FA账号被封禁了，原因是我的其中一幅动画作品被举报，并且被认定为是“胎儿色情”，如果你们还记得的话，那是一个被在腹部产卵，然后寄生虫在透明的肚子里生长的动画，我因为那个动画被封禁了一整周，而那件事只是我现在低潮的契机
这一切该从哪里说起呢
我最早的互联网记录是从2011年开始的，我刚开始上网时就开始分享自己的画作，那之前，我在小学一年级时就开始画画，并且展现出一些才能，我想我至今已经有至少14年绘画的历程，不过老实说，画儿童画的那段时期可以忽略，那就当做是十年吧
我已经画了十年了，我终于开始明白，我的能力已经到达了尽头
我也曾经画满了几百页的笔记本，好几本，在课堂上、晚上，偷偷的画画，我会把我的画发到网上，虚心的接受批评，我很喜欢绘制一些连贯的短漫画，那时候的我充满了创作欲望与表达欲望，虽然画的一般，但是我真的非常频繁的画画、频繁的更新、频繁的发表
但是我的画在论坛里从来都没有得到过“精品”标志，你知道的，原因就是我画的
很 烂
不过那时候很画画开心，我并不在意，我只要能继续画画，我就会很开心，即使我的父母很反感我画画，他们希望我放弃这些浪费时间、不会对学习有所帮助的行为，我的家境很差，所以我最终也没有机会去进入正规的美术学习的道路
慢慢的，我就开始感受到了差距
不知道是从什么时候开始，我觉得我身边的人们都开始快速的成长起来，他们都变得越来越棒，画的越来越好，而我就在原地踏步，很少有成长，他们开始绘制一些非常漂亮的、富有立体感的肌肉块时，我还是在画一些手脚细长的毛绒绒人，我明白我落后了，但是我并没有落下我的绘画，我还是每天都在画，我甚至用叔叔送给我的电脑开始尝试绘制像素画，因为那个电脑实在太差劲了，甚至很难画些别的
但是我还是很落后
我开始拿别人与我对比，我开始尝试学习他人的优点，但是我还是很差，即使我那么努力的对比，我也还是无法理解他们画中深奥的人体构造与立体感，我开始变得沮丧，但是我还是在继续画画，但我抛弃了纸笔，我升上了高中，我开始使用电脑作画，那是我画画最多的时期，我没日没夜的画画，画了很多，很多...
但是这就是我，一个笨蛋，我有了些长进，但对比其他人来说，他们也在成长，很多年之后，我在论坛上面认识的一些人已经在为游戏公司绘制原画了，看看我在画什么吧，更加细致的手脚细长的毛绒绒人
我开始感到一些无力，感到一些痛苦，我无法追上其他人，无法画出像他们那么好的作品，这让我很内疚、自责，抛去专业人士不谈，即使是同时期的业余者，我也远远赶不上了
但是一切都从那件事开始急转直下
我有一个朋友，我可以肯定他是不会画画的，他曾经为我画过画，虽然很努力，但确实很差，他“曾经”是我很要好的朋友
有天，他消失了整整三个月，没有任何消息，没有联络，当他再出现时，我注意到他画了很多漂亮的肌肉，他可能去参加了什么学习班或者之类的，但他带来的新画，大家都很喜欢
你想象不到这件事对我的震撼有多大
我突然明白了我这么多年的努力其实都是闭门造车、不值一提、无用、可笑的，我被一个培训了三个月的新人狠狠的比了下去，我输得一塌糊涂，我终于明白了天赋的含义，或许不是天赋，只是我蠢，不该尝试、浪费时间做一个我不可能做到的事业
那之后我故意冷落了他，再之后我们没有了任何联系，我实际上现在很后悔，但已经没有意义了
我被确诊抑郁之后，痛苦的想法越来越深刻，我无法忍耐我自己的技巧，无法直视他人的画作，当我看到一幅画我就会下意识与我自己比较，但我就是无论如何都画不出来
后来有一次，我公开接受委托，那时候的我，我觉得画的并不算差，我只需要30人民币（大概4美元）就可以绘制一张像素画
但是，没有人，没有人在乎，那之后，我发誓，我绝不、永不再接受任何CM
那之后的几年发生了太多的事情，我制作了changed，那是我人生中的另一个转折点，我的绘画能力终于…有了一点可悲的作用
或许绘制动画会是个好的方向，我没有多复杂的学习，只是看了几个视频就开始绘制动画了，我承认，现在看来，早期changed的一些动画，画的很蠢，现在的也蠢，毕竟现在大家也都在画动画了，哈哈，我根本算不上什么，我又一次的被超越了
我近些年越来越少绘制单图了，动画占了更大的部分，我的单图没什么特色，也并不好看，远不及我真正崇拜的那些人的画，我的题材也开始变得越来越古怪，我甚至因此积攒起来了一些粉丝，我的游戏与动画，虽然谈不上精致，但我绝对付出了所有的努力与技巧，我在changed中绘制的一些图片，也使用了一些新的技巧与画法，你或许可以从图片的编号来看，我稍微有了一点对画面的理解，我稍微进步了一些
直到那天，就在上个月...我去了一个反furry论坛，我只是去看看他们对游戏的评价，我不该那么做的，我知道这行为很愚蠢，我知道我会看到一些非常刻薄的言论，在哪里，他们肆意的嘲笑我的画，还有我画的内容，嘲笑我的所有努力，就好像我犯了什么错一样，最重要的是，我的内心赞同他们的侮辱
...
我好多天都无法从中挣扎出来，我的抑郁可能发作了，很快，我的FA又被封禁了，这大概就是压死骆驼最后的稻草了
我可以肯定，我无法理解那些高深的画法，无法记住那些躯干，不知道怎么去绘制立体感，总之，我什么都不知道，每个人生下来时，大脑的重量与容量就不同，虽然后天的学习会影响很多，但我觉得人的能力都有各种各样的差异，有的人虽然不会画画，但是只要稍微学习，就能成为大师，有的人可能没有天赋，但他的学习能力够强，一样可以成为伟大的画家
而我，就恰好是一个很倒霉的，没有天赋，不会学习，又喜欢画画，想继续画画的倒霉蛋
我不知道你们知不知道幸存者偏差，你觉得好像画画是很简单的事情，大家学习了之后都成为了优秀的画家，但是实际上，那些失败了的人更多，非常多，他们才是真正的大多数人，他们不会画画，也不会发表出来，但他们也努力过了，只是已经没有人知道了，毕竟他们没有能力发表什么东西能让你知道他曾经的努力
如果我没有制作changed，我也将会是那样的人，我会在离开大学之后成为一个职员，或者服务生什么之类的，永远不会再接触画画了
我仍然无法走出来，这几天我拿起画笔，就会感受到一股我对我自己的愤怒，我第一次的，开始有一些自残情绪，我痛哭了很多次，我明白，要么继续这一切，要么放弃，是时候选择了，但是无论我怎么选，我都还是要继续画完剩下的changed游戏素材，那是我一生的结晶，无论多么痛苦，我也要完成这部游戏，所以别担心我的情绪会影响我的游戏工程
但在那完成之后，或许就真的该放弃了，终结我的痛苦吧，这就是我的能力了，我全部的能力，我这么多年的努力，不过是别人的笑柄，我花了那么多时间与精力，在制作游戏之余创作的免费动画，也不过是些会被举报的怪东西，我知道你们爱我，爱我的创作，我知道大部分人还是欣赏我的，但我自己却无法接受我自己
我需要心理辅导，但也可能会直接放弃
人各有命，皆不相同
But i like your paintings!
comparing yourself can help sometimes with growth but doing it too much can really just give you too much self doubt. it makes it hard to appreciate what you're good at sometimes, or where you have succeeded.
I see too many artists who make really nice stuff feeling bad because of that.
All i can or could say is what both Jigglypuff and Salamandr has said already. As well as others on this comment thread. But as of now, i can only wish you the best, Tim. And hope that you'll find the exit at the end of the tunnel. We appreciate your existence.
Sure it may not be anything grand or looks like it’d be found in a museum as a still but that doesn’t mean i and other people won’t be happy to see it. You don’t need to like, measure up to other artists, if that’s how you feel.
I am right now in graphic school and I feel like surounded by everyone who is just surpassing me in everything.
I don't have any advice and fear what you feel but I do wish you best of luck in life man, either its art, or other job, hobby, whatever.
Look out for your happines there.
I had that one picture you did for me displayed I my second life house out of the many others I could have paid lindens to put up.
