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It occurred to me
2 years ago
“And it is still true, no matter how old you are -- when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.”
Last week my FA account turned 13. So my account is now old enough to have an account.
Thats a lot of years to be here. The longest place ive been online and I don't intend on leaving any time soon so long as it's up to me I guess :)
I've learnt a lot from being here and Ive made a lot of friends here that I hope will be in my life forever. People haven't always been kind to me and I've had more than my fair share of drama but it all leads for a colourful history and a lot of life lessons to grow from.
Gem is still a huge part of me. She's essentially the very core of who I am, more so than Star is in fairness but Gem's been a lot on the back burner in recent months.
Some people have just assumed my comic Found Re-Take was cancelled, but I generally dont cancel comics, they might go on the back burner for a while but i return to stuff eventually, so unless you see a journal expressly stating ive cancelled something, then it's not cancelled.
I've been training to be a therapist and its a lot of work not just on training with clients and practicing skills but also a lot of inner personal work too and feeling exposed and vulnerable and in my naivety I assumed I could go to class and come back and just get on with working on art, but the problem with digging around in your head it's kinda like stirring up a pond, the mung at the bottom that you cant normally see gets pulled to the surface but it makes the whole pond murky and difficult to see through. And of course once you're aware of something that you may have forgotten, you cant just re-forget so then you kinda have to deal with the stuff you've dredged up. I've been coming back from classes utterly wiped out physically and mentally and I've still got 2 years of the course to go. Its rewarding and invigorating but yeah just saps a lot of my strength.
But I miss Gem a lot. I miss being here and interacting with folk and Whilst FA definitely feels a tad emptier I cant help but feel everyones kinda become fragmented across multiple sites. I dont have time for all the various new places everyones gone to. So yeah I'm still here. in this run down mess of a place. but I guess that kinda reflects my personality a bit. Very much wonky and barely fit for purpose, which is why it still weirdly feels like home here.
Thats a lot of years to be here. The longest place ive been online and I don't intend on leaving any time soon so long as it's up to me I guess :)
I've learnt a lot from being here and Ive made a lot of friends here that I hope will be in my life forever. People haven't always been kind to me and I've had more than my fair share of drama but it all leads for a colourful history and a lot of life lessons to grow from.
Gem is still a huge part of me. She's essentially the very core of who I am, more so than Star is in fairness but Gem's been a lot on the back burner in recent months.
Some people have just assumed my comic Found Re-Take was cancelled, but I generally dont cancel comics, they might go on the back burner for a while but i return to stuff eventually, so unless you see a journal expressly stating ive cancelled something, then it's not cancelled.
I've been training to be a therapist and its a lot of work not just on training with clients and practicing skills but also a lot of inner personal work too and feeling exposed and vulnerable and in my naivety I assumed I could go to class and come back and just get on with working on art, but the problem with digging around in your head it's kinda like stirring up a pond, the mung at the bottom that you cant normally see gets pulled to the surface but it makes the whole pond murky and difficult to see through. And of course once you're aware of something that you may have forgotten, you cant just re-forget so then you kinda have to deal with the stuff you've dredged up. I've been coming back from classes utterly wiped out physically and mentally and I've still got 2 years of the course to go. Its rewarding and invigorating but yeah just saps a lot of my strength.
But I miss Gem a lot. I miss being here and interacting with folk and Whilst FA definitely feels a tad emptier I cant help but feel everyones kinda become fragmented across multiple sites. I dont have time for all the various new places everyones gone to. So yeah I'm still here. in this run down mess of a place. but I guess that kinda reflects my personality a bit. Very much wonky and barely fit for purpose, which is why it still weirdly feels like home here.
Its fine to take a break from doing art if you're drained completely by another pressing matter, such as school or another job, but its also good to recognize that you can't do it all, you're still human (in a manner of speaking) and its okay to feel overwhelmed by what is going on, and in your case having all of the Gem memories come up to the forefront must be agonizing considering that you no longer have the luxury of excessive free time to indulge her. You can't keep her locked away in the plaupen of your mind forever and she does need to be let out, its just hard to find that balance.
If I may be so bold as to make a suggestion, why not host a Gem appreciation week? Invite people to share in the love and joy that is Lil Gem and get a lot of art or stories of her being her best baby self so that way ypu can have some juice for that baby battery that needs recharging. I am sure people would do it, especially if you do like a thing where your favorite ones get like a small prize or something? I dunno I'm just rambling but consider it if you may.
I watched this account back in 09 to watch you grow as a person, and I have seen you grow from a relatively new artost with low confidence and a desire to make others smile into a bright beacon of hope for others who goes out of her way to make others happy and its been an amazing trip, be that you're Sam, Star or Gem, all of you has been a privilege of knowing
Now! I just need to conjure up one, one millionth of your drive and actually upload something for once... more content will probably help make the site feel less empty, so I should be doing my part.
Can't leave all the heavy-lifting up to the baby squiggle. She might hurt herself.
It's okay when you need to take a break, art takes a lot of energy and doing that while training to be a therapist is a lot of responsibility! It's always okay to prioritize rest and sorting out all those complicated thoughts. I also want to seek therapy to unpack some of my childhood trauma but the fatigue from uncovering buried and forgotten things is def tough, the way you described it as stirring up a mucky pond is so real. I hope that over time it will get easier, and you'll be able to help others once you're a therapist too <3
I feel you on the fragmented community too. I much prefer older sites like FA to the newer social media sites and I've stopped using some of them altogether. I would rather have a small group of friends who really connect with one another than a big following with hardly any substance, that just makes me feel lonely. I'm so happy you're still here and happy to reconnect too. <3