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Alright, the Big Update
2 years ago
Heya everyone!
I have missed you. It has been so long that I'm not even entirely sure where I left off so I'm just going to give a general big update on my life and where I'm at. I'll try to keep it less then a novel....
"Why did you go? :("
Truthfully, I made some Big mistakes about 5 years ago and I had to pay for them. In many ways, because of my mistakes, my previously safe circles no longer felt safe and I really needed to look at myself, my choices and what I was going to do. I left basically all of my social groups and I did a lot of self isolating. I lost a lot of trust in people and lost faith in myself and my internal idea of self. I needed to figure out who I was and what kind of person I wanted to be.
I am still picking up the pieces that got shattered, but I believe that who I am now is on the right track and I am learning to love myself for the first time in probably my entire life. I am re-learning to trust and learning how to know who my actual friends are. Its been really difficult at times, but I'm getting there and proud of my progress in who I have become.
"What have you been doing in the mean time?"
I am currently a junior as an undergrad student studying Molecular, Cellular, and Developmental Biology and (hopefully) getting a minor in biotechnology. (I absolutely love it)
"Does that mean you're no longer doing art...?"
Yes and no. I actually put up the paintbrush because it was destroying my body and because the communities I was in had essentially gotten destroyed, I felt a bit outcast and lost with art. I no longer wanted to create and had burned myself so badly I wasn't entirely sure I'd ever draw again. My identity took a huge blow. I still struggle with the idea that I gave up and "failed". However, I am now picking it back up and have done a few commissions here and there throughout the years and a few science-themed pieces for school. I can no longer really make massive pieces and motivation to draw and create are still somewhat rare, but I have learned to love art again and I am working on my own sense of self expression. I actually no longer have many of the tools I used to make things with, so most of what I do is linework. I'm sorry for those that loved my full illustrations, I do not know if I will ever get back to that level of creating again, but hey I'm still here and there is always time for that. So yeah I still make art, but not nearly in the capacity that I used too.
"So why are you coming back now?"
Its a few reasons really.
The main reason is I want to develop community again and get back in touch with what I loved about FA. This was the first place I felt safe to be me; I developed friends and memories and found my art through here. I am kind of hoping I can find that inspiration again. I also needed a place to casually be an artist again. Other social media sites I truthfully feel like there is competition to be seen/become popular and I just..don't need that in my life. I have enough imposter syndrome already and I need a place I can just casually post, make friends, and be myself. I need a space for myself to feel safe in and FA had notoriously been non-judgemental in the past. Again, yall welcoming me back put tears in my eyes and kind of solidified I made the right choice. I missed yall.
"So what now?"
Hell if I know. I expect and hope to be semi-active on here when I'm not in school. My degree can be really time consuming and can take everything I have to keep my grades up, but I will do my best to keep up and make connections. I will still be prioritizing real life over online social settings. My interests have fully shifted to the life sciences, so I am a bit afraid I wont quite be as interesting as I used to be on here as an artist..but hey I ams what I ams. I do hope to make more things that are tied with these interests, I just no longer care if it helps me become popular or get noticed like I used to. So yeah, I guess I'll just be kind of a casual on here.
"Any other news?"
Well I guess I should end it with "I'm actually happy"
I love the career I'm going into and I am genuinely proud of the progresses I'm made personally and towards my career. I have made friends who are insanely cool and inspirational, I've learned more about the world and feel I've grown as a person. I definitely still have problems with depression and identity, but they don't last as long and I'm now okay that I struggle with these things vs believe I am broken. I am going to continue down this path and try my best to help others and myself. If yall have any questions I'm happy to answer them. I am happy to be back and hope I can maintain the energy to post and stay active.
I have missed you. It has been so long that I'm not even entirely sure where I left off so I'm just going to give a general big update on my life and where I'm at. I'll try to keep it less then a novel....
"Why did you go? :("
Truthfully, I made some Big mistakes about 5 years ago and I had to pay for them. In many ways, because of my mistakes, my previously safe circles no longer felt safe and I really needed to look at myself, my choices and what I was going to do. I left basically all of my social groups and I did a lot of self isolating. I lost a lot of trust in people and lost faith in myself and my internal idea of self. I needed to figure out who I was and what kind of person I wanted to be.
I am still picking up the pieces that got shattered, but I believe that who I am now is on the right track and I am learning to love myself for the first time in probably my entire life. I am re-learning to trust and learning how to know who my actual friends are. Its been really difficult at times, but I'm getting there and proud of my progress in who I have become.
"What have you been doing in the mean time?"
I am currently a junior as an undergrad student studying Molecular, Cellular, and Developmental Biology and (hopefully) getting a minor in biotechnology. (I absolutely love it)
"Does that mean you're no longer doing art...?"
Yes and no. I actually put up the paintbrush because it was destroying my body and because the communities I was in had essentially gotten destroyed, I felt a bit outcast and lost with art. I no longer wanted to create and had burned myself so badly I wasn't entirely sure I'd ever draw again. My identity took a huge blow. I still struggle with the idea that I gave up and "failed". However, I am now picking it back up and have done a few commissions here and there throughout the years and a few science-themed pieces for school. I can no longer really make massive pieces and motivation to draw and create are still somewhat rare, but I have learned to love art again and I am working on my own sense of self expression. I actually no longer have many of the tools I used to make things with, so most of what I do is linework. I'm sorry for those that loved my full illustrations, I do not know if I will ever get back to that level of creating again, but hey I'm still here and there is always time for that. So yeah I still make art, but not nearly in the capacity that I used too.
