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2023 is going to be different...
2 years ago
Hi y'all.
2022 showed me that you don't simply live through some experiences unharmed. Since my partner has recovered from his cancer episode, we both have realized how much we were damaged in the process even though we came out the other end without dying - luckily. But we are not unharmed. Physically, it's looking good, we are the lucky ones, minimal permanent physical damage and it seems the ugly MFer called cancer is staying away. We are grateful for this universal blessing of course, and we know there are many people not so lucky. Survivor syndrome kicks in and suddenly you feel responsible for the world... as if your fortune was build on the misfortune of others. But cancer isn't capitalism - so I am trying hard to push this thought away. Because of all that, we both thought we had to hit the ground running directly after 'recovering'.
We did so much, we planned a lot, we wanted to create our ttrpg while working 40+ hours a week, meeting with friends again and having as many fun experiences as possible. We turned our lives up to eleven and needless to say, that didn't go without recoil. We are both suffering from fatigue and burn-out and that doesn't just go away untreated.
We enjoyed ourselves, don't get me wrong. But we came to understand we both have battlescars. We are tired, from a year of surgery, chemo-therapy, psycho-therapy and sick kittens because yeah, one of our kittens got gravely ill as well during that time. We tried to make up for losstime and tried double as hard the year after. The world stops for no-one and even if you come out the other end, you have to realize all this fighting takes a toll on your mental- and physical health.
The pandemic also took a toll of course. And other catastrophes, which, compared to having to fight cancer, seem very lightweight, but they are still draining. specially if you had to put up with the big mfer before. Sick pets, trying to fight to have a future, making our living conditions better after the bad experiences, moving, renovating, day job... Then my grandmother passed away last year who I dearly loved and miss... and more things happened, naturally. Good and bad.
But the bottom-line is: I learned that I have to take my time. Life is precious, but will always throw some shit at you you didn't expect, good and bad. The global energy crisis, the war in Europe, waged by a madmen, friends in danger - it's insane what's going on right now and I cannot pretend it isn't affecting me. And looking at 2023, I want to get some more shit done and sorted in my life and I will need time for myself and my little pack, my family to do that right.
Many of you have seen me post less and less art over the years, and I am not making stellar progress on any art owed. I didn't forget about what I owe, though. And I will take some time this year to finish what I owe. That's one of the main points for me to move on. I want to wrap up the old and start a-new. And I still want to take my time to find back into my old creative space again. I practically have stopped taking commissions in 2020 - so all the stuff that is there is old or just regulars who really wanted a piece from me and I agreed to work on my own pace. So I am incredibly lucky to have such great friends and long-term clients who have so much understanding for my situation and continue to do so.
I will repay that kindness and I will look into getting back to art again. But at my own pace. I have removed myself from FoMo and most social media sites in the past couple of years. Naturally, my following also dwindled, but that's okay. :) I have a full-time job I love - but that means art as my side-business has less and less impact on my life and there isn't as much time in the day for it as it used to. So I am grateful for the people who are still here, appreciating my art. And I am happy to say, my art has improved a lot, actually. This year, I am going to take my time to pick it up and work it into my routine again, but I won't take any new clients, same as in the last years. I will simply focus on my own personal projects, and on the clients who still wait for their updates. I want them to have the best art I can make as a thank-you for their patience and support during difficult times.
And I will make sure they get more than what they paid for, because the quality I can achieve with my art nowadays is much better than what I did a couple years ago. So at least, they are getting a bargain for their bug. I want to pay back the interest in quality.
And If I am ever taking commissions again, the prices would naturally increase, so. We'll see how that goes, though! I am currently not planning to go back to art as a business regularly. As in the past, commissions will mostly be available from me at conventions. But don't be shy to ping me with an idea if you are really interested in getting a piece from me.
