Ok so many of you have seen that my father passed back in August, and the funeral took place in September (same month I turned 30). So I thought I would give some life updates as to what is going on and let people know Im still alive. I put in bold the subjects so you can just fast forward to any bits that matter to you.


The Truth about my father…

I did not mourn my father after he passed. I kept silent about this, but all my life my father had emotionally manipulated me and gaslit me, even going so far as to blame me for what he himself was guilty of. He had a background in psychology which meant that he had to know what he was doing to me was abusive but he continued to do so. All my life, with EVERY single partner he had, he CHEATED on them, including my Dad (Pop and Dad were together for about 24 years before dad lost his battle with cancer) and Pops (P) would get so upset or angry anytime anyone dared cheat on him. He had a major drug problem that he kept hidden, doing meth and fucking around with anyone who would have him. He used the home I am currently living in as his own personal bank, taking out $1.5M in loans and doing the same for the house he owned in for his company. He constantly badgered me about how we needed to “stick to the budget” but would never give me a definitive budget, and would spend hundreds of dollars on dinners, parties, and drugs.

As it stands, I am currently in the process of selling the homes to try and pay back his astronomical amount of debt and doing my best to keep things together. I am currently without a job and I have about $65 left in my bank account (for those who are wondering why they arent seeing much art of me anymore). And for those who are worried about my finances, after Dad (D) died, he left me a monthly stipend of about $2000/month for the rest of my life. Things are tight but I am doing what I can to survive. The reason I blew through most of the money was because I had to do an emergency cleaning and junk hauling of my father’s facility that he was using for his business. He owes the landlady about $80K in back rent and I didnt want there to be another monthy charge of around $7000. So $1000 to junk removal and I was able to get the place cleared out. The rest went to bills that needed paying.


The Future…

As said before, Im selling my family home and the house P used for his business to pay off debts and such. There are a lot to be honest. Any and all money left over will be spent trying to piece together my new life in Colorado. Ive lived in California all my life…but the Gold Rush is over, and I dont want to end up on the streets in search for my nuggets of gold. Im taking exchanging gold for green. Im going to use my money to go back to school, get a smaller place with my friends and my brother, and just surviving until I thrive.

RP and relationship wise, I dont really want one anymore. The idea of turning into my father and becoming a cheater or emotionally abusive asshole in a relationship…that just makes me sick and upset. I dont have the heart to do to anyone what my father did to me or to any one of his partners. Some may say that I am letting him control my life again, but this is MY decision and I am doing it for me. Im going to make slow and steady improvements to my life. Right now is hard financially and Im doing the best I can, but I am hoping for the light at the end of this long dark tunnel.