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My personal forbidden desire
3 years ago
This is perhaps a silly journal entry for me to make. These days, I don't make journal entries as much as I used to -- I've become more and more active posting my thoughts on Tesla Twitter these days. Sometimes, however, there are stuff that I'd rather not post on Twitter, anyway, and this discussion is probably way too long for me to discuss there. Certain topics are just too sensitive for me to post on Twitter. (I also chose to only post this on FA, considering just how more open-minded furries are compared to your average Joe.)
Being a Muslim sucks; it really is. x_x While you can own dogs, be prepared to get disapproving looks from fellow Muslims around you for owning one. (I've already talked in lengths about that before in another journal entry.) You can only eat "halal" foods -- animals slaughtered the Islamic way, and only the Islamic way. Everything else is considered "haram", ie. forbidden. Pigs are always considered haram no matter what, so the only way I can at least experience what eating bacon is like is with beef or turkey cooked in a similar bacon-y manner.
And then, there's drink. Just... drink. As in, when I say "drink", you know exactly what I mean.
The truth is... all my life, I had always wondered what it's like to be drunk. Like pigs, all alcoholic liquors are considered haram. To be fair, nothing stops a Muslim from taking a shot of booze if they want to. It's just that, in Muslim countries, it's considered a punishable act under Sharia law. Our local marts here were forced to place a sign in the beverages area that informs patrons that alcoholic liquors are not for sale for Muslims, with ID checks upon purchase to prove that you are not Muslim. Alcoholic liquors themselves are demonized in our Islamic teachings, being called "Satan's piss". (I'm not making that up: they literally called that.) Once, I attended a Friday prayer in which the imam discussed all manners of just how "evil" alcoholic liquors are, completely exaggerating the negative side effects (like drinking wine somehow makes you more murderous).
Anyway, it's not the pleasurable act of drinking that I was curious about. It's what comes after; ie. that mushy lightheadedness that you feel after a good drink. I already know what a good wine tastes like: after all, wine is made from grape juice, and I've eaten lots of grapes and drank grape juice sometimes; the only difference is the lack of alcoholic content.
Growing up, I had to deal with my massive feeling of envy against other, more "privileged" people, especially foreigners and non-Muslims. It's likely one of the biggest motivation of why I became a furry in the first place: I felt like I could never fit well in my own native oppressive society, so I desperately wanted to be accepted in another society without all these oppressions. In a way, the furry fandom (and uplifting trance music) became my personal escape from reality, somewhere where I can feel loved and be accepted by others.
Anyway, last night, before I made my own Minecraft Twitch stream, I was watching another furry Twitch streamer, Pukan, streaming his own Minecraft gameplay. Just for fun, he made a challenge where, every time he dies, he must take a shot of whatever booze chosen by his chat members on that given time, essentially making himself growing more drunk the more he dies in Minecraft (which is a lot). It was funny. XDDD But then, it also hits me: he's not a Muslim, therefore he was "privileged" to drink whatever liquor he wants, while actively discussing about all the good wine and saké he drank, and admitted to his chat that he was for more about getting that feeling of drunkenness than the actual taste of those beverages. The chat itself was full of discussion where each chat member talked about their favorite beer, whiskey, etc.. This unintentionally left me depressed and I left the Twitch stream soon after, because I felt like I'm in a double-standard situation, where I'm being forbidden to enjoy something that everyone else are enjoying, all because I happened to be in a religion that despises those things.
Perhaps it's rather silly of me to desire getting drunk, even though there's no real benefits at all for being drunk. Again, I had always wondered what it's like to be drunk. Then one day, I read from somewhere that being drunk simply means less oxygen in the brain, which led to all these lightheadedness feeling and unable to think properly. Alcohol stifles this flow of oxygen to the brain, hence that "drunk" condition. And then I also read that you can also get this same condition by simply staying awake for an abnormally long time. The human body can only cope up to 16 hours of wakefulness, before everything starts deteriorating, which indicates that it's time to go to sleep.
And then, I realized, there had been days when I had not gone to bed at all. I just couldn't sleep -- insomnia, maybe -- or got so distracted by either YouTube or whatever game I was playing that I ended-up spending the entire early morning still remaining awake, up to even witnessing the sunrise. Back in my university days, I had even stayed up late just to finish that damn assignment that I forgot to finish early, just to meet the deadline. And my parents will oftentimes notice that I had not been sleeping at all the previous night: I was acting woozy, my speech became slurred, I couldn't think straight, and I frequently became angry out of nowhere for even the littlest things. All the symptoms of someone who got drunk.