And for 2024 I want to be free to pursue my ttrpg fully. I need to get some important milestones done in 2023 - some are really scary. Some are taking care of loved ones that might not be around forever. It's going to be a good year, hopefully...but also a very challenging one. I have come to accept and see this now. And I will act upon it. I need to take care of myself and my pack to set up new routines that enable me to be more stable and part of that routine needs to be that I stop overworking myself. And that I stop trying to be super active everywhere, or answer to any message immediately. You know the drill. If you're my friend, I love you and I always will. but I might have to take some time for myself this year and be a little more reclusive.
I love you all, the fandom, my clients and friends. this place is incredible and I never want to leave. I am a furry at heart, always have been and even though I pursue more 'fantasy' topics, lately, that doesn't mean I don't belong or enjoy anthropomorphic art anymore. And you will keep seeing more of it in the future. :)
Thanks for inspiring me, always. Thanks for the love and the friendship. I won't go anywhere, I'll just take this year to unapologetically and without fear or self-doubt, take the time I need to finally be back on my feet.
Commison queue:
kaoru_is_here - Seasonal winter drawing of Kaoru - Coloring in progress
pattarchus & 
grey-dragon - noodle sketch - clean-up in progress
kyian - ref-sheet for Ragenhere - coloring
Kyian - ref-sheet for Beisa - not started
shadeba - ref-sheet for Rafael - not started
shadeba - ref-sheet for Samuel - sketched
bostitch 'I am perfection' character portrait - not started, yet.
khirdras Conbadge - not started, yet.
2022 showed me that you don't simply live through some experiences unharmed. Since my partner has recovered from his cancer episode, we both have realized how much we were damaged in the process even though we came out the other end without dying - luckily. But we are not unharmed. Physically, it's looking good, we are the lucky ones, minimal permanent physical damage and it seems the ugly MFer called cancer is staying away. We are grateful for this universal blessing of course, and we know there are many people not so lucky. Survivor syndrome kicks in and suddenly you feel responsible for the world... as if your fortune was build on the misfortune of others. But cancer isn't capitalism - so I am trying hard to push this thought away. Because of all that, we both thought we had to hit the ground running directly after 'recovering'.
We did so much, we planned a lot, we wanted to create our ttrpg while working 40+ hours a week, meeting with friends again and having as many fun experiences as possible. We turned our lives up to eleven and needless to say, that didn't go without recoil. We are both suffering from fatigue and burn-out and that doesn't just go away untreated.
We enjoyed ourselves, don't get me wrong. But we came to understand we both have battlescars. We are tired, from a year of surgery, chemo-therapy, psycho-therapy and sick kittens because yeah, one of our kittens got gravely ill as well during that time. We tried to make up for losstime and tried double as hard the year after. The world stops for no-one and even if you come out the other end, you have to realize all this fighting takes a toll on your mental- and physical health.
The pandemic also took a toll of course. And other catastrophes, which, compared to having to fight cancer, seem very lightweight, but they are still draining. specially if you had to put up with the big mfer before. Sick pets, trying to fight to have a future, making our living conditions better after the bad experiences, moving, renovating, day job... Then my grandmother passed away last year who I dearly loved and miss... and more things happened, naturally. Good and bad.
But the bottom-line is: I learned that I have to take my time. Life is precious, but will always throw some shit at you you didn't expect, good and bad. The global energy crisis, the war in Europe, waged by a madmen, friends in danger - it's insane what's going on right now and I cannot pretend it isn't affecting me. And looking at 2023, I want to get some more shit done and sorted in my life and I will need time for myself and my little pack, my family to do that right.
Many of you have seen me post less and less art over the years, and I am not making stellar progress on any art owed. I didn't forget about what I owe, though. And I will take some time this year to finish what I owe. That's one of the main points for me to move on. I want to wrap up the old and start a-new. And I still want to take my time to find back into my old creative space again. I practically have stopped taking commissions in 2020 - so all the stuff that is there is old or just regulars who really wanted a piece from me and I agreed to work on my own pace. So I am incredibly lucky to have such great friends and long-term clients who have so much understanding for my situation and continue to do so.
