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I'm in a dark place right now
2 years ago
General
This may be a bit too much information but here goes...
For the past few weeks all I've been doing is lying in bed, watching the same episodes of reality shows on A&E over and over and going to school in the day. I look at the same (great) artworks day after day. I listen to Studio Ghibli soundtracks excessively. I'm just not feeling good.
For some reason it started just a few days ago when I stopped playing video games to instead focus on my novel. Then, I realized that my novel isn't as great as I had hoped, I continuously fall into plot holes...
I look at this one guy's artwork, He's such a beautiful white and blue dragon that I just wish I could reach into the artwork and frolic with him. Of course that's impossible. Then, for some reason, I started to lose touch with my dragon-self I started to feel... empty. My pillows aren't as soft and cuddly as they used to be and it no longer feels like I'm comfy and warm, snuggled up on my dragon mate's tummy. I feel alone. Without love....
A day ago My throat started to pain me, It began quite suddenly. I knew I was going to end up sick, It's gradually getting worse...
I end up spiraling once I consciously realize I'm not a dragon and I never will be for my entire existence. nothing I do will ever make me become one. I'm stuck as a human for the rest of my life....
I will inevitably rebuild my identity but soon enough it all comes crashing down once again. such is the nature of my life...
I guess this time is just bad because the school year is still kind of new and getting sick was the last straw. Plus, I have a high workload because it's my senior year. I always feel so alone though, there's no other furs at my school and some people know I'm a fur and take advantage of me by setting up fake dates, making suggestive commentary, etc....
I just wish someone would tell me that it will eventually get better, That I'll eventually find a derg for me. A nice cuddle partner...
Don't worry about me, I've never had dangerous behavior in regards to myself. I'm sure I'll get better...
For the past few weeks all I've been doing is lying in bed, watching the same episodes of reality shows on A&E over and over and going to school in the day. I look at the same (great) artworks day after day. I listen to Studio Ghibli soundtracks excessively. I'm just not feeling good.
For some reason it started just a few days ago when I stopped playing video games to instead focus on my novel. Then, I realized that my novel isn't as great as I had hoped, I continuously fall into plot holes...
I look at this one guy's artwork, He's such a beautiful white and blue dragon that I just wish I could reach into the artwork and frolic with him. Of course that's impossible. Then, for some reason, I started to lose touch with my dragon-self I started to feel... empty. My pillows aren't as soft and cuddly as they used to be and it no longer feels like I'm comfy and warm, snuggled up on my dragon mate's tummy. I feel alone. Without love....
A day ago My throat started to pain me, It began quite suddenly. I knew I was going to end up sick, It's gradually getting worse...
I end up spiraling once I consciously realize I'm not a dragon and I never will be for my entire existence. nothing I do will ever make me become one. I'm stuck as a human for the rest of my life....
I will inevitably rebuild my identity but soon enough it all comes crashing down once again. such is the nature of my life...
I guess this time is just bad because the school year is still kind of new and getting sick was the last straw. Plus, I have a high workload because it's my senior year. I always feel so alone though, there's no other furs at my school and some people know I'm a fur and take advantage of me by setting up fake dates, making suggestive commentary, etc....
I just wish someone would tell me that it will eventually get better, That I'll eventually find a derg for me. A nice cuddle partner...
Don't worry about me, I've never had dangerous behavior in regards to myself. I'm sure I'll get better...
