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2 years ago
TLDR: My health went brrrr. Also I’m closing commissions indefinitely, including the current waiting list. I will be continuing making YCHes though.
Health decline
Ever since the start of the year my health decline been rather.. rapid. Degradation is always expected with this type of disease (and lack of treatment that is), but it was just too much at once. I expect having the same rough autumn, as it was spring for me, but we’ll see. I am currently looking into giving a shot for a new round of examinations in October, which I am not positive about. The last one three years ago ended on a rather mocking note - I was deemed young and therefore absolutely healthy, and was advised instead to check my head for any hypochondria type of thoughts. I kinda gave up on my state a long time ago, but after being perceived as a joke - you can see how the last of my motivation was gone and I saw no meaning in further examinations.
The thing is, that as long person ain't actively dying - here they won’t even scratch about giving one any treatment, and not like they’re even educated properly in that matter. Sadly, due to all those last east european events - I have no way back to my homeland, where I was medically treated in the past and in 2020 even planned for some rehabilitation.
Future commissions
I’ve been reevaluating my possibility of taking any more commissions or finishing the current waiting list (the commission, that was paid for, will be completed, of course). It was a hard decision to make, because I absolutely enjoy working with your characters and your stories, ultimately allowing myself to step inside of them too and spectate from within. It’s something, that fascinates me a lot, that’s why it brings me no happiness to inform, that I am closing the commissions indefinitely. I may reopen for 1-2 slots, when I feel, that I can offer my skill again, but I can’t say when that will happen. Nor I intend to keep any commission queues, or waiting lists, my apologies for this inconvenience, especially to the people, who waited for so long for their turn in the queue or asked me about being added to the waiting list.
People, who have an ordering history from me, still have the right to poke me in DMs with a commission proposal. I don’t guarantee taking them straight away, but at least we can discuss them.
Reasons for this decision:
I’ve been dealing with extreme self-hatred for many years, and last couple of years it started heavily affecting the way I perceive my drawings. Everything about it, be it my workflow, or style, or colors, or results. I hate feeling myself like a fraud, being in this media for more, than ten years, but still not moving to where I want. I set high expectations for myself every day, I overwork each artwork, but I still don’t like the results, because nothing can satisfy the restless selfdoubter inside of me. Sometimes it feels, like I reached my ceiling, but I know, that I am capable of more, that’s why I keep pushing myself. Just not in the right way, nor right direction. And it's something, that I want to figure out on my own pace.
I am currently looking into other ways to earn money, in order to ease the pressure on myself. Sadly, there are not that many options, especially considering my education and both physical and mental health being low. I'll see how it goes, I guess.
What about YCHes?
YCHes will stay, and if you have suggestions on what type of YCH you would like to see more in the future - feel free to share your thoughts here in the comments below, or under YCHes themselves. I enjoy soft gore, maws, erotica, a bit of domination and all that stuff I drew before, so you can expect to see more of these types of YCH being offered.
Thank you so much for reading. I apologize for all the inconvenience I might brought to you.
Health decline
Ever since the start of the year my health decline been rather.. rapid. Degradation is always expected with this type of disease (and lack of treatment that is), but it was just too much at once. I expect having the same rough autumn, as it was spring for me, but we’ll see. I am currently looking into giving a shot for a new round of examinations in October, which I am not positive about. The last one three years ago ended on a rather mocking note - I was deemed young and therefore absolutely healthy, and was advised instead to check my head for any hypochondria type of thoughts. I kinda gave up on my state a long time ago, but after being perceived as a joke - you can see how the last of my motivation was gone and I saw no meaning in further examinations.
The thing is, that as long person ain't actively dying - here they won’t even scratch about giving one any treatment, and not like they’re even educated properly in that matter. Sadly, due to all those last east european events - I have no way back to my homeland, where I was medically treated in the past and in 2020 even planned for some rehabilitation.
Future commissions
I’ve been reevaluating my possibility of taking any more commissions or finishing the current waiting list (the commission, that was paid for, will be completed, of course). It was a hard decision to make, because I absolutely enjoy working with your characters and your stories, ultimately allowing myself to step inside of them too and spectate from within. It’s something, that fascinates me a lot, that’s why it brings me no happiness to inform, that I am closing the commissions indefinitely. I may reopen for 1-2 slots, when I feel, that I can offer my skill again, but I can’t say when that will happen. Nor I intend to keep any commission queues, or waiting lists, my apologies for this inconvenience, especially to the people, who waited for so long for their turn in the queue or asked me about being added to the waiting list.
People, who have an ordering history from me, still have the right to poke me in DMs with a commission proposal. I don’t guarantee taking them straight away, but at least we can discuss them.
Reasons for this decision:
I’ve been dealing with extreme self-hatred for many years, and last couple of years it started heavily affecting the way I perceive my drawings. Everything about it, be it my workflow, or style, or colors, or results. I hate feeling myself like a fraud, being in this media for more, than ten years, but still not moving to where I want. I set high expectations for myself every day, I overwork each artwork, but I still don’t like the results, because nothing can satisfy the restless selfdoubter inside of me. Sometimes it feels, like I reached my ceiling, but I know, that I am capable of more, that’s why I keep pushing myself. Just not in the right way, nor right direction. And it's something, that I want to figure out on my own pace.
I am currently looking into other ways to earn money, in order to ease the pressure on myself. Sadly, there are not that many options, especially considering my education and both physical and mental health being low. I'll see how it goes, I guess.
What about YCHes?
YCHes will stay, and if you have suggestions on what type of YCH you would like to see more in the future - feel free to share your thoughts here in the comments below, or under YCHes themselves. I enjoy soft gore, maws, erotica, a bit of domination and all that stuff I drew before, so you can expect to see more of these types of YCH being offered.
Thank you so much for reading. I apologize for all the inconvenience I might brought to you.
It sucks to hear you won't be able to do commissions as much anymore but your well being comes first and foremost.
I hope things get better for you in the future <4
Ye, will be looking forward what can be done, I think we found more or less trustworthy doctor, so things finally should move forward 😂
It's sad to read that you struggle so much with being taken seriously, I noticed this problem as well, young people are often treated with prejudice when it comes to health.
I really hope you find the right people to treat you so get better soon and enjoy your art again
Yeah, it's a sad reality, where "You're too young to be ill" or "You are too old, of course you are ill". To laugh and cry, honestly.
At least it came to my knowledge, that they have somewhat same medications here, that I was on before, so if it's something, that can be aquired from them - that would be great!
I do hope I will figure things out with my artworks as soon as possible, so I can reopen for tiny small batches of commissions here and there again. Physical health is not the main issue, I just need more practice and confidence in what and how I do, I guess
I know it's not easy -and depending on your location it can be pricey- but maybe it's worth checking out therapy? With a good therapist it can help you a lot with dealing with troublesome feelings and handling your lack of self confidence
It might get you to your goals quicker
I wish finances allowed me to visit therapy, but life makes one choose priorities. I can wait
Navigating around triggers and therefore being stable is already worth a lot
Luckily therapy doesn't have to be about changing everything, it's about aspects that _you_ want to change and improve in your life, aspects that you are not happy with
so one day I hope you can financially afford that
and until then I hope you get through the hard times and continue to share your art with us ♥