There's no doubt about it.
Sleep deprivation is drunkenness.
Without realizing it, I had already experienced what it's like to be drunk.
It's okay to disagree -- I've seen purists who proclaim that you are never truly drunk, because only alcohol alone can make you drunk. Let the purists believe in whatever they want. >_>;;
Anyway, it should be obvious that you should never attempt this. Staying awake for too long can wreak all kinds of havoc to your body, even leading to fatality. To remain in good health, please adopt a healthy sleep cycle. And as for you champion drinkers out there, don't drink and drive. Too much alcohol consumption is not good either -- it could damage your liver. Drink responsibly, and don't attempt those "drinking game" challenges without considering the consequences afterwards.
Being a Muslim sucks; it really is. x_x While you can own dogs, be prepared to get disapproving looks from fellow Muslims around you for owning one. (I've already talked in lengths about that before in another journal entry.) You can only eat "halal" foods -- animals slaughtered the Islamic way, and only the Islamic way. Everything else is considered "haram", ie. forbidden. Pigs are always considered haram no matter what, so the only way I can at least experience what eating bacon is like is with beef or turkey cooked in a similar bacon-y manner.
And then, there's drink. Just... drink. As in, when I say "drink", you know exactly what I mean.
The truth is... all my life, I had always wondered what it's like to be drunk. Like pigs, all alcoholic liquors are considered haram. To be fair, nothing stops a Muslim from taking a shot of booze if they want to. It's just that, in Muslim countries, it's considered a punishable act under Sharia law. Our local marts here were forced to place a sign in the beverages area that informs patrons that alcoholic liquors are not for sale for Muslims, with ID checks upon purchase to prove that you are not Muslim. Alcoholic liquors themselves are demonized in our Islamic teachings, being called "Satan's piss". (I'm not making that up: they literally called that.) Once, I attended a Friday prayer in which the imam discussed all manners of just how "evil" alcoholic liquors are, completely exaggerating the negative side effects (like drinking wine somehow makes you more murderous).
Anyway, it's not the pleasurable act of drinking that I was curious about. It's what comes after; ie. that mushy lightheadedness that you feel after a good drink. I already know what a good wine tastes like: after all, wine is made from grape juice, and I've eaten lots of grapes and drank grape juice sometimes; the only difference is the lack of alcoholic content.
Growing up, I had to deal with my massive feeling of envy against other, more "privileged" people, especially foreigners and non-Muslims. It's likely one of the biggest motivation of why I became a furry in the first place: I felt like I could never fit well in my own native oppressive society, so I desperately wanted to be accepted in another society without all these oppressions. In a way, the furry fandom (and uplifting trance music) became my personal escape from reality, somewhere where I can feel loved and be accepted by others.
Anyway, last night, before I made my own Minecraft Twitch stream, I was watching another furry Twitch streamer, Pukan, streaming his own Minecraft gameplay. Just for fun, he made a challenge where, every time he dies, he must take a shot of whatever booze chosen by his chat members on that given time, essentially making himself growing more drunk the more he dies in Minecraft (which is a lot). It was funny. XDDD But then, it also hits me: he's not a Muslim, therefore he was "privileged" to drink whatever liquor he wants, while actively discussing about all the good wine and saké he drank, and admitted to his chat that he was for more about getting that feeling of drunkenness than the actual taste of those beverages. The chat itself was full of discussion where each chat member talked about their favorite beer, whiskey, etc.. This unintentionally left me depressed and I left the Twitch stream soon after, because I felt like I'm in a double-standard situation, where I'm being forbidden to enjoy something that everyone else are enjoying, all because I happened to be in a religion that despises those things.
Perhaps it's rather silly of me to desire getting drunk, even though there's no real benefits at all for being drunk. Again, I had always wondered what it's like to be drunk. Then one day, I read from somewhere that being drunk simply means less oxygen in the brain, which led to all these lightheadedness feeling and unable to think properly. Alcohol stifles this flow of oxygen to the brain, hence that "drunk" condition. And then I also read that you can also get this same condition by simply staying awake for an abnormally long time. The human body can only cope up to 16 hours of wakefulness, before everything starts deteriorating, which indicates that it's time to go to sleep.