Some day I'd like to get you to draw my liz again, but with his girlfriend. Unfortunately I can't commission due to the loss of my best friend June 2022 I'll never commission ever., or even smile again. :(
If you ever were to start doing them again, I might even commission you, though from how you put it it already sounds like you severely underpriced your work.
You shouldn't compare yourself so much. Too much of that hurts you, I've seen too many people feel bad because of that.
However, I'm no artist myself. I can't say for sure if I have the best advice to give, it's up to you to think whatever you will of it. It's up to you to find that destiny you mentioned.
But, I hope you will still like to draw.
Your style is very unique and your fans love it. Don't ever care what "anti furs" say about it because they will just be negative all the time. You could show them what you think is the best art ever and they'll still say "ew furry bad".
Whether or not you continue to draw is ultimately up to you, but the more important thing is that you don't hate yourself or hurt yourself. I don't know what help you have access to but there's nothing wrong with asking for help. There are many that support you and you can find the strength to support yourself too!
The flame in my heart has been extinguished
Whatever you do next, we hope you'll be happy and healthy, and wish you the best of luck.
Just a note, Undertale's art was drawn by a university graduate in 2D animation (Temmie-Chang), comparing yourself to her will always be negative since she was professionaly trained to draw while you started from scratch, which is very impressive!
1- I'm not fluent in English and I only had very simple classes at school (Thanks for Brazilian education!) and I took English classes outside of school, but I had to leave so... I didn't learn much. So my English can and will probably have flaws.
2- I apologize for the length of the text, but as you are in this state, I don't think I will have another chance to express how I feel about you as a creator and your work. I don't intend to change what you think about your paintings, but I hope I can share some of the encouragement you have given to my dream every day.
Where do I start... How about starting about skills?
Don't think that your effort is bad, little or in vain, because it's not! I know what it's like to look at your effort over the years (Even though I'm young, I've been trying since I was 15) and not being able to get anything useful out of it, seeing that you have a friend or relative who, even with less time and/or not even taking it seriously like you, it just makes it better... It hurts, it makes us feel horrible, without purpose, empty.
But... I stopped at a computer engineering college, to study a college close to home, this second one in information systems, it's not what I want, but it's closer to what I want to work. Every day I see my friends and colleagues achieving more and more of their dreams while mine seems never to arrive, but it's not quite like that... I fell in love with game development when I met indie developers like you, not only that but it was your game that made me finally build up the courage to follow this dream, and look what a surprise, so far everything I do is deplorable! But I know it wasn't with one, two or three attempts that Changed was released and even after launching you weren't satisfied with the result and it's getting better and better! My God, just seeing the demos of Changed special, this is way beyond what the original Changed has. Every month, I keep sitting here looking at everything I've learned from you amazing, hardworking indie developers, even though about $18.98 for my leisure (until I get a job that accepts my college schedules) I don't to invest in my dream and... To read that you feel so bad, with a dream, with the skill you tried to improve the most and that you still don't feel good is... A shock... Sometimes for those who look from here from below, it looks like you are unreachable gods and that you've achieved everything you wanted in life, and even if that's not true, it's still kind of shocking to think that you go through such a crisis with your ability. Your drawings and pixelarts are amazing (as I don't understand painting, I think it's better not to comment on them) and you're really good with them, I've seen many people who made fangames, fanfics, fanarts and even create their own things following the mold of yours universe, but even so, I can identify in a matter of seconds if the drawing is yours or not, it's like seeing a drawing of luffy that tries to imitate Oda and an official art of his, even if you look and realize that they are similar, there is something in the line, in the artist's expression or even in his addiction to knowing the work, which makes you recognize the original author's art as unique!
And that was it, I wanted to share with you how your game changed my life, even funny that before I met Changed I was against buying games, because I was in favor of the idea that it was good to have a first experience with a work and only later to know if I would spend money on it, but I met Changed and it was love at first sight, I saved money from the bus until I bought it on Steam, today I know that I am furry and I am trying to be a game programmer, all because one day while walking around youtube i saw a white boy with black shorts on the tumb of a video.
Thanks for everything, even if you don't know it, on the other side of the world there's a crazy guy who tells everyone that his favorite game is Changed.
I feel the same because I barely have any progress with my own artworks. Wasting a lot of time drawing one picture during week when some artists can give masterpieces every day.
Just don't push yourself, there is no need to overstress.
The only one rule is: Do not give up.
No matter how dark the night, there is always bright sunrise after.
I had to do a lot of Soul searching for years, But after studying psychology throughout those years for self help. I've learned that Depression is Anger turned Inward. As Sigmund Freud once wrote.
As someone who has struggled to bring my own art and work to life, I'm completely envious of you even having a fully functional game. Along with a healthy sized following. But here's the difference. You chose to create these things, despite everything, and succeeded as far as I can tell. I stopped my creative efforts and settled down with my husband.
No one on earth can show you a "proper path" to take. Life is a journey, and the only person that can choose where to go, is yourself.
"In the midst of winter, I found there was within me, an infinite summer."
You can't please everyone. Nothing is universally loved. There will always be people out there who will deride your work. "You are your own worst critic" is also a common phrase. You get to see every stroke of the brush, every line, every revision, every thought that goes into a vision that you and you alone can make.
Take a step back, and look at things in perspective. Why did you make Changed? What purpose did it serve? Surely you didn't go in expecting it to be a great success. You didn't expect it to be well-received, or as loved as it is, right? But here you are now, and look at what it brought. There are plenty of people who got inspired by it, who loved what you made, and wanted to show it in their own way.
Do not give up. Do not rush. Everyone moves at their own pace, but the most important thing is to keep going forward in spite of the difficulties ahead. You alone can forge your own destiny.
I'm not a psychologist, nor would I ever claim to be one, so I would take this advice with a grain of salt: You may want to do some introspection on your depression. Listen to the negativity inside of you, and learn where these thoughts are coming from. Perhaps by coming to understand yourself and your thought processes, you may end up finding ways to sort through them.
Take care of yourself, Snow. There's a lot of people out here who're rooting for you.
As for Art though, it should not have to be about the most complex or detailed creations, unless one only cares to create that. The true value should come from tbe appreciation of the uniqueness and special identity that art creates. Even when it shares similar designs or qualities, each individual's art is enjoyed from it's special overall design and themes from the creator. In turn the creator should appreciate their own art not just from it's complexity or mass appeal but from also their own enjoyment, the main love one should have of their craft and skill is the ability to create what they want to see more in the world. Every mind is built different and some can learn skills much slower or faster depending on how it's made or taught. At the end though nothing changes if they stop placing any efforts in to go beyond where they started. You cannot please every single voice and opinion in the end, however you can always please yourself with what you create and your audience which supports you for what you have made. Whichever path you choose from this point, I only wish the best for you and that things look much brighter soon.
Please keep drawing and inspiring people with your games and art, you have a massive fan base that loves your wonderful characters you've made. I know you can bring yourself from this pit of depression! Don't give up!
Making something is always a struggle between getting IT done and fighting your own brain over it not being good enough. That others out there are way better than you are. That you fell upwards and are now in a position where you shouldn't be, because one thing blew up.
You wouldn't believe me, but it's bullcrap. I've been following you years before Changed was a thing. I loved your transfur content, and I still love what you put out. CTF isn't my thing, but the care you put into your animations and the thoughts you pour along with them are certainly noticeable! People do care about your art, it's just that they don't come out and say it to your face.
In this day and age, social media is both a blessing and a curse. You can see more artists making impressive stuff. But people are also inclined to heap praise onto them because it's all front and center. Seeing how others seem more successful than you will inevitably make you more depressed, but something that they won't say out loud is that they have their moments of struggle as well.
If you look back at your gallery. At changed. At the prototypes you made. If you look even back further and look at the art you made in high school. Can you. With a straight face. Tell me that you didn't make progress? That it didn't amount to anything at all?
It's still up to you whether or not you will continue making art. My psychologist helped me with my depression tremendously. And talking with others also helped a lot. It might turn your opinion on yourself and your art around. But I can't and won't tell you what to do. I can only try and show you that you might be wrong.
MACHINE TRANSLATION
你知道，自从我开始写作，我就理解你的感受......
