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Friends Doing Commissions / New Orc Novel / 2022 in Film
3 years ago
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Okay so few things I’m gonna bring together as one fat journal all around.
pokemonmanic3595 has commissions open! He does story commissions like I used to do, albeit he don’t do that extreme shit (for the most part). But he does story commissions and they’re good and stuff and he’s open and-and-and they’re commissions and fetish porn. And shiz. So go do the thing if you wanna commish him and whatnot. He do the farts and the doo-doo stuff that no one likes to touch. Plus vore. And transformation. So like, if you want a story about going up a butt, then he’ll do it. He’ll write about butt eating. Here’s a link to his commission journal.
Also there’s this other dino dude on Twitter who’s got commissions open. There’s a message about it here. So you can go talk to him and go get farty shiz. He’s not into super ultra-nasty stuff, but he do the farts. And everyone loves the farts. So commission him for the farts. Because farts.
Also speaking of farts, I has a new novel published! It’s called Ghastly Gassholes, and it’s the third installment (and last book in the first arc) of the Odorous Orcs saga. It’s got orcs farting. And a minotaur farting. And a satyr farting. And some shitting. And stuff. It’s 70,000 words long, and you can have it for only three dollars.
The direct link to the book is right here!
More info about it can be found here!
So yeah, feel free to check out my new book, buy it, review it, rate it, what have you, or just spread the word about it. There’s no preview of the first chapter (yet), but here’s an image of the gassy satyr goat daddy.
A bunch of shit happened last year when it comes to entertainment. Apparently it was all bad according to YouTube and Twitter. Apparently games aren’t fun anymore. Apparently Hollywood is falling apart because they keep making shitty movies. And my counterpoint to all these claims is when you keep paying for the same shit, you’re going to keep getting the same shit, and you’re telling the people you’re buying from that they don’t have to try. Because you’re gonna buy whatever they make if you slap a brand name in front of it.
So instead of talking about how shitty Willow, She-Hulk, Thor: Love and Thunder, Jurassic World Dominion, The Witcher: Blood Origin, Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power, Velma are, here’s a bunch of non big-time movies and non over-hyped franchise-related stuff I’m gonna recommend to you that came out this year.
INDIE/UNDERRATED MOVIES
Moonfall: Okay…okay…hear me out for a second. This is a disaster movie that does not try and does not care. It costs millions of dollars. It has an absurd plot. It makes no sense. The director/writer didn’t bother doing research. And that is precisely the point. Moonfall is the worst disaster movie of all time—and I have seen Sharknado. This is a film that you have to experience in terms of everything that does not work. And in spite of all of that, I never got a sense of pretentiousness from it. This is the film that I wanted Jurassic World Dominion to be: an absolute pile of hot garbage that does not try to make any semblance of sense, but rather, it embraces its absurdity, almost with pride. This movie has a dumbass plot that got dumber and dumber as the movie progressed. Jurassic World Dominion had a dumbass plot, but after ten minutes they said “Nah, we’re gonna have a boring, generic kidnapping plot instead of capitalizing on how ridiculous this movie could be.” Moonfall is not a good movie. But goddamn do I love it.
The Northman: Huh, what? A movie starring a burly, masculine white man who’s a Viking seeking revenge? Blasphemy! We can’t have that in 2022! …Yeah, well. The movie was straightforward. The lore was great. The story was great. The resolution was great. And then it ends. You can make a basic, straightforward film and have it be well-written.
…I don’t need to say anything else. It’s a basic film executed very well and it cares about its plot and characters. Go see it.
Everything Everywhere All at Once: This is gonna go down as one of the best films I’ve seen this decade, and this decade only started. I’ve already talked extensively about how much I love this film and how this film does everything right that Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness did wrong. You can read the journal about it here. Go see the movie if you haven’t already.
The Black Phone: Same thing as The Northman. Basic plot, basic characters, basic resolution, and then it ends. It has this unique twist to it compared to other horror films, but at the end of the day, it’s a kidnapping film about a young boy trying to escape his captor. Once again, you do not need to be this over-extravagant money-fest bloated with CGI or part of some franchise to be good. You can make a standard film with a standard plot and people will be fine with that if it’s well-written, entertaining, and has its own stylish touches to it.