"So why are you coming back now?"
Its a few reasons really.
The main reason is I want to develop community again and get back in touch with what I loved about FA. This was the first place I felt safe to be me; I developed friends and memories and found my art through here. I am kind of hoping I can find that inspiration again. I also needed a place to casually be an artist again. Other social media sites I truthfully feel like there is competition to be seen/become popular and I just..don't need that in my life. I have enough imposter syndrome already and I need a place I can just casually post, make friends, and be myself. I need a space for myself to feel safe in and FA had notoriously been non-judgemental in the past. Again, yall welcoming me back put tears in my eyes and kind of solidified I made the right choice. I missed yall.
"So what now?"
Hell if I know. I expect and hope to be semi-active on here when I'm not in school. My degree can be really time consuming and can take everything I have to keep my grades up, but I will do my best to keep up and make connections. I will still be prioritizing real life over online social settings. My interests have fully shifted to the life sciences, so I am a bit afraid I wont quite be as interesting as I used to be on here as an artist..but hey I ams what I ams. I do hope to make more things that are tied with these interests, I just no longer care if it helps me become popular or get noticed like I used to. So yeah, I guess I'll just be kind of a casual on here.
"Any other news?"
Well I guess I should end it with "I'm actually happy"
I love the career I'm going into and I am genuinely proud of the progresses I'm made personally and towards my career. I have made friends who are insanely cool and inspirational, I've learned more about the world and feel I've grown as a person. I definitely still have problems with depression and identity, but they don't last as long and I'm now okay that I struggle with these things vs believe I am broken. I am going to continue down this path and try my best to help others and myself. If yall have any questions I'm happy to answer them. I am happy to be back and hope I can maintain the energy to post and stay active.
Keep on that forward push, and grow from what you have started - seems to be good things yet to come 😊
I have learned a lot, which I suppose sometimes it takes a lot of struggle to really get to know who you are. I am happy I'm here though and extremely thankful for those who stuck it out and helped me along the way.
Wishing you all the best with your studies. :3
Maybe FA can spark your interest in art some more again. But all at your own pace and only if it's fun for you. It shouldn't be a chore.
Welcome back and all the best to you. <3
I definitely needed to take a step back and reevaluate things. I was very lost, but thankfully had folks who helped pull me out of it and give me the courage to work on myself and make changes for the best. I owe a lot to many people and am very happy with where I'm headed. The fact that I actively WANT to make art again and for myself no less is new and wonderful. I'm sure there will always be rocks in teh road, but now I feel like I know how to navigate them a bit better. I guess the whole older--> wiser thing is true xP
Again, thank you. I'm very much looking forward to continuing this chapter of my life.
Bur I am so happy to hear you can be where you're happy now. That is worth more than anything to really be where you want and pursuing dojrthibg thst gives you joy and purpose. You are a great artist but that is not all you are, and if it's better for you to do minimal things or ever put it up altogether, I and many others will still be happy with what we got to see. And you shoukd still be proud of what you did! Just because you once did a lot of art doesn't mean you need to forever and you can still look back fondly at what you had without wanting to continue it
So legitimately, I'm glad you're doing well and getting to a happy and healthier place and I look forward to seeing what you share with us for as long as you're willing to do so~
Thank you so much for your kind words. Life is definitely a journey and can often be winding and confusing. The only thing we can do is reevaluate and focus on our own path.
Life takes us in many directions, and I'm so happy for you because I KNOW my life change made me so much happier and made my life get better. And I'm glad you were able to push yourself to go the direction of life you wanted and is ultimately making you feel better as well. I think a lot of people don't know how hard it can be to push yourself off of what you "thought" you should be. Or how even though we can be talented at something, it doesn't mean pursuing it will make someone happy.
I'm sorry you had to go to a low point and struggle to get there, but I hope life treats you the same way my decision treated me - with happiness and kindness! It sounds like so far it has done so, and all my best wishes to you~
People've gotten a lot more confrontational and dickish in the past 8-10 years.
Go at your own speed, it's the best thing to do And welcome back!
What "success" is and at what cost it comes is different for everyone.
Its so lovely to hear you're doing well!
I am going through very similar circumstances, so I definitely needed the lil boost reading this.
All the best to you 🧡 🐾
I was myself stuck in a bad job with a terrible man for a boss who let out his bad moods mostly on me, while the shortcomings were his fail... dear boss, do you fucking job and stop procrastrinating. sincerely, everyone else in the world.
so I stopped being a car mechanic and instead picked up wielding refuse at a large german car makers' facility downtown here. pays the same, but I have way less frustration and responsibility. I still couldn't live off that job alone, which only shows how bad a car mechanic is paid here.
(I had to get rid of a customer whose requests and ideas involving my fursona rubbed me the wrong way until the hair came off. :P also, mom's health is gotten very bad as of late, so I'm not as active as I wanted to be. but I'm trying.)
one little question... is Warwick still "around"? :) a little sequential art with a sleepy Warwick being buggered by a certain ghost cat keeps coming to mind... kind of like that little .gif where that kitty buggers a yorkie the way only cats can do. :)
Your grades and real life ALWAYS come first, but I'm really darn happy to see you around again. I hope life continues the upward strong for you!