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Hitting the reset button & comm hiatus
a year ago
[CW: I talk about mental health things here, nothing graphic though]
Hey guys, I feel like I need to talk through some thoughts and give an update on what's been going on, and some personal plans here
I'm going to be pulling back from doing commissions for a while. It's become a pretty big issue trying to handle deadlines while fighting with my mental health these last few months. Problems that I thought were coming up because of college classes and deadlines have not lessened at all since graduating this past May, and have honestly gotten much worse with the lack of a schedule or routine or just any external force that reminds me to be a person and manage my life. I've had a hard time staying on top of commissions on and off for years and it's become obvious that it's rooted in a much more complicated problem than I thought it was.
I've been working for the last few weeks with my partner and friends to finally get it under control and seek some kind of help, but I've never done this before and I have no idea what to expect. I haven't ever really talked about mental health with a professional before, or tried things like therapy or medication for mental health, so I can't predict or plan for anything right now. I'm just going to have to see how it goes, as much as I hate that fdkjghf.... I'm very lucky to have a good health care system in my city and a supportive partner and friends who are helping me through this, it's just going to be a waiting game for a lot of it unfortunately.
For the time being until I can get things figured out, I'm going to stop doing YCH and taking commissions in general. I just don't feel comfortable promising any kind of deadline while its this difficult to find it in myself to draw anything other than impulsive half-finished sketches that I end up hating the next day. Whenever I do feel up to it again you'll know, comms are just more than I can handle right now.
Aside from that, I also have just been feeling really disconnected from the furry fandom in general. The couple of friends I had in the community before the pandemic I don't really talk to much anymore, and I feel like it's been a little weird ever since moving to my new account. I don't even feel like I connect with my fursona anymore which SUPER sucks. Trying to unify my other NSFW social media by using Jubilee as a little mascot probably hasn't helped that at all. I thought it would be cute and fun to have a little theme going with a character, but it just feels weird now, and too brand-ish. I think I might move some of my old art from that account over here just to keep things together, because I still really like some of the stuff on my old account and it makes me sad they aren't part of my gallery anymore.
I think I just want to spend some time drawing casually and drawing whatever I want for myself, and just trying to reconnect with what made me happy about being in this community before my brain started giving me such a hard time. I need to take some of this stress out for a while so that I can enjoy drawing again, and not feel like everything I do needs to be profitable or marketable or anything for a little while. Hopefully it'll be like hitting a reset button, and things will be better on the other side of all this.
On a more positive note, I have been able to do some fun stuff in spite of The Horrors. I spent a few months painting a mural at a local middle school, and was a part of a jack o lantern festival as a pumpkin carver this fall, so that was pretty cool! When I have my own means of transport I'd like to do more mural jobs, bringing about a dozen paint cans back and forth in a shared car was pretty awful, but I still really enjoyed it.
This was really long, im sorry, but I just wanted to get it off my chest. If you read this far, thanks for hearing me out! I hope I can start posting some fun things here again soon. And if you have any favorite people here on FA you think I should give a follow, whether they be an artist or a suiter or just a really nice person in the community, I would love to get to know some more people here! Its hard to make friends when youre too anxious for big group chats flsdkg
Hey guys, I feel like I need to talk through some thoughts and give an update on what's been going on, and some personal plans here
I'm going to be pulling back from doing commissions for a while. It's become a pretty big issue trying to handle deadlines while fighting with my mental health these last few months. Problems that I thought were coming up because of college classes and deadlines have not lessened at all since graduating this past May, and have honestly gotten much worse with the lack of a schedule or routine or just any external force that reminds me to be a person and manage my life. I've had a hard time staying on top of commissions on and off for years and it's become obvious that it's rooted in a much more complicated problem than I thought it was.
I've been working for the last few weeks with my partner and friends to finally get it under control and seek some kind of help, but I've never done this before and I have no idea what to expect. I haven't ever really talked about mental health with a professional before, or tried things like therapy or medication for mental health, so I can't predict or plan for anything right now. I'm just going to have to see how it goes, as much as I hate that fdkjghf.... I'm very lucky to have a good health care system in my city and a supportive partner and friends who are helping me through this, it's just going to be a waiting game for a lot of it unfortunately.
For the time being until I can get things figured out, I'm going to stop doing YCH and taking commissions in general. I just don't feel comfortable promising any kind of deadline while its this difficult to find it in myself to draw anything other than impulsive half-finished sketches that I end up hating the next day. Whenever I do feel up to it again you'll know, comms are just more than I can handle right now.
Aside from that, I also have just been feeling really disconnected from the furry fandom in general. The couple of friends I had in the community before the pandemic I don't really talk to much anymore, and I feel like it's been a little weird ever since moving to my new account. I don't even feel like I connect with my fursona anymore which SUPER sucks. Trying to unify my other NSFW social media by using Jubilee as a little mascot probably hasn't helped that at all. I thought it would be cute and fun to have a little theme going with a character, but it just feels weird now, and too brand-ish. I think I might move some of my old art from that account over here just to keep things together, because I still really like some of the stuff on my old account and it makes me sad they aren't part of my gallery anymore.
I think I just want to spend some time drawing casually and drawing whatever I want for myself, and just trying to reconnect with what made me happy about being in this community before my brain started giving me such a hard time. I need to take some of this stress out for a while so that I can enjoy drawing again, and not feel like everything I do needs to be profitable or marketable or anything for a little while. Hopefully it'll be like hitting a reset button, and things will be better on the other side of all this.
On a more positive note, I have been able to do some fun stuff in spite of The Horrors. I spent a few months painting a mural at a local middle school, and was a part of a jack o lantern festival as a pumpkin carver this fall, so that was pretty cool! When I have my own means of transport I'd like to do more mural jobs, bringing about a dozen paint cans back and forth in a shared car was pretty awful, but I still really enjoyed it.
This was really long, im sorry, but I just wanted to get it off my chest. If you read this far, thanks for hearing me out! I hope I can start posting some fun things here again soon. And if you have any favorite people here on FA you think I should give a follow, whether they be an artist or a suiter or just a really nice person in the community, I would love to get to know some more people here! Its hard to make friends when youre too anxious for big group chats flsdkg