做事总是在完成任务和与自己的大脑斗争之间挣扎，因为它不够好。别人比你强得多。你向上爬，现在处于一个你不应该处于的位置，因为一件事被炸毁了。
你不会相信我，但这是胡说八道。在 "改变 "成为一种事物之前，我已经关注你很多年了。我喜欢你的转型内容，而且我仍然喜欢你的内容。CTF不是我的事，但你对你的动画所投入的关心和你对它们的思考是显而易见的！人们确实关心你的艺术，这是很重要的。人们确实关心你的艺术，只是他们没有当面说出来而已。
在这个时代，社交媒体既是一种祝福也是一种诅咒。你可以看到更多的艺术家做出令人印象深刻的东西。但人们也倾向于对他们进行赞美，因为这一切都在前面和中心。看到别人似乎比你更成功，难免会让你更沮丧，但他们不会大声说的是，他们也有挣扎的时候。
如果你回顾一下你的画廊。在改变了的。在你做的原型。如果你再往前看，看看你在高中时做的艺术。你能。带着一张坦然的脸， 告诉我，你没有取得进展？说它根本就没有任何意义？
你是否会继续进行艺术创作，还是取决于你自己。我的心理医生对我的抑郁症有很大的帮助。与他人交谈也有很大的帮助。它可能会扭转你对自己和你的艺术的看法。但我不能也不会告诉你该怎么做。我只能试着告诉你，你可能是错的。
I am truly saddened to read how down you are. After reading through all of this, I found myself relating a lot to your struggles and problems. I personally really felt your pain in comparing yourself to other artists - it is still something that I struggle with today. Being surrounded by people who you think are better than you, and convincing yourself you'll never be as good as them, no matter how hard you try, and at the same time we cannot help but discredit what good we've done for ourselves... that struggle is real, and it really hurts.
Like you, I've been painting for as long as I can remember - from my first day of school to now, I've painted every day, however I could. Pencil and paper, crayons, paint, computer programs, you name it, I've painted with it. But throughout all of this, I never once took classes. I never learned the basics from a teacher, I never looked up a guide, I very very slowly learned, and even though I loved to draw, I was very bad at it. And I'm still learning even today as a result. But that considered, I do not believe in talent, I believe in skill. We can all learn, Snow. Some of us, like you and me, we learn slow, but that doesn't mean we won't ever continue to improve our skills. We have to remember that it is a process - we will not make leaps and bounds overnight. Even your friend took 3 whole months to have something to show for their efforts. I would be very sad to see you give it all up, Snow, especially since your work has definitely influenced me and my art. You can say you make bad art (which is not true), but you still inspired me to keep drawing and to make more art, and that is more than I can say for a lot of people around me. We all work in different styles, and over time those styles are honed and gradually become better. And I don't know about you, but looking at Changed and Changed: Special, it is very obvious to me that between the two versions, your style has improved drastically. Your shapes are much more fluid, your poses are cuter and more expressive, your animations are smoother and clever, you have added a TON of new and amazing transfurmations that delight me when I see them, and that's just from Changed alone. All of your work impresses me, even if it is not my thing, the animations you post here are very well-constructed, and I enjoy them regardless (though I am sorry to hear about your bans!). Even if you do not have a "true" grasp on musculature, or that you think your style is only of "plush people", you cannot say you have not improved! And while I have not asked you for a painting, it is not because I dislike your style, it is because I do not want to burden you.
So even though you found that forum that had nothing but hateful things to say about your work, Changed, and by extension you, are still seen in a positive light. I understand the feeling, that it is very hard to accept positive reception, and very easy to internalize negative reception, but even if you agree with it, you should never be so hard on yourself. You should never look for a reason to beat yourself up. Not to mention, it was an anti-furry forum, so they would only have very hateful things to say anyway. It's not something to beat yourself up over that an audience that is not in the same demographic as us furries think differently. You don't need the approval of people who only want to hurt you.
I truly hope you are able to find some counsel for yourself, because you do not deserve to feel how you are. I know we do not talk to one another every day, but in our interactions you have always been a delightful person who deserves better for yourself. I consider you very much more skilled than I am, and I look up to you. You are a huge inspiration to me, so much so that even though I do not draw very much Changed art as of recent, I still keep my latex dragon mask as my profile picture because Changed is important to me, and I really appreciate how much you have inspired me. You are not a bad artist, and you are not a bad person, DragonSnow. If you choose that after Changed: Special is completed that you want to stop drawing, that is your choice - you need to make the best decisions for your own well-being. I do not want you to think you are at the end, because you are not. You say you want to keep painting, even though you think you are bad at it. You are NOT a bad artist, and I think that if painting is what you want to do, you should keep painting. Forget what outsiders think, do not let yourself feel down by comparing yourself to others - look to their work for inspiration, not for jealousy and pain. I know it is easier said than done, but I really hope you try.
You are wonderful, Snow. You have people who love and care for you, and a lot more people who are inspired by and look up to your paintings. Your value is not solely in your work, you are a person deserving of happiness and love. I share your pain, friend. You are not alone in these feelings.
I hope my words made even a slight difference for you.
Take care, Snow. <3
Even if yours are not much good at it. You just put your painting in your heart.
Even if its more like no good or it is bad, that doesn't means you try to paint. But atleast you give it a try to paint more.
Like my old teacher said. If you want to paint. You start from the beginning. Then every time u paint slowly in time. You improve your self. Be confident, dont let anybody distract you from negative though.
But for me your art your furry arts is much good. It is an improvement over a years worth of Doing a painting. Dont give up. Keep moving forward. Dont listen to anybody negative though. Be positive to yourself. And just enjoy what u doing in arts or animation.
Enjoy every art even if its traditional or digital.
No one cant stop you for doing what u enjoy to do is that doing arts and painting.
Theres are many artist support you. Even me i support you. Just enjoy your art and escape those negative though of other people.
Be believe in yourself.
I am greatly sorry for what you are going through, you really do seem to be going through a lot of mental struggles and thoughts. I may be a random individual on this random website, but I do understand that mental health is still extremely important.
You should take a break of you can, try to get yourself to enjoy what you enjoy! Perhaps show what you have made to friends you trust that could enjoy them as well! I know there could be some strange stuff that could be created, but what is the matter with that? I don't think you have any malicious intentions of sorts, just someone wanting to enjoy making what they do and having a good time with it!
Speaking about art though, it really can be a tricky thing. I do want to grow into realism, drawing things that look decently close to real life quality! But of course, this is a huge leap for even myself to take and I have to break some old habits and learn new things to get there. The thought that others manage to be successful at this when I am still trying to get there really did bug me before. But then, they could be just putting effort into trying new things, experimenting with techniques or overall just drawing a whole lot more to improve. I no longer envy others for that, and when I did, I disliked myself for doing so because they aren't harming me in any way! I should just focus on my own path and not compare my work with others! That is a quick way to lose your confidence!
But anywho, I don't want to rail off from your situation. Don't let these thoughts get to you! I would probably suggest to try and have some time of your own and go beyond what you are use to with an art piece! But of course, don't feel forced to do so, you can decide when you want to!
And DragonSnow, I do hope you can find some people to comfort you and understand you! I am not sure how difficult it is to talk with English for you but I do hope something can be done! I do hope my text doesn't get messy in a translator either!
Please do your best and if I should clarify or reword myself, say so! I am quite sorry to hear you are going through this, I very much do hope things get better! I do have a lot that I wish I could have said or reworded, but I bet this can do!
This serious art drama and mental health issues is something worth a Wha Happun episode for Matt McMuscles or something like that.
It's cute. It has personality. It has identity. Anyone that see them, instantly recognizes as your creation.
There's a motive that I did a fanart of you. Besides they being in a kinky subject that I like, it's also because I like your style, and your characters.
It's okey to feel this way because everyone pass through that; not just about art but in other subjects as well. Just remember that you're alone; we watch you, follow you and favs your work because we like them and wish every morning for more arts being posted by you. So don't feel bad about it.
I hope our messages cheers you up, and makes you feel better about yourself.
Please take care. We wish you best ♡
Hope, your destiny will get you the help you need, man.
No matter how weird stuff you draw or how simplistic it is, i'll appreciate your work
But I think you did a great job
You may not have the talent to draw, but at least you did. You didn't even dare to do it like I did
I wonder if you would like to come to me when you are free to have a heart to heart talk
其实我也有别的精神疾病，包括抑郁症，真的
但是我觉得你干的很棒
你也许没有画画天赋，但至少你做了，并不像我那样连做都不敢做
我想知道你愿不愿意在有空的时候到我那里来，谈谈心
Everyone improves at different speeds and levels, and styles vary which can also lead to some appearing more “improved”. Someone who prefers a chibi style may seem behind from someone who does realism but that’s just not true. Art is something meant to be enjoyed by the artist, and they need to choose the type and style that they enjoy most.
