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My #2 Favorite Calvin & Hobbes Comic
2 years ago
General
(I have *way* too much time on my hands, my few and far between followers (i.e. really no one) who may stumble across this...)
Gosh, if you know me at all (which few people outside a few old core friends, and my husband, do) I totally adore and have nearly memorized every single Calvin & Hobbes comic ever made. And since I felt like it, instead of subjecting only my husband to me rattling off my favorites of the strip I have memorized backward and forwards, I'm gonna do it to all of you, poor people, as well, complete with WHY I love a joke so much... or how well it applies to my current feelings. (This is gross, but since I have Crohn's Disease I am in the bathroom way too much, and since I am banished there so often, and for so long, I sit there re-reading my entire collection of all the comics to the point I can recall almost any single comic, story, and trope no matter how popular or funny... even though almost all of Calvin & Hobbes is perfect and funny IMO) ...and I have two particular comics that are my most favorite. (No one probably noticed, but my "Favorite Quote" is from Calvin & Hobbes. There are so many gems in the series that still apply to life and make me laugh, I don't have enough space in my corner of the internet to repeat them all!!) I just absolutely *HAD* to mention my probably #2 favorite of all time, because it so clearly and totally harkens to a major aspect of my life: hearing people complain about non-issues... but because it relates to them and their rampant narcissism, it is a major issue they feel compelled to tell me, a crippled and otherwise disabled adult stranger on the internet... (And maybe in rereading this, I realize that ranting into the void about this, is not only pointless but perhaps turning my entire argument into an oxymoron because I'm complaining about something so many people could conceive as 'minor'? At least only a few weirdos who follow me will be subjected to this, and that's a *little* bit on them. You did put me on watch after all! ;3 I'm not completely to blame! ...no wait, I totally am to blame. I lured you in with sexy art of my fictitious characters and then beat you over the head with a long pointless pontification rant ...totally all on me. Sorry! lol)
Calvin tells Hobbes, he is on his way to becoming rich. How so, Hobbes asks? Well, Calvin replies, by writing a self-help book! (Which were far far far more popular at the time the comic was released, (1993, particularly published for the first time, on June 6th of that year) as now most people just whine on the internet, far be it from them to open a *book* /mock shudder and take time to reflect on character flaws with intent to improve on some aspect of themselves. That simply does not happen anymore. *half-lidded glare at her fellow females* We're all already perfect, just as ourselves, with nothing to change, grow, or improve upon!) Instead of relating what the comic does so brilliantly in prose-format, I'll just quote it...
Hobbes: "Whatcha doin'?"
Calvin: "Getting rich!"
Hobbes: "Really?"
Calvin: "Yep! I'm writing a self-help book! There's a huge market for this stuff!
"First, you convince people there's something wrong with them. That's easy because advertising has already conditioned people to feel insecure about their weight, looks, social status, sex appeal, and so on."
Break: Notice how *if* people are at all concerned with a flaw they *may* have, it's all vapid shallow bullshit that doesn't matter in the grand scheme of who we are as individuals. advertisement may prey on people's fear of "flaws" but the"flaws" mentioned here, if improved, still have absolutely NO application to being a better human being. Because either a.) We're already perfect, and fuck you for not loving me just as I am, totally unconditionally, like a pet dog that depends on you for their every meal. or b.) We're too caught up in shallow issues with no real meaning, that distract us from looking within ourselves to improve (and thus, do some WORK, and not thinking you deserve everything good and right in life by existing) on major flaws and negative impulses, moods, habits, and desires that take away from not only those who are forced to be around us, but en mass society at large. But that's really been a life-trope for all of recorded time: "don't think about the major impactful issues, worry about the most innocuous stupid quick-to-fix minor society-perceived flaw!" Becoming more popular among your chosen poison of fandom will save the environment! But, Calvin & Hobbes even explores *that* issue, by noting that if people forsake their shallow petty narcissistic bullshit fabricated surface-level "woes", society would collapse and crumble, and we'd have complete anarchy (which, despite my tone, I do not advocate for, lol) Ok, back to the comic, we're almost at my favorite line...