Mad God: Um…it’s a movie that has a plot that is almost non-existent? This movie, as I described to my friend, is the Scorn of films in 2022. It has exquisite and unique visuals and audio design, it took the creator a long-ass time to make, and it’s incredible to look at. It’s also a movie you’re going to love or a movie you’re going to hate. Still, I do recommend you check it out if you love stop-motion animation and don’t mind gore/nasty stuff.
NOPE: Unfortunately this movie wasn’t bad. Otherwise I could make some kind of lame-ass pun out of the title. Some people discover some kind of alien spaceship in a small desert town and decide to investigate. And then…things happen I won’t spoil. This is definitely a slow-burn film; the first hour is used to introduce/develop the plot and its characters, but shit doesn’t hit the fan until the second half. It’s a movie that expects you to pay attention to its themes and messages to understand why certain events happen and why certain characters make the choices they make. If you’re more into straightforward horror films, you probably won’t like it.
Bodies Bodies Bodies: What happens when you put seven Gen-Z young adults inside of a mansion with no power, no means of escape, and a dead body? You get this movie. Think of it as 2022’s answer to Unfriended, except it’s a lot funnier and not trying so hard to be scary. This movie really is a great takedown on the climate of what happens when you’re part of a gang of friends who really are not your friends and your friendship is tested in the worst way possible. This movie also is one of the few movies that has a misunderstanding plot executed perfectly. I don’t wanna spoil too much besides saying that this is the closest thing to an indie version of Scream that we’re gonna get.
Barbarian: What happens when you get the co-creator of Whitests Kids U Know to make a horror movie? You get something surprisingly refreshing and haunting, and darkly comical when it wants to be. This is gonna be pretty short because again, there’s a lotta shit that can be spoiled. Basically the movie is about a woman going into a house someone else is also renting, and then she finds a basement. And there are things and shiz in there… This movie is both a very unique and also seemingly unconventional and refreshing experience. Definitely recommend.
The Menu: A buncha rich and pretentious twats get invited to a fancy dinner at a fancy restaurant. And then some shit happens and things go south. Similar to some of the previous movies, I don’t wanna give away too much about the film besides explaining that the movie is a takedown of pretentious twats who don’t care about what they’re consuming, only that they’re consuming it. It’s also a very realistic, but seemingly exaggerated example of what happens when a person who loves their craft now sees their job as nothing but a soulless series of tasks and chores that are done for an unappreciative audience that takes advantage of them. The overall resolution of the movie is brilliant as well. This movie did a wonderful job of talking about pretentiousness and how people take advantage of workers without being pretentious and allowing its writer/director to make the movie they wanted.
FRANCHISE MOVIES
5cream: Okay, so you know how movies do the whole “AW MAH GAWD GUYS! REMEMBA THIS?!?! REMEMBA THIS?!?!?!?! AW FUCK!!! :O” 5cream doesn’t do that. Now yes, there are a couple nods here and there and yes, they bring back the three OG survivors Sidney Prescott, Dewey Riley, and Gale Weathers once again. But this movie went out of its way to make a whole new plot with its new cast of characters, and unlike Scream 4, they went out of their way to flesh out the major characters instead of just making them caricatures. This film also does something most movies don’t do, which is that instead of repeatedly reusing situations from previous installments, it sets up those situations and then subverts them in a way that feels new and unexpected. The opening of this movie, for starters, does something the other four movies did not do and they did it in a way to service both the plot and the main character’s development. My only biggest issue is that the film is self-indulgent—not as much as the fourth one, but it’s definitely still clear, especially in the third act.
