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Twentyfirst journal
2 years ago
I haven't uploaded here in a while. It's safe to say, I failed my own challenge. I haven't uploaded enough journals in the last year to satisfy the requirement to finish this little writing challenge that I gave myself. That can tell you a bit about what type of person I am. So, I decided to write yet another journal. Just for fun. Write down some of the thoughts I had recently. From now on, journals won't be forced and, as before, contain my spontaneous thoughts.
Today, for whatever reason, I had a mini existential crisis. It's nothing dramatic, I didn't hyperventilate or whatever. However, it made me think and feel a bit anxious about my future and life. I guess I discovered a new fear; death. Yeah, yeah, everyone fears death in some way or form. I understand that. It's just, the thing that made me most anxious and fearful wasn't the idea that I'm gonna die one day, but rather what death even is. As someone who isn't overly religious, the idea of death to me looks like an infinite "darkness", so to speak. And I'm convinced that that is exactly what death looks like, like nothingness. Although, I'm still not sure how would that feel. Well, technically, it wouldn't feel like anything, since, when you're dead, your brain doesn't really work. So you're essentially sense-deprived. This leads to the conclusion that death looks like a dreamless sleep, but it is prolongated till infinity. Or, in other words, that same "feeling" you had before you were even born, but trapped in that state forever. Pure nothingness. And that idea frightens me. After reevaluating my thoughts on that concept, I can truly understand why people tend to believe in the afterlife. The problem is, I'm already so convinced that the afterlife doesn't exist, that no matter how hard I try to believe in that, I fail. After seeing scenes of people being held at gunpoint, being obliterated in car accidents, and subjected to the mercy of their own decisions to end it all, a strange claustrophobic sensation gets awakened in me. Almost as if dying means nothing but crawling into one fragile shell that is their now dead body, locking behind all access to sensations whatsoever, entering this infinitely long unconscious state, trapped within this infinitely small and tight space.
That concept raises questions about what consciousness really is. Sometimes I would get this surreal feeling of wonder and uncertainty which always leaves me asking what is consciousness, why I possess this body, hell, and even why I possess a human body in the first place. What happens with it after my body rots away? What about animals? Are they conscious? Some research proves that animals have the neurological abilities to have a consciousness, while some philosophies (Descartes) deny that.
I guess an interesting thing that can be connected with this topic is teleportation. Currently, the idea of human teleportation is breaking down the human body into atoms and transferring them via some sort of medium to a different location such that, when it arrives, the atoms form the exact body that was teleported. This will essentially result in the death of that person, and reanimation at a different location. So, the question that is raised with this idea is whether this body will possess the same consciousness after teleportation. In other words, if it were you who is teleported, will that "you" also possess the same body at the other end? Or will the body adopt a different consciousness that is to "you", as any other person to the current, real "you"? And if the latter is true, then what happens to your first consciousness? Do you also fall into a dreamless-sleep state that prolongs itself till infinity? That idea that one body can possess multiple consciousnesses at different times without it knowing can be a bit creepy and trippy. For instance, if the body has all the memories of the previous consciousness, then the latter one will never discover or conclude there were any other consciousnesses before it, since those memories will only appear as if this change never really happened. So, despite the fact that the previous "you" died before teleportation, the latter "you" wouldn't know that until someone says it to them because of that illusion of continuation.
Something to add here is also whether or not there is even more than one consciousness. We know for a fact each and every human has a separate consciousness. So that question might seem a bit surreal. However, how can we be sure of that? That "point of view", perspective, and experience manifested by the senses of your body is unique to you only. The same goes for that feeling of being in control of your body and decisions. And, because of that uniqueness, it's impossible to prove that others actually possess this same "point of view" as you do. As far as you're concerned, everyone could easily follow a predetermined path or trajectory manifested and realized by the random positioning and motion of the primordial particles at the very beginning of the universe, edited only by "your" decisions. As far as you're concerned, everyone could just easily be an "NPC", or a chain of chemical reactions, similar to what microorganisms are, hollow shells, unable to decide by themselves, only giving the illusion of conscious decision-making caused only by the complexity of the neural network that is their brain. This, yet again, begs the question of whether or not that "you", that "point of view" can be and will be manifested in a different body once "you" die. Or will that "you" forever disappear from the face of existence once "you" is no more? This viewing of the world can be quite dangerous for those who practice it and for others. It can deprive you of the feeling of connectivity and love for others for it's hard to love something that doesn't really love you back. It might ruin relationships and encourage someone to be deviant within the society they live in, only ruining the lives of others around them. And, at the end of the day, how sure are we that any of this is actually true?
