This should be something that you do for you. That should be the value.

You are valuable. We've barely talked, but you don't need to create to be worthwhile. You have value by just being here for folks. If we get content, cool. If we don't, that's also fine.

I am absolutely flabbergasted that folks think I, myself, contribute! I barely do anything. I stream three times a week and I barely think I exist online. But, people tell me otherwise.

I have to believe them. Because, without them, yeah. Why bother, you know? Well, for me. Bother for me. Because being around is important for both me, and for the folks who care.

I think in these sorts of situations, it is best to remember that the "value" of any work is nebulous and very subjective. Depending on perspective, you could derive personal value in anything you create if you look hard enough.

Journals don't really have to be intellectually stimulating to be worthwhile. They can be a place for you to vent and share your thoughts with others. If in doing so you feel just a bit better through sharing these feelings, I consider that to be worth something.

I get how you feel, and these days I try to think more broadly and think positively. It's very easy to think negatively or get in a funk about how certain things lack meaning, so I choose to find my own meaning and contentment in the things I do.

I personally nuked my account from my old art back in 2010/2011-ish (I've been posting art on my deleted Deviantart since 2005 and Also here since 2008.) because of how PAINFULLY Edgy and BAD it was. I wish I couldve kept it kinda sorta, to preserve my past... but at the same time my art was so bad, I am glad it no longer plagues my page anymore. That being said, I also hate when people delete their entire galleries. I will never delete my gallery now. It's been a lot of work, and it's been a track of my personal growth.

I wound up nuking a lot of my old stuff primarily because it had a lot of internal drama and traumatic experiences behind it. Like for me it was less a cry for attention and more "This stuff dredges up too many painful memories and fallings out with friends, and I don't really like seeing it anymore."

You probably won't believe me, and it might sound tremendously bias, but I know you can make very worthwhile material hun. What you can come up with allows for tremendous insight, material that is so very thought provoking that it allows for engagement with critical thought. I've listened to you talking with others about pretty big conversations, with friends and family and such, you're very intelligent hun, you know alot more than you're willing to admit.

And like several have already mentioned, and this is stuff I've heard from others, even you, the art that I do is more or less a hobby I enjoy, I like to draw and being able to share it with others has made it all the more interesting but its primarily something that's for ME. I value what I do because I enjoy it, and I know you enjoy coming up with stories of your own, if not stories at least IDEAS for a story. As you said though, you're not looking for pity here, but I and several are just stating that you should do what you want to because you like to love, I know I'll enjoy what you come up with, as I already do <=3

I'm approaching this subject in a different manner, so please bear with me.


I've been struggling with those two words for a very, very long time now. It's pretty much "an ailment" at this point that I'm trying to get rid of, bit by bit.

That mentality, that feeling, the self-defeating, frustrated, tired and fed up thought that comes to you and makes you ask the question:

"Why bother?"

...is a result of disappointment after disappointment that has affected me deeply to the point that I've been carrying it for the greater part of my life. There was no one to provide help or support when needed, the same shitty situations repeated themselves constantly which undermined any success moot and the same attitudes others or even circumstances do keeps repeating themselves with little to no improvement, even if I acknowledged how frustrating or even objectively wrong it is. And when it happens often and especially when you're still just developing yourself or trying to find out who you are or what you want to do, it ruins and robs you of your potential.

Yes, those experiences did taught me about the obvious unfairness of life itself and the importance of what I could do to avoid them at all costs, what I should do to make things better..... but the experiences fizzled out the lights and sapped my energy completely away. Those experiences took away any fight I had in me and made me tired, frustrated, apathetic - even turning me more pathetic as a result.

Those two words became a life lesson to me. An unfortunate, biased one as well.

Anything I want to do, I have to be in the mood for or have a 100% certainty what I am about to put myself into leads to something better or useful to me, because after a certain point, my fatigue kicks in hard, frustration rises and then I start asking those two questions over and over again, a taught lesson through experience that skews my view on the journey I've barely begun or the destination I could reach.

Trying to find a job? "Why bother? There are no available spots for a guy like me and the economy is awful where I live in."

Trying to find a new career? "Why bother? I'm doubtful I could get far and keep my interests in without feeling like dropping out due to the field not being what I expected it to be."

Trying to draw new art? "Why bother? I'll get easily frustrated to get the details and idea out and I end up not going anywhere and become angry and tired, turning an experience I should enjoy into an anger therapy."