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever: I dropped Marvel after Avengers: Endgame. Most of what the MCU has been putting out I don’t care about, I was disappointed by, or it’s been terrible. Regardless, I’m putting this up here. Yes, it’s an MCU film. Yes, I went in pessimistic and came out expecting to be disappointed. A lot of these kind of movies have felt like they’re just being churned out by a machine, and I say that as someone who did actually watch Doctor Strange 2 and did not like it. So I was genuinely surprised when I saw this movie and saw that it was very mature and respectful and touched upon complex themes that typically get botched in these movies. The humor is seriously toned down. The fight scenes are much more brutal and less flashy (kind of). The climax isn’t just “Evil Black Panther vs. Regular Black Panther!” Instead of all that, this movie deals with grief and how people process grief, and what happens when you let your grief transform into anger and how doing so will affect all the loved ones around you. I also loved how this movie ended, because given the subject matter, I feel like this movie needed to end the way that it did.
Encanto: Look, I know this came out in 2021, but I’m talking about it anyway damn it. >__> This movie does a very good job of showcasing the good side of Disney, of showing what happens when you take a simple premise and add a very stylish and colorful flare to it, of showing what happens when you make a soundtrack and every song included is a straight-up banger. This film (and the song “Surface Pressure” especially) spoke to me a lot because it talks about the burden of being “perfect” and what happens when people around you put way too much pressure on you simply because they know about and/or exploit your attributes and contributions to society. And also what it’s like to be treated differently because you don’t have certain attributes others do. I also love how it ended, which I won’t spoil because it’s great.
Turning Red: Okay! Another example of what happens when you see the good side of Disney or Pixar or Disney-Pixar or Dixar…whatever! :D So yeah, the movie is “cringe,” and the movie is “embarrassing,” but it’s about a thirteen-year-old girl going through puberty and emotions and experiencing what it’s like to grow up. Also she turns into a huggable floofy red panda. This movie is great as showing how smothering your child can be damaging in the long run, but it also showcases what happens if you “let your inner panda” take control for too long and let it get out of control. Both you and other people could get seriously hurt as a result. Which, again, is a metaphor for what happens if you let your emotions out of control. This is a movie you really should see with your entire family, as someone regardless of what generation they are can get something out of it.
Hellraiser: This movie should not have been good. At all. According to certain people on the Internet, this movie is “woke.” Female lead? Check. Gay supporting characters? Yep. Recasting an iconic character played by a white man with a transwoman instead? Got that too. Oh, and it’s a reboot made for “modern audiences.” So on paper, this movie should have failed. Except for one significant tiny detail.
The people who made this movie gave a shit about its characters and its plot and respecting the lore. This movie has an underlying theme about addiction, as the main character, Riley, is a recovering drug addict. And she unintentionally sets the eponymous Cenobites loose on the world after her brother tries unlock the box…thingy (I forgot its name; apologies >__<). And from that point, Riley and her friends and boyfriend must try to solve the deadly mysteries of the box in an attempt to get his brother back after he’s whisked away, all while being chased by Cenobites and while lots of nasty, gory, snuff-related forms of pain and pleasure are displayed throughout the film. Between the excellent acting, the costume and audio design, the fact that the movie fleshes out its characters, and how the movie ends on a surprisingly bleak but not overly depressing note, I was thoroughly impressed with how great this movie was. Definitely worth watching if you don’t mind gore.
Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio: Hey guys. You wanna watch a version of Pinocchio that’s animated in a unique style and was made by someone with a vision and has wondrous musical numbers and has Christoph Waltz playing one of the villains and is actually funny and isn’t trying to appeal to just the Gen Z crowd and is a mature movie kids and adults need to see and is a movie that doesn’t shy aware from gritty horror and death and is a movie that respectfully talks about morality and the concept of dying without glamorizing it simultaneously? Cool. Go watch this movie. Right now. Drop all the shit you’re doing, and watch this movie.
I’m not saying anything else. You need to experience this. And you need to understand why many people (myself included) are sick and tired of the same shit multibillion-dollar companies like Disney churn out of their factories. They’ve proven they can make movies like Encanto but they choose to remake classics.
