LOL

The "Commercial Spirit of Christmas" song is one of my favorites.

I was humming "I'm spending Hanukkah in Santa Monica" at work the other day because my boss was off in warmer climes and my coworker said she had never heard that one before. So I had to sing a few verses for her.

A fave.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOU SUCKERS
(Paddy Roberts)

Merry Christmas, you suckers, you miserable men.
That old festive season is with you again.
You'll be spending your money on cartloads of junk
And from here 'till New Year you'll be drunk as a skunk.

Merry Christmas, you suckers. It's perfectly clear
That you fall for it all a bit sooner each year.
If it goes on like this, you will find pretty soon
You're singing "White Christmas" as early as June.

This Christmas card racket
Will cost you a packet.
Each season, it seems to expand.
The cards are so clever,
Though nothing whatever
To do with the subject in hand.

You'll be taking the kids 'round the multiple stores
To be frightened to death by some old Santa Claus.
Then it's parties with spirits and "vino" and beer.
Merry Christmas, you suckers, and a Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas, you suckers, you bleary-eyed lot.
You'll never get rid of that headache you've got.
But I hope you'll feel splendid. you certainly should,
With your stomachs distended with turkey and "pud."

Merry Christmas, you suckers. Jump into your cars,
Roar off to your neighbors to "sink a few jars."
Though your vision is double, just keep smiling through.
There are others in trouble a lot worse than you.

Beyond any question,
Acute indigestion
Will plague you and make you unwell.
You won't take the warning.
You'll wake up each morning
Undoubtedly feeling like hell.

But, stick to it, suckers. Go swallow a pill,
For this is the season of peace and good will
While we patiently wait for that nuclear blast.
Merry Christmas, you suckers. It may be your last.

Good one! Merry & Happy to you, too!

Bah, humbug.

I Believe in Father Christmas

Greg Lake and Sergei Prokofiev



They said there'll be snow at Christmas
They said there'll be peace on Earth
But instead it just kept on raining
A veil of tears for the virgin birth
I remember one Christmas morning
A winter's light and a distant choir
And the peal of a bell and that Christmas tree smell
And their eyes full of tinsel and fire
They sold me a dream of Christmas
They sold me a silent night
And they told me a fairy story
'Til I believed in the Israelite
And I believed in Father Christmas
I looked to the sky with excited eyes
Then I woke with a yawn in the first light of dawn
And I saw him and through his disguise
I wish you a hopeful Christmas
I wish you a brave new year
All anguish, pain and sadness
Leave your heart and let your road be clear
They said there'll be snow at Christmas
They said there'll be peace on Earth
Hallelujah, Noel, be it heaven or hell
The Christmas we get, we deserve

An actor sits in doubtful gloom,
his stock-in-trade unfurled,
in a damp funereal dressing-room,
in the Theatre Royal, World.

He comes to town at Christmas-time
and braves its icy breath,
to play in that favorite pantomime,
Harlequin Life and Death.

A hoary flowing wig his weird
unearthly cranium caps;
He hangs a long benevolent beard
on a pair of empty chaps.

To smooth his ghastly features down
the actor’s art he cribs;
A long and a flowing padded gown
bedecks his rattling ribs.

He cries, “Go on- Begin, begin;
Turn on the light of lime;
I’m dressed for jolly old Christmas in
a favorite pantomime!”

The curtain’s up-- the stage is black--
Time and the Year nigh sped-
(Time as an advertising quack)
The Old Year nearly dead.

The wand of Time is waved, and lo!
Revealed Old Christmas stands,
And little children chuckle and crow,
and laugh and clap their hands.

The cruel old scoundrel brightens up
at the death of the Olden Year,
and he waves a gorgeous golden cup,
and bids the world good cheer.

The little ones hail the festive King--
No thought can make them sad;
Their laughter comes with a sounding ring.
They clap and crow like mad!

They only see in the humbug old
a holiday every year,
and handsome gifts, and joys untold,
and unaccustomed cheer.

The old ones, palsied, blear, and hoar,
their breasts in anguish beat--
They’ve seen him seventy times before,
how well they know the cheat!

They’ve seen that ghastly pantomime,
they’ve felt its blighting breath,
they know that rollicking Christmas-time
meant cold and want and death--

Starvation-- Poor Law fare,
and deadly cramps and chills,
and illness-- illness everywhere--
and crime, and Christmas bills.

They know Old Christmas well, I ween,
those men of ripened age;
They’ve often, often, often seen
that actor off the stage.

They see in his gay rotundity
a clumsy stuffed-out dress;
They see in the cup he waves high
a tinseled emptiness.

Those aged men so lean and wan,
they’ve seen it all before;
They know they’ll see the charlatan
but twice or three times more.

And so they bear with dance and song,
and crimson foil and green;
They wearily sit, and grimly long,
for the Transformation Scene.

---At a Pantomime by W.S. Gilbert

For it is the little children running ahead of us on the road that hide death from our eyes.
-Ambrose Bierce

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csYnMGiB_5M. Eric Idels "F*ck Christmas Song"

Stab Freberg’s Green Christmas anybody?

Christmas at Ground Zero

"Weird Al" Yankovic


It's Christmas at ground zero
There's music in the air
The sleigh bells are ringing and the carolers are singing
While the air raid sirens blare
It's Christmas at ground zero
The button has been pressed
The radio just let us know that this is not a test
Everywhere the atom bombs are dropping
It's the end of all humanity
No more time for last minute shopping
It's time to face your final destiny
It's Christmas at ground zero
There's panic in the crowd
We can dodge debris while trim the tree
Underneath the mushroom cloud
You might hear some reindeer on your rooftop
Or Jack Frost on your windowsill
But if someone's climbing down your chimney
You better load your gun and shoot to kill
Oh, it's Christmas at ground zero
And if the radiation level's OK
I'll go out with you and see all the new
Mutations on New Year's Day
It's Christmas at ground zero
Just seconds left to go
I'll duck and cover with my Yuletide lover
Underneath the mistletoe
It's Christmas at ground zero
Now the missiles are on their way
What a crazy fluke we're gonna get nuked
On this jolly holiday
What a crazy fluke we're gonna get nuked
On this jolly holiday


I don't care it's my favorite Christmas Carol. Bite Me!! :D :D :D

T'was the week before Christmas and there in the mall,
The Consumerist herd-beasts were held deep in thrall
By a tinkling terror of saccharine tune
Keeping heads full of fluff, neverminding that soon
They'd be staring at bills for their credit card glut,
Or that Santa'd be by, repossessing their butt.

The crowds were appalling, the parking atrocious,
The parents were stunned and their children ferocious,
Demanding the shiniest priciest toys
That are requisite fashion for 'cool' girls and boys.
A roof over your head isn't nearly enough
When you clearly deserve so much trivial stuff.

When came Christmas morning they fell to with glee,
All a-trampling the tinsel and toppling the tree
And playing with grandiose new toys for an hour,
Abandoning them when the novelty soured.
Materialism - the great Christian God;
But I can't help but think that Christ must find that odd.

It was finally over for one more long year,
And the merchants all basked in their green-tinted cheer.
But they couldn't rest long in their hand o'er fist toil
Planting seeds of 'must have' in some fertile new soil.
As they stowed their decor and its holiday cheek,
All the new signs came up: "Don't forget Boxing Week!"

Narsty.

An enduring classic!