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First Journal! Might be a bit heavy!
2 years ago
Hey, everyone!
This is, technically, my first journal entry. I just need to talk, yeah? Talk about what's going on with me.
So, I landed in the hospital on Thursday of last week. I had to.... crawl outside my apartment and dial 911. The crew was super sweet and helpful. They were very concerned and compassionate! Such good people. Anyways, I got an injection of morphine on the ride to the hospital and that did... a little to solve my problem, which I should probably add is my spine. I was brought to the emergency room where they processed me and discovered a 101F fever. They briefly thought it was COVID, more on that later.
I'm brought to the waiting room in a wheelchair, because at this point I could no longer walk. I was physically disabled to the point where I would immediately fall over from pain. So, at around 4PM PST, I waited. I was in agony. I was in so much pain and constantly seizing up over and over again. I was in the waiting room from 4PM to 9PM. I'm not upset about it, since they didn't have beds readily available, but it... that experience? Oh boy was it excruciating. When they finally brought me back, I was wheeled to a bed in the hallway. The nurse was so nice. Such a good person. He aided me in standing up and laying down, which I have to say I've never experienced a muscle spasm as bad as that in my entire life. Still, I handled it!
They attached an IV to my right arm, and the injections began. Oh boy, the injections. Saline was first, as expected. Then the muscle relaxant, then the first pain medication, then the second pain medication, then THREE injections of morphine. Yes, 3 injections of morphine. At least my idle pain was gone? Back spasms still existed, which shot my pain up from a 3 to a 10. It hurt. It hurt a lot. Still, I didn't care that I was being poked a dozen or so times, drawing blood, injecting pain medication, injecting stuff for the MRI that followed. I just didn't care as long as my pain was managed to some degree.
After getting an ultrasound on my kidneys to ensure that they were functioning properly, they brought me back to my little corner of the hallway. They injected me with more morphine at that point. I was okay with this, considering my brain was basically mush at that point (considering it was around 2AM and I was already high af on pain meds). I continued to have spasms, but they were more intermittent. At this point, they did a COVID test due to my fever. After a wait period of about 30 minutes, they came back and mentioned that I didn't have COVID and the fever is likely due to some sort of infection elsewhere.
I was like, okay, that's fine. I don't know where that infection could be, but.... sure. They checked the MRI results and nothing came out of that in regards to the infection. The ultrasound also didn't report anything unusual. So, presently... we don't know why I have a constant onset of a fever that comes in waves. Scary.
Continuing on, I am greeted by a doctor that is completely different from the one I've been working with, since the other doctor's shift ended. I was fine with this, he needed a break. I saw him running around in the background as I was laying in my bed. He looked tired. The doctor that replaced him was... hm. She was oblivious to who I was, why I was here, what conditions I had, and why I keep spasming. Yep. Didn't know anything about me and my reason for being there. She eventually went to the office and checked the MRI result. She checked the MRI result for my upper back and said: "Oh yeah, you're fine, nothing is wrong." and my back promptly seized up. Timing, right? She then asked me to roll over to my side, which I did with GREAT difficulty, and showed where the spasms were coming from. She responded with: "Oh, I didn't check your lower back. Just a moment."
At this point, I was flabbergast at the lack of communication? No, lack of literally reading the report the other doctor left. I was so drugged out at this point that I didn't care. It was 3AM, I just wanted to go home and sleep, regardless of what my mind was telling me otherwise. She came back and said: "Oh yeah, you have a disc bulge." Yep. I know. I've had a disc bulge since 2019 when I was first diagnosed with spinal problems. She didn't look over it any further to realize that I have a stenosis, tear, and a bunch of fluid missing. UGH. That was an experience that I regretted not trying to mention due to the painkillers in my system.
I got out at 4AM on Friday. I got an emergency ride. I was helped into my home as I barely managed to walk a few feet without falling forward.
Finally, I get my results from the MRI. I just kinda... felt numb, at this point, right? Just kind of... I dunno. I read them and accepted it. Why wouldn't I, after the many years of spinal issues, right?
I've got something called Syringomyelia that they discovered in the MRI that was undiscovered in the past.
"Syringomyelia is a neurological disorder in which a fluid-filled cyst (syrinx) forms within the spinal cord. The syrinx can get big enough to damage the spinal cord and compress and injure the nerve fibers that carry information to and from the brain to the body."
THORACIC:
No findings to suggest diskitis, osteomyelitis or epidural abscess.
Syringomyelia from T3-T11 largest at T4-T5, measuring 4.2 x 4.0 mm diameter. No associated mass lesion.
^
my results from the ER, excluding all of the information about degenerative disc disease.
So, I just wanted to babble a bit, yeah? Something to get off of my mind. I'm not fishing for sympathy, I just want to express my feelings and experience. I just wanted to... open up a little about something that happened that impacted me to such a severe extent.
Thank you all for reading this. It means more than you know.
-Verinax
This is, technically, my first journal entry. I just need to talk, yeah? Talk about what's going on with me.
So, I landed in the hospital on Thursday of last week. I had to.... crawl outside my apartment and dial 911. The crew was super sweet and helpful. They were very concerned and compassionate! Such good people. Anyways, I got an injection of morphine on the ride to the hospital and that did... a little to solve my problem, which I should probably add is my spine. I was brought to the emergency room where they processed me and discovered a 101F fever. They briefly thought it was COVID, more on that later.
I'm brought to the waiting room in a wheelchair, because at this point I could no longer walk. I was physically disabled to the point where I would immediately fall over from pain. So, at around 4PM PST, I waited. I was in agony. I was in so much pain and constantly seizing up over and over again. I was in the waiting room from 4PM to 9PM. I'm not upset about it, since they didn't have beds readily available, but it... that experience? Oh boy was it excruciating. When they finally brought me back, I was wheeled to a bed in the hallway. The nurse was so nice. Such a good person. He aided me in standing up and laying down, which I have to say I've never experienced a muscle spasm as bad as that in my entire life. Still, I handled it!