So there you go. There’s a buncha movies that came out last year that were banging. Movies that I would highly recommend you all watch even if it’s not really your genre. …Maybe not Moonfall. Unless you’re into fun bad movies. XD
pokemonmanic3595 has commissions open! He does story commissions like I used to do, albeit he don’t do that extreme shit (for the most part). But he does story commissions and they’re good and stuff and he’s open and-and-and they’re commissions and fetish porn. And shiz. So go do the thing if you wanna commish him and whatnot. He do the farts and the doo-doo stuff that no one likes to touch. Plus vore. And transformation. So like, if you want a story about going up a butt, then he’ll do it. He’ll write about butt eating. Here’s a link to his commission journal. Also there’s this other dino dude on Twitter who’s got commissions open. There’s a message about it here. So you can go talk to him and go get farty shiz. He’s not into super ultra-nasty stuff, but he do the farts. And everyone loves the farts. So commission him for the farts. Because farts.
Also speaking of farts, I has a new novel published! It’s called Ghastly Gassholes, and it’s the third installment (and last book in the first arc) of the Odorous Orcs saga. It’s got orcs farting. And a minotaur farting. And a satyr farting. And some shitting. And stuff. It’s 70,000 words long, and you can have it for only three dollars.
The direct link to the book is right here!
More info about it can be found here!
So yeah, feel free to check out my new book, buy it, review it, rate it, what have you, or just spread the word about it. There’s no preview of the first chapter (yet), but here’s an image of the gassy satyr goat daddy.
A bunch of shit happened last year when it comes to entertainment. Apparently it was all bad according to YouTube and Twitter. Apparently games aren’t fun anymore. Apparently Hollywood is falling apart because they keep making shitty movies. And my counterpoint to all these claims is when you keep paying for the same shit, you’re going to keep getting the same shit, and you’re telling the people you’re buying from that they don’t have to try. Because you’re gonna buy whatever they make if you slap a brand name in front of it.
So instead of talking about how shitty Willow, She-Hulk, Thor: Love and Thunder, Jurassic World Dominion, The Witcher: Blood Origin, Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power, Velma are, here’s a bunch of non big-time movies and non over-hyped franchise-related stuff I’m gonna recommend to you that came out this year.
INDIE/UNDERRATED MOVIES
Moonfall: Okay…okay…hear me out for a second. This is a disaster movie that does not try and does not care. It costs millions of dollars. It has an absurd plot. It makes no sense. The director/writer didn’t bother doing research. And that is precisely the point. Moonfall is the worst disaster movie of all time—and I have seen Sharknado. This is a film that you have to experience in terms of everything that does not work. And in spite of all of that, I never got a sense of pretentiousness from it. This is the film that I wanted Jurassic World Dominion to be: an absolute pile of hot garbage that does not try to make any semblance of sense, but rather, it embraces its absurdity, almost with pride. This movie has a dumbass plot that got dumber and dumber as the movie progressed. Jurassic World Dominion had a dumbass plot, but after ten minutes they said “Nah, we’re gonna have a boring, generic kidnapping plot instead of capitalizing on how ridiculous this movie could be.” Moonfall is not a good movie. But goddamn do I love it.
The Northman: Huh, what? A movie starring a burly, masculine white man who’s a Viking seeking revenge? Blasphemy! We can’t have that in 2022! …Yeah, well. The movie was straightforward. The lore was great. The story was great. The resolution was great. And then it ends. You can make a basic, straightforward film and have it be well-written.
…I don’t need to say anything else. It’s a basic film executed very well and it cares about its plot and characters. Go see it.
Everything Everywhere All at Once: This is gonna go down as one of the best films I’ve seen this decade, and this decade only started. I’ve already talked extensively about how much I love this film and how this film does everything right that Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness did wrong. You can read the journal about it here. Go see the movie if you haven’t already.
The Black Phone: Same thing as The Northman. Basic plot, basic characters, basic resolution, and then it ends. It has this unique twist to it compared to other horror films, but at the end of the day, it’s a kidnapping film about a young boy trying to escape his captor. Once again, you do not need to be this over-extravagant money-fest bloated with CGI or part of some franchise to be good. You can make a standard film with a standard plot and people will be fine with that if it’s well-written, entertaining, and has its own stylish touches to it.
