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Sending you hugs
2 years ago
“And it is still true, no matter how old you are -- when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.”
I just want to say something thats always been important to me.
I've been a little since I was about 4 years old. Way before the internet existed. For years all the way through my teens I thought I was the only one who wanted to be loved in that unconditional small child way. Felt wrong in myself for knowing my peers didnt have the same wants, had no one to talk to and generally hated myself for being wired differently in a lot of ways.
When i started writing my comics here. I wanted nothing more than to bring folk together, to help people feel less alone and to make people feel like it was okay to be themselves. I created content that I wished I could have had when I was learning and feeling lost. I also wanted to play. To tap into that little side and to have freedom to explore that part of me in a healthy safe way.
I've made a lot of friends here and I get notes every so often thanking me for my work. saying lovely things like I've helped someone feel better in themselves for having this quirk. Its a core part of me and I imagine its a core part of a lot of folk reading this journal. We didn't choose to have this need in us. And more importantly there's nothing wrong with that.
I truely feel that whilst some day's i can struggle with my little side, I'm largely so grateful i have this really precious part of me. She's amazing. and so pure and she just deserves all the love and she deserves to feel safe.
Sometimes life can shake that foundation in me. When something external is telling me I'm wrong for being who I am (like patreon or trolls or other things I can't mention right now) it often makes me sit back feeling like i've been punched in the gut and re-assess. Like. Are they right? Am I wrong? Am I broken? AM I a monster?
No. Sorry. Just No.
I've been round this circle so many times. You're not wrong for having a little side. Whether you have one due to childhood trauma or not, having a little side is something to feel protective over, there's this precious bean in you that has done nothing wrong. Keep them safe, give yourself love not hate, when others are trying to beat you down because they dont understand you. You're not the problem here.
Don't hate yourself because of other people. Don't let them get into your head and doubt yourself.
You're uniquely you. Theres only the one version of you on this planet and your reality is unique to you, don't let others mess that up with their hateful ignorance.
Just have hugs okay. I wish I could really hug you all
I've been a little since I was about 4 years old. Way before the internet existed. For years all the way through my teens I thought I was the only one who wanted to be loved in that unconditional small child way. Felt wrong in myself for knowing my peers didnt have the same wants, had no one to talk to and generally hated myself for being wired differently in a lot of ways.
When i started writing my comics here. I wanted nothing more than to bring folk together, to help people feel less alone and to make people feel like it was okay to be themselves. I created content that I wished I could have had when I was learning and feeling lost. I also wanted to play. To tap into that little side and to have freedom to explore that part of me in a healthy safe way.
I've made a lot of friends here and I get notes every so often thanking me for my work. saying lovely things like I've helped someone feel better in themselves for having this quirk. Its a core part of me and I imagine its a core part of a lot of folk reading this journal. We didn't choose to have this need in us. And more importantly there's nothing wrong with that.
I truely feel that whilst some day's i can struggle with my little side, I'm largely so grateful i have this really precious part of me. She's amazing. and so pure and she just deserves all the love and she deserves to feel safe.
Sometimes life can shake that foundation in me. When something external is telling me I'm wrong for being who I am (like patreon or trolls or other things I can't mention right now) it often makes me sit back feeling like i've been punched in the gut and re-assess. Like. Are they right? Am I wrong? Am I broken? AM I a monster?
No. Sorry. Just No.
I've been round this circle so many times. You're not wrong for having a little side. Whether you have one due to childhood trauma or not, having a little side is something to feel protective over, there's this precious bean in you that has done nothing wrong. Keep them safe, give yourself love not hate, when others are trying to beat you down because they dont understand you. You're not the problem here.
Don't hate yourself because of other people. Don't let them get into your head and doubt yourself.
You're uniquely you. Theres only the one version of you on this planet and your reality is unique to you, don't let others mess that up with their hateful ignorance.
Just have hugs okay. I wish I could really hug you all
I constantly struggle with what you are talking about here, trying to determine if there is something broken or bad even though there isn't. I am so terrified of ever letting anyone I know see this side of me that it can be tiring some times.
But like you said, there isn't anything wrong. Your words really resonate : I want to protect them, to keep them safe. Loving oneself is something I find terribly hard to do...but it is far from impossible, it just takes time, working to get back to a point where you can be satisfied about who you are and what you do.