Comparing yourself to others is not good for you and I know it’s an easy habit to just fall into
你可能不认识我。但是我听说过很多关于你的事情。我只想说，拥有一致的艺术风格并不是一件坏事。你的绘画方式非常独特且易于识别。但是，我理解你的感受。如果你休息一下，没有人会对你生气。我希望你有一天能够从抑郁中恢复过来，无论你是否回归艺术，我希望你继续过上美好的生活。
希望您能尽快走出心境的乌云
您的作品影响了很多人，也包括我！
坚持自己所热爱的，不需要过于在乎那些人的眼光
我会永远支持大大✧(≖ ◡ ≖✿
Art is a personality, not a “you have to draw it like this or that”. Don't be influenced by those people.
It is quite talented, and that means you are quite talented as well. Don't ever think you are not talented or good enough for drawing.
You absolutely are.
I enjoy your stuff, others clearly do, too.
On the other side of things, you don't have to have some grand spanning plan, but s goal is a good thing to have, even if it's just something small to reach for. Find something you hope for, find something ti survive for. Perhaps its a show movie or game about to release. Perhaps it's just a fun trip thst you have to take. Maybe you have a friend you promise to. Even the tiniest little bead of hope can pull you along, till you are out of the darkness, or have a torch to walk through it. Don't give up on yourself, because you can move forwards. You can do this, ajd if you need help, please reach out for it. Don't let the world beat uou down and don't give in.
Even though I may not play your games, I want to send my well wishes to another artist. And also your art is good, albeit not the Leonardo Da Vincy of art but it still good nonetheless. Heck I can't even draw a person well.
So please don't give up
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-JPOoFkrh94
你创造了一些我见过的最好的艺术-
世界上没有人能接近取代你的。
你有一个光明的未来。
对不起，如果翻译不好。 我正在使用谷歌翻译，这并不总是可靠的。
I put out the fire in my own heart
I recommend watching things like this. I have seasonal depression, and this video has kept me from self-harm. https://youtu.be/-SJywvgaJEI
But we love your art and style! But we also want you to be happy, safe, and comfortable with yourself as well. And that's completely understandable.
I know the furry community gets a bit of a bad wrap, and some people are definitely far more out there.
Let's all be honest, when it comes to stuff, some of it can be a lot more out there. But going after people and warping their joy from their creations just sounds like the wrong thing to do.
People being happy to be monsters of another story just to be the "hero" in theirs, so to speak. People act with actions that hurt others as long as they think it's their own justice. And i can get where they're coming from.
I am saddened to hear that you likely as a game designer have likely faced such harassment online.
Even as a person here i have both my private life and public life, and i remember one time i was ordinarily pretty chill but i felt enraged and betrayed when one time i shared a piece of my sfw art to someone without a mention.
Then they looked up all the nsfw of my character and started dming friends with it.
I had NO intention of it being shared and only wanted to share a cute chibi artwork, and i suppose i should have known better but it still felt kinda shitty they searched up the nsfw without consent and then started sharing it.
When you're anonymous on the internet, you're just a character on the internet out there but when you have a name attached, it feels like it warps stuff.
And i could definitely see that with changed and the public persona. you're both a big figurehead and people go after you like moths to a flame.
Even when there's not any stuff attached, i know another person who ran a 20k-40k active player game and when they rested for covid.
People flamed them demanding the game came out "even if they died making it!" just to have the update 1 day earlier. People rushed a sick game developer through and it had bugs and wasn't up to quality and their health suffered.
Sometimes there's a very understandable desire to keep pushing out quality despite one's health, and i do love the game and seeing all the additions added to changed!
But please, if you ever feel down, Just remember.
We just want you to be happy with the work you create and take care of yourself. It can be a vicious cycle but i thought most people loved your style for the changed style!
It brings back good memories of pixel art and i like how cute and pixely they are in a good way!
Creating hyper realistic fur and all those details are some gorgeous pieces. But they can often take 20-40+ hrs a piece.
Plus you're not only working on just still pictures, but also game coding, animation, storylines, music, audio, and selling a commercial game on steam as well! Both of you are talented artists in your own rites.
If you always look at what you don't have, a dolphin will be unhappy looking at the bear who can climb trees and crack logs with it's bare hands.
While the bear judging itself, likewise could be unhappy seeing itself unable to slip through the water like the dolphin, and slide through effortlessly and slim.
Just be happy with yourself, but please don't hurt yourself or feel afraid of taking a break.
Taking a break, getting cyberbullies out of your head. (or just ignoring what they have to say lol), Or just taking good care might be good. if you have any injuries might be good to take care of that.
If you feel any depression, it might be good to talk to a doctor or therapist, but some people swear by antidepressants, tumeric (curry is delicious! And it supposedly has natural mood boosting. I always feel more cheery on tumeric) , and dark chocolate might help.
As is just knowing you're not alone out there and we hope you the best in your life, and don't let them drag you down!
We don't want just the game, we want to know you're doing good and happy with your work and happy too!
我知道很难将自己与他人进行比较。
但我们喜欢你的艺术和风格！但我们也希望您对自己也感到快乐、安全和舒适。这是完全可以理解的。
我知道毛茸茸的社区有点糟糕，有些人肯定要多得多。
老实说，说到东西，其中一些可能更多。但是追求人们并从他们的创作中扭曲他们的快乐听起来像是错误的事情。
人们很高兴成为另一个故事的怪物，只是为了成为他们故事中的“英雄”，可以这么说。只要人们认为这是他们自己的正义，他们就会做出伤害他人的行为。我可以知道他们来自哪里。
得知您作为游戏设计师可能在网上面临过这样的骚扰，我感到很难过。
即使作为这里的一个人，我也有我的私人生活和公共生活，我记得有一次我通常很冷，但有一次我没有提及就将我的一件 sfw 艺术分享给某人时，我感到愤怒和背叛。
然后他们查找了我角色的所有 nsfw 并开始与它联系。
我无意分享它，只想分享一件可爱的赤壁艺术品，我想我应该知道得更好，但他们在未经同意的情况下搜索了 nsfw 然后开始分享它仍然感觉有点糟糕。
当你在互联网上匿名时，你只是互联网上的一个角色，但当你有一个名字时，感觉就像是扭曲的东西。
我绝对可以通过改变和公众角色看到这一点。你都是个大人物，人们像飞蛾扑火一样追着你。
即使没有附加任何东西，我也知道另一个运行 20k-40k 活跃玩家游戏的人，当他们为 covid 休息时。
人们对他们大发雷霆，要求游戏“即使他们在制作过程中死了！”只是为了提前 1 天更新。人们匆匆忙忙让生病的游戏开发者通过，它有错误，质量不合格，他们的健康受到影响。
有时，尽管一个人的健康，仍然有一种非常可以理解的愿望，即继续推出质量，我确实喜欢这款游戏，并且看到所有添加的内容都发生了变化！
但是，如果您感到沮丧，请记住。
我们只希望您对自己创建的工作感到满意并照顾好自己。这可能是一个恶性循环，但我认为大多数人都喜欢你的风格，因为你改变了风格！
它带回了像素艺术的美好回忆，我喜欢它们的可爱和像素！
创造超逼真的毛皮和所有这些细节都是一些华丽的作品。但他们通常需要 20-40 多个小时。
此外，您不仅要处理静态图片，还要处理游戏编码、动画、故事情节、音乐、音频以及在 Steam 上销售商业游戏！你们俩都是在自己的仪式上才华横溢的艺术家。
如果你总是看着你没有的东西，海豚会不高兴地看着这只可以徒手爬树和劈木头的熊。
熊在评判自己的同时，看到自己无法像海豚一样在水中滑行，并且毫不费力、苗条地滑过，也会不高兴。
只是对自己感到高兴，但请不要伤害自己或害怕休息。
休息一下，让网络欺凌者从你的脑海中消失。 （或者只是忽略他们要说的话，哈哈），或者只是好好照顾可能会很好。如果您有任何受伤可能会很好地照顾它。
如果您感到任何抑郁症，与医生或治疗师交谈可能会很好，但有些人发誓抗抑郁药、姜黄（咖喱很好吃！据说它有天然的情绪提振作用。我总是觉得姜黄更快乐）和黑暗巧克力可能会有所帮助。
就像知道你并不孤单一样，我们希望你生活中最好的，不要让他们拖累你！我们想要的不仅仅是游戏，我们想知道你做得很好，对你的工作感到满意，也很开心！
Dont listeb to what antifurs say. Many folks just hate us and anyone different to them. artists on devianart get bullied because they draw what they like. you cant even draw large feet or toony tomfooleries without making some folks on deviantart angry or end up in a cringe compilation on youtube. I still have ptsd from that tine peiod.
Id bet an antifur reorted your art and got you banned , they do it all the time on twitter and youtube to shut us down.
Youve made many enemies with changed, but you should laugh at the haters, dont get sad or angry at them, youve done more on this planet than they have. The only cure to the antifurry sentiment is with belittlement.If they cant respect you, dont respect them in return.