Calvin (cont.): "Next, you convince them that the problem is not their fault and that they're victims of larger forces. That's easy, because it's what people believe anyway. Nobody wants to be responsible for his own situation."
"Finally, you convince them that with your expert advice and encouragement, they can conquer their problem and be happy!"
Hobbes (with an expression that started off dubious, then curious, then hopeful/positive): "Ingenious. What problem with YOU help people solve?"
Calvin: "Their addiction to self-help books!"
"My book is called: 'Shut up and stop whining: How to do something with your life besides think about Yourself.'"
(^My favorite line^)
Break: Now, IMO, the comic could've ended right there...(but it's a comic strip, it needs a bit better closing punch line, which I'll get to, of course) But I freaking LOVE that book title. If I hadn't already picked out a few "perfect" titles for my own WIP books, and Watterson hadn't already come up with it, I'd mangle a manuscript of mine to coincide with that title. First off, what's even worse than Calvin realizes, in 1993, is with the internet, people need almost NO provocation to let you know of every woe in their existence. I simply cannot count how many times I will go out there into the eather looking for stimulating, enjoyable, creative, writing partners in the garb of RP partners... only to be pitched a sob story 20 minutes into the conversation about potential plots, about some perceived, but not confirmed by a medical doctor, mental disability they have, that, "Makes my life so tough!" ...and I lower my head and pinch the bridge of my nose as it wrinkles, making me look even more my old old old age... All I want to do is find a person here or there who can string a few paragraphs together in a semblance of fantasy creativity that I cling to with a death grip, and refuse to let die, even though well-crafted creative writing has long since gone the way of the dinosaur. Instead, I am told about the very minutia of invented issues this total stranger (who probably will block me the moment I express that sexual content is NOT high on my list of rp-to-do's lol) is just chomping at the bit for an audience to pity them as a victim. Let me say this: I am not the one, darling <3
I felt compelled to share these pointless pontifications (which, perhaps exposes my own desire for an audience?) after watching a lot of funny Youtubers. I am a.) not attractive enough to be on a webcam for prolonged periods of time b.) have no idea how basic technology works, I barely know how to use my smartphone, as if I'm 75, not 35. c.) I know how pointless it is to scream into the void, ranting and raving like a gassed-up lunatic *especially* in a place/fandom where having one's most deviant sexual fantasies catered to, is NUMBAH 1!
But, I wanted to share this. I really did. And my hope is that someone out there, (if I'm stupidly lucky a few someones!!) will agree with me. 'Cause that's all anyone with a 'stinky' opinion (i.e. everyone) wants: an echo chamber of like-minded losers who can all agree on what they love to complain about ^_^; and those with more leisure time than anyone should be allowed, to gather up and create that echo chamber, on the internet!
I will finish the comic, and go away. I apologize for disturbing your fap-fodder. I will NOT make this journal sit on my front page (because I don't have the spine, or balls, to let my largely unpopular opinion fly free and loud as the FIRST thing people hear out of me, that's like farting on someone's hand when they first meet you and seek a friendly handshake)... but y'know, maybe there's a few other people who can identify with this mini-micro-issue. I'd *love* to hear from y'all.
Hobbes: "You should probably wait for the advance before you buy anything."
Calvin: "The trouble is... if my program works, I won't be able to write a sequel."
(...cause that's where the MONEY is, Calvin, in pumping out as many sequels as you can, when the first catches on, even though you only needed maybe one book/movie/story/FA journal/youtube video to get your point across!)
