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therapy (vent, don't read if you don't want)
2 years ago
As we all know, I'm the most annoying person on this website cos I don't shut the fuck up. So that's your cue to click off of this if you don't feel like reading it. I have to include this disclaimer because some folks have acted like my venting was actively hurting them and that I should stop it. So I mean, yeah.
So that perfectly segues into what I wanted to bring up--confiding in people. Obviously I've been around looking for therapy; getting cancelled, not being called back, etc etc. I've been to like, 3 local places and they all just end up sucking.
I already brought up how I was attacked by family like, a few months ago and I've just wanted to talk to a therapist about it, much to no avail. Having to cover for my grandmother by texting my dad (off his meds at the time) while he sent her very obtuse threats, telling her to go fuck herself, so I had to pretend I was her and calm him down after he'd thrown garbage at me and freaked the fuck out when I finally snapped after all his shit.
No therapy, family refuses to talk with me on it because it boils down to "oh my god get over it." Is it really my fault if I struggle to stop going over those events in my head? That's why I want therapy, which I can't GET.
I don't want an echo chamber, but I damn sure don't want to very calmly approach someone only for them to straight up tell me, "you just don't care, you don't even try to help yourself."
I've had that remark swimming in my head a lot the past week.
So that perfectly segues into what I wanted to bring up--confiding in people. Obviously I've been around looking for therapy; getting cancelled, not being called back, etc etc. I've been to like, 3 local places and they all just end up sucking.
I already brought up how I was attacked by family like, a few months ago and I've just wanted to talk to a therapist about it, much to no avail. Having to cover for my grandmother by texting my dad (off his meds at the time) while he sent her very obtuse threats, telling her to go fuck herself, so I had to pretend I was her and calm him down after he'd thrown garbage at me and freaked the fuck out when I finally snapped after all his shit.
No therapy, family refuses to talk with me on it because it boils down to "oh my god get over it." Is it really my fault if I struggle to stop going over those events in my head? That's why I want therapy, which I can't GET.
I don't want an echo chamber, but I damn sure don't want to very calmly approach someone only for them to straight up tell me, "you just don't care, you don't even try to help yourself."
I've had that remark swimming in my head a lot the past week.
sick of that shit sick of being ignored and dismissed.
I can't exactly relate to some of the things you're going through, but there are people willing to listen. Sadly, a majority of them fall in the camp of "it doesn't involve me, so I'm ignoring it", as you pointed out (though more seriously than how I put it).
Not exactly the best for help, but I hope you can find someone willing to listen and help out, professional or otherwise.
Like yeah, NOT EVERYONE IS THE SAME so people like me feel way better after talking about it
Do it too little and you wind up feelin' terrible because you're bottling up ya feelings and emotions. Do it too much, and people stop wanting to talk to ye 'cause all you do is vent.
Sometimes people will be all ears and let ya vent your problems to ya hearts content. Sometimes people will be dismissive and tell ye to shut up or just outright drop you if you vent to them.
Venting is healthy, but at the same time venting can be hard. Just as long as you surround yourself with people who support you and can self regulate how much you vent to people, things can turn out alright. Sorry ya family hasn't been the type ye can rely on with these things, and I hope things get better for ya soon.
But it's fine, I'll just like, keep going until I know it's time to stop
so thank you
Straight up, I call bullshit on anyone who has told you that your venting is upsetting to them. This is your profile, you have every right to vent if you want or need to. If it's bothersome to them, they can stop reading. No one who actually cares about you as a person would say such destructive things.
I'm no therapist, but I'd be happy to listen and give advice if you'd like. Send me a note and I'll send my Discord handle if you're interested. ✌️
But thanks, that's another thing--I don't like reaching out to some friends DIRECTLY cos I feel that I'm being annoying hahaha.
Never be afraid to talk to your friends. If they're true friends, they won't mind. And if there is a problem with constant sadness weighing on them, they'll let you know respectfully and do what they can to help- even if it's just assuring you that they're in your corner.
Also, sorry for replying so late. I've been dealing with some demons. 😬
No one on line you can trust to chat with? I don't think there's anything wrong with many the occasional vent journal or three if you're really upset you know?
Heck, maybe even make a private digital journal, get your thoughts out there in digital form in some google drive or something? even getting it out like that and then deleting it soon after is better than keeping it in all the time.
In person--ABSOLUTELY nobody hahaha.
