Hey everyone, it's been a while. Thought I'd give you all an update. Even if no one reads it, at least I got my words out there and off of my chest.

Very possibly moving: after 28 years in OR, I am finally spreading my wings and flying. I have a lot to do and know I have the right and trusted people to help if I can't finish beforehand. My youngest needs me more than ever and my collective and I have decided for a fresh start and what better way than to reunite with my girls who mean the absolute most to me and get closer to them. I will be looking into the Midwest region. I am going to miss my friends and family here but, I'm almost 30 and have done really nothing up to this point. It's time to experience life and start a new chapter in life. Everyone's gotten to, it's finally my turn.


My conclusion to everything:
Over the last 6 months as most know, my partner and I agreed to seperate after our future goals started going in opposite directions and I got to see the real person behind my families masks. Inlaws and my own. It was a heart breaking eye opener for me and this whole thing has been very traumatizing for me. Sometimes making the right decisions is heartbreaking, gets you demonized by the ignorant. When I realized how much support and love I actually had behind me my heart shattered. I've been riddled with trust issues and paranoia. I don't know what's true, what's real, who to trust except those who've proved trustworthy. I wanted to be different than my predecessors, if my partner and I didn't see us working in the future, or fall out of love etc. I wanted it to be a positive mutual split. I feel like others are sabotaging that. It hurts. I didn't want this to ever happ n, it wasn't a decision I actually wanted to make. I have cried more times than laughed. I got into a bender with substances because of my depression and anxiety. I never felt so alone. I have amazing people, and my husband and I are still best friends. I just feel corruption and manipulation are attacking what bit I have and I will lose what I do have and more will turn their backs towards me. I try my best to stay positive, but I can only do so much. "Nobody fucks with my son." Well, nobody fucks with me and my family. And when you're in the wrong? Karma will be there. Slow, cruel and justified. Be careful what you do and say, she owes me for my childhood, so she's been helping me in my adulthood. Everything has a consequence. I will always love those who've destroyed me, that is what hurts me the absolute most. I must go on. I never fell out of love, and my feelings will always be there. It hurts knowing it wasn't meant to be. He will always be my number one. Which is why it hurts to even think about him being turned against me. I've had it happen before, I'm afraid it's happening again. He is and always will be my amazingly best of all best friends. Even if things get destroyed, I just hope he knows how much I still care and will always be there even in spirit.