I will repay that kindness and I will look into getting back to art again. But at my own pace. I have removed myself from FoMo and most social media sites in the past couple of years. Naturally, my following also dwindled, but that's okay. :) I have a full-time job I love - but that means art as my side-business has less and less impact on my life and there isn't as much time in the day for it as it used to. So I am grateful for the people who are still here, appreciating my art. And I am happy to say, my art has improved a lot, actually. This year, I am going to take my time to pick it up and work it into my routine again, but I won't take any new clients, same as in the last years. I will simply focus on my own personal projects, and on the clients who still wait for their updates. I want them to have the best art I can make as a thank-you for their patience and support during difficult times.
And I will make sure they get more than what they paid for, because the quality I can achieve with my art nowadays is much better than what I did a couple years ago. So at least, they are getting a bargain for their bug. I want to pay back the interest in quality.
And If I am ever taking commissions again, the prices would naturally increase, so. We'll see how that goes, though! I am currently not planning to go back to art as a business regularly. As in the past, commissions will mostly be available from me at conventions. But don't be shy to ping me with an idea if you are really interested in getting a piece from me.
And for 2024 I want to be free to pursue my ttrpg fully. I need to get some important milestones done in 2023 - some are really scary. Some are taking care of loved ones that might not be around forever. It's going to be a good year, hopefully...but also a very challenging one. I have come to accept and see this now. And I will act upon it. I need to take care of myself and my pack to set up new routines that enable me to be more stable and part of that routine needs to be that I stop overworking myself. And that I stop trying to be super active everywhere, or answer to any message immediately. You know the drill. If you're my friend, I love you and I always will. but I might have to take some time for myself this year and be a little more reclusive.
I love you all, the fandom, my clients and friends. this place is incredible and I never want to leave. I am a furry at heart, always have been and even though I pursue more 'fantasy' topics, lately, that doesn't mean I don't belong or enjoy anthropomorphic art anymore. And you will keep seeing more of it in the future. :)
Thanks for inspiring me, always. Thanks for the love and the friendship. I won't go anywhere, I'll just take this year to unapologetically and without fear or self-doubt, take the time I need to finally be back on my feet.
Commison queue:
kaoru_is_here - Seasonal winter drawing of Kaoru - Coloring in progress
pattarchus & 
grey-dragon - noodle sketch - clean-up in progress
kyian - ref-sheet for Ragenhere - coloring Kyian - ref-sheet for Beisa - not started
shadeba - ref-sheet for Rafael - not started shadeba - ref-sheet for Samuel - sketched
bostitch 'I am perfection' character portrait - not started, yet.
khirdras Conbadge - not started, yet.
And when you need somebody just ask, even when it's just to carry some heavy stuff up or down stairs.
hey, hier liegt ein gewisses sketchbuch, da sind noch viele seiten frei für mehr tigerchen. :D
naja, nachdem die besitzer des hauses in dem wir seit den 60ern wohnen, verstorben waren haben wir das haus gekauft. teils finanziert, den rest hat mein bruder als darlehen aufgenommen, und er und ich haben unterschrieben. das war 2019.
2021 starb mein bruder überraschend. da wurde es schon eng mit finanzen, aber wir hatten dennoch viel hilfe.
aber mutter war sehr krank, udn nun, am 28 dezember 22, starb sie dann, als es aussah als ob sie sich wieder fangen würde. aber war wohl zu viel am ende.
und nun steh ich da. ich hab zwar genug geld um die beerdigung udn alles zu bezahlen, aber es reicht nicht fürs haus. und nun muß ich nach fast 51 jahren doch noch ausziehen... und der furry, den ich erst letztes frühjahr aus seiner chaotischen WG geholt habe, auch. aber alleine kann ich mir das halt nicht leisten, selbst wenn ich was vermiete. also lieber jetzt, als wenn sich noch mehr schulden aufgehäuft haben.
und seit ich den beschluß gefällt habe, sieht alles etwas weniger deprimierend aus. kann eh nix machen, warum hadern.
aber fehlen tut dennoch etwas.