Thank you so much for this journal and those words, they mean a whole lot, and for your work I followed since a very long time from afar. You are an inspiration, and I hope what I do can have as positive an impact as everything you have already done !
*hugs for you and everyone who needs one*
I tell myself "I only have worth if I'm being useful to other people, if I'm not being useful then im worthless. I'm worthless."
That's how I parent myself. Then I realized something. They were my Mums words just in my inner voice. They weren't MY words. They were hers that I had just taken on and become part of me. And I sat there in silence in the therapist room just stunned that I had only just realised that.
I'm not worthless. I'm actually not.
All this time I thought I was but it was my inner voice regurgitating something I had learnt from my Mum. I didn't have to keep doing that to myself. Why was I just deliberately hurting myself with these vile thoughts about myself. Why was I making myself suffer when i didnt actually need to do that to myself. I'd never think that about other people, why was it okay to think that about myself? I could choose to be kinder to myself.
And suddenly, just like that. I felt refreshed. lighter. Like seeing more clearly for the first time in my life. I dunno. it was a magic thing I guess.
I guess I just wanted to share with you, because you have worth too, but its a personal journey that you have to go on to find ways of filling that particular cup for yourself.
...what patreon did to you and to others like us was very wrong... ill never feel bad for being what i am, it's something we didnt choose, this is just who we are and it's beacons like you in the community that help shine a light in times of adversity such as these 💖
We didn't choose the way we are, it's a big big part of who we are. We only want to be loved and cared. We do not deserve the hate from others or from ourselves. We shouldn't let negative feelings hit us when life punches us hard in the gut.
Having a little side is also to have a fragile and pure side that can be easily shattered with such simple, yet hurtful words. Some of us have next to no self-esteem and it only take a few words to crush it. Thoughts like "I'm a monster", "I'm worthless", "I'm good for nothing" and other stuff like that tend to flow through us when the self-esteem is crushed. And unfortunately, it is much easier to hurt us than rebuilding our self-esteem.
It's okay to be a little.
I didn't think I needed this today, but your journal made me realize how my little side is as much important as my adult side. I should give more attention and love to my little side.
I'm also sending you hugs, because you are also important and unique. <3
While I'm sure their are justifiable criticisms to be made of this community, I am near certain that the haters don't have any rational or fair justification at all of us.
They can do whatever they want to us. Ostracize us online, make it hard for us to make a living in this community, but ultimately, the fun of ageplay and being cute and hanging out in littlespace is just too great to pass up. We are never going away, and we should pay these corporations and detractors no heed.
You made only one "mistake" in your answer to the haters.... Saying "sorry".
Why are you sorry? You have no reason to be. THEY are the ones who are wrong, not you. THEY are the ones taking something simple and quiet and peaceful and making it something they see as perverse and horrible and destructive. YOU just want hugs and love and maybe at most a pat on the bottom.
I get how some say we should all aspire to making lots of babies... We are told this world is overpopulated and we don't have the resources we need, and that is the stuff the bull leaves in the pasture. The world population is declining, not rising. We need more babies, not fewer, and we need the ones who will grow up into adults. That does not in any way mean we DON'T need the kinds of babies we are here... We as a world need to know what unconditional love is. We as a world need to listen to that still, small voice inside us asking, "can I havva huggie, pweez?"
So no, not one #@$%@ bit sorry. I understand manners. I understand it's an expression. It's one many of us (I think) overuse. We say we're sorry when we've done nothing wrong.
Hell, I found out a couple weeks ago someone (maybe several someones) blocked me presumably when I made comments before that they didn't like, and I suppose that's their right to do. They don't want to read my thoughts, that's OK. Have a nice life, wherever you have it. But I'm not apologizing for having opinions, even opinions others don't like. I still wish well to anyone here who understands the simplicity of wanting to just curl up and hold a stuffy and go nap-nap.
The point? People can think whatever they want. Their opinions are none of anyone else's concern. YOUR opinions, whoever YOU are, are the ones that concern YOU. Think the best of yourself. You're doing no one any harm.
And to quote Ms. Sammy's phrase, which I really love, "Have hugs."
You've helped even more than you know. Fankyoo so much Sammy.