Mad God: Um…it’s a movie that has a plot that is almost non-existent? This movie, as I described to my friend, is the Scorn of films in 2022. It has exquisite and unique visuals and audio design, it took the creator a long-ass time to make, and it’s incredible to look at. It’s also a movie you’re going to love or a movie you’re going to hate. Still, I do recommend you check it out if you love stop-motion animation and don’t mind gore/nasty stuff.
NOPE: Unfortunately this movie wasn’t bad. Otherwise I could make some kind of lame-ass pun out of the title. Some people discover some kind of alien spaceship in a small desert town and decide to investigate. And then…things happen I won’t spoil. This is definitely a slow-burn film; the first hour is used to introduce/develop the plot and its characters, but shit doesn’t hit the fan until the second half. It’s a movie that expects you to pay attention to its themes and messages to understand why certain events happen and why certain characters make the choices they make. If you’re more into straightforward horror films, you probably won’t like it.
Bodies Bodies Bodies: What happens when you put seven Gen-Z young adults inside of a mansion with no power, no means of escape, and a dead body? You get this movie. Think of it as 2022’s answer to Unfriended, except it’s a lot funnier and not trying so hard to be scary. This movie really is a great takedown on the climate of what happens when you’re part of a gang of friends who really are not your friends and your friendship is tested in the worst way possible. This movie also is one of the few movies that has a misunderstanding plot executed perfectly. I don’t wanna spoil too much besides saying that this is the closest thing to an indie version of Scream that we’re gonna get.
Barbarian: What happens when you get the co-creator of Whitests Kids U Know to make a horror movie? You get something surprisingly refreshing and haunting, and darkly comical when it wants to be. This is gonna be pretty short because again, there’s a lotta shit that can be spoiled. Basically the movie is about a woman going into a house someone else is also renting, and then she finds a basement. And there are things and shiz in there… This movie is both a very unique and also seemingly unconventional and refreshing experience. Definitely recommend.
The Menu: A buncha rich and pretentious twats get invited to a fancy dinner at a fancy restaurant. And then some shit happens and things go south. Similar to some of the previous movies, I don’t wanna give away too much about the film besides explaining that the movie is a takedown of pretentious twats who don’t care about what they’re consuming, only that they’re consuming it. It’s also a very realistic, but seemingly exaggerated example of what happens when a person who loves their craft now sees their job as nothing but a soulless series of tasks and chores that are done for an unappreciative audience that takes advantage of them. The overall resolution of the movie is brilliant as well. This movie did a wonderful job of talking about pretentiousness and how people take advantage of workers without being pretentious and allowing its writer/director to make the movie they wanted.
FRANCHISE MOVIES
5cream: Okay, so you know how movies do the whole “AW MAH GAWD GUYS! REMEMBA THIS?!?! REMEMBA THIS?!?!?!?! AW FUCK!!! :O” 5cream doesn’t do that. Now yes, there are a couple nods here and there and yes, they bring back the three OG survivors Sidney Prescott, Dewey Riley, and Gale Weathers once again. But this movie went out of its way to make a whole new plot with its new cast of characters, and unlike Scream 4, they went out of their way to flesh out the major characters instead of just making them caricatures. This film also does something most movies don’t do, which is that instead of repeatedly reusing situations from previous installments, it sets up those situations and then subverts them in a way that feels new and unexpected. The opening of this movie, for starters, does something the other four movies did not do and they did it in a way to service both the plot and the main character’s development. My only biggest issue is that the film is self-indulgent—not as much as the fourth one, but it’s definitely still clear, especially in the third act.