But yeah, just talking about it kinda helps
Ah, sorry to hear that.
I bet it does o3o)b, so give it a try with friends or jot down your thoughts somewhere or something along those lines.
You don't need to apologize for venting, not everyone around here is nice or makes sense. You don't need to worry about their opinions.
None of this will last forever, so don't sweat it too much if you can't find a solution immediately.
Your folks are not allowed to do what they do, and you can tell the police if need be. And sometimes it need be.
Reading all (...most? Some? Lots) of your venting over the ages, you seem to want a solution that is combinations of ideal that doesn't exist. Yeah, you can try to wait to see if it gets better, but remember it has just as much chance of getting worse.
Therapy is only so helpful. It's helpful when all that is needed is more mental stability, equilibrium, etc. Not when there's actual problems that need actual solutions. Simply put, therapy would only really help if it was your dad getting it, fort example.
I'm old enough to have seen dozens of friends grow up to have kids and families. Lots of them didn't work out well. But none of them got better.
I see you consider a lot of things, over months and more, and meanwhile it's all just different approaches to your dad being a ratfuck. Those don't undo themselves. I won't bore you with extreme examples I've witnessed firsthand of deathbed ratfuck confessions, showing no remorse right to the last second.
Like I've legitimately circled around to that point and almost convinced myself I need to fix myself so I don't piss people off so much by being me. But in the back of my mind I question that too, so like, yeah.
Speaking from experience, both personally and with friends, even a month of removal from the situation would make it painfully clear versus now. You're in an abusive relationship & household.
There's nothing worse than family problems stewing around in your head with no reasonable way to address it with others. You certainly deserve better than what has been going now.
Just know that you're not in the wrong, and whatever happens at this point is out of your control, but you have every bit of control for yourself. You can be stronger than what you think you are.
And yeah, I know I'm able to get through these things, it's just some days, weeks--they get a little rough to cope with
I can imagine it's not easy some days, but you're doing the best you can at the moment, and that's a step in the right direction.
But yessss maybe some place will actually stop cancelling my appointments, hahaha
If you want to talk on Discord I could do that.
also, since the covid nightmare started, therapists have been largely massively overworked and most of the good ones have just flat out stopped taking patients because they have a giant backlog of people wanting their services waiting for an open slot. so that's not bad luck it's just the healthcare system once again shitting itself from having to actually function.
in my expiriance, therapy didn't "help" me. it just made me masque myself to the point i didn't feel like myself, but i was forced to go, and they forced me to find a problem to fix as i was "a threat to others" over other kids lies.
do i want to go to therapy at this point, kinda. a lot of festering hatred in my heart, but it just isn't for me. I hope you can find a therapist who;s worth a damn. feels like they cherry pick their clients for easy jobs, and quick 5 star reveiws.
best of luck, and fuck those assholes who act like venting is a burden to them.
cos SOME therapists i've had experience with will just like...stare and nod for an hour and then schedule the next visit lol!
but yeah, thank you
Personally I don’t have much option since I’m not a therapist but sometimes you don’t need one, just need to talk with someone that is supportive. Clearly not your family atm but probably a good friend.
Either way, i hope you find a good solution to your problems. You seem like a pretty cool and caring person if youre willing to put up with all that and stick around, you owe it to yourself to be a little self serving once in a while. Love your art bud, keep up the great work! :)
Wanna know WHY I hate being lazy? Well you answered it--family. Specifically before, when I was a kid and my dad and grandpa didn't have jobs and my grandma took care of them. I saw that, and I hated it. I hated how I'd take up for her when they'd scream at her and they'd all turn to me and get upset in return. I don't like being anything like the abusers, I go above and beyond to the point of self-harm to show that I can work and take care of not only myself but everyone around me.
But yeah, I do want to just...find a week or something to get away and clear my head, I feel even that would be enough to help.
But thank you for your input a lot, and I hope you're able to enjoy your weekend. Heartttt
All the time.
He's my roommate and I get no breaks from the constant angry at the world mentality.
Makes talking to him very difficult.
Like, I want people to be able to vent and confide in people.
But the assumption is it will make things better by doing that every so often.
What do you do when it doesn't?
Sorry, now I'm just dropping my problems but, my point is, I do hope you find what you're looking for. A reprieve, if nothing else.
but in turn uhhh oops
I think you become "that friend" when you cannot (or will not, in the case of my friend) take care of the root of the problem, in the end.