Today, for whatever reason, I had a mini existential crisis. It's nothing dramatic, I didn't hyperventilate or whatever. However, it made me think and feel a bit anxious about my future and life. I guess I discovered a new fear; death. Yeah, yeah, everyone fears death in some way or form. I understand that. It's just, the thing that made me most anxious and fearful wasn't the idea that I'm gonna die one day, but rather what death even is. As someone who isn't overly religious, the idea of death to me looks like an infinite "darkness", so to speak. And I'm convinced that that is exactly what death looks like, like nothingness. Although, I'm still not sure how would that feel. Well, technically, it wouldn't feel like anything, since, when you're dead, your brain doesn't really work. So you're essentially sense-deprived. This leads to the conclusion that death looks like a dreamless sleep, but it is prolongated till infinity. Or, in other words, that same "feeling" you had before you were even born, but trapped in that state forever. Pure nothingness. And that idea frightens me. After reevaluating my thoughts on that concept, I can truly understand why people tend to believe in the afterlife. The problem is, I'm already so convinced that the afterlife doesn't exist, that no matter how hard I try to believe in that, I fail. After seeing scenes of people being held at gunpoint, being obliterated in car accidents, and subjected to the mercy of their own decisions to end it all, a strange claustrophobic sensation gets awakened in me. Almost as if dying means nothing but crawling into one fragile shell that is their now dead body, locking behind all access to sensations whatsoever, entering this infinitely long unconscious state, trapped within this infinitely small and tight space.
That concept raises questions about what consciousness really is. Sometimes I would get this surreal feeling of wonder and uncertainty which always leaves me asking what is consciousness, why I possess this body, hell, and even why I possess a human body in the first place. What happens with it after my body rots away? What about animals? Are they conscious? Some research proves that animals have the neurological abilities to have a consciousness, while some philosophies (Descartes) deny that.
I guess an interesting thing that can be connected with this topic is teleportation. Currently, the idea of human teleportation is breaking down the human body into atoms and transferring them via some sort of medium to a different location such that, when it arrives, the atoms form the exact body that was teleported. This will essentially result in the death of that person, and reanimation at a different location. So, the question that is raised with this idea is whether this body will possess the same consciousness after teleportation. In other words, if it were you who is teleported, will that "you" also possess the same body at the other end? Or will the body adopt a different consciousness that is to "you", as any other person to the current, real "you"? And if the latter is true, then what happens to your first consciousness? Do you also fall into a dreamless-sleep state that prolongs itself till infinity? That idea that one body can possess multiple consciousnesses at different times without it knowing can be a bit creepy and trippy. For instance, if the body has all the memories of the previous consciousness, then the latter one will never discover or conclude there were any other consciousnesses before it, since those memories will only appear as if this change never really happened. So, despite the fact that the previous "you" died before teleportation, the latter "you" wouldn't know that until someone says it to them because of that illusion of continuation.
Something to add here is also whether or not there is even more than one consciousness. We know for a fact each and every human has a separate consciousness. So that question might seem a bit surreal. However, how can we be sure of that? That "point of view", perspective, and experience manifested by the senses of your body is unique to you only. The same goes for that feeling of being in control of your body and decisions. And, because of that uniqueness, it's impossible to prove that others actually possess this same "point of view" as you do. As far as you're concerned, everyone could easily follow a predetermined path or trajectory manifested and realized by the random positioning and motion of the primordial particles at the very beginning of the universe, edited only by "your" decisions. As far as you're concerned, everyone could just easily be an "NPC", or a chain of chemical reactions, similar to what microorganisms are, hollow shells, unable to decide by themselves, only giving the illusion of conscious decision-making caused only by the complexity of the neural network that is their brain. This, yet again, begs the question of whether or not that "you", that "point of view" can be and will be manifested in a different body once "you" die. Or will that "you" forever disappear from the face of existence once "you" is no more? This viewing of the world can be quite dangerous for those who practice it and for others. It can deprive you of the feeling of connectivity and love for others for it's hard to love something that doesn't really love you back. It might ruin relationships and encourage someone to be deviant within the society they live in, only ruining the lives of others around them. And, at the end of the day, how sure are we that any of this is actually true?