And then, I realized, there had been days when I had not gone to bed at all. I just couldn't sleep -- insomnia, maybe -- or got so distracted by either YouTube or whatever game I was playing that I ended-up spending the entire early morning still remaining awake, up to even witnessing the sunrise. Back in my university days, I had even stayed up late just to finish that damn assignment that I forgot to finish early, just to meet the deadline. And my parents will oftentimes notice that I had not been sleeping at all the previous night: I was acting woozy, my speech became slurred, I couldn't think straight, and I frequently became angry out of nowhere for even the littlest things. All the symptoms of someone who got drunk.
There's no doubt about it.
Sleep deprivation is drunkenness.
Without realizing it, I had already experienced what it's like to be drunk.
It's okay to disagree -- I've seen purists who proclaim that you are never truly drunk, because only alcohol alone can make you drunk. Let the purists believe in whatever they want. >_>;;
Anyway, it should be obvious that you should never attempt this. Staying awake for too long can wreak all kinds of havoc to your body, even leading to fatality. To remain in good health, please adopt a healthy sleep cycle. And as for you champion drinkers out there, don't drink and drive. Too much alcohol consumption is not good either -- it could damage your liver. Drink responsibly, and don't attempt those "drinking game" challenges without considering the consequences afterwards.
I also started getting angry at things incredibly easily. I know that normally when I'm furious I start acting in a self destructive way and to say things that I don't feel and burn bridges around. And being in a state where being angry at everything was super easy -that I couldnt do this. That things were this. That i hate how you [random person] do this. That I hate how you [another random person] do that, etc.
If I had that while merely being slightly tipsy, how am I going to be in a full-on drunk state?
After that I've tried to make a point on never getting drunk. I can use alcohol to give a flavor kick to something -I do it with fruit juice sometimes- but not to drink it directly.
Discussing about it with a friend I was told that everyone feels "being drunk" differently (it depends on everyone's body), and that indeed, if I am the angry type, its not a good idea to have me drunk at all. I have no idea how it would hit for others, but... thats my short story with being drunk and why I tend to avoid it even with having the privilegie to do it if I want.
I'm also that "angry" type as well, as evidenced by many times I went into tantrum during my childhood years. So perhaps, it's not a good idea for me to even be drunk after all. x_o
I gotta say, though- I absolutely empathize with the curiosity about how it feels being drunk. Its one of these things that we may be told countless times how it is, but until we experience it yourself it wont be the same. I think the main problem with alcohol (and other drugs) is how easy is to get addicted to them.
I can understand wanting to know what it feels like to be drunk. I could also understand wanting to know what it feels like to be blind, or deaf, or mute, or missing fingers or limbs.
I can't say I have any of those curiosities myself, though.
As for the drunkenness thing, I abstained from alcohol all my life and have no desire to drink, even though I could do it. I think the negatives of drinking outweigh the good. That said, I also think that people should be allowed to drink, as long as they do not hurt others. And being drunk should not be treated as an excuse if you hurt someone.
Regarding the drunkenness thing, perhaps it's the forbidden fruit effect at work here. Making something forbidden only makes it even more desirable. Malaysia is a massive hotspot for piracy, including pirated movies. If you consider the fact that Malaysia frequently bans so many movies every year for various reasons -- so much, that it has its very own Wikipedia entry -- it makes more sense. Same with all manners of adult entertainment, which are banned here. The desire to experience what everyone else are experiencing can be quite powerful, so much that some will take it upon their own hands to experience it, no matter what.
Not my thing, I only ever drink for casual purposes. I like being as sober as possible hanging out with peeps. I'll keep to soft drinks and water
and yeah as someone who stayed awake for days in his youth, after a certain point it kinda does get comparable to being drunk, with way more proneness to fall asleep.
Much afraid I'd be a violent drunk so..I'm best off with a cup of tea. :3
On the other hand, it sucks to have freedoms stripped from you by others. I don't think it's healthy and I expect it leads to just as many problems (if not more) than in more permissive cultures.
And indeed. =/ I'm just thankful that at least my Internet is not being censored like the case with China. But I shouldn't take this freedom I have for granted, either.