Take care of yourself and celebrate your freedom.

Thank you, I'll do my best <3

It is okay to feel the need to do both. It is okay to celebrate feeling liberated, and then cry 2 hours later. It's okay to go out with your friends, then come home and feel sad or guilty. It's normal to walk into a room and feel sadness when a smell reminds you of him, then be mad about it.

Grief is not an emotion, it's a response to something, and the emotions you do experience can be anger, happiness, or sadness. Day to day, or within 30 minute intervals. Let your grief flow, and know that it is natural to feel the way you feel, at all times.

I cannot express to you how much I needed to hear this, thank you. ;;

oh my.

well, he was still your dad, or something, so a bit of grief is normal. but I would also indulge into the feeling of release and freedom. so you could travel there to see him go down into the ground and rest six feet under, and imagine his own personal hell he'll have to endure now in the Otherplace.

besides, if your family was unaware, it might have been they didn't care, or closed their eyes upon it. either way I wouldn't mention the abuse, let them believe what they want, because I suspect they won't believe you, and that would add to the grief, because now you'd not only be the special child, but also a liar.

in any case, safe travel, and feel better soon. *hugs*

Thank you for your kind words my friend. ;; <3 Ironically he's being cremated so hell's quite fitting haha.

Thankfully my brother (also abused) and sister in law are facing the same struggles so I haven't been alone. Plus they asked my pronouns unprompted and their niece calls me "untie" (like uncle+auntie), so I have a safe space at their apartment. The grief's rough and my energy's at rock bottom, but I'm doing pretty ok given the circumstances. ;~;

We don't need no water, let the motherfucker burn; burn, motherfucker, burn!

ah, nice. so at least there's that. ^.^ "untie", that's a nice detail. :)
"So, you got an uncle or auntie?" - "Yes."