To be honest, now I'm not having the best period in my life. For half a year now, drawing has not brought me any money, although earlier they often took adopts from me at good prices. Even my regular customers left me, and those who write clarifications also come and then evaporate, leaving behind a broken hope. After I was fired from my last job, I could not find a new one: the IT market in Russia and Belarus is in complete ass. I have one month left to find a job, otherwise I will have to return to my parents. To my parents, with whom I sob at night, hate myself and constantly think about death.

I have not brought money into the house for about half a year now. I live on a penny that my parents are able to send me. But not only that, but the fact that my "family" is threatening to take me away from my real family is scary: the person I love more than my own life and my cat children. Literally the few for whom I still breathe.

And to be honest... I'm disappointed in myself as an artist. I hoped that my work could feed me, but now I see a huge number of useless adopts in my album, in which I put my whole soul. And YCHes, for which I diligently look for references, in the hope that someone will like it. When a good job loomed on the horizon (which, by the way, they didn’t take me for, due to the fact that I didn’t speak confidently enough), I even seriously thought about paying off my debts and giving up drawing forever. The process brings me pleasure, but the result often makes me hate myself. I am dependent on feedback, including financial support, but I have too little to feed my self-confidence. I just don't know what to do next, because I see that no one needs me. I'm even more than sure that many of you will ignore this journal even at the feed stage.

And I'll just scream into empty space. But maybe it's even for the best?

I'm scared.
I'm tired.
I hate myself.
But I just want to feel happy again.