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Life Update
2 years ago
It's been while since I wrote an actual life update here, so here goes!
This might be a bit rough but it's overall positive (in the end).
I think I'm experiencing something that is exiting a "survival mode". Life has been a struggle to stay afloat for years and every glimmer of hope soon crushed in some unexpected turn of events. The old me would've blamed myself for making bad decisions like trusting others even if there wasn't really a different choice to be made, but also I know that given each circumstance I did do my best at the time, which is all there is to do about things. In the process of surviving I lost my ability to dream and desire for anything, all I wanted was to survive and not burden others along the way. Every smallest nice thing I gave to myself I had to explain in the name of enhancing productivity instead of "just because".
Well things took a rather unexpected turn and I met someone who specifically wanted to live with me, and a better part of a year has already passed. My mind is very slow to catch up. I'm no longer in a temporary living setup and the stress of uncertain future is gone. For a long time my head felt kinda empty but also peaceful, I just wanted to rest. Slowly I've had thoughts of wanting to do things just for fun, instead of focusing solely on things that bring immediate profit.
This has led to me thinking more broadly what I want to do with life & my art. There's more to life than just making money to stay alive and hide away and that option is now open to be explored. But this string of thoughts doesn't really lead anywhere specific yet, since those thoughts aren't finalized.
Even though there's no real conclusion here, I wanted to let you know that I've recently felt quite happy.
- - -
Things happening this year:
- I have an upcoming art gallery with my aunt in July at Juupajoki, so I will start working on stuff for that really soon (more about that in a future journal).
- I'm going to Furway, Animus and also considering Flüüfff. I want to attend smaller conventions in the future more and see new places!
- I'll try set aside a month to start my comic project, but the timing is still uncertain (I need to be in clear from things I've already promised to do).
See you at today's stream in an hour?
-Neo
This might be a bit rough but it's overall positive (in the end).
I think I'm experiencing something that is exiting a "survival mode". Life has been a struggle to stay afloat for years and every glimmer of hope soon crushed in some unexpected turn of events. The old me would've blamed myself for making bad decisions like trusting others even if there wasn't really a different choice to be made, but also I know that given each circumstance I did do my best at the time, which is all there is to do about things. In the process of surviving I lost my ability to dream and desire for anything, all I wanted was to survive and not burden others along the way. Every smallest nice thing I gave to myself I had to explain in the name of enhancing productivity instead of "just because".
Well things took a rather unexpected turn and I met someone who specifically wanted to live with me, and a better part of a year has already passed. My mind is very slow to catch up. I'm no longer in a temporary living setup and the stress of uncertain future is gone. For a long time my head felt kinda empty but also peaceful, I just wanted to rest. Slowly I've had thoughts of wanting to do things just for fun, instead of focusing solely on things that bring immediate profit.
This has led to me thinking more broadly what I want to do with life & my art. There's more to life than just making money to stay alive and hide away and that option is now open to be explored. But this string of thoughts doesn't really lead anywhere specific yet, since those thoughts aren't finalized.
Even though there's no real conclusion here, I wanted to let you know that I've recently felt quite happy.
- - -
Things happening this year:
- I have an upcoming art gallery with my aunt in July at Juupajoki, so I will start working on stuff for that really soon (more about that in a future journal).
- I'm going to Furway, Animus and also considering Flüüfff. I want to attend smaller conventions in the future more and see new places!
- I'll try set aside a month to start my comic project, but the timing is still uncertain (I need to be in clear from things I've already promised to do).
See you at today's stream in an hour?
-Neo
Of course I know from experience that things could suddenly take a change to the worse again, but I'll rejoice this moment now while it's here.
My dude, this is all you had to say. I hope you continue to be happy for the long term!
We all make bad decisions with the limited information / choices we're given, and it's easy to judge those decisions later with more information available. But that's not something anyone should blame themselves for - that's just how life happens to work. Hugs and all the best. ^^
If you'll go to Flüüfff I do hope to see you there! It's always nice to see the artists you look up to IRL :3