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An update on me
2 years ago
I don't know who will see this, but I needed to come clean and explain where I've been, what I've been struggling with.
I'm new to socializing with other furries. New to being open. New to writing comms.
I'm new to a lot of things these past couple of years. Least of all meeting people I can even call friends in this community. There have been a lot of ups that I could never have expected.
But there have also been downs.
Around my birthday last year, I opened up for writing comms for the first time. The first to take it up was a friendly-enough fellow. When they suggested the story, they wanted it like other stories they'd gotten. The theme of it felt a bit out of my comfort zone, but I wanted to try. So for a month, closing on 2 months, I worked on figuring out the 5k words to make this work in a way I was comfortable with it. I have a bit of a procrastination problem sometimes, but the days spent were still strong and productive. I'd felt really good about the work put in.
When I showed the rough draft to the client, it was rejected. And the two months it took to get, made them think it would take 2 more months to change, so they backed out.
I failed.
I was pretty crestfallen. I let my second client know I was going to be a bit slow on theirs (I had picked up a second comm during work on the first), and... I kind of vanished. I gave the second client a quick 1k gift as apology around christmas, and they've been so patient with me and said they still wanted the comm. But I've been paralyzed for so long... I barely have the story started, just 300 words so far after nearly 6 months.
Just going back to try and work on it makes my heart sink. "I'm just going to fail again." "They've waited so long, how can I face them?" "I'm not any good at this, I should just give up."
I'm plagued by doubt and remorse. I feel so guilty for taking so long, and feel absolutely useless.
I've been talking with newer friends and other cool folks, thinking about opening emergency comms to help with the cost of a big dental expense. But I'm still struck with fear. I don't know if I can do it. Am I even going to write anything worthwhile again?
I am posting this to hopefully give some clarity on my situation. I'm still not any better. I don't know if I ever will be. I'm sorry. But... thank you so much for being patient with me. And to the person who is still waiting on a comm from me... I hope you can forgive me for taking so long.
Max, aka Allex
I'm new to socializing with other furries. New to being open. New to writing comms.
I'm new to a lot of things these past couple of years. Least of all meeting people I can even call friends in this community. There have been a lot of ups that I could never have expected.
But there have also been downs.
Around my birthday last year, I opened up for writing comms for the first time. The first to take it up was a friendly-enough fellow. When they suggested the story, they wanted it like other stories they'd gotten. The theme of it felt a bit out of my comfort zone, but I wanted to try. So for a month, closing on 2 months, I worked on figuring out the 5k words to make this work in a way I was comfortable with it. I have a bit of a procrastination problem sometimes, but the days spent were still strong and productive. I'd felt really good about the work put in.
When I showed the rough draft to the client, it was rejected. And the two months it took to get, made them think it would take 2 more months to change, so they backed out.
I failed.
I was pretty crestfallen. I let my second client know I was going to be a bit slow on theirs (I had picked up a second comm during work on the first), and... I kind of vanished. I gave the second client a quick 1k gift as apology around christmas, and they've been so patient with me and said they still wanted the comm. But I've been paralyzed for so long... I barely have the story started, just 300 words so far after nearly 6 months.
Just going back to try and work on it makes my heart sink. "I'm just going to fail again." "They've waited so long, how can I face them?" "I'm not any good at this, I should just give up."
I'm plagued by doubt and remorse. I feel so guilty for taking so long, and feel absolutely useless.
I've been talking with newer friends and other cool folks, thinking about opening emergency comms to help with the cost of a big dental expense. But I'm still struck with fear. I don't know if I can do it. Am I even going to write anything worthwhile again?
I am posting this to hopefully give some clarity on my situation. I'm still not any better. I don't know if I ever will be. I'm sorry. But... thank you so much for being patient with me. And to the person who is still waiting on a comm from me... I hope you can forgive me for taking so long.
Max, aka Allex