Dont give up on your dreams, dont let these douches and bullies win. Your animations are fun to watch and your games are fun to play youre creative and unique
但我還是花了時間把這篇文看完了
被超越的感覺很糟，認為自己在原地踏步的感覺也很糟
即使不完全相同，但很多人都有過這樣的感受，我也一樣
想要喜歡、發自真心接納自己確實不容易
可是我相信，在我們自己都沒注意到的時候
或許我們早就給旁人帶來了難以想像的影響
我已經看診快一年了，也吃了無數顆藥
被家人嘲笑、羞辱、質疑無數次，也被朋友數落過
常常在想是不是認命算了，乖乖去走其他人都在走的路
或是懷疑自己這樣究竟值不值得，到底有沒有人會欣賞
然而有多少黑夜，就有多少白晝
其實我內心是知道的，不管是那些我們景仰的人
還是那些討厭、看不起、不把我們當一回事的人
這世上沒有什麼比關心、支持我們的人，也沒有什麼比自己還重要
我們希望在生命的最後一刻，回想自己的一生時，會給自己什麼樣的評價
這才是應該謹記於心的，就算一時受挫也沒關係，累了就給自己休息一下
如果整個世界的歷史重新來過，我相信很多事會再發生
各式各樣的交通工具一樣會被發明出來，人們依然會用各種語言溝通
但在那個世界會有我們嗎？就算有，我們會作出同樣的選擇嗎，我想未必
所以就算你不這麼認為，但此時此刻的你確實是無可替代無比珍貴的存在
雖然說這些希望你看了能有所感悟，但重要的還是你怎麼想
願我們有一天都可以發自內心感到喜悅，可以好好接納自己
But how people seem to direct it is not good faith requests, but to try attacking people who might have just been wanting to make their crowd happy and have their private stuff disconnected from their public life.
And sometimes there are hypocritical standards as well. Often times it feels like there are just absolutely disgusting people on the internet with no moral mirror in there or consideration of the other person. I suppose this might be a bit of a mini rant and I can't say my stuff is far from pure.
But I value having public and private spheres. and I feel like every person should have the right to have their personal private interests respected and it's 100% understandable to have safe areas kept safe.
But I ran into this one creep "normie" who would try to sexualize anything, even sfw anime children and furry art. I suppose this might be just a detour but the person
was just like one of those signature militant crowds, absolutely no standard's but double standards slur yelling, and also a creep who was trying to fetishize the most benign chibi nothing going on sfw pictures with 0 details, just kittens and child anya from spy x family.
I don't try to cause grief or justify stuff. But the whole convo was a rant about sfw furries were awful and all about nsfw when it was just literally meant to be cutesy, chibi sfw kittens that reminded me of some adorable Norwegian forest kittens. (Album here. https://imgur.com/a/0LIxKOv ).
Sometimes the bad rap the furry community gets, whether "justified" or not really burns away at my gears. I get its not the cleanest stuff around. But sites do good work making so every person can curate their searches to what they want and with great sfw features so if people only want family friendly things. They can get it and never have to see it unless they specifically disable protections and then search for it intentionally. And although a voluntary self done system.
I still feel like most people are honest and keep it through. While when it comes to bad behaviors on the internet. People seem to have a huge double standard on things. I can't say I'm a Saint either but I feel like people are hypocritical when it comes to standards between communities.
Sometimes we poke fun at ourselves but people need to have and should have healthy abilities to act appropriately and discern fantasy vs fiction. If I see a cat irl, most of my instincts are actually I just want to pet it or run away and see it churupping and nuzzling. I actually really love opening and getting feral kittens to warm up to people and socialized them at a cat shelter once.
I was actually allergic but they seem to sense body language and when I put on a poker face they would churrup, charge and nuzzle and I'd pet them and help get them used to people. Donate food for them to eat, blankets and toys so they could have places to sleep and rest. And help keep them from being euthanized and hid in a box until they were just put down, sedated and killed into a barrel.
I just wanted to help them find homes and I was well welcome there but all the stereotypes would like expect horrible stuff. I think stuff aside, A lot of furries probably as a crowd have more reason to feel compassionate for the needy and homeless animals. And for each one to have a home they feel safe in.
Even if maybe stuff comes I think most well adjusted people can distinguish from healthy fact vs fiction. I even think there's been a few furry con fund raisers where all the money went to animal shelters and groups. I'm not saying the furry fandom is pure or all the stuff is mom and pops friendly.
But I think there's a fair bit of nuance people take. When a person, A football player who did a atrocious act in reality, or a real life criminal does a act. People see it as a isolated incident and judge the person individually with nuance. But it feels like when people turn nsfw search to only nsfw, they end up thinking "the furry fandom is all about SEX!!"
Despite the many sfw artists who only post sfw or maybe the people who do both and just want to post what their clients end up liking and gets hearts. And despite what people say, it can be just as depressing to see something that had time spent on it only get 0-1 likes and 100 views when a nsfw piece blatantly gets 60-100 favs and 2000+ views by the same "puritans".
I feel like there's a depressing hypocrisy sometimes with puritans. I'm not saying wanting sfw for a kid friendly game is bad. I rather really enjoyed your art works and I can understand some of both sides to one extent. People may want to make pieces that people will end up viewing and love.
People will say they love family friendly pieces but only give them 1/20th or 1/80ths the attention in practice. Even internet " puritans" will sometimes be frothing at the mouth about the "sacredness" of "all furry art is a gateway to %#%#ing!" while literally making super creepy and uncomfortable comments on even the sfw pieces and artists and talking about their literal disgusting hentai and loli collection being posted in a public "sfw" server with a blind eye while they argue in bad faith to get chibi kittens seen as sexual. It feels just like there's a lot of disgusting and uncomfortable double standards that come from the antifurry crowd and not all of it seems in good faith imo while often times it feels like when one side tries to play in good faith.
It just invites bad faith discussions to take a part of it.
I'm not saying all people are, obviously with all groups there are single outliers who'd be awful to base a perspective of a entire group around. Ai art is another concern or like that people have. I understand people don't want to put artists out of work.
But I just really have fun making cutesy images with it and I'm my mind the nsfw and sfw spheres of my brain have a firm separation. I feel like a lot of people are hypocritical about things with the internet. They say they want "pure" stuff, then never view it and openly fav like 27 nsfw pieces they "hate" and "don't look at".
Idk. Maybe I'm biased but I don't know if I would try and value my life from that or a anti crowd. I think it might be healthy to try and take the feedback with a healthy grain of salt. Maybe some people feel uncomfortable with nsfw art from the maker of a game they play and that's understandable.
Maybe some are "puritans" who scream all day about how they hate something, but only look at what they want to hate and get more enjoyment from hating something and spewing toxic bile with more interest in trying to dishonestly hurt someone or only seek put the bad in the world while turning the filters that block it from appearing off intentionally and only searching for it. Idk.
I guess this is a bit more of a rant than most.
But just I guess a reminder for us all that not everyone is a friend. Not all people argue in good faith or bad faith. I found a good amount of good people who loved the chibi kitten arts ( https://imgur.com/a/0LIxKOv ) and had side discussions on how ai getting rapidly smarter and winning art contests can be concerning for real artists as well.
And I think human artists are very talented and a lot of the areas ai struggles on, like anatomy and making specific characters/fursonas keep it from making specific characters with markings easily for now.
But I think you should be happy with who you are, the progress you've made and what you've accomplished.
Sure I admit as much as anyone I was just as surprised when I searched your name as the maker of changed and expected/wanted some more cute squid dog art! (Squid kitty bias hehe), and was just as surprised as anyone else to see you had a taste for ctf art haha. But I really can't be a judge with my own kinks either.
But if a real Leopard appeared on my door step. I'd probably die or get mauled trying to pet it or going "awww!!" In the distance instead haha. I already find lynx kittens so adorable ( https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=U8a00UGf2xA ) and I just hope and think everyone has a healthy understanding of separation between fiction and reality.
Just because someone might love looting the guards in a video game for 15gp means they want to become a mass manslayer irl either. But fandom's haters just sometimes intentionally shit on it with every intent of hostility and dishonest ill faith stereotype in mind. Fiction isn't reality and it feels like a lot of the time people skim over real life atrocities just to focus on the imaginary.
If you try to spend your whole life trying to please people who's entire life system isn't being proud of the accomplishments they have but throwing people away. You can easily burn yourself trying to please people who never cared about you one bit in the first place anyways.
Sometimes you have to take care of yourself first to take care of others. And whether or not changed or your art decides to be sfw. I'll always be cheering you on and hoping for the best. Whatever happens.
