It's been a little over a month now since my dad died and took a piece of my soul along with him but honestly, it feels as if time sped by a lot slower ever since...
I expected the roughest part to be the chaos of all the arrangements and the service/cremation but they turned out to be distractions in comparisson to the emptiness and grief that came afterwards - not to mention a lot of sleepless/short nights. My process has been weird (I think?) ,cycling between breaking down in intense sadness whenever i'm alone and feel safe to do so- and moments where my sadness just seems to have short-circuited and i'll be distracted, even if it's just for a little while. I've been thinking about a lot of things during these moments of reprieve, one of them being the realisation i've been holding off a part of myself for quite a while - waiting for who knows what. I regret dropping out of the fandom the way I did and losing touch so abruptly with a large part of the amazing people i've met through it. There definitely were external factors as well but regardless I'm incredibly sorry if I unintentionally hurt someone... I didn't.. well, still don't quite know where to place all of it in my life to be honest but i'll definitely try to remain more active here and figure that out.