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IMPORTANT: statement on Alkali & the Dragget Show
2 years ago
I hate doing this, but I need peace. Alkali (my ex partner & business partner) gaslit, cheated, manipulated, stole my labor, & once physically assaulted me over the course of our relationship. If you supported me thru Dragget Show for its last 17 months, I probably didn't see it. Instead of us splitting earnings, it all went into an account toward his house. When we started doing Dragget Show professionally last summer, I asked if i was paying into the house. He said YES. Upon splitting, he informed me he considered my monthly half of the earnings "rent." Almost all Twitch, Patreon, T-shirt sales I personally designed & sold at the table went toward his house. After house expenses were covered, we split that overage. I'm very sad that I couldn't trust my partner, nor should have to pay me for the work I did, keeping it mutual, paying from our joint account, with checks with my name on it. I truly feel like my labor has been stolen.
The frequent gasliting made me question my sanity w/ most conflicts ending with the blame falling on me, concluding he was right & I need therapy. I didn't even know it was ok to say when something made him feel bad, because by expressing that, I was "making him feel bad for being himself." If I had an issue, I was met with "can this be saved for therapist?" and if the issue was deemed unworthy of his time, I'd be guilted for recycling "the same issues." I found myself uncomfortably fulfilling obligations I didn't want to go through with, because apparently, I agreed to them. Most importantly, I've only learned recently that it's ok to be upset when your boundaries have been crossed, when I'd been led to believe otherwise.
The physical assault came during an argument when I didn't answer him, pushing me across the garage twice, screaming "FUCK YOU." I slammed into the garage wall, he tripped & tried to laugh it off. I responded smiling & slapping myself twice, telling him "DO IT," part of me excited he was touching me. He flipped the blame on me, convincing my response was inappropriate, making me bury the incident as a mutual mishap.
After helping me move, we said we would handle the financials afterwards. When Alkali returned home, this is when I found out my contributions toward the house were not considered the same as his, but rather "rent." He said he was sorry, thought this was clear w/ the monthly breakdown on the excel sheet, and the discussion is final, addressing none of that issue, breaking off contact w/ me. That's the last I've heard from him as I've been trying to get a response since, but I know he won't address the issue because he knows he's won, being a financial broker & knowing all the tricks. This is why he never wanted us to get married or partnered, so I had rights cohabitating at his home since 2011, moving my furniture & bed in (which are still there), only moving away for a year where I came back home to alkali in Chicago on weekends from St. Louis.
I haven't been ok & things haven't been the same between us since 2 years ago, when I found him with a viagra when I'd asked him if he'd get some for us for years. I found out then I wasn't the priority in his life I thought I was, nor what I thought I meant to him. That's when our relationship was never the same again. As mentioned before, our personal problems usually ended w/ him convincing me it's all on my end, & that I need therapy. It took a couple therapists to realize i wasn't crazy & what was happening.
I know this has to be heartbreaking for many, but I owe it to my patrons & all those who bought the t-shirts I designed ("I DO WHAT I WAH" & "'BE BOLD") to know what happened to their money & where it went. Part of me actually still wants to be friends w/ Alkali, as he's my friend who I love, but if I didn't have disability right now, I don't know what I'd do, as my savings depleted trying to make Dragget Show our main source of income. I'd at least want the financial wrong to be corrected, giving me the equity I created thru all the work I did thru Dragget Show, just as much as he did for those 17 months.
I don't do this out of spite or malice, as I know a lot of people are going to feel hurt, but I feel a responsibility to inform those it's affected & before it affects others. Legal options aren't possible (Illinois isn't a common law marriage state), so I just wanted to be able to tell my story, otherwise I can move on doing my Twitch streams, 2d & 3d art/animation, whatever. I hope everyone understands where I'm coming from, why I had to do this, and that everyone (EVERYONE) can come out of this happier and healthier. Take care.
Producer, Performer, and Creator of the Dragget Show
- Xanni the Blue -
The frequent gasliting made me question my sanity w/ most conflicts ending with the blame falling on me, concluding he was right & I need therapy. I didn't even know it was ok to say when something made him feel bad, because by expressing that, I was "making him feel bad for being himself." If I had an issue, I was met with "can this be saved for therapist?" and if the issue was deemed unworthy of his time, I'd be guilted for recycling "the same issues." I found myself uncomfortably fulfilling obligations I didn't want to go through with, because apparently, I agreed to them. Most importantly, I've only learned recently that it's ok to be upset when your boundaries have been crossed, when I'd been led to believe otherwise.
The physical assault came during an argument when I didn't answer him, pushing me across the garage twice, screaming "FUCK YOU." I slammed into the garage wall, he tripped & tried to laugh it off. I responded smiling & slapping myself twice, telling him "DO IT," part of me excited he was touching me. He flipped the blame on me, convincing my response was inappropriate, making me bury the incident as a mutual mishap.
After helping me move, we said we would handle the financials afterwards. When Alkali returned home, this is when I found out my contributions toward the house were not considered the same as his, but rather "rent." He said he was sorry, thought this was clear w/ the monthly breakdown on the excel sheet, and the discussion is final, addressing none of that issue, breaking off contact w/ me. That's the last I've heard from him as I've been trying to get a response since, but I know he won't address the issue because he knows he's won, being a financial broker & knowing all the tricks. This is why he never wanted us to get married or partnered, so I had rights cohabitating at his home since 2011, moving my furniture & bed in (which are still there), only moving away for a year where I came back home to alkali in Chicago on weekends from St. Louis.
I haven't been ok & things haven't been the same between us since 2 years ago, when I found him with a viagra when I'd asked him if he'd get some for us for years. I found out then I wasn't the priority in his life I thought I was, nor what I thought I meant to him. That's when our relationship was never the same again. As mentioned before, our personal problems usually ended w/ him convincing me it's all on my end, & that I need therapy. It took a couple therapists to realize i wasn't crazy & what was happening.
I know this has to be heartbreaking for many, but I owe it to my patrons & all those who bought the t-shirts I designed ("I DO WHAT I WAH" & "'BE BOLD") to know what happened to their money & where it went. Part of me actually still wants to be friends w/ Alkali, as he's my friend who I love, but if I didn't have disability right now, I don't know what I'd do, as my savings depleted trying to make Dragget Show our main source of income. I'd at least want the financial wrong to be corrected, giving me the equity I created thru all the work I did thru Dragget Show, just as much as he did for those 17 months.
I don't do this out of spite or malice, as I know a lot of people are going to feel hurt, but I feel a responsibility to inform those it's affected & before it affects others. Legal options aren't possible (Illinois isn't a common law marriage state), so I just wanted to be able to tell my story, otherwise I can move on doing my Twitch streams, 2d & 3d art/animation, whatever. I hope everyone understands where I'm coming from, why I had to do this, and that everyone (EVERYONE) can come out of this happier and healthier. Take care.
Producer, Performer, and Creator of the Dragget Show
- Xanni the Blue -
I completely understand what you mean by still wanting to be friends with him, even though he screwed you over so completely.
But in this instance, I have to agree with DiezlWolf, you should cut him off completely. Even just one of these betrayals would be justification for that, but these are a lot.
I hope you can find what you need from someone else at some point. And that this isn't a huge hit to your life forever, you know?