If absolutely nothing else, I hope maybe some of you younger people could be turned onto the rich and wonderful world of this magnificent, smart, and funny Newspaper comic. I know Rule 34 has ruined *EVERYTHING* my generation knows and loves, but forgo that stupid creepy bullshit, and read some of the source material of Calvin & Hobbes. Unless you totally suck as a human being, you will not be disappointed! (And I think news sites are so desperate for a new humorous comic, some of them are STILL republishing Calvin & Hobbes comics for their daily readers. ... and Calvin & Hobbes stopped before many of you were "even a glint in the eye" as my father used to describe me... the Newspaper comic is more dead than my desire to find meaningful interesting rp partners not obsessed with deviant sexual kinks. xD)
with much love,
yours truly,
old <3
Gosh, if you know me at all (which few people outside a few old core friends, and my husband, do) I totally adore and have nearly memorized every single Calvin & Hobbes comic ever made. And since I felt like it, instead of subjecting only my husband to me rattling off my favorites of the strip I have memorized backward and forwards, I'm gonna do it to all of you, poor people, as well, complete with WHY I love a joke so much... or how well it applies to my current feelings. (This is gross, but since I have Crohn's Disease I am in the bathroom way too much, and since I am banished there so often, and for so long, I sit there re-reading my entire collection of all the comics to the point I can recall almost any single comic, story, and trope no matter how popular or funny... even though almost all of Calvin & Hobbes is perfect and funny IMO) ...and I have two particular comics that are my most favorite. (No one probably noticed, but my "Favorite Quote" is from Calvin & Hobbes. There are so many gems in the series that still apply to life and make me laugh, I don't have enough space in my corner of the internet to repeat them all!!) I just absolutely *HAD* to mention my probably #2 favorite of all time, because it so clearly and totally harkens to a major aspect of my life: hearing people complain about non-issues... but because it relates to them and their rampant narcissism, it is a major issue they feel compelled to tell me, a crippled and otherwise disabled adult stranger on the internet... (And maybe in rereading this, I realize that ranting into the void about this, is not only pointless but perhaps turning my entire argument into an oxymoron because I'm complaining about something so many people could conceive as 'minor'? At least only a few weirdos who follow me will be subjected to this, and that's a *little* bit on them. You did put me on watch after all! ;3 I'm not completely to blame! ...no wait, I totally am to blame. I lured you in with sexy art of my fictitious characters and then beat you over the head with a long pointless pontification rant ...totally all on me. Sorry! lol)
Calvin tells Hobbes, he is on his way to becoming rich. How so, Hobbes asks? Well, Calvin replies, by writing a self-help book! (Which were far far far more popular at the time the comic was released, (1993, particularly published for the first time, on June 6th of that year) as now most people just whine on the internet, far be it from them to open a *book* /mock shudder and take time to reflect on character flaws with intent to improve on some aspect of themselves. That simply does not happen anymore. *half-lidded glare at her fellow females* We're all already perfect, just as ourselves, with nothing to change, grow, or improve upon!) Instead of relating what the comic does so brilliantly in prose-format, I'll just quote it...
Hobbes: "Whatcha doin'?"
Calvin: "Getting rich!"
Hobbes: "Really?"
Calvin: "Yep! I'm writing a self-help book! There's a huge market for this stuff!
"First, you convince people there's something wrong with them. That's easy because advertising has already conditioned people to feel insecure about their weight, looks, social status, sex appeal, and so on."
Break: Notice how *if* people are at all concerned with a flaw they *may* have, it's all vapid shallow bullshit that doesn't matter in the grand scheme of who we are as individuals. advertisement may prey on people's fear of "flaws" but the"flaws" mentioned here, if improved, still have absolutely NO application to being a better human being. Because either a.) We're already perfect, and fuck you for not loving me just as I am, totally unconditionally, like a pet dog that depends on you for their every meal. or b.) We're too caught up in shallow issues with no real meaning, that distract us from looking within ourselves to improve (and thus, do some WORK, and not thinking you deserve everything good and right in life by existing) on major flaws and negative impulses, moods, habits, and desires that take away from not only those who are forced to be around us, but en mass society at large. But that's really been a life-trope for all of recorded time: "don't think about the major impactful issues, worry about the most innocuous stupid quick-to-fix minor society-perceived flaw!" Becoming more popular among your chosen poison of fandom will save the environment! But, Calvin & Hobbes even explores *that* issue, by noting that if people forsake their shallow petty narcissistic bullshit fabricated surface-level "woes", society would collapse and crumble, and we'd have complete anarchy (which, despite my tone, I do not advocate for, lol) Ok, back to the comic, we're almost at my favorite line...
Calvin (cont.): "Next, you convince them that the problem is not their fault and that they're victims of larger forces. That's easy, because it's what people believe anyway. Nobody wants to be responsible for his own situation."
