Thank you to anyone who reads this. This is mostly a "for me" venting since it seems like my feelings from the Withdrawal ease up when I try to vent them and cry it out. Any well wishes are greatly appreciated as well. This shit hard sucks.

Take it aday at a time. We;re here for you as much as we can be

Yea thats pretty much where i am. The last two days were horrible but today just sucks really hard so that's progress. Went for a walk too and i think the exercise and sunlight helped me.

I am so sorry, Mephisto. I have been in dark places of the soul in my time, and I am so sorry that you have to go through shit like this. If you need someone to talk to, let me know. *hugs*

Note me your Telegram if you like. I never mind meeting and chatting with someone new. Especially right now since all distractions are welcome lol

I put up the link on my Userpage just now.

hope you're feeling better soon, stay strong.
and it's good to vent then hold it in.

Venting a few times has really helped me deal with the feelings strangely enough. Usually, feel better after having a good cry too. its the sudden waves of fear and anxiety that gets me. they make distant future things feel like they're happening now. (aging, mom getting old, dying in general.)

It's like i can feel everything around me going bad or being wrong somehow. I get so sick in my gut with fear I vomit sometimes. I hate it sooooo fucking much.

Damn, that sounds like what I’m going through as we speak. Citalopram, not Adderal though.
I hope you got restocked, unless you’re wining yourself off them?

Honestly i'd love to talk to someone who is going through something similar. I'm currently wanting to go back on them very badly, they heavily improved my life. I'm just pretty scared to take them again when i know coming off of them can be THIS bad.

Then again part of this was going cold turkey because something went wrong with my prescription. Honestly the past few days have been some of the worst days of my entire life.

if you can get some popsicles, that will help with soothing the throat from the vaping. I hope your withdrawal eases up soon for you.

Thank you. it's mostly this dull throb in the background now. It's this underlying sense of unease and wrongness that everything has as well as this looming horrible sense of doom in the future. It makes doing anything absolutely awful I have so much more sympathy for people who go through withdrawal from doing harder shit.

i'm just sitting here so scared for no reason and crying occasionally because of it. it's just so weird.

Yeah. A bunch of my friends are having a real rough time. It sucks because there's no way to help.

the sad thing is there is. it's just not something a community can do. It's an absolute sham that i had to go through this when anti-withdrawal medication and Adderall are incredibly accessible where i am. I have money and can see all of it on the shelves!

But it's a "controlled substance" and nobody (the medical system) will give me shit for any reason despite everyone being able to see my Adderall prescription in my medical history. I HAVE to go through my personal doctor. Oh but except I don't have a personal doctor i do this fucking online thing because insurance is too expensive. So i have to schedule something as early as i can (this friday) and just sit on my thumb in the meantime.

I've called every day. sent emails every day. nothing. zilch. no replies at all so i'm just capital F FUCKED until Friday. and all these medical people are like "oh we won't give you anything that you obviously need but we can accept you into the ER!" and i swear to god i can hear them getting more cheery when i tell them I can't afford that and they then tell me to go talk to my personal doctor again. it's utterly maddening and my suffering could easily be alleviated with 20 bucks worth of Adderall that I see on the shelves but our system is too inept to handle even a mild emergency.

Sending you a big hug and hoping things will get better for you, I am going through similar tough shit and I do get how you are feeling, but I keep thinking, its gotta get better at some point right?