Trying to clean the house? "Why bother? It'll get dirty and dusty again anyway and then I have to do it all over again, for it will never stay clean."


This ailment, as I've comically dubbed as "Why botherism", is a destructive lesson to be learned. It's depressing, it's exhausting, it ruins any semblence of self-esteem as it's self-depricating, it's nihilistic and worst of all: it's an endless loop that's difficult to break out from. All because I or anyone else feeling this way has been subjugated to the same situation where any attempts, any arguments or fights or any successes, are repeatedly made moot through repeated circumstances where your are forced to take in on the negative shit again and again, undermining anything you've ever done pointless.

"Why bother? It's going to be shit anyways."



Yet despite this.... I want to enjoy life. I want to show that I can do something. I want to share what I have with the world somehow.

Those needs and desires have kept me going. I've tried to evaluate my situation in life multiple times and despite that I'm still hesitating to make the move to dedicate myself to something due to fear of not being able to keep up or going through an experience that only results in me returning back to start, I'd say I'm doing more better now than what I did 10 - 16 years ago. There things that I still try to improve upon and want to get better at, but I'm trying. I even went to therapy at one point when I realized how my way of thinking with this "ailment" was hampering my way of enjoying my life. That alone helped me a lot.

And honestly, even the tiniest of things have the biggest of impact. Just like comic books bring joy to you, video games brings that to me, as well as talking with friends and being able to do something different for a change does bring me joy. Even trying to just think differently and perhaps bit more positively helps in the long run.



I am more than self-aware of the fact how me bringing up a wall of text of a personal sob-story with hints of self-pity feels out of place in regards to your conundrum in regards to the idea of nuking your own gallery and/or journals (in fact, I had to think for a day if I should even write this extensive response since I'm not able to be short and coherent all the time), but I brought it up first just because those two words and the weight behind their feeling has a lot more to it than one could expect, as the question itself isn't just merely a surface-level dismissal/pessimistic response to things - it can actually weight and affect things a lot if the weight's not let out.

There's couple of bits of wisdom I can try and share with you through this lengthy post of mine.

First is to stop for a moment and truly think of what is it you want and if what you are doing helps you to feel comfortable about doing those things.

The way I see it, you value the things you enjoy and you have the passion to write about it and share your thoughts on them, you even have made streams with people to share your enjoyment with others and even participated with them, either as a viewer or as a streamer. You have a deep understanding of certain topics that you find delightful to be discussed with. That on it's own has value.

Second is to ponder what more would you like to do or what other things do you like to explore.

The watchers you currently have here are watching you for multitude of reasons: perhaps it's the journals, perhaps it's the art you receive and share on your gallery, perhaps it's the streams you do on Twitch or perhaps it's just the fact that you've made so many great friends and had an impact with them that they're more than willing to watch you back for the sake of it. Of course if you change your avenues and try something else, this will test you a bit by seeing which of those watching you care for that - if you notice people stopping to follow you because of that, then their time with you was pointless. Those who stuck with you, however, they're there for you - because what you do that you enjoy has value (or should have value).

And finally is to ask if you want to get a new start.

As you've said yourself, some people nuke their entire page for no other reasons than to start over again. But this should be done by properly asking yourself whether the things you're about to nuke were pointless and keeps you held down from feeling better or being better. Are the things you've submitted so far so embarrassing that they're outdated? Do they hold some negative memories that keeps you from improving? Do you simply want to re-organize things and put the things that are no longer important in the past, but still have them exist as a time capsule as a form of memory to reminiscent and as a sign of progress throughout your life?

If you look at my gallery, you can find some of the first and oldest things I ever submitted there from 2006. If I were to look at them again, I would be embarrassed and suffocating in cringe on both the subjects and lack of skill I had at the time - but for me? That entire gallery is a progress chart that shows me where I've been, how I've changed and how I've been like. Something that I discussed in one of my journals as well. And I'd rather keep it that way if possible. The only thing I should try and do here is to re-organize things by years to make it more easier for people to see some of my past works (as well as post more often.)

When you come to a conclusion what you want and for what reasons, that's all that matters. Everything you do should be done first and foremost with you in mind. Do things for you.

Beyond that, don't be afraid to ask for help. And if something hinders you from enjoying yourself or valuing yourself, cut it off from your life and let it loose.


That's all for my TED-Talk today.