"Finally, you convince them that with your expert advice and encouragement, they can conquer their problem and be happy!"
Hobbes (with an expression that started off dubious, then curious, then hopeful/positive): "Ingenious. What problem with YOU help people solve?"
Calvin: "Their addiction to self-help books!"
"My book is called: 'Shut up and stop whining: How to do something with your life besides think about Yourself.'"
(^My favorite line^)
Break: Now, IMO, the comic could've ended right there...(but it's a comic strip, it needs a bit better closing punch line, which I'll get to, of course) But I freaking LOVE that book title. If I hadn't already picked out a few "perfect" titles for my own WIP books, and Watterson hadn't already come up with it, I'd mangle a manuscript of mine to coincide with that title. First off, what's even worse than Calvin realizes, in 1993, is with the internet, people need almost NO provocation to let you know of every woe in their existence. I simply cannot count how many times I will go out there into the eather looking for stimulating, enjoyable, creative, writing partners in the garb of RP partners... only to be pitched a sob story 20 minutes into the conversation about potential plots, about some perceived, but not confirmed by a medical doctor, mental disability they have, that, "Makes my life so tough!" ...and I lower my head and pinch the bridge of my nose as it wrinkles, making me look even more my old old old age... All I want to do is find a person here or there who can string a few paragraphs together in a semblance of fantasy creativity that I cling to with a death grip, and refuse to let die, even though well-crafted creative writing has long since gone the way of the dinosaur. Instead, I am told about the very minutia of invented issues this total stranger (who probably will block me the moment I express that sexual content is NOT high on my list of rp-to-do's lol) is just chomping at the bit for an audience to pity them as a victim. Let me say this: I am not the one, darling <3
I felt compelled to share these pointless pontifications (which, perhaps exposes my own desire for an audience?) after watching a lot of funny Youtubers. I am a.) not attractive enough to be on a webcam for prolonged periods of time b.) have no idea how basic technology works, I barely know how to use my smartphone, as if I'm 75, not 35. c.) I know how pointless it is to scream into the void, ranting and raving like a gassed-up lunatic *especially* in a place/fandom where having one's most deviant sexual fantasies catered to, is NUMBAH 1!
But, I wanted to share this. I really did. And my hope is that someone out there, (if I'm stupidly lucky a few someones!!) will agree with me. 'Cause that's all anyone with a 'stinky' opinion (i.e. everyone) wants: an echo chamber of like-minded losers who can all agree on what they love to complain about ^_^; and those with more leisure time than anyone should be allowed, to gather up and create that echo chamber, on the internet!
I will finish the comic, and go away. I apologize for disturbing your fap-fodder. I will NOT make this journal sit on my front page (because I don't have the spine, or balls, to let my largely unpopular opinion fly free and loud as the FIRST thing people hear out of me, that's like farting on someone's hand when they first meet you and seek a friendly handshake)... but y'know, maybe there's a few other people who can identify with this mini-micro-issue. I'd *love* to hear from y'all.
Hobbes: "You should probably wait for the advance before you buy anything."
Calvin: "The trouble is... if my program works, I won't be able to write a sequel."
(...cause that's where the MONEY is, Calvin, in pumping out as many sequels as you can, when the first catches on, even though you only needed maybe one book/movie/story/FA journal/youtube video to get your point across!)
If absolutely nothing else, I hope maybe some of you younger people could be turned onto the rich and wonderful world of this magnificent, smart, and funny Newspaper comic. I know Rule 34 has ruined *EVERYTHING* my generation knows and loves, but forgo that stupid creepy bullshit, and read some of the source material of Calvin & Hobbes. Unless you totally suck as a human being, you will not be disappointed! (And I think news sites are so desperate for a new humorous comic, some of them are STILL republishing Calvin & Hobbes comics for their daily readers. ... and Calvin & Hobbes stopped before many of you were "even a glint in the eye" as my father used to describe me... the Newspaper comic is more dead than my desire to find meaningful interesting rp partners not obsessed with deviant sexual kinks. xD)
with much love,
yours truly,
old <3
