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Spotting Basil II - MAJOR Updates!! 07/18/23
2 years ago
General
Hello everyone! I've given myself time to sit on Basil II and came back to it to read through it again before the physical release. You can read most of the changes I made right now as I've replaced the pages! The physical release actually has *even more* changes planned than what's on FurAffinity -- especially art-wise.
The following 58 pages have been adjusted:
02, 05, 07, 12, 13, 14, 15, 17, 18, 19, 21, 25, 26, 27, 29, 35, 36, 37, 39, 43, 44, 45, 47, 48, 49, 50, 52, 56, 59, 60, 61, 65, 75, 76, 78, 83, 90, 91, 92, 93, 96, 97, 98, 100, 105, 106, 108, 109, 111, 113, 114, 116, 118, 119, 120, 121, 127, Authors Note.
Here's a change log of all the biggest changes with some brief explanations:
Page 2 -
https://gyazo.com/7f69cd6af0f175a66fffd9b2adbb39ea
Basil's dialogue has been changed here to illustrate the core theme stronger. I will not elaborate on it exactly -- I think that I generally should allow people to interpret things more, but I do want to bring awareness to this change because it's very important.
Page 13 -
https://i.gyazo.com/455ef358172bb05.....54fb74ac56.jpg
Ruby's edges have been sanded off a smidge. Instead of her calling Basil a creep, I just have her be surprised. I also changed Abe's expression here to be more clearly "in love."
Page 47 -
https://i.gyazo.com/4b083a4cd850862.....2e3a28588c.png
Building off of what I said in 13, Ruby's edges have been sanded down a little bit. Ruby generally has been re-examined and allowed to be slightly gentler regarding Basil. Does this dilute the cliffhanger at the end of II? Potentially, but the trade-off is a more understandable character overall. By empathizing with Basil's position a little, I think it helps her not to read as too abrasive.
Page 50 -
https://gyazo.com/f7249dfc3e023b78dccfb0a1bf9c5a18
Basil here closes off the tension established on page 1-2 more cleanly. He also more clearly starts to transition into asking Abe if he'll train him. This was always meant to be the case, but it was not clear before.
Page 61 -
https://gyazo.com/696e2a66437e27394e78484d5e7bfba0
My intention here wasn't to make Laguna come across poorly by sighing, but that's what ended up happening. I've changed it so he's more empathetic to Carolina. The bubble order is now more appealing.
Page 100 -
https://gyazo.com/5c296953f9b4e97802a278f65d297ae5
Abe's language here is less clunky and the flow order is less condensed. Hopefully you can feel the pauses more readily.
Page 109 -
https://gyazo.com/bad78ea799b25d1145af23ec2043a6ce
To me the new dialogue is more romantic. I know I'm swinging for the fences a bit more now with how mushy it is, but I think it's worth it.
Page 111 -
https://gyazo.com/5f6b753705ee48e90ffd831e3c776b47
Basil transitions better into the core conflict by repeating "next time," alluding to his inability to perform during sex. I think this is cleaner.
Page 114 -
https://gyazo.com/f8d7be5ca7baf7448566619438735092
Basil shows more trepidation here agreeing to Abe, foreshadowing his unhappiness with the decision and him eventually going against Abe to head to the gym alone.
Author's Note -
I've removed the previous author's note as I feel it gave too much direction to how people should read the themes of Spotting Basil II. To me, Basil II should speak for itself without me needing to spell it out. I've also added some previews into Basil III. :3
There are so many changes now it's worth going back to re-read Basil II, I think. Details like Abe calling Basil "Super Pig" more than once, which is important thematically...or Carolina making slight differences in wording regarding her relationship to Alcohol. I hope all the changes I've made reflect well on the story!
Mikro Goat
The following 58 pages have been adjusted:
02, 05, 07, 12, 13, 14, 15, 17, 18, 19, 21, 25, 26, 27, 29, 35, 36, 37, 39, 43, 44, 45, 47, 48, 49, 50, 52, 56, 59, 60, 61, 65, 75, 76, 78, 83, 90, 91, 92, 93, 96, 97, 98, 100, 105, 106, 108, 109, 111, 113, 114, 116, 118, 119, 120, 121, 127, Authors Note.
Here's a change log of all the biggest changes with some brief explanations:
Page 2 -
https://gyazo.com/7f69cd6af0f175a66fffd9b2adbb39ea
Basil's dialogue has been changed here to illustrate the core theme stronger. I will not elaborate on it exactly -- I think that I generally should allow people to interpret things more, but I do want to bring awareness to this change because it's very important.
Page 13 -
https://i.gyazo.com/455ef358172bb05.....54fb74ac56.jpg
Ruby's edges have been sanded off a smidge. Instead of her calling Basil a creep, I just have her be surprised. I also changed Abe's expression here to be more clearly "in love."
Page 47 -
https://i.gyazo.com/4b083a4cd850862.....2e3a28588c.png
Building off of what I said in 13, Ruby's edges have been sanded down a little bit. Ruby generally has been re-examined and allowed to be slightly gentler regarding Basil. Does this dilute the cliffhanger at the end of II? Potentially, but the trade-off is a more understandable character overall. By empathizing with Basil's position a little, I think it helps her not to read as too abrasive.
Page 50 -
https://gyazo.com/f7249dfc3e023b78dccfb0a1bf9c5a18
Basil here closes off the tension established on page 1-2 more cleanly. He also more clearly starts to transition into asking Abe if he'll train him. This was always meant to be the case, but it was not clear before.
Page 61 -
https://gyazo.com/696e2a66437e27394e78484d5e7bfba0
My intention here wasn't to make Laguna come across poorly by sighing, but that's what ended up happening. I've changed it so he's more empathetic to Carolina. The bubble order is now more appealing.
Page 100 -
https://gyazo.com/5c296953f9b4e97802a278f65d297ae5
Abe's language here is less clunky and the flow order is less condensed. Hopefully you can feel the pauses more readily.
Page 109 -
https://gyazo.com/bad78ea799b25d1145af23ec2043a6ce
To me the new dialogue is more romantic. I know I'm swinging for the fences a bit more now with how mushy it is, but I think it's worth it.
Page 111 -
https://gyazo.com/5f6b753705ee48e90ffd831e3c776b47
Basil transitions better into the core conflict by repeating "next time," alluding to his inability to perform during sex. I think this is cleaner.
Page 114 -
https://gyazo.com/f8d7be5ca7baf7448566619438735092
Basil shows more trepidation here agreeing to Abe, foreshadowing his unhappiness with the decision and him eventually going against Abe to head to the gym alone.
Author's Note -
I've removed the previous author's note as I feel it gave too much direction to how people should read the themes of Spotting Basil II. To me, Basil II should speak for itself without me needing to spell it out. I've also added some previews into Basil III. :3
There are so many changes now it's worth going back to re-read Basil II, I think. Details like Abe calling Basil "Super Pig" more than once, which is important thematically...or Carolina making slight differences in wording regarding her relationship to Alcohol. I hope all the changes I've made reflect well on the story!
Mikro Goat
Dialganite
~leonidas4life
These changes actually makes the story look a lot better than it did before.
Rourkie~Rosie
~rourkie
These changes look really great. Awesome job. ~<3