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever: I dropped Marvel after Avengers: Endgame. Most of what the MCU has been putting out I don’t care about, I was disappointed by, or it’s been terrible. Regardless, I’m putting this up here. Yes, it’s an MCU film. Yes, I went in pessimistic and came out expecting to be disappointed. A lot of these kind of movies have felt like they’re just being churned out by a machine, and I say that as someone who did actually watch Doctor Strange 2 and did not like it. So I was genuinely surprised when I saw this movie and saw that it was very mature and respectful and touched upon complex themes that typically get botched in these movies. The humor is seriously toned down. The fight scenes are much more brutal and less flashy (kind of). The climax isn’t just “Evil Black Panther vs. Regular Black Panther!” Instead of all that, this movie deals with grief and how people process grief, and what happens when you let your grief transform into anger and how doing so will affect all the loved ones around you. I also loved how this movie ended, because given the subject matter, I feel like this movie needed to end the way that it did.
Encanto: Look, I know this came out in 2021, but I’m talking about it anyway damn it. >__> This movie does a very good job of showcasing the good side of Disney, of showing what happens when you take a simple premise and add a very stylish and colorful flare to it, of showing what happens when you make a soundtrack and every song included is a straight-up banger. This film (and the song “Surface Pressure” especially) spoke to me a lot because it talks about the burden of being “perfect” and what happens when people around you put way too much pressure on you simply because they know about and/or exploit your attributes and contributions to society. And also what it’s like to be treated differently because you don’t have certain attributes others do. I also love how it ended, which I won’t spoil because it’s great.
Turning Red: Okay! Another example of what happens when you see the good side of Disney or Pixar or Disney-Pixar or Dixar…whatever! :D So yeah, the movie is “cringe,” and the movie is “embarrassing,” but it’s about a thirteen-year-old girl going through puberty and emotions and experiencing what it’s like to grow up. Also she turns into a huggable floofy red panda. This movie is great as showing how smothering your child can be damaging in the long run, but it also showcases what happens if you “let your inner panda” take control for too long and let it get out of control. Both you and other people could get seriously hurt as a result. Which, again, is a metaphor for what happens if you let your emotions out of control. This is a movie you really should see with your entire family, as someone regardless of what generation they are can get something out of it.
Hellraiser: This movie should not have been good. At all. According to certain people on the Internet, this movie is “woke.” Female lead? Check. Gay supporting characters? Yep. Recasting an iconic character played by a white man with a transwoman instead? Got that too. Oh, and it’s a reboot made for “modern audiences.” So on paper, this movie should have failed. Except for one significant tiny detail.
The people who made this movie gave a shit about its characters and its plot and respecting the lore. This movie has an underlying theme about addiction, as the main character, Riley, is a recovering drug addict. And she unintentionally sets the eponymous Cenobites loose on the world after her brother tries unlock the box…thingy (I forgot its name; apologies >__<). And from that point, Riley and her friends and boyfriend must try to solve the deadly mysteries of the box in an attempt to get his brother back after he’s whisked away, all while being chased by Cenobites and while lots of nasty, gory, snuff-related forms of pain and pleasure are displayed throughout the film. Between the excellent acting, the costume and audio design, the fact that the movie fleshes out its characters, and how the movie ends on a surprisingly bleak but not overly depressing note, I was thoroughly impressed with how great this movie was. Definitely worth watching if you don’t mind gore.
Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio: Hey guys. You wanna watch a version of Pinocchio that’s animated in a unique style and was made by someone with a vision and has wondrous musical numbers and has Christoph Waltz playing one of the villains and is actually funny and isn’t trying to appeal to just the Gen Z crowd and is a mature movie kids and adults need to see and is a movie that doesn’t shy aware from gritty horror and death and is a movie that respectfully talks about morality and the concept of dying without glamorizing it simultaneously? Cool. Go watch this movie. Right now. Drop all the shit you’re doing, and watch this movie.
I’m not saying anything else. You need to experience this. And you need to understand why many people (myself included) are sick and tired of the same shit multibillion-dollar companies like Disney churn out of their factories. They’ve proven they can make movies like Encanto but they choose to remake classics.
So there you go. There’s a buncha movies that came out last year that were banging. Movies that I would highly recommend you all watch even if it’s not really your genre. …Maybe not Moonfall. Unless you’re into fun bad movies. XD
Oh and instead of watching Moonfall watch this instead: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lheapd7bgLA