Just don't do any awful decisions just because a sentient pile of anthromorphized human waste wanted to hunt you.
But just remember not everyone is out to help you. Not everyone is out there to hurt you. Sometimes you have to get a feel for that and if you ever need to talk to us. Just let us know. I hope you're resting well and getting your life in balance!
And i enjoy your art. Pixely or not , sfw or not, it's a really fun style and all the characters you've made have people who love the artwork and creations you've made and inspired!
I know if I had a bunch of crazy people trying to take the fun out of harmless meaning things it'd kill the mood too. For what it's worth I loved your arts and animations.
I thought they were all pretty cool! But yeah as a game maker you'll be way more public than any one of us and the anti toxicity can be super abrasive.
Even non drama community game devs can be boggled down with their health trying to keep things on deadlines or people trying to rush them when they need time to work on health. Just pick what you think would make you happiest for your life and what feels comfortable to you or your personal life or brand.
You're way more visible than most of us and I wish you the best and I'll be looking happy for whatever comes next.
I saw some of the squid dog boat fight art and thought it looked really cute! But I'm well aware what makes it in-game as a animation can take entire days, weeks or even months to complete a set for a game dev.
We had one person who was a modeler and it took them like 40 hrs to make 10 animations that'd only last a few fleeting seconds. I wish you the best in life and fully support whatever decisions you feel are right for you and your personal life.
Don't let other people take you down (especially anti-furs), and don't let your own mind destroy you. "You are your own worst enemy". Sometimes people need help from another, and that can be from a friend, or a family member, or some times a professional.
Your art is lovely, it's got a very cute style and you have a great understanding of how body shapes should look and how to make things look fluffy or shiny or sticky. That's not an easy thing to do.
So what if you gain popularity due to your game Changed? A lot of artists have that one thing that ends up making them noticed and then popular. A lot of artists either draw webcomics, or make animation series, And some others make games too.
Don't count yourself as bad or lucky just because people noticed you because of your game, be happy because it takes a lot of skill and hard work to make a game good enough to become popular!
You are a good person with a great skill in art, even though you say you can't see it. You have a lot of fans, and we're all here to support you. Please don't think badly of yourself or your skill, and please don't hurt yourself. Look for therapy and mental help if you can, and if it's not available, there's therapy online you can use with licensed therapists.
It took time and effort to get to where you are, it only takes moments to give up. Don't give up. Please.
When I look at you, I see a creator, trying his hardest to stay together in a world whose only objective is to tear you apart.
I know those thoughts, partly because I had those thoughts myself back in Middle School.
Don't submit to them. Refuse them, with everything you have.
Look at the community around you. They create. They parody. They constructively criticize. They restore. Nevermind their finding out you had these thoughts, no way they don't by now. What will happen to this community if you submit to destruction. Part of it will crash. Cry. Blame.
Shatter.
The community would be hurt, possibly irrecoverably, if you submit to your horrors.
Look at your family. What would happen to them if you fell? They will cry. They will fall sick. They will blame themselves.
If they are not stronger, they may join you in oblivion.
Do not submit. There will always be slumps. Your finances were stolen. Your account was (as far as
I can tell) fraudulently reported and banned. You were assaulted by mean words.
Do not submit. As long as you don't commit a felon, your community will back you. When you called for financial help, they stepped up and helped you. When the fraudulence of the report was discovered, your FA account was restored. Even here, you receive messages of support. Should all those efforts go to waste?
Do not submit. The darkness managed to snuff your light and knock you down, but it's embers are still there. Find something to reignite the light and stand back up before it's too late.
Do not submit. The pain you feel is easy to sustain. Death is slightly harder to cure.
Do. Not. Submit.
[Google translated to Chinese]
当我看这本杂志时，我会看到当破坏性的自我批评不受限制时会发生什么。 不受社区的约束，不受家庭的约束，不受黑暗的约束。
当我看着你的时候，我看到一个造物主，在一个唯一的目标就是把你撕碎的世界里，他尽最大努力保持在一起。
我知道这些想法，部分原因是我自己在中学时就有这些想法。
不要屈服于他们。 拒绝他们，用你所拥有的一切。
看看你周围的社区。 他们创造。 他们模仿。 他们建设性地批评。 他们恢复。 永远不要忘记他们发现你有这些想法，不可能他们现在还没有。 如果你屈服于毁灭，这个社区会发生什么。 部分会崩溃。 哭吧。 责备。
粉碎。
如果你屈服于你的恐怖，社区将受到伤害，可能无法挽回。
看看你的家人。 如果你摔倒了，他们会怎么样？ 他们会哭的。 他们会生病的。 他们会责怪自己。
如果他们不强大，他们可能会加入你的遗忘。
不要提交。 总会有衰退。 你的财务被偷了。 您的帐户（据我所知）被欺诈报告并被禁止。 你被刻薄的话袭击了。
不要提交。 只要你没有犯下重罪，你的社区就会支持你。 当你要求经济援助时，他们站出来帮助你。 当发现报告的欺诈行为时，您的FA帐户被恢复。 即使在这里，你也会收到支持的信息。 所有这些努力都应该付诸东流吗？
不要提交。 黑暗设法扼杀你的光芒，把你击倒，但它的余烬仍然存在。 找点东西重新点燃灯光，在为时已晚之前站起来。
不要提交。 你感到的痛苦很容易承受。 死亡稍难治愈。
做。 不是。 提交。
sadlly like... (rain in out...) like.. falen moon in dark..... place
Like this world deserve this. . . *sigh* heh leats be true u try ur all beast and a i can understand this clear... a i not draw 10 years.. only 4 years... and leats be true my work soo badlly...
U not see my DA XDDDD true me a i morey bad draw.... true ideot arts make..
but.... a i now no a i dont care how soo moch a i take time for my arts
a i just care about how a i contineo and a i never blame my self for all works
I a Ukraine artist after all.... a i can`t give up my self.... soo moch have.. streng feels about this..
And notice all ur wors here... a i want cry now..... a i like see my reflect... see how a i ... give up one time.... how a i blame my self and.. call self trash.... a i found streng for contineo.... found news freinds who suport my self arts and of cors me... sadlly hear about ur give up... agains a i say this word heh... a i just want tell u a i love ur all work.. and ur game changed... ur game changed me soo moch... and make me feels like a i need stop my self call trash and blame my self about all my errors.. and mistake in this life... sigh sadlly a i can`t help u Dear DrDragonTim.... like u say...
all humans have personaly Fate.... but a i never care about fate!
hate this soo moch why we are most stop self if we are can only contineo....
thath wat a i want say... u can hate me after this word but
U NEED stop call ur self trash and blame about all wat happens.
Yes... a i just want see u happy and who just keep wat love make
and u need not care about how others draw!
better..... just keep wat u love now looking in others how draws. . .
*Hugs*
Meme: https://www.reddit.com/r/furry_irl/.....m_source=ifttt
Meme's Comment:https://prnt.sc/zOy_YBdUmCmX
There are currently 8 billion Human (count taken 15 November 2022) on earth.
No matter what your craft or ability is, there will be people that you can arbitrarily call "better" or "worse", if you take details from something.
Millions are taller/smaller, heavier/lighter, smarter/dumber, richer/poorer than you and me are.
Still many people are better at specific things than we are. Thousands are better at using a pencil than you are, just as thousands are better at using a microscope than I am. Why should it matter to us?
Because we can learn from others and others can learn from us.
I am the very, VERY best biology student in my year, possibly in my city. But there are people that have Bachelors and doctors, people that have learnt something 10 times faster than I have. But why should that deter me? It does no harm to me if others are good at it. The opposite actually, as I can learn from others and they can learn from me.
It is the same for you. You are by far worse than thousands at drawing with a pen...
...but you are also by far better than thousands at drawing with a pen. Learn from those around you and teach what you have learned yourself.
Your art brings me joy. Only by showing it, you've already taught others. There are Fursuits of Puro that people have made because they loved what you did.
https://prnt.sc/O3NnvUgqW7wZ
Your game stands out because you took your time with it. You put effort into it. This made the game very, very good.
There are games where hundreds of people worked on (see "triple A games") that fail in comparison, as nobody had poured their heart into them like you did with yours.
I also know know about the survivor bias. You fell for it too, because "good" art gets seen more often, this makes it seem like most people are "good" artists.
You also seem to think that your limits make you a worse artist. Don't let this stop you. You've had fun drawing... ...so you should continue.
You may belittle yourself but I and many others love your drawings.
I want to hug and cuddle the shit out of them and wish the Transfur virus were real (Working in biotech., this may become a thing to some degree but that's still in the future).