They attached an IV to my right arm, and the injections began. Oh boy, the injections. Saline was first, as expected. Then the muscle relaxant, then the first pain medication, then the second pain medication, then THREE injections of morphine. Yes, 3 injections of morphine. At least my idle pain was gone? Back spasms still existed, which shot my pain up from a 3 to a 10. It hurt. It hurt a lot. Still, I didn't care that I was being poked a dozen or so times, drawing blood, injecting pain medication, injecting stuff for the MRI that followed. I just didn't care as long as my pain was managed to some degree.
After getting an ultrasound on my kidneys to ensure that they were functioning properly, they brought me back to my little corner of the hallway. They injected me with more morphine at that point. I was okay with this, considering my brain was basically mush at that point (considering it was around 2AM and I was already high af on pain meds). I continued to have spasms, but they were more intermittent. At this point, they did a COVID test due to my fever. After a wait period of about 30 minutes, they came back and mentioned that I didn't have COVID and the fever is likely due to some sort of infection elsewhere.
I was like, okay, that's fine. I don't know where that infection could be, but.... sure. They checked the MRI results and nothing came out of that in regards to the infection. The ultrasound also didn't report anything unusual. So, presently... we don't know why I have a constant onset of a fever that comes in waves. Scary.
Continuing on, I am greeted by a doctor that is completely different from the one I've been working with, since the other doctor's shift ended. I was fine with this, he needed a break. I saw him running around in the background as I was laying in my bed. He looked tired. The doctor that replaced him was... hm. She was oblivious to who I was, why I was here, what conditions I had, and why I keep spasming. Yep. Didn't know anything about me and my reason for being there. She eventually went to the office and checked the MRI result. She checked the MRI result for my upper back and said: "Oh yeah, you're fine, nothing is wrong." and my back promptly seized up. Timing, right? She then asked me to roll over to my side, which I did with GREAT difficulty, and showed where the spasms were coming from. She responded with: "Oh, I didn't check your lower back. Just a moment."
At this point, I was flabbergast at the lack of communication? No, lack of literally reading the report the other doctor left. I was so drugged out at this point that I didn't care. It was 3AM, I just wanted to go home and sleep, regardless of what my mind was telling me otherwise. She came back and said: "Oh yeah, you have a disc bulge." Yep. I know. I've had a disc bulge since 2019 when I was first diagnosed with spinal problems. She didn't look over it any further to realize that I have a stenosis, tear, and a bunch of fluid missing. UGH. That was an experience that I regretted not trying to mention due to the painkillers in my system.
I got out at 4AM on Friday. I got an emergency ride. I was helped into my home as I barely managed to walk a few feet without falling forward.
Finally, I get my results from the MRI. I just kinda... felt numb, at this point, right? Just kind of... I dunno. I read them and accepted it. Why wouldn't I, after the many years of spinal issues, right?
I've got something called Syringomyelia that they discovered in the MRI that was undiscovered in the past.
"Syringomyelia is a neurological disorder in which a fluid-filled cyst (syrinx) forms within the spinal cord. The syrinx can get big enough to damage the spinal cord and compress and injure the nerve fibers that carry information to and from the brain to the body."
THORACIC:
No findings to suggest diskitis, osteomyelitis or epidural abscess.
Syringomyelia from T3-T11 largest at T4-T5, measuring 4.2 x 4.0 mm diameter. No associated mass lesion.
^
my results from the ER, excluding all of the information about degenerative disc disease.
So, I just wanted to babble a bit, yeah? Something to get off of my mind. I'm not fishing for sympathy, I just want to express my feelings and experience. I just wanted to... open up a little about something that happened that impacted me to such a severe extent.
Thank you all for reading this. It means more than you know.
-Verinax
Do you have any ideas what the treatment will be like? What's the next step in recovery look like?
I'm really hoping that the urgent spine care that they're sending me to on Thursday will help somewhat. They wanted me in immediately, so I'm definitely concerned, but at least I got a super quick appointment! I'm not sure how the Syringomyelia is going to be solved, since it's a cyst in my spinal cord. I'm not sure if that can be treated safely, especially with how much it covers. Still... I'm hoping for the best!
Keep us posted!!
Hope there's some good news with the diagnosis too. Glad they're getting you in for treatment as soon as possible!
Hang in there! <3
I am sure there is no way to explain all that they have come across in a double, or even single shift, but there always seems to be some odd sort of severely lacking knowledge for when a fresh hand comes in. The worst I have ever had is a fight with a rottweiler and a couple kidney stones in my time, but to see it happen in my situation vs something as severe as your own honestly gives me a touch of concern. One could hope the papers on a patient's door or bed would yield more knowledge.
Either way, you have the support of all your friends. I know I don't have much to any contact with you, but I'm always an open ear for anyone and everyone even if chatting is seldom or just out in the open by chance.
You are courageous. You are strong.
Remember that we are human, for what we wish to be online.
Our world is real and for all that we suffer, have to experience, and have to handle,
we always find a way to learn, adapt, overcome. We are our own creation of miracles.
You will see this through.
It's super kind of you to say all of that. We should definitely talk more. I'll hit you up sometime when I'm feeling a little better, if that's okay! <3
Not that I don't always try to do my best. :p
Hope the treatment goes smooth and that you recover well!
Please do take care of yourself hun, I don't know what I'd do without you here with us. You're quite precious to me and all my fondest memories. ♥ I'll have to make an effort to apply myself to finishing Githinji's picture for you to see. I love that you're doing artwork now as well! Keep it up!