If you need someone to talk to, I'm Furminium on Telegram or Furminium#0014 on Discord.
I'd much rather have tried than knowing I could have changed something.
If you need computing power, I have a few PCs sitting next to me, they are no beasts but can do most tasks. I can set one up and let it be accessed via VPN for example or gut it and send parts to you, if you know how to assemble and configure one. I am by no means rich but they are under non-commercial obligation anyway.
Stay with us. Please.
People say they only look at sfw but then sometimes there's 13 view 0-1 likes on a sfw artwork and 750 view 50 favorite gaps on the stuff people search for when i commissioned art of my characters. I actually don't mind both but it really pains me that people think it's all about perverse intentions when maybe some people are just trying to make things their fans will like.
(For better or worse), people will speak saying they want nothing to do with it publically and then have their basest instincts guide them while being horrible people about it. I feel like that's kinda a unmentioned problem with society. People can feel like it can have more obsession with "appearing PURE" than actually like any kind of internal integrity about it.
People don't care about virtue signaling by like actually doing things to be a better person, like donating to a homeless shelter, volunteering to help the pets, shoveling another person's walk, raising funds for schools, trying to make the next generation etc. It seems like some ways people lift themselves up is only by tearing others down and they could literally be the mentality of a 5 year old.
To be fair some of the fictional artworks are definitely on the more risque side for sure on the furry fandom, but there's such smack for it even when the sfw is in a fair or dominant ratio just since people search for what they find. People will look at one nsfw furry picture (they searched for, at a 40x ratio), and then decide it's all the fandom is about.
When people put you down, and have no interest in your well being, sometimes it's good to filter some of that out. Obviously not all people want to hurt you or be filtered. If you have a good gut, sometimes you can feel or find the difference between people who say bad feedback because they want you to be able to learn and grow like a good teacher or nurturer.
Others who are just into ripping people down because they're literally on the mental levels of a 5 year old who discovered call of duty lobby vulgarities.
It's good to make sure you don't listen to all the bad crap, but take care to heed and filter the people in your life who actually care about you, even if they say things hard at times, and might want to help you. Others just are full of crap lol.
You're a talented artist and i love your games, and you've really kinda invented a whole fandom around you. I know it can be hard not to look at all the hd graphics, even those of your fans and feel like they're trying to overdo you. But i bet a lot of those people on the flip end would just be happy to hear you see them or like them, like meeting a celebrity who to themselves might think of themselves as the most normal guy. But for the fans to be happy to meet.
I know while i was never anywhere near your level, i used to spend 2-3 years on artfights and draw the user above posts. My initial artworks were honestly mspaint terrible. Then i found paint.net and i found myself stuck unable to line, do extravagant effects and fur, but getting a lot better at effects, glows. Not anywhere enough to become a artist selling commisions, but for a art fight and post the user above, my crappy paintings were starting to get a couple of people who liked them and the little crappy chibi cat drawings i used to do lol.
Then i found out about a friend i liked (and had placed a few small commissions), on art fight most people would keep it equal haha. But he would do a full hd piece every time i did a small chibi! And i was like no, i gotta make it back, and i actually got stressed out since he was like doing full end hd artworks for my chibi pieces haha.
I got curious about how he did it one day, and he told me he did lots of practice on fur tools and fur tutorials and also a little bit of art school and self training. But he also mentioned that his art software brushes (and learning how to use them), was also major.
He showed me his brush work and also i learned about Krita's fur brushes, drawing tablets, fur highlighting with a fur brush to make the light hairs and then shadow washes to make the hairs pop. I think for a couple years i had been just a beginner but i had gotten stuck. I was using the same tools and unable to make any progress or much improvement on the old software.
Then when i was able to get the fur brushes. I wasn't really quite able to ever do it. (He was always much better than me, and i was a computer sci student with a 50-60 hr week coding schedule for finals lol). So i kinda fell off.
But i found out that there was a lot more to it and looked up the fur tutorials, and although it was shabby. I got my first ever person who wanted to commission me. (Though i think i didn't have any confidence and was planning on cs being my moneymaker, and just wanted to do it for fun, i think i only charged them 50 cents worth of virtual currency lol. ).
I was never quite on either of your guys levels. But maybe if you ever feel like you've hit a brick wall where regardless of how much you try, you can't find a way to improve with your already (kinda mastered software), maybe it might be worth a shot looking into other softwares to expand your pallete with different brushes, stronger tools, and tutorials etc!
(Though i know a lot of people already liked changed for the style it has, and even go as far as to try and replicate it, for fanarts or bootlegs lol.), I think a fair amount of people like the style or like it.
Plus you do very good animation for it! I know a couple of people already are already just eagerly waiting for just the changed special edition as is haha. (I'd be lying if i didn't say i wasn't looking forward to it), but we want you guys healthy too. And in good states of mind, and obviously we don't want you to sacrifice your health for it or for it to hurt you!
I know from other games, it's much more easier to burn out a developer by wanting things faster and bigger rather than giving them time or rest. If people don't look after themselves, they tend to over work, under sleep, over stress, over exhaust, and burn out quicker than if they take care of themselves.
Please, don't feel any guilt taking breaks for yourself or toning things to keep them manageable and happy with what you have. Don't feel the need to ruin your life. A healthy life balance, constructive approach to life and problem solving, and even a bit of vacation or mental breaks to recharge from time to time or a good nap can sometimes keep you from burning out and staying healthy!
Even for the very talented artists, i think a lot of them are sharing their own struggles or fears too. I'm over in computer science and ai has always been a interesting topic to me, as well as from running early text based generators from gpt2-3 to self learning algorithms. But i was on the page of someone who was a favorite artist of mine.
Earlier in the months i had made some cute chibi ai kittens that i just thought were cute and what i thought was super cool, literally like a real life scribblenauts game where what you type comes to life. Was seen by them as something that could threaten their livelihood. And i think many people have kinda seen how fast they've been making progress. From missing digits just a month ago, ai artwork has been rapidly improving. I kinda think it's cool to see what comes out, but i've heard a couple of those ultra hd artists share concerns.
They spent 2-7+ years developing their art skills to do all that intensive shading and stuff, and yet ai can literally get on the level where some of the stuff that'd previously be locked to 130-400$++ commissions can be generated as fast as typing it.
Ai art is really moving fast and even many of those hd artists, who are extremely talented have concerns how fast it's moving. Just as many people seem to want stuff generated on the fly without the 100-400$++ commission costs.
I have some very nsfw but kinda eye popping generations here for fur detail (Ai generated smut requests, NSFW https://imgur.com/a/g7GNTSM ), that were kinda just made this morning. This batch is pretty much just testing fur generations and nsfw. It's still noticably struggling on eye and finger details, but it's worth a look just kinda to be aware how fast ai is moving as well too and even that not all is rosy. Some people think it's kinda cool since it allows them to create their dnd characters much quicker than a doodle drawing.
But it's not a joke that it can produce a work that'd probably take a human 3-12 hrs to recreate in literal fractions of a second.
I think a lot of people who use it just want to have some art quickly or see where it's at, but right now it's mostly kept by no one wanting or really being sure of the legal rights of ai artwork than tech gaps keeping it from being there. Having a dedicated fanbase and also a game that a ai can't replace you at probably leaves you in a better spot than most.
And to be brutally honest, while i really like generic species results, i think humans will shine better at re creating characters and ocs. I've pretty much have given up interests seeing it ever do a precise creature like a displacer beast.
It's also not much good other than re creating creatures that already have plentiful characters. (Hence, generic lynxes, leopards, pokemon, and dragons/kobolds).
I think there's still a lot of reasons to still order from a artist, especially for specific character commissions (And if you don't want to be Thurmagon, the eyeless monstrosity XD!).
But i do have to admit it's kinda tempting for the side of things. Some artwork kinds you hanker for might literally be in the single digits of existance. (I'm quite particularly weak to a couple haha). But for your art.
There's only one you, only one changed. and hundreds of people love your art, look forward to the updates you do. And detail or not, they cheer for you, love your characters, and love to see what you create! Don't forget to see what you have and built as well too.
And yeah, don't feel bad if you don't feel like drawing, especially if people are badgering you irl or you face more risk. The rest of us can keep our public and private lives easily seperated. If you ever need a break, don't feel bad about a health break to avoid burn out, take time off, sleep and recover.
Taking good care of yourself to avoid trashing yourself to the ground can be just as important as a good work ethic that avoids workaholicism until collapse, and might help your stress levels too. We want you to be happy with what you create, and also balance your life, needs, family and happiness too!
"Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang the best."
You don't have to be the best at any one thing to make something impactful, you made a popular and loved game. How many of the artists that you look at and feel jealous of have done anything close to making a game using their art?
No matter how you feel, you should remember that there will always be someone who loves and cares for you. You compare yourself to all these artists who, in your mind, are better than you. Well, even if those people are better than you at drawing, it is undeniable to me that you are better than everyone who is growing more than you and even those who hate your work. And the reason that is, is because you've worked hard at making everything that you share with everyone. No artist or anti-furry can imitate the time you spent on giving games, animations, and drawings. None of them are better than you for that, and no one can make something better than what you gave us and what you enjoyed with us, because it was always you and your friends who put the time and effort into what we loved.
We love what you do mostly because you do it; no one has a style of drawing that is better than anyone's style, and that should not be worried about. People who arrived here to enjoy what you made, will always enjoy it their unique way because it's yours.
In this journal entry, you've said that drawing isn't the same for you as it was back then. But unfortunately, that will always be the case for you and for everyone because we change (I don't intend this as a joke). You are not the same person you were 10 years ago, and everyone you've met is most likely the same case. For a lot of people, changing simply sucks. When you lose interest in what you loved doing because you did it too much, or because you simply weren't growing like everyone else was, you feel empty, like a part of yourself is missing. But you shouldn't fear change, nobody should. Changing is an opportunity to start something new and love doing it.
I know most people who feel down or depressed don't want to read more than a paragraph of what some people would call "words of advice" or "inspiration". So if you haven't read all this, well, live your life how you want it. The end of one thing in your life is always the way to a new beginning. And no matter what, you will always have this community, your friends, your family, and others to fall back on when things go down again. If nothing else, I would at least listen.
Everyone has their own effect on the art world, and although yours may not be "traditionally skilled", it's had a huge impact. You've made more impressions on people than many artists I consider highly skilled.
I understand the comparison and depression, even very skilled artists feel this way.
Many people are immensely proud of what you've produced. It has helped them to understand themselves and their desires, and to find pleasure. Society beats us down for what we like, but projects like Changed help to create understanding between people. When something is expressed with so much heart, people begin to understand why others like this stuff. Maybe they even decide they like it themselves. Closed-minded people will never feel this way and it's not worth listening to them.
If you ever want any advice on improving your artistic skills, please reach out to me at any time. I'm very happy to lend some help, and I'm sure many others are too. Although I don't think you necessarily need it: your art already expresses so much, and I hope you keep drawing.
Regardless of what sad, angry people say, you are doing a good thing by expressing yourself. Please keep doing so!
I guess I'm just intermittently lacking in confidence, don't worry, I'm still creating, drawing, and if I can really make a difference for the whole group, that would be great, thank you for the compliment
Finally, I am still drawing, I still have a whole game project waiting for me, thank you very much!
The community is here to support you and I know that a lot of people love what you do. If you ever feel like you're losing your motivation, please get in contact with people you know will understand and I'm always happy to give advice myself.
Do what you love and we'll keep loving it!
我的内心已经放弃了绘画了，我从生理上厌恶着画画，我还在画只是因为责任感在逼着我拿起笔
我已经不可能回到过去了，不可能回到过去有着天真的热情的时期了
即使是游戏素材我也无法认真的画下去了，我的注意力涣散，脑袋空空没有想法
我画错了很多次，以前很简单的工作现在对我来说是那么难
我试图像以前一样拿起笔工作但我做不到，我很痛苦
我无法接受自己，无法直视自己，我痛恨自己为什么那么无能
我为AI的出现感到高兴，因为我能像其他人一样用同样的AI创造出同样的画
但我无法、不可能、不会像其他人一样用笔创造出同样华丽的画，我做不到
我的心已经放弃了，彻彻底底的放弃了，我每次看到别人的画，我首先只会会下意识的自嘲
每一次欣赏都是一次撕碎伤疤的过程，我不行，我不行，我不行
我真的很痛苦
... and for what it's worth, I agree with Plumlucky and all the others who've given you encouragement. The artwork you've drawn has invoked all the emotions you've wanted it to: pleasure, wholesomeness, a sense of opening up or feeling more comfortable. I've treasured the warm, fuzzy feeling Puro gave me ever since I first dove into the original Changed game and embarked on that journey with him, and I wouldn't trade that experience for any other particular drawing!
I apologize if me trying to help push back against your depression opens up some of the scars it has given you, but I do so because I care. We don't know each other personally, but I still want to help you feel better if I can. No matter how sad or tired your depression leaves you, never forget that we understand, we believe, and we're confident that you have it in you to push on through. Never give up. ♥
(Google Translate for some sloppy convenience, hopefully, because I don't understand Chinese:)
作为一个知道被咬的痛苦的人，我的心向你致敬，因为你继续与你的抑郁和焦虑作斗争。不过，我会告诉你我告诉所有挣扎的朋友的话：就像一个黑暗、沉重的影子，它试图把你拖下去……但你太强大了，不能那样做。你还没有真正放弃。你自己说你还是放不下，不管那些阴暗的念头多么渴望它。你可能会看着你所有的粉丝而感到压力，或者看着其他艺术家而感到不安全......但请知道我们都在同时为你加油。如果你犯了错误或走得很慢，那是
... 就其价值而言，我同意 Plumlucky 和所有其他给过您鼓励的人的观点。您绘制的艺术品唤起了您想要的所有情感：愉悦、健康、开放感或感觉更舒适。自从我第一次投入最初的 Changed 游戏并与他一起踏上这段旅程以来，我一直珍惜 Puro 给我的温暖、模糊的感觉，我不会用这种体验换取任何其他特定的绘画！
如果我试图帮助你抗击抑郁症会打开它给你带来的一些伤疤，我深表歉意，但我这样做是因为我在乎。我们私下并不认识，但如果可以的话，我仍然想帮助你感觉好些。无论你的抑郁症让你多么悲伤或疲倦，永远不要忘记我们理解、我们相信并且我们相信你有能力继续前进。永不放弃。 ♥
了解。感谢你讨论这种问题，我跟你有一样。我上了大学，但画画水平真慢慢得萎缩，就不想练习，更萎缩，我很郁闷。别人很容易就提高水平！看你写的话让我不孤身，那你也不孤身。在这个社群上，你是个特色。对很多兽迷来说，你的画很重要。我自己真喜欢你的画，更喜欢你画的思想。画的意见比画画水平重要得很。TF有意义。虽然你的感觉这样，可是你有这么多亲们，真的有影响。你的画画水平肯定没有那么错。
不好意思中文水平也萎缩了
And the fact that you keep trying to improve is admirable, I personally would have given up in your situation, hang in there, my friend.
God be with you.
>w<
edit: google translated text
在这里保持简单，祝你好运，我的朋友，我希望你找到一条让你快乐的道路！
Perhaps if your art didn't have a set style to it it might be able to be looked upon as needing improvement, but as it is it is VERY good. Art doesn't have to be hyper detailed with perfectly clean lines, or color, or any of that extra stuff. Perhaps with some refinement you may be able to increase the level of detail, but please do not give up your style.
嘿，你做得很好。你的艺术风格很可爱，你的游戏早已打动了我和我朋友的心。我理解嫉妒、迷失和对自己有点生气是什么感觉。我自己做 3D 艺术，我看到贸易伙伴的进步比我以往任何时候都快。但是，我确信如果你继续下去，只要你能继续回到它......就会有一条前进的道路，你会做出人们可以欣赏的东西。我认为可以肯定地说我们在这里为您服务！
Don't take your bans as personal attacks.
Furaffinity is just another crappy western site that either can't differentiate fantasy and reality, or simply chooses not to for profit.
あなたの芸術的才能は素晴らしい、ここでは誰もそれを否定していない。
禁止令を個人攻撃と思わないでください。
Furaffinityは、空想と現実の区別がつかないか、単に利益のために区別しないことを選択した、ただのくだらない西洋のサイトです。
只能说这个世界上有的人一出生就在罗马，而你竭尽全力拼搏一辈子能够到达的终点也远远达不到他们的起点。上天从来就没有公平的概念，无论自己生下来是被上帝捧还是被上帝踩，都只能默默地接受。但你也许可以走出自己眼前的圈子，挤点时间多去尝试一下别的事，寻找自己真正有天赋的事。或者多思考，多读书，找到自己最热爱的事为什么总是做不好做不成功的根本原因（这些原因往往都是方法不对，又长期没人指点迷津）。我就是花了五年
What you do isn't dumb it's what you want to do and that's more important then anything.
I think you are an inspiration and I look to you as no way I could be that good and I wish I could have 10% of your dedication. Please don't give up ever and please